Chapter Summary: Even as a life and marriage are threatened, other lives meet and a romance is born.
CHAPTER TWENTY ONE
Antoinette Giry looked at herself in the full-length mirror, eyes carefully contemplating the woman staring back at her. Thin, still elegant hands reached down and twitched the dark satin into place around hips, allowing the dress to fall in a graceful wave to the floor. Approving of the view from the front, Antoinette turned around to examine the view from behind. She smiled as she looked over her shoulder, the season's new, smaller bustle more appropriate to a woman of a certain age. Having given her dress a final approval, Antoinette reached for the small, matching hat upon her vanity. She settled it in the midst of her braided hair, fixing it into place with a single pearl hatpin. She picked her reticule up from the same vanity, glancing briefly at the clock before leaving her room and walking down the stairs of her home. She turned at the bottom of the stairs and made her way to the main parlor. Antoinette paused for a moment in the open doorway, a smile crossing her face at the sight that greeted her eyes.
Tallis sat upon the huge sofa, a book in her hands, a look of confused concentration on her face. A tray holding tea things rested upon the table before her, the cup off the saucer, the lid off the sugar pot. Several sheets of stationary were scattered on the sofa next to her, full of Tallis' large, easy flowing script. Antoinette watched as Tallis began to chew on her bottom lip.
"My dear?" she ventured.
Tallis looked up, the sheepish grin on her face turning into one of happy amazement. "Oh!" she exclaimed. "You are wearing the new dress!"
Antoinette walked into the room and turned around once. "What do you think?" she wondered.
"It is so beautiful!"
"I do not know," Antoinette said as she looked down at the dark blue dress. "It has been so very long since I have worn anything but black."
Tallis looked puzzled. "Do you not like the dress?"
"It is very fashionable," Antoinette admitted, "and Meg will be very pleased to see me in it." She managed a small smile. "But, yes, I do find that I like this dress. It is quite comfortable and it is a very attractive color."
"I think is a beautiful color!" Tallis agreed. "You must learn to wear colors for colors make small children happy."
Antoinette pursed her lips at her companion before breaking into a smile that lit her eyes. "Ah! Such a thing to say!" she said before growing more serious. "What do you plan to do with this day? Are you sure you do not wish to accompany me to my daughter's home?"
Tallis shook her head. "No," she told Antoinette emphatically. "You must go and enjoy the day with the Baroness. I shall stay here and try to understand all these books." She waved a hand over the books and papers around her.
"Surely you do not intend to stay inside with the books all day?" Antoinette was a bit shocked but her eyes narrowed with dawning knowledge as she once again took note of the hand-written papers scattered about the sofa. "My dear, what did I tell you about him?"
Tallis leaned back into the velvet covered cushions. "That I should just be myself." She heaved a great sigh. "But there are times when I feel so ... so ..." Tallis struggled to find the correct word.
"Inadequate?" Antoinette suggested.
"That is what I mean," Tallis replied as her face fell. "I am not a sophisticated, glamourous woman who knows the correct word to say or the right way to flirt with her fan. I am what I am - a girl from the country." Her voice fell. "I could never be his equal."
The suspicions that had formed in Antoinette's mind the previous week when Tallis had entered the room while she had been speaking with Erik now became truths. "You heard?" Antoinette asked and did not need an answer as she watched Tallis drop her eyes. "If you choose to eavesdrop on personal conversations," Antoinette's voice had taken on its stern "ballet mistress" quality, "then you must have the fortitude to listen to the entire conversation and not run away when it becomes unpleasant for you to hear." She was pleased at the color that rose in Tallis' cheeks. "Look at me child," Antoinette commanded and waited as Tallis raised worried eyes. "I am not happy that you chose to listen in to a private conversation."
"I did not mean to do so!" Tallis said quickly. "It was the music that drew me and I could not help but hear the words spoken after. I am sorry." She was truly contrite. "It shall not happen again."
"I know it shall not," Antoinette assured her as she clasped gloved hands lightly in front of her waist. She gave Tallis a small smile. "I only wish you had heard the rest of the conversation." Antoinette paused. "Do you not wish to know what he said?"
"I am almost afraid to know," Tallis said.
"Do you think that much of him, then?"
"Yes," came the softly spoken reply.
"You and Erik shall be the death of me," Antoinette sighed to herself and then more loudly, "I shall tell you what he said and I want you to listen to my words and take them to heart." She caught Tallis' eyes and held them through her own willpower. "You feel that you are inadequate next to him; he feels that he is unworthy of you." Antoinette smiled inwardly at the shocked look that passed over Tallis' face. "He does not wish to bring you into the darkness that will ever call to him. It is a painful thing to know that the darkness still binds him and it is a difficult thing for me to pull him from it. Yet, I grow old and wish to spend my remaining years in the daylight, enjoying the world and the grandchildren that God may someday grant me. You are the only person into whose hands I can safely put Erik for you will be able to bring him from the darkness when I am no longer capable of doing so."
"I think I love him," Tallis finally admitted her thought out loud.
"That is all he requires," Antoinette told her, turning her head toward the front of the house as carriage wheels could be heard through the open windows. She turned back to Tallis. "Put the books away, my dear; they do you good, I will admit, but that is not what is needed now. Take a small lunch and go outside to enjoy the day." She winked. "Perhaps you may find yourself with company."
Tallis placed the book aside as she stood, smoothing the wrinkles of her plain brown skirt and beige shirt. "Thank you," she said softly.
"Ah," Antoinette dismissed her words with a wave of her hand and watched as Tallis crossed the room. She accepted the quick kiss on her cheek with a gracious nod. "Remember, child, take my words to heart. Now, walk me to the door." Antoinette was glad that Tallis was yet innocent enough not to realize that she had planned this day, inviting herself to her daughter's home. And inviting Erik to a luncheon at which she would not be present.
The two women linked arms and walked to the front door, Tallis opening it for Antoinette. She watched as the older woman climbed into the carriage before turning to close the door behind herself.
"I think I love him," Tallis said aloud as she returned to the parlor; the words sounded foreign to her ears. She paused for a moment, looking down at the book and the papers. "I think I love him," she said again as she gathered them into her arms, walking across the room to place the book on the shelf, the papers in the desk drawer that she had been given. "I think I love him," she repeated, returning to the sofa, collecting the serving tray from the table before heading for the kitchen.
Tallis felt numb as she walked down the hallway, her thoughts racing sending the blood in her veins pounding. She entered the comfortable, sunny kitchen, placing the serving tray on the huge wooden work table in the center of the room. Her brow creased into a little frown as she questioned herself, "I think I love him?" She picked up the lid of the sugar bowl, ready to return it to its proper place, when she paused. Tallis turned the lid over in her hands, staring into the white underside with the crescent removed for the spoon and seeing a masked face beneath the fine porcelain. She stared it for a few moments, feeling something beginning to grow in her heart, bubbling up and escaping through her lips as small giggles. Her giggles could not be stopped as Tallis moved about the kitchen, cleaning the items from the serving tray. The giggles gave way to joyous laughter as Tallis put away the tea service. "I love him," she whispered in amazement and lifted her eyes to the ceiling. "I do love him!" she shouted as she flung her arms open before hugging herself tightly. She continued to laugh at her discovery, the laughter slowly giving way to tears. "I love him," came the barely audible words.
Tallis stood for long moments in the middle of Antoinette's happy little kitchen, her arms wrapped about herself, the tears streaking down her cheeks. She had never thought to fall in love - that was something that was destined for others. She had come from a cottage on a grand estate near to the German border to a small but elegant home on the outskirts of Paris, childhood dreams coming true with every new day and somehow, somewhere in the fulfillment of her deepest wishes another had managed to come true. The unspoken wish, the desire that had lingered unbidden at the doors of her heart, had come knocking in the form of a strange, enigmatic man. He had knocked and her heart had opened and Tallis would never be able to close that door again. As she stood in that sunny room, amazed at the discovery that the day had brought to her, Tallis was quite certain that she did not want that door to close. She wanted to savor this moment, to fling open all the doors to all the dreams she had kept hidden in her heart. She wanted to hug the very universe even as she shouted her joy from the mountaintops.
"I love him," Tallis said again, as she reached to wipe away the tears, still in awe of the words that passed her lips.
Tallis floated through the rest of her morning, carried along on the clouds that had descended from the heavens. She did not think she could stomach the idea of food but Antoinette's words danced to the music that played in her mind and Tallis found herself reaching for a woven basket from a stop shelf. She studied the cabinets about herself and put bread and fruit and cheese into the basket. Tallis grabbed a loaf of still-warm bread from the top of the ovens, wrapping it in a piece of linen she pulled from a drawer. She found a bottle of wine left over from the previous night and put that into the basket. She reached for a single glass and thought better of it, placing two plain glasses into the basket. Tallis found another piece of linen and placed it over the entire contents of the basket, tucking it in at the sides. She tucked the basket over her arm and allowed the clouds under her feet to float her out the kitchen door and into the sunny, early summer garden.
Placing the basket in the center of a wrought iron table on the back porch, Tallis wandered out into the stone path that meandered through the thick, green grass. She had her hands clasped lightly in front of her as she walked past the herb garden and the vegetable garden and the flower beds that she so lovingly tended. Seasoned eyes, taught by long hours spent at a mother's side, saw the little weeds and stray debris scattered amongst the gardens and Tallis would stop to retrieve them. When the bundle became too much for her hands, Tallis lifted her skirt and placed the debris into the cradle she had fashioned, wishing that she had worn an apron. She walked toward the shed near the woods and dumped her bundle into the compost pile, knowing the hired gardeners would tend to it. She paused to look into the shadows of the woods, smiling to herself before turning, her feet guiding her back to the house.
Tallis paused at the sight of the pink zinnia's lining the edge of one flower bed. She reached down and plucked two of them, holding them lightly in her hands. A gentle finger ran over the small pink petals on each flower, enjoying the soft feel and earthy smell. "Lasting affection," Tallis repeated the words she had learned from the head gardener on the Baron's estate. "Lasting affection," she repeated as she smiled, her voice soft and low. The small flowers with their complicated layers of petals and odor of warm earth and sunshine reminded her of the man who had claimed her heart and changed her life. Tallis kept the two flowers in her hands as she walked back to the table where she had placed the basket containing her lunch. "I know and that is enough," she whispered as she placed the flowers on the table and brushed the dirt from the front of her skirt.
"What is it you know?" a male voice wondered.
Startled, Tallis looked up to see Erik standing at the side of the porch, his arms resting on the stone railing. He was without his mask and was grinning at her, one eyebrow raised. Tallis blushed at his look and words but quickly recovered. "Do you often listen in to private conversations with God?" she wondered, a soft smile belying her words.
Erik stayed where he was, leaning over the railing, finding he quite liked the view. "I do not know much of God," he replied, "but I do believe that prayer should be kept quiet if one does not wish to share."
Tallis was finding Erik's usual sarcasm to be very charming and broadened her smile. "I shall have to introduce you to God, then; in the meantime, I do have something to share." She stepped from in front of the table. "Would you care to join me?"
"As long as God will not be joining us," Erik said, his eyes narrowing.
That remark went a little too far and Tallis' smile dimmed a bit. "God is always with us," she reminded him.
Erik straightened and bowed slightly. "Please accept my apology."
Tallis studied him for a long moment, watching the worry begin to cross his face. "Apology accepted," she relented and waved a hand at the table. "Please?"
A strange sense of relief flowed through Erik as he rounded the corner of the house and approached Tallis. He took her hand in his own and nodded over it. "Thank you," he said. "I should like to join you." He looked toward the door. "Is Antoinette not joining us?"
"No," Tallis told him with a shake of her head. "She is spending the afternoon with her daughter." Tallis heard the sigh that escaped Erik's lips and she frowned slightly. "Antoinette told me you were coming. Is there something wrong? Should we not be alone together?"
Erik, too, could relent. "No," he said as he pulled out a chair for Tallis before taking one of his own. He made a mental note to speak with Antoinette about her meddling, matchmaking ways. "There is nothing wrong." He reached for the basket in the center of the table, his hands passing over the two zinnias. "Only two?" he wondered, as he lifted the linen from the basket and began to place its contents on the table.
Tallis straightened her shoulders. "I did not wish to pluck every flower from the garden."
"Touche," Erik said.
"Pardon?"
"It is nothing," Erik said as he poured wine into the two glasses. "One would almost think this whole afternoon was carefully planned." He handed a glass to Tallis, his fingers lingering against hers.
"Planned?" Tallis asked.
Erik smiled at the frown on her face. "And it was a lovely plan, indeed," he told her, his voice deep and soft, drawing her into his eyes.
"I am hungry," Tallis breathed, trying to find her way through the spell Erik was weaving about her. Her eyes caught a movement and she lowered them to see Erik's glass being raised. A numb hand went to her own glass, mimicking Erik's movements. "To what do we drink?"
Erik lightly touched his glass to hers, his eyes never straying from the silver-grey eyes into which he found himself falling. "To dear friends," he told her, gratified at the smile she gave him.
"To dear friends," Tallis echoed, the happiness she had been feeling all morning, warming, as she found joy in the friendship so freely offered. She placed her glass down as Erik did the same before he began to split the simple meal between them.
They ate in comfort for some time, their conversation flowing easily. They spoke of Antoinette and Meg; Erik sharing small tales from the opera house, delighting in the interest that crossed his companion's face. They talked of the small town in which they lived; Tallis telling Erik what it was like to move freely about, inspecting shops and vendor stalls, amazed at his interest in the simple things of daily life. They spoke the gardens, Tallis telling him of the flowers and herbs that were yet to come. Erik told her of the woods, the small animals and wildflowers seen beneath its sheltering canopy, promising to one day take her and Antoinette to see for themselves.
"You are truly happy here," Erik stated as he took a sip of wine, placing his glass upon the tabletop.
Tallis had had her eyes trained to the clouds that passed overhead and lowered them to look at the man seated beside her. "I am."
"Did you never wish for more than this?" Erik wondered before taking his heart into his hands. "Did you never wish for a home and family of your own?"
Tallis lowered her head. "Why do you ask?" she wondered, looking at Erik from beneath her eyelashes, unaware of the stirrings her look created within him.
"I know so little of you," Erik said as he swallowed, leaning back in his chair. "I have a desire to know more." He gave her a small smile. "Is that not what friends do?" And held his breath.
"It is," Tallis told him and rested her hands in her lap, turning her head to look out into the garden. She, too, took her heart into her hands. "I have had my share of suitors," she admitted. "They were all respectable men and my parents would have given their approval to any of them. Yet that is not what I desired. I had no wish to wed a farm hand or a mill worker and immediately become a mother and grow old before my time. I had seen such a thing too often with my friends and my siblings." She turned her eyes back to Erik. "I wanted more from my life." Tallis found she could no longer read his closed expression. "I wanted to see the world beyond my front door. I wanted to know that there was more to life than just simply marrying and raising a family."
"And now?" Erik wondered softly.
"Now I have seen the world beyond my front door, the world of my dreams." Tallis sighed happily. "It is beautiful and exciting and everything I ever dreamed it could be." She cocked her head to one side. "Perhaps, now, my dreams shall change and become something that shall be ..." Tallis struggled to find the correct word.
"Permanent?" Erik suggested, the breath caught in his throat.
"Yes," Tallis nodded brightly. "Permanent. That is the word." Her words brought forth a silence between them. "What of you?" Tallis finally asked as she studied him gently. "I hear such dreams in the music that you create!"
Erik found he had no desire to correct her language and instead lowered his eyes to study his fingernails. "They are merely notes strung together to compose a melody that is pleasing to the ear." He shook his head. "Any dreams I may have dared died years ago."
"All of them?" came the whispered question.
"Not all," came the equally whispered admission.
"Thank God," came the even softer prayer of thanks.
Erik raised his head at the words that had passed Tallis' lips. He found himself drawn into grey eyes that sparkled with the silver of evening stars. "If I may be so bold as to ask," Erik ventured and continued as Tallis did not object. "What do your dreams look like now?"
"You," Tallis said simply and without hesitation.
"You do not know what nightmares lay beyond those dreams," Erik told her. "I am what I am; I am a creature who finds comfort in the darkness. I draw strength from the pain I inflict and there is horror in the beauty I create," he warned her.
"And I am what I am," Tallis insisted. "I have been told of the horror of which you are capable." She managed a small laugh. "And I have seen that wicked temper you possess." Her look grew soft. "I also know that each of us is capable of such things; yet not everyone can create the beauty you do." She thought for a moment. "I am a simple girl and I know what it is I desire. I know my own mind."
"Would that you knew mine."
A hand reached toward Erik. "Let me know your mind," Tallis said. "Let me help you find the joy in my world and teach me the beauty in your darkness."
Thoughts of a young girl knocked insistently at the doors to the memories Erik had buried. He remembered the fear and resignation in those dark eyes and searched for the same emotions in the eyes that currently searched his face. He could not find them. Instead he saw honesty and compassion and something he had never dared to hope for again; Erik saw love in those eyes and it terrified him. He did not wish to love again for such an action had only brought him pain that had torn his very soul from his body. Yet he could not resist the promise that sat before him. Erik took the hand that reached for him, reaching for the other, as well. "I am frightened of this and unsure if it is wise. I do not wish to push you from me and I cannot help but think that I shall do so."
"It frightens me, as well. I do not know what shall become of us but I do know I wish to discover what it may be. I know you feel something for me beyond our friendship; it is in your eyes when you think I do not see." Tallis gently squeezed the hands that held her own. "And I make you this promise, no matter what may become of us, I shall always be your friend."
"That shall be a hard promise to keep," Erik cautioned.
"Than it shall be my responsibility and mine alone."
They stared at each other quietly, the minutes drawing out.
"Are you quite sure?" Erik asked.
"I know my heart," Tallis assured him.
Erik smiled upon her, a smile which had never before crossed his lips. It was a smile of hope, carrying upon it the promise that lay on the horizon of his life. "I should like to know it, as well," Erik whispered as he leaned forward, his lips brushing against Tallis'.
"Oh," Tallis breathed before Erik's lips met hers again.