Well, my internet is busted, my MSN doesn't work and I find myself uploading this from a cyber cafe in Debnhams. Lovely. Anyway, here's another chapter, and I'm sorry that things won't be updated for some time, not until everything gets fixed and sorted out. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this chaoter, and I hope that you'll lend me your support!

Well, what else to say?

The demon shadow does not belong to me. But the Cuddles concept does (grin) Vergil and Mundus also don't belong to me.

Read, review, but most of all, enjoy!

Chapter 3

Mundus squawked as he was spat out into the sewers of the human world. He looked around in confusion before chirping happily. The sewers looked just like the sewers that his Beelzebub collection had lived in! He wondered if perhaps he could capture some more specimens from these human sewers in order to replenish his somewhat-totally-and-utterly-beaten-but-not-completely-defeated massacred collection. He happily ran off down the sewers before coming face to face with a huge gigantic rat eating something indescribable from a discarded burger wrapper.

The rat, according to legend, is a fierce creature and they are commonly accused of being disgustingly mean and horrible because of their ability of gnawing through fridges in order to get to the junk that fridges usually store inside. Like beer. Cheesecake and milk and bread and butter do not interest them. It is the beer they're after. According to legend anyway.

In reality, the rat is a peaceful creature that only takes what it needs when it needs it. And when they bite, it's really just a healthy way of saying thank you. It's good manners. As for rats being smelly and undesirable, it is a common fact that is no secret that most perfumes have odour of rat as their secret ingredient. And toilet water, of course!

But Mundus, being Mundus and a complete and utter psychopath to boot had no inkling of either legend or reality. So he decided to treat this unknown creature in the same manner in which he treated everything else.

'BEHOLD!' he tried to bellow. It came out as more of a shriek. The rat blinked and then offered him a portion of mouldy cheeseburger, seeing a fellow dirt bag in the sewers and believing him to be friendly. Mundus glared at the rat before nibbling tentatively at a corner of the furry green meat. He decided he liked the taste. And then he decided that he wanted more than the huge portion that the rat had generously given him. It was time to assert his authority.

'BEHOLD!' he gobbled again. The rat ignored him. 'I AM MUNDUS, THE PRINCE OF DARKNESS!' The fat little turkey spread out his wings in what he imagined to be a terrifying gesture. The rat looked up at him and blinked in curiosity. Mundus gobbled, believing himself to have sensed victory. 'YOU WILL BOW DOWN AND WORSHIP ME!' he squawked. The rat did no such thing, merely cleaning its whiskers and resuming its wonderful repast of green burger. Mundus narrowed his beady turkey eyes. 'FEAR ME!' he commanded imperiously. The rat squeaked in answer. Though Mundus didn't understand ratwanese, he took it to be an act of defiance. He shuffled forward threateningly, wings spread, wattle wobbling and prepared to do battle with the rat warrior of the kingdom of sewerdom.

Another important thing to remember about the reality of rats is that they do not approve of bullies or hillbillies that take their food. They also do not approve of tyrants, which explains the wars between rats and hamsters, those beings that generally enjoy using humans and exploit their skills at petting and generally pampering cute fuzzy little balls of fluff. Bloody tyrants…

---

Vergil sighed with happiness as he cuddled his pet shadow, Cuddles. Cuddles mewed before affectionately digging his claws into Vergil's leg. He looked down at him fondly.

'Awww…you're hungry! Okay, well I suppose we should go to the human realm and get you some more Whiskers cat food. And some catnip. And perhaps a squeaky little mouse too! How does that sound?' Cuddles mewed in contentment. Vergil grinned, looked around nervously before bundling Cuddles into his coat and running to the toilet. If anyone ever knew that tough-as-nails-and-frozen-meat-joints Vergil loved cats, he'd never hear the end of it. This was his darkest secret and he guarded it with a fervour that bordered on the edge of paranoia. God bless his mud caked boots.

Instead of flushing Cuddles down the toilet though, he opened a secret pathway to the proper portal entrance. He knew that perhaps he could have saved himself the embarrassment of explaining what a toilet was for and its uses but watching Mundus' face as he got flushed down the bog had been hysterical. He allowed himself to giggle girlishly as the image floated into his head again. Yet another dark secret, and the reason why he never laughed normally, and why his laugh had sounded so fake as Nelo Angelo. Cuddles loved his laugh though and mewed again with pleasure before sinking his claws into Vergil's shoulder.

Soon, they both came to the end of the secret pathway. The portal reached down below the ground, and through the U-bend of the loo so Vergil had no worries that Mundus had found himself lost. Vergil stepped through the portal and found himself standing directly in front of Tesco's, his favourite supermarket. Underneath him, ran the sewers, where Mundus had most probably ended up wondering around and around aimlessly. Not that he cared.

Vergil grabbed a trolley happily, walked through the automatic doors and started shopping. Cuddles wriggled uncomfortably as Vergil threw in all kinds of healthy food into his cart. Vergil frowned before smiling happily and ran down aisle after aisle of junk food. People stared in horror at the blue clad man as he raced through the aisle hugging packets of cookies to him jealously.

'MINE!' he yelled with delight. 'ALL MINE!' He cackled wildly before running towards the crisps and threw packet after packet of Walker's crisps into his trolley, then cakes, then Haribo sweets, then cinnamon swirls. At last he calmed down enough to eat a cinnamon swirl and shove the empty wrapper to the back of the shelf. Satisfied that he had committed his misdemeanour for the day, he reverted back to normal and glared at a little kid. At the sight of a spiky silver haired, blue coated man scowling at him terrifyingly with crumbs and sticky sugary cinnamon smeared all over his mouth and lips, the kid wet himself. Vergil curled his lip in disgust before walking away, with his sugary cinnamon lipstick still intact. Cuddles mewed piteously from inside his coat.

'I know, Cuddles,' he murmured. 'Not long now, Cuddles, but I have to eat too!' Cuddles yowled in answer. Vergil looked around guiltily before grabbing a ready cooked chicken. 'There!' he exclaimed cheerfully. Two little old ladies watched with horrified fascination as Vergil continued talking to his shirt. Vergil caught them staring and responded by cheerfully giving them the finger. They gasped and suddenly turned VERY nasty.

'Bugger off!' snarled one.

'Asshole!' yelled the other. Vergil stared in shock before running away. The ladies hopped onto their zimoframes and charged after him, swinging their handbags wildly. Cuddles snarled, leapt out from under Vergil's coat and impaled one of them with a spike. The other looked at him owlishly before kicking the demon cat away.

'Mangy fleabag…' she grumbled. 'Get up, Agnes! You're not dead!'

'YOU'RE AGNES!' yelled the bleeding woman. 'And yes I am dead!' Gertrude complained.

'No you're not! Up you get!' Agnes suddenly pegged it after that, leaving poor old Gertrude bleeding quite alone on the floor. But Vergil was annoyed beyond measure. Agnes had committed the ultimate crime.

'Cuddles!' he bellowed. Cuddles licked his paws daintily and mewed. Vergil ignored the fact that his cat was completely healthy and went on a mad rampage. Cat food and dog toys and little children and sweeties and little old ladies and Cuddles went flying. Cashiers and desks and members of staff were completely obliterated, along with toy cars. At last, Vergil calmed down and found that his trolley was intact. He smiled and then continued to shop as though nothing had happened, Cuddles trotting at his heels arrogantly.

'That's my pet,' he thought smugly to himself. 'No one terrorizes my pet but ME!' Vergil picked up a can of Whiskers at that point and held it out to him. The demon cat sniffed it appreciatively and mewled loudly. Vergil threw in fifty cans, squishing the fruit in his trolley and crushing the packet of crisps in the process. Then he picked up a cooking book and smiled. Jamie Oliver. Satisfied, he walked out of the supermarket without paying (there was no one to mind the tills) and sighed with contentment.

'Now…' he said, pausing. 'Now to find Mundus!'

---

Mundus lay defeated, with his portion of cheeseburger finished and a distended stomach to nurse. He groaned before deciding that a drink of water would do him some good. In Sewerdom, there seemed to be plenty of water around. Without further ado, he started drinking thirstily from the water and promptly felt worse. He moaned before waddling unsteadily about, beginning to feel frightened. Being a turkey was a terrible thing! And he would be sure to wish it upon Dante and that damned rat. He decided that because Dante had been able to kick his ass, and now the rat had too, that the rat must be a descendant of Sparda. He pulled a face at the thought. Sparda had certainly got around before he died. Was there anything that he wouldn't do?

Then Mundus decided that when he got a better body, he'd make an army of killer rats. They'd be able to do the job wonderfully. Little demons, he thought grudgingly. He continued to wonder on through the sewers but then came face to face with another rat. He whimpered and then ran back squawking before crashing into something solid.

'HEADS WILL RRRRRRRRRRROLLLLLL FOR THIS!' He shouted as he lay on his stomach flailing about uselessly, his wings flapping clumsily. Vergil rolled his eyes and picked him up. Mundus sniffled before snapping at his hands with his beak bad temperedly. 'Where have you been, Margaret!' he yelled. Vergil shrugged.

'Do you wish to return to your realm, Master?' he asked hopefully. Mundus eyed him beadily.

'If it involves being flushed again through that excreting machine, then no. I wish to see what a TV is and how it works!' he said, puffing out his chest arrogantly. Vergil sighed wearily and Cuddles' ears drooped.

'Fine…' Vergil whispered in defeat. 'Then come on…we'll have to find a place to live for a while…'