A/N: Ok guys, hears chapter 4. Please review! I feel like I'm writing this story for nothing. This is a long chapter and I promise the next one will be better with more dialogue and conflict.

Two days has passed since Hermione's discussion with Hagrid. It was a bit after nine. Ron and Harry were just back from Hagrids and Hermione had another row with Ron. Harry and Ron were talking about sneaking Harry into Hogsmeade. Hermione being a responsible and concerned person told them not to go in a very Hermione like way. She had threatened them about telling McGonagall about the map. It had not worked though. It wasn't safe for Harry. Sirius Black is still out there. The conversation ended when Ron insulted Hermione and then she retreated to her dormitory.

Hermione sat on her bed with Crookshankes on near the bottom of it. Lavender was across the room reading February's issue of Witch Weekly. Hermione stroked her cat absently. She had all her home work downstairs but was too proud to go back down. She thought of Ron's hurtful words. "Haven't you done enough damage this year" was what he said. All I have ever done was for the safety of my friends. She tried to tell her self. Well, I guess it's just for their safety. Maybe I'm just too uptight with rules and stuff. Should I really be telling my friends what to do? Should I just let them just learn from their own mistakes. Yes, I think I'll do that. Harry is of course going to try to sneak into the village. I guess I won't tell McGonagall about that or the map. Harry and Ron will be safe. Theirs dementors every where. I'm just worrying about nothing.

Hermione stared out the window, watching snow flakes blow back and forth.

"Hey Hermione", Hermione turned her head to Lavender who had just spoken.

"Hmm", Hermione responded wordlessly.

"Did you take notes in History of Magic the other day?"

"Course"

"Can I barrow please barrow them"

"Yeah, I'll go get them" Hermione didn't have home work in History of Magic so her book and notes where in her trunk. Lavender usually does her own work and doesn't always ask for notes, unlike two boys Hermione knows very well. Hermione got her note book and handed it to Lavender. "Here", she said kindly.

"Thanks Hermione"

"Yeah, any time"

Hermione went back to her bed and continued to stair out the window. The room was once again silent.

"You've been really quite lately Hermione. It's not like you. I'm not saying you're a loud mouth or anything but, it's just odd." Said Lavender

"Well, I've been really busy with lessons and stuff", Hermione said quickly.

"Yeah but you don't even say hi to anyone anymore. Not even to Ron and Harry"

"I'm not on the best terms with them right now"

"Ron's rat?"

"Yeah"

"Boys can be so stupid" said Lavender. Hermione nodded. "But you're ok, right"

Hermione's mind rushed. It screamed no no no I'm not ok. I'm not ok. Help. Help. Can't you see? I'm cutting my self. Everything she had held up could be let free. And someone was worried. Someone cared. Should I tell her? Would she keep my secrete? She does gossip a lot. But Hermione didn't let her mind talk.

"Lavender I'm fine, just a bit stressed."

"Alright, that's a relief. Parviti and I were a bit worried"

"You were?"

"Yeah, you have been well; you haven't been quite like your self"

"Don't worry. I'm fine", said Hermione firmly as if she was fine.

With that the conversation ended. The evening passed, and Hermione kept her secrete close to her, no one need know. She now knew that her room mates and Hagrid cared, but still she was unhappy. Even the next morning she cut her self, but she was slowly feeling guilty about it. The school week came to a close three days later on Friday. Friday was the day of Buckbeak's hearing in London. She had given Hagrid all the information she had gathered at breakfast that morning. The ministries decision wouldn't be announced till Saturday, leaving Hermione to pray for the Hippogriffs sake and Hagrid's.

Saturday Hermione didn't go to Hogsmeade. She instead did homework in the Library. Only a few other students were their. She had left the common room because it was filled with many sixth and seventh years, they didn't' kick her out but she felt a bit uncomfortable (Even though she had known them since first year).

Later that after noon as Hermione was walking from the library and back to the Gryffindor common room she heard a tapping at the window. Large dark brown owl was on the other side of the window. She let it in, it held out its leg to her. She figured it was for she untied the letter it was a very tear speckled letter from Hagrid. It read:

Dear Hermione,

We lost. I'm aloud to bring him back to Hogwarts.

Execution date to be fixed.

Beaky has enjoyed London.

I won't forget all the help you gave us.

-Hagrid

Hermione was also in tears after she read the letter. She folded it up placed it neatly in her pocket. She would have to tell Harry and Ron about this when they got back from Hogsmeade. She did want to talk to them but she was afraid of Ron hurting her again and Harry not standing up for her. But how could they hurt me with news like this. She stood by the window from where the post owl had just flown out. She looked across the grounds. She stuck her head out into the cold and looked around the corner of the castle. She could just barely see Hagrids home. There of course wasn't any of the usual smoke puffing out of the chimney. Hermione frowned, and brought her self back inside and closed the window. Her feet moved slowly through the almost empty halls. She wandered around aimlessly wandering if she should find a place to cut herself. She desperately wanted to. It wouldn't be hard to find a place. She thought as she came nearer to her common room. She heard a familiar voice.

"It's my fault. I persuaded you to go. Lupins right, it was stupid, we shouldn't have done it--" It was Ron who's voice she heard. Hermione walked towards them, avoiding the security trolls. She pulled the parchment that Hagrids letter was written on out of her pocket

"Come to have a good gloat?" snapped Ron "Or have you just been to tell on us?"

"No," said Hermione sadly. She felt like she was going to cry again, her lip began to tremble. "Just thought you ought to know… Hagrid lost his case. Buckbeak is going to be executed. He—he sent me this" She said as Harry took the letter.

"They can't do this. They can't. Buckbeak isn't dangerous", said Harry.

"Malfoy's dad frightened the committee into it. You know what he's like. They're a bunch old doddery old fools, and they were scared. There'll be an appeal though, there always is. Only I can't see any hope… nothing will have changed."

"Yeah, it will," said Ron all of a sudden "you won't have to do all the work this time, Hermione. I'll help."

"Oh, Ron!" said Hermione flung her arms around his neck and broke down. This was the first nice thing Ron had said to her in weeks. Tears poured out of her eyes. Ron awkwardly patted her on the top of her head and Hermione let go.

"Ron, I'm really, really sorry about Scabbers…"

"Oh—well—he was old and he was a bit useless. You never know, Mum and Dad might get me an owl now"

The three walked in to the common room as a trio once more.

The fact that Hermione had her friends back helped, also Ron took over the work for the appeal. All Hermione had left was her school work and the time turner to stress about. But still she probably had more work than anyone in the year, maybe even more than anyone in the entire school. So she continued to cut. Even an hour after she had her friends back, she made an excuse to go upstairs and slice her skin and watch her beautiful blood ooze out. She thought her blood was beautiful. It some how comforted her, seeing it, she liked it.

With all her disappearing from classes and other places to cut or use the time turner was beginning to leave her friends worried and curious as to where she was.

A week with her friends made time fly even quicker than normal for Hermione. They would make her laugh on occasion, but they were never quite able to completely cheer up Hermione. All year she had been more quite, she smiled less. Due to the amount of work for the most. But now it was worse, anyone could tell that Hermione's smiles were not true. Hermione knew she forced them; she didn't even try to hide it ninety nine percent of the time.

The only chance the three Gryffindors had to talk to Hagrid was in Care in of Magical creatures' class, the safety measures because of black stopped them from coming down in the evenings. Hagrid, Harry, Ron, and Hermione talked about the trial and Buckbeak. Hagrid soon started to cry.

"Look at him blubber! Have you ever seen anything quite as pathetic? And he's supposed to be our teacher!"

Malfoy, insulting Hagrid. Hermione couldn't stand that; Hagrid had helped her when she was sad. Course I still feel sad, but if I told Hagrid everything then I wouldn't be. Now I'm just angry. Thought Hermione. Then all of sudden---SMACK! Hermione punched Malfoy across the face with all the strength she had in her week, wounded arms. But it was enough.

"Don't you dare call Hagrid pathetic, you foul—you evil—."

"Hermione!", said Ron weakly, and he grabbed her hand as she sung it back.

"Get off, Ron!", said Hermione as she pulled out her wand. Malfoy stepped backwards. His cronies looked at him, not sure of what to do.

"C'mon," Malfoy muttered as he headed back in to the castle.

"Hermione!" Ron said again, sounding both stunned and impressed"

"Harry, you'd better beat him in Quidditich final! You better had, because I can't stand it if Slytherin wins!"

"We're due in Charms, we'd better go" said Ron he still looked stunned.

Hermione stopped walking, they continued on with out her. Surely they have noticed something's wrong. Haven't they? Hermione headed to the common room instead. She had to do some Arithmancy homework. The room and all the dormitories were empty. Good, everyone still has classes. I can be alone. I'll do my work and go back just in time to make it in for charms. Hermione trudged up the stairs, still not her usual self. She entered he dorm and walked to her things and grabbed the book she needed and set it on her bed. Out of the pocket she pulled out her knife, and raised her sleeve. It looked bare and pale; the effects of the makeup still make the damage invisible. She wiped as much of it off as possible on her pillow case, slowly cuts upon cuts appeared. They crisscrossed in many directions. She presses her knife to her skin and slowly dragged, taking in every bit of the bliss, all the relief.

Hermione of course knew why it worked, the pain, the evaporation of stress and worry. The same chemicals in the brain that were release when exercising or eating chocolate were released when cutting. Hermione knew all the dementors circling the castle weren't helping the situation either, and she wasn't athletic, and chocolate never seemed to have quite as a strong of effect as cutting.

After applying make up to cover up her arms she went back down into the common room to do her work. She had to finish her work. But with lack of sleep and proper nutrition, she fell asleep with ease into her Arithmancy book.

Mean while the boys entered the charms room from the marble stair case. Professor Flitwick didn't seem too mad. He told them they were working on the cheering charm.

They headed to find a place to sit and opened their bags.

"Where's Hermione gone?" asked Ron

"That's weird. Maybe—maybe she went to the bathroom or something" Harry told his friend but she never showed up for class. The bell rang and they headed for the Great Hall for lunch.

"She could've done with a Cheering Charm on her too" Ron said.

Hermione didn't show up at lunch either.

"D'you ever get the feeling Hermione's not telling us something?" Ron asked Harry in between bites of his sandwich.

"Yeah, she doesn't seem her self"

"Harry I'm starting to get worried" and Ron truly looked it.

"She could be just trying too hard with school and stuff; she has taken a lot of classes you know", Harry said, trying to be optimistic.

"Sure hope your right mate"

They finished their meal and headed quickly up the stair case to Gryffindor tower. "You don't think Malfoy did something to her?" Ron asked. Thy passed the trolls and said the password.

A puff of brown bushy hair was visible on one of the tables. The boys headed over to her right away and sat on either side of her. Harry gave her a nudge to wake her up.

"Wh—what?" Hermione snapped awake "Is it time to go? Which lesson have we got now?"

"Divination in 20 minutes. Why didn't you come to charms?"

"What? Oh no! I forgot all about charms!"

"How could you forget? You were right out side the classroom with us."

"I don't believe it! Was Professor Flitwick angry? Oh, it was Malfoy, I was thinking about Malfoy and I err lost track of things!"

"You know what Hermione? I reckon you're cracking up. You're trying too much" Ron told her kindly and with concern. He glanced at her hand. A bit of dried blood was on it. There was also some on a page filled with tables in her very large book.

"No I'm not" she said becoming very defensive "I just made a mistake that's all" And with that she left, saying she had to see Professor Flitwick and would meet them in divination.

A/N: Please review! I'm begging you, what do you think?