A/N: Here's chapter 3. Hope you like it.
No one in Gryffindor tower slept that night...
Hermione was well aware that Ron was nearly killed last night. Her eyes wandered around the room to see a barely awake Ron sitting by Harry. What if he had not screamed….He would have been killed….would any of the third year boys in her house survived. After all Black had managed to murder a wizard and a street full of muggles, in broad day light no less. Would my friends be dead, she thought to her self. The sun was beginning to rise. McGonagall had told them earlier that they could go up to their dormitories if they wish. Several went back to their rooms but for the most part the Gryffindors were too tired or scared to go back to bed in an empty room.
Hermione looked at their two best friends. She could have lost them last night. In a way maybe she had lost them long ago when Harry got his broom. Tears welled up in her eyes. Here I am worrying about them hoping their ok, being glad their alive when they have ignored me for weeks. At the rate I'm going I could be dead before end of the year exams, or perhaps even sooner. Don't my friends love me, I guess not. Tears began fall down her cheeks as she walked to her dormitory. She wiped them away with her sleeve.
Hermione looked at her sleeve. She could see the cuts through the thin fabric. She kept her arms crossed all night so no one could see the underneath's of her arms. Being very glad no one saw them during the night she continued her march to her dorm. Walking inside it she came to her bed and fell down on it. It was so comfortable. After lying down for a while she sat up in her bed. She realized that her small knife was mixed in with her sheets. Hermione placed her fingers around it gently. She pushed up her sleeve and did what she loved and hated. After cleaning up the red mess Hermione pulled on a pair of jeans and a sweater. She grabbed her cloke and walked to the common room and out through the portrait.
"Thought everyone in this house would be sleeping in today" said a voice behind her.
"Oh I didn't know they replaced Sir Cadogan"
"Well they sure had to, didn't they? We don't want another mishap like last night" said The Fat Lady.
"Yeah" said Hermione distantly once again thinking of Ron and Harry.
"I agreed to come back, but I'm not happy about it. "But Headmaster promised to place new security measures around the castle and my portrait."
Hermione nodded and walked down the stairs. She realized that she was the only student out except for several older kids who were in other houses. Hermione made her way down to the Great Hall. She didn't feel hungry but she was curious as to who was in side. She looked through the open door and saw people scattered along the tables and a few teachers up front. She turned away and walked towards the entrance Hall. She had a feeling that there were new rules that would keep her inside unless she was in the presents of a teacher. Well she thought, I am after all gong to visit a teacher. It won't matter when I do get down their.
Hermione walked outside and began her decent down to Hagrid's hut. It was a cold February day. The icy snow crunched beneath her feet. When she approached the hut she realized that her ears, hands and nose stung with cold and were bright pink. It didn't matter to her though. She walked to the door and brought her fist to the wood and rapped lightly. Almost immanently the door opened.
"Oh hello Hermione", said Hagrid brightly.
"Hi Hagrid", Hermione said trying her best to look cheerful as she walked in.
"Thought they'd be keepin' students indoors after what happened last night", he said as he closed the door behind him. Hermione got a good look at him. He looked as tired as all the Gryffindors. "Dumbledore had me searchin the grounds for Black. Don't see how e could do it, Black escapein I mean".
"Yeah", replied Hermione quietly, now taking a seat at Hagrid's large table. Hagrid was still standing. He kept also sat down opposite Hermione.
"Ron and Harry alright?"
"They seem fine, I haven't talked to them too much……"
"Still? I thought things would be better after Harry got his broom back."
"It's Ron….He thinks Crookshanks ate his rat. Harry sided with him." Hermione said sadly.
"Oh Hermione" Hagrids voice filled with sympathy "Try not to let em get to yeh, don' you worry, they still are your friends. Lot a time people don' realize what the do to the people round them"
"I know Hagrid, but they have barely talked to me for a month", Hermione said as she wiped away fresh tears.
Hagrid pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and handed it to Hermione. "I'll be fine Hermione. You can bet I'll be havin a talk with the two a em."
"No Hagrid. Its alright I'll be fine. You don't need to talk to them"
"Nonsense, there your friends. It's cruel of em to treat you like this. You don' need any of that with all your classes and everything"
Hermione shrugged her shoulders.
"How are your classes going, now that I think of it?"
"Ah…well it's alright. I'm just having a hard time keeping up with everything, but I'm managing to get it done."
"That's good." said Hagrid as he opened the back door, Hermione's eyes fallowed.
"Beaky!" Hagrid called out and soon enough the large, grey; hippogriff strode in and lay down on Hagrids patchwork quilt that was spread out on the floor.
"Oh Hagrid that reminds me", said Hermione brightly "I found a lot of good information for Buckbeak". Hermione and Hagrid continued to talk about the trial and preparations for it. Hermione left Hagrids cabin later that afternoon. She was in a much better mood. But still she wondered if she should have told him about everything. Well Hagrid will be talking to them so things will better then and then all I have to worry about is school work but I've been able to keep it up all year. She thought as she walked back to the castle. Should I have told him about the cutting? No they would just make me stop, and my parents would find out. If anyone knew about this they would be worried. No one can know. I have it under control. I need it. It makes the bad go away. If I don't have that then all I have is work, and I need some kind of enjoyment.
Hermione rationalized her problem and to her was not a problem. But it did make things more difficult. She had to hide the cuts. She had to lie. She had to find places to be alone. But she was confident she could manage. But in the back of her mind she knew that it was slowly killing her. She knew she needed to stop. She was addicted and it didn't matter because she loved it. Her weary conscious told her to hate it but the ignored that little voice of reason.
A/N: Their you go. I want to turn this into a shippy fic so does anyone have any suggestions. Nothing slashey. I was thinking about making it Hermione/Ron. What do you guys thing. And by the way please review. Thanks. I'll try to get chapter 4 up soon.