Rocky Mountain Paranormal Comedy Picture

by Internet Luv Masheen

Some crossover crap I wrote with an old pal. Here's to moving it to his account.

1. Chaptero primero

Rocky Mountain Paranormal Comedy Show
By SoulfulZen and Sidhe3141

Summary: When several characters from JtHM, Squee, World of Darkness and Invader ZIM wind up stranded in a hotel during a blizzard, what will happen? Whatever it is, it will be entirely hilarious and generally fucked up. Warning a tad of OOC-ness, and a slew of OCs to follow. WARNING: THE FOLLOWING FIC WAS WRITTEN BY TWO STAUNCH ATHEIST LIBERALS, ONE OF WHICH IS A HOMICIDAL MINDFUCK MADE OF CHAOS AND FLESH AND THE OTHER OF WHICH IS A QUIET, SOMEWHAT EVIL LITTLE HUMAN WHO IS DUE TO EXPLODE ANY DAY UNDER THE STRESS OF EVERYDAY LIFE BUT RIGHT NOW IS REALLY REALLY SHELTERED. CAUSTIC OPINIONS MAY CAUSE EXPLOSIVE REACTIONS RESULTING IN MASS DEATH AND EGO DEFLATION. You have been warned.

Rating will almost certainly go up. Rated R for (so far) Language, Violence, Drug Reference, Political-ness, Suggestive Themes

Devi was getting tired of searching for Nny. Who'd have thought it would be so hard to find a heavily emaciated homicidal maniac? She had been searching for hours, and she was getting thirsty, so she decided to go to the 24-7 and maybe pick up a brainfreezy. That's when it hit her. Nny loved cherry brainfreezies. She ran as fast as she could, and when she arrived, she found Nny leaning in the corner, sipping a cherry brainfreezy. Surprisingly, nobody was dead yet.

When Nny saw Devi walk into the store, he could just tell that she wanted something. He passed it off as some odd feminine urge for a brainfreezy until she walked over to him. He heard a slight whisper in the back of his head from Mr. Fuck, something about "Kill Devi", but he brushed it aside like cobwebs in his attic. That was when Devi said the one thing that Nny could never have seen coming. "Nny, I need your help.", she said, as Nny's jaw suddenly unhinged and fell to the ground. After he fixed his jaw, he asked "Does this mean you forgive me?" Devi replied "No, but
it does mean that I am willing to." At this, Nny grinned.

Devi began the back story to her request. About a week ago, she was driving over to Nny's house to make an attempt to convince him to get help, when she saw Squee sitting on his stoop, sobbing his eyes out into Shmee's belly, sitting on a pair of ratty old suitcases. At this Johnny said "Grr. Evil thing.". Devi coughed, Nny apologized, and she continued. She asked what was wrong, and he told her about how his class at skool was supposed to go to Colorado for two weeks. Evidently, Mr. Casil was coldhearted enough to deny him the 100 fee, as well as his signiture. His mother had recently discovered meth, and had already begun tweaking, so she was dangerous to approach. At this, Squee went totally insane and screamed "What the fuck is up with this fucking family! I'M YOUR SON, AND YOU TREAT ME LIKE FUCKING DOGSHIT!" He began panting, and his dad threw his clothes into two ratty old suitcases and said "Well, if you want to minimize the hospitality your mother and I give you, you can go live on the street or something. Sucked knowing you, kid." He (literally) threw Squee and his things out of the door. Squee began crying into Shmee, which is when Devi came along. Devi offered to let him stay at her flat if he didn't make too much of a mess, and maybe take him to Colorado. However, this morning, her car was run over by a steamroller-driving asshole.

Nny asked "So do you want me to kill the driver of the steamroller?" Devi replied "No. However, I do want you to take myself and young Mister Todd Casil to Colorado." Nny grinned and said "Ah, good. Another chance to hang out with little Squeegee. Maybe I'll eliminate those universal irritants at Focus on the Family. They're way too far right-wing for me." Devi then told him the one and only catch: "You can't kill anybody without the approval of both myself and Squee." Nny said "B-but they're protesting SpongeBob…" Devi's eye then twitched, and she said "Alright, you can kill them."

In the infamous Ficwriter's Café, SoulfulZen and Sidhe3141 are watching their animated work. Sidhe says "What's a SpongeBob?". SoulfulZen just stared back at him and eventually said "Sid, we have got to get you out more."

Back in the fan fiction, Devi gave him a little hug, and almost left before Nny yelled one last thing "Hey, let be buy you a brainfreezy before you go." He paid for both of their brainfreezies, plus one for little Squee, and after a short incident involving a weird clerk who wouldn't allow Nny to buy a brainfreezy for a party not present and a long, hooked blade of Nny's, the two left, Devi to buy food for their trip, and Nny to entertain his guests. Heh heh heh.

LATERLATERLATERLATERLATERLATERLATERLATERLATERLATERLATERLATERLATERLATERLATERLATERLATERLATERLATERLATERLATERLATERLATERLATER

It had been a week since Devi had spoken to Johnny about Colorado, and today was the day that they were supposed to go. Nny was waiting for them by getting a few last kicks in. He was downstairs removing the kidneys and limb muscles of two man-whores in playboy bunny outfits. "Now what have we learned today", he said, "Not suggest in any way that the strange man picking up old knives in the junkyard is gay? Good." He then cut their throats and let them bleed out. Just as he was about to mince the first one, he heard a loud knock on his front door.

Todd was nervous. Devi had never said anything about the scary neighbor man going with them. And why had Devi and he walked over here? "I don't like this." said Shmee. "But I do." said the blood-spattered Nny. Squee's eyes got really big and he went "Squeek".

In the Ficwriter's Café, SoulfulZen and sidhe3141 were still watching an animated version of their work. SoulfulZen said "Ya know, I could scare Squee quite a bit. I'd probably get a bigger squeek out of him than Johnny."; "Hmm," said sidhe3141, "You know you're right.". The both of them chuckled. A waiter came up and said "Since this is a joint story, would you care for one?" SoulfulZen cracked up at this, while sidhe3141 muttered something about not justifying that with a groan. SoulfulZen elbowed him in the ribs and said "C'mon, it's funny! Lighten up, Sid!". Sidhe replied "Don't call me that." SoulfulZen said "Hmm, let me think about that. No. Ha ha!"

Back in Nny's car, Shmee was demanding to know why they were traveling with Nny. Nny simply said "Devi's car was flattened. I'm doing her a favor. Now shut up, you lying sack of venom." Everyone hopped in, and they drove down to Colorado. Little did they know, their lives were about to get fuckified by freaky things.

On Interstate 25, a little-known inn called the White Rose Inn exists. Tthe White Rose Inn is a supernatural hangout. It is a center of power, and often occupied for more mundane reasons, like the strange earthquakes that sometimes happen, and the pretty bartender. The Animal Control officer, satisfied that the strange howling reported from Room 211 was a hoax, was just leaving when the live band finished their discussion about what songs the audience hadn't heard (read: wasn't tired of after hearing them twice that night.) They started their second "Last, do you hear me, absolutely LAST encore tonight" and the officer returned to the main room to listen. It was then that the howl from outside was heard. The officer, sensing something about to happen, rushed outside... and immediately ran screaming back in. A nearby journalist, her instincts tingling, ran up to her room. "Oh!rya," various members of the kitchen staff shouted.
(ANOTHER NOTE: That was NOT an English expletive, and if I translated it, the connotations wouldn't come across.) Others used similar expletives, and all ran outside.

"Okay, just what the fuck is outside?" asked SoulfulZen from his
cushion in the café.
"A were-thing in halfway-between form." Replied Sid.
"So what?"
"So the Delirium affected him."
"The what?"
"The Delirium. It's a madness affecting most who see a shapeshifter's combination forms, causing berserk fear and forgetfulness. The exceptions are shapeshifters, shapeshifter-kin, the fae, vampires, ghosts, hunters, certain mortals, and those with exceptionally strong wills."
"Talk like a human, not a computer."
"Hey, that's just a summary of it."
Suddenly, a person who looked half-dead rushed in. He asked, "Will you two just let us get on with it? We've got a story to do!"

"Sorry, Arcturus."

Now, as the story was going, the whole bunch ran outside. A group of Black Spiral Dancers-

"Could you have warned me about the gothic ballerinas?"
"They're not gothic ballerinas. They're dark werewolves bent on destroying or corrupting Life, The Universe, and Everything, but not So Long, and Thanks for All The Fish.", replied Sidhe
"And you thought the joint pun was bad! You're joking about one of the best damn sci-fi book series ever!"
"Sorry."

and Dauntain-
"Who are they? Dumbshit Dante clones?"
"No, fae dedicated to destroying other fae."
"Oh. Hey, no pun that time!"
"You're welcome, but I couldn't think of one. By the way, did you really take that waiter up on his offer?"

"Nah, I'm clean." he said as he hid a joint behind his back.

-were waiting on the front lawn, with silver and cold iron weapons ready. One threw a cold iron shuriken at a werewolf, who just yanked it out and transformed. With cries of "Attack!", "Get them!", and "!" (another Cyene-

"What's a Cyene?" asked SZ
"More commonly known as Dog." replied Sidhe

-word, roughly translating to "Charge!"), the two sides fell on each other, or leapt into the sky. It was at this time that Nny and his bunch arrived. A BSD landed on their car, and leapt off just as a silver-haired wolf
lady (the pretty bartender) landed on it with a kick. With a string of obscenities that began the fabric over Pikes Peak, she transformed and started trying to yank her foot out of the engine block. Nny, already mildly disturbed by the fight on the lawn, and now suffering from a touch of the Delirium, led his friends out the trunk...without opening it first. The result: The car tipped back as all of them tried to scratch a hole in the rear window. A cry of "Carmen, this ought to help!" came from above, and a beam of moonfire detonated the engine block. Carmen fell to the ground, as a strange howl and a shout of "Retreat!" could be heard. All of the inn werewolves changed back and went inside. Nny and his friends, no longer kept awake by fear, did the only sensible thing: They fainted. Except for Nny, who dragged them and their things safely away from the wreck in time to watch it explode. Then he cried over the corpse of his car until the tailpipe crashed on his head, knocking him unconscious..

In the café at this time, SoulfulZen was saying "Ya do know that Nny can't die, right? Because heaven won't take him and hell threw him out after his fight with the devil?". Sidhe replied "I'm an atheist. I don't believe in that stuff." "Same here," said SoulfulZen, "But this is just what Jhonen wrote in his comics. JHONEN VASQUEZ ROCKS!" Sidhe replied "So does Robert Asprin. By the way who's Jhonen Vasquez?" Everyone just gawked at him, as SoulfulZen began his explanation of who Jhonen Vasquez was.

Note from SoulfulZen: Jhonen Vasquez is GOD! Ha ha ha!

Nny realized he was free from his oath. He was strangling, gutting and mutilating everyone he knew. A bright light appeared, and...he woke up with the Sun in his eyes. He noticed that he was in a strange wooden room. He looked out the window, and saw that his car was... "Broken! Somebody wrecked my car! I'll kill the irritant who did it!" He stopped and realized that he knew this already, so he continued ranting at "And whoever managed to park it, tell me how!" He looked outside his room, still behind his door (he was buck naked with Devi the same state of dress) and found his suitcase. He took it in sand got dressed. Devi woke up, shrieked, smacked Nny over the head a few times, and threw him out. Poop Dogg, the Gangsta Spectah of defeat then appeared and said "Ha ha ha! (sup, yo) You lose, dawg!" and vanished.

Back in the Café, Sidhe said "That specter's stupid." SoulfulZen replied "You fucking know it. Want a brownie?" Sidhe said "Sure." and shoved it down his throat. Then he ate two more. Then another fifteen. Then three whole platefuls. An onlooker said "Boy, he sure does love those brownies." SoulfulZen replied "He'd better. Those are pot brownies! I just got the tightass stoned! Ha ha ha ha! Hope he doesn't OD." A flying pig flew up and said "Hey, this is fanfiction! Anything is possible. Even your buddy eating about a gallon of hash oil and living!" Everyone grinned and shouted "See you next time for chapter two! BYE!"

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