Chapter 7

Mal found Buffy in the galley, her blonde head firmly ensconced in a cupboard as she rummaged for food. She ripped into a pack of protein snacks with sharp white teeth, spitting the edge of the wrapper out into her hand.

'Waste goes on the right.' Mal said watching as Buffy popped the piece of rubbish into the cupboard.

She turned to look at him, taking in the drawn look on his face, the grey dullness of his eyes, 'Sleepless night?'

Stepping up to the table Mal pulled out a chair. Letting his body fall into it, he gestured to the seat near him.

'Some things on my mind is all. Am thinking maybe you can help me out a little with a few of em.'

'Fire away.' Buffy chirped as she settled into the chair. She bit into one of the snacks, waved the pack in Mal's directionthen picked out another.

Mal took a deep breath.

'Are you blessed? I mean as in good book, angels and all that carry on?'

The question took her by surprise. Coughing she managed to finish her mouthful before she tipped back her head and laughed, 'Blessed? Not so much, no. Just chosen.'

'Is there a God?'

'Nothing definite.' a shrug.

Afterlife?

'I don't know. Something I think.I meanI was warm, I was safe.'

'He evil?' The question came out fast and blindsided Buffy.

'Spike? Maybe once.' She shrugged before her expression turned serious, 'He's killed hundreds of people. Innocent women and children but he suffers the weight of their deaths every day. Can you say the same?'

'What?' Mal spluttered

'You've killed men. How do you deal?'

'Killed plenty in the war in the name of freedom. Fought for what I believed in, or so I thought. By the end I had seen so many die, butchered by both sides didn't think it really mattered who did the killing, seemed the pain was just the same. Death is just death maybe. Not then nor now can I say I ever enjoyed it.'

'Well Spike did. For over a hundred years he gloried in the pain of others.'

'Men like that don't just change, what happened?'

'I did.' The snack packet lay forgotten on the table as Buffy pushed her hair back from her face. 'He fell in love with me.'

Shaking his head Mal leaned back in his chair. 'Aint no love strong enough to make a man stop being what he is.'

Buffy allowed a smile to flash across her face. How many times had he told himself that she wondered. 'Wow, you just love egypt'

'I what?' asked a totally bewildered Mal

'How long you been in love?'

'I aint in anything.' Came the indignant reply, but it was hopeless, Mal could see by the pointed look in Buffy's eyes that she didn't believe him. 'You know what it is to be too scared to love?' the question came so quietly that for a moment Buffy wasn't sure that he had actually spoken. 'To be terrified cos you spent too long being too hard and now its near impossible to let em in. And even if you could, part of you hates what they are, what they could mean to you.' Mal's sad blue eyes bored a hole into Buffy and in her answering gaze he saw reflected his own pain.

'Yes. I know.' She answered in returning whisper. 'Took Spike four years and him dying to make me see.'

'He died? Im confused. Aint he already dead?'

'He died the second time so I could live. Stupid vampire let himself burn, all for me.' Raising a fine eyebrow at Mal, Buffy continued 'Yup, dying is definitely a sure way to make someone realise the depth of your feelings. Course it means you're dead when they figure it out, which isn't that clever. Totally screws them up too cos you know, not much any other guy can do to top that. Death is kinda the biggest romantic gesture.'

Mal snorted 'Romantic! Could be he made you believe it was for you.' His hands gesticulating wildly as he sat forward 'That's all people do to each other is try and trick others into believing their lies. Using their ways to suss you out. Manipulating you int' things you don't wanna be in.'

'You just don't want to trust him…'

'Cant say as I do. Got a way bout him that don't fit well. Sees too much. Too easy with folks he don't know.'

Buffy nodded.

'He always has been. Only person that ever saw me. I hated him for that. Course I hated him for lots of other reasons to…. Trying to kill me, that kinda thing.'

'You two been together all this time?'

'We've been lovers for seven lifetimes.' The frankness in Buffy's tone struck at Mal's heart. He couldn't imagine being with anyone for one single lifetime. He moved back in his chair again, thinking bout what that must mean.

'I know you don't want to believe me Mal, but listen when I tell you. I spent a long time scared of Spike. He saw through me. He still does and that is terrifying. To lay yourself open like that to someone else it gives them the power to hurt you like never before.' Buffy reached out to touch Mal's hand, looking at him in earnest 'I've been in this world for over 500 years, trust me when I tell you that the only time I'm truly alive is when I'm with him. Whoever it is, this girl of yours, there is no reason in the verse for you to not be with her.'

Buffy pushed back her chair, picked up her snacks and dropped them in the bin. Mal watched as she turned back to face him.

'I have eternity to enjoy my love,' she said 'you have only one lifetime. You shouldn't waste it.'

Mal felt a new respect for this small woman. He had intended this chat to go differently. Him questioning her. Her defending. Instead she had understood him. Her easy smiles had softened him leading him down a different path to a conclusion which he hadn't expected. He looked at her with fresh eyes, no longer seeing a blonde haired stranger, but rather a compatriot. Someone who had shared the sense of loneliness which threatened him.

He watched as she stood framed by the doorway, her head cocked slightly to the side, intent on something. Mal held his breath momentarily. He could hear nothing except the normal hum of the air filter units, kaylee banging something in the engine room and the static buzz of the overhead lights.

'Come with me,' Buffy beckoned from the doorway 'I think you need to have a good laugh.' She said as she strode away towards the cargo bay. Mal following close behind.

'Jayne swing your arm a little higher when Faith attacks.' Spike instructed as he moved the bigger mans arm in the arc he wanted him to follow. 'Try making your blocks more fluid so she doesn't have a chance to see them coming.'

Spike stepped back letting Faith move in to attack Jayne again. Mal and Buffy arrived on the upper walkway as Faith spun under Jayne, propelling the large mans form over her back in a chaotic wheel of arms and legs. He ended up on his back on the cold metal of the cargo hold floor for the fifth time in a row. Sharing an amused glance at the vigor of Jayne's swearing, Buffy and Mal stepped up to the stairs which led down to where Jayne was hauling himself up off the ground.

'You trying to break my merc?' Mal asked as Jayne rubbed at his aching ribs.

'pickin up some new things.' Jayne responded jokingly. He nodded at Faith who had moved to give him room to recover. She came at him, knife in hand, as though going to stab him in the belly. Jayne executed a quick step like move which meant Faith went past him, her momentum pulling her forwards, but being agile, she managed to twist her body round slightly to deliver what should have been a grazing slice. Under the tutelage of Spike, Jayne had discovered that he could use his height and long limbs to better his advantage. He could perform long reaching leg moves or bend further out or inwards in spins to unbalance his assailant. Side stepping the swiping of Faith's knife, Jayne shifted, throwing out a leg which caught his would be assailant's knife hand. Her blade clanged noisily as it hit the ground. Faith would have followed, but Jayne caught her upper arm as she fell, spinning her back to face him. Chest against chest, the two bodies collided. The two grinned at each other.

As Mal prepared himself for yet another unsavoury display of flirting from the pair he saw Spike pick up the knife. The blonde man moved stealthily coming up in a rush behind Jayne. His target, the broad expanse of back. As the knife point came dangerously close, Jayne tipped to the side, arms wrapping around Faith before beginning to uncurl. He dropped her to the ground whilst he used the sideways momentum to spin round, a punch landed squarely on Spike's jaw and the smaller man was off centre, open to further attack from Jayne.

'Well done mate. Nicely moved, good anticipation despite obviously distractions.' Spike drawled as Jayne reached out a hand to Faith still lain on the floor. 'Next time though…'

Footsteps approaching drew Mal's attention away from the group below. Zoe, her face tight, picked up her feet to step through the arch leading to the walkway. Mal hadn't had much chance to speak with her yet and was keen to hear how she was managing all that had occurred. Judging from her face, Zoe had suffered a poor nights sleep also.

Buffy leant back from the railing she had been peering over. 'Hey Zoe.' She said before turning her attention back to where Spike was running Jayne through a complicated disarming move.

'Buffy' Mal saw Zoe tense.

'Alright Zoe?' he asked

'Good sir. Just came from Kaylee. She's got the new part in. Wants River to go to manual flight for ten as it tests in.'.

Below them a shout sounded. Jayne yelling in protest as Faith performed a neat somersault over his head.

'Looks like Jayne has his-self occupied.' She remarked

'Ey he does. Cant hurt to get some training from experienced fighters I reckon. Might have at it myself later.'

Zoe smiled 'Sounds good Sir. Aint none of us too old to learn new tricks.'

The louder sounds of fighting reached them. Below, Jayne and Faith were now engaged in a more brutal assault. As the fight progressed it was clear both participants were holding back, afraid to unleash the full power of their punches on the other for fear of damaging them. Spike stalked around just outside the reach of their arms giving Jayne instructions on where to aim, how to move and more importantly what to expect from his sparring partner.

'Jayne, don't be a poof mate. Faith's not gonna cry if you try an lump 'er.'

Jayne flashed a concerned look up at Mal. He wasn't worried about hurting Faith so much as he was about ending up on the wrong side of the blast doors when Mal decided to kill him for hitting a woman. He was beginning to understand that Faith could more than take care of herself and most likely beat him into the ground without him ever getting in one touch on her. But Mal was a might unpredictable. He might be toleratin a little soft touch sparring, but smacking a lady in the face, could be Mal would say he had gone too far.

Faith and Jayne continued to dance around each other in the middle of the floor, Faith trying to draw Jayne further into the fight by smacking some serious punches in the mans direction. A single blow to the gut had Jayne reeling backwards without even trying to retaliate. Spike could feel the hesitation in Jayne and the sly look the big man had cast his captain confirmed that, as Spike had suspected, Jayne was a fearful of the reactions of the others.

Black booted feet struck out across the floor as Spike made a decision. The bleached blonde reached the foot of the staircase. Ignoring the stairs he bent his knees and leapt. To the surprise of Mal and Zoe, Spike cleared the railings on the walkway, coming to land next to Buffy. Buffy turned to face him.

'Come on pet,' he purred, 'let's you an' me show 'em how to dance.' Without waiting for her to answer Spike swept Buffy into his arms, one arm around her back, the other wrapped under her knees. In turn, Buffy wound her arms around his neck holding on to him lightly. Both looked entirely comfortable with the position.

Smiling to Mal and Zoe, Spike jumped back over the railing, legs stretched fully as he dropped the easy distance to the floor.

'Can you imag…'

'I'll get River to run that test Sir.' Mal heard the flatness in her voice. Her face was blank. Brown eyes stared back at him, closing briefly as their owner tried to hide from her boss.

'Zoe' Mal started, but she was already walking away, shoulders straight, back rigid.

'Captain, we got company coming up on our port side.' River's voice cut through the ship noise on the tannoy. 'Sir, looks like Reavers.'