Escape
By
Alyson Grant
"Have you ever wanted to just escape? Just get away from everyone? Even yourself?"
"All the time."
"I'm serious." She insisted when she heard his flippant tone. "I feel like going. Somewhere. Just going where no one knows me, somewhere where I don't have to pretend to be happy and put on a stupid show for everyone. Somewhere where I don't have to put on this silly, smiling, happy face all the time. Just escape."
Tommy was quiet.
"Tommy?"
"Yeah?"
"You have nothing to say?" she asked this a little self consciously. "What? Have I…have I freaked you out?"
She cradled the phone to her ear and closed her eyes.
"No, I was just wondering if you were suicidal."
Jude was quiet.
"Jude? Okay, just so you know," he joked, "that's not usually something you have to think about. You either are or you aren't."
Her eyes flew open.
Jude suddenly hissed out, "I can't believe you're asking me crap like that. I can't believe you!"
"Why not? I mean, we ask each other everything else," Tommy replied sensibly. "And I was joking. Can't you te-"
"Go to hell!" and she slammed down the phone.
Tommy called back immediately but it just rang out.
Jude hurled the cordless across the room and against the wall where it slammed unsatisfyingly against the wall.
"Shit," he said after four more tries with no replies.
The next day-
"So you're not talking to me now? Is that it?"
Tommy watched Jude studiously ignore him as she walked into the commissary.
"Gee, I don't know Tommy," Jude said in a bitterly caustic tone, "Maybe that all depends on whether or not you're planning on searching my bag for pills, narcotics, a gun or a knife."
He didn't say anything.
She grabbed a fresh cup of coffee.
She swept past him and walked toward the studio.
"Look," he sighed heavily. "I'm sorry."
When he touched her shoulder she stopped walking.
"I'm sorry okay? I didn't mean to hurt your feelings or upset you but you don't know how you sounded last night. I just-"
"You just what?" she spat out.
His eyebrows rose. "Want to let me finish?"
"Careful Tommy." She said warningly as she held up her cup. "Believe me when I say you're just one word away from a head full of coffee. Care to make it one syllable?"
"Jude," he said her name in frustration, "I just-"
"Nothing gives you the right to ask me that!"
She looked at him with fresh new anger sweeping over her body but Tommy didn't seem that intimidated.
He matched her word for word and the worst part was he seemed calm.
"Maybe you need to ask yourself why you're getting so defensive."
"Are you trying to make me upset? Are you? Because you are."
"I've noticed."
She continued to flare into a rage.
"I can't trust you! I can't believe you! I thought I knew you! But you're just judging me aren't you? All the time just like everybody else."
"I'm not judging you Jude. I'm not," he insisted. "But you're blowing this way out of proportion and if you could calm down for a second I think you'd realize that.""Way out," he muttered. "I just asked a simple question."
"Well, I'm giving you a very simple answer. Go fuck yourself."
She then opened and slammed the door to the studio but Tommy was right behind her.
Practically her second shadow.
"Is there something going on? Something you're not telling me?"
"Oh, what do you care?"
"I care," he said simply. "You know that."
"There's always something going on Tommy but right now you're the last person I'd choose to talk to. Right now you're just yet another person I can't trust."
"That's bullshit and you know it. I want to help you Jude."
"Then leave me alone! Help me that way. Knock yourself out."
Tommy stepped closer and said firmly. "That isn't going to happen so get used to this."
She looked away.
"Come on," he said. "Come here."
He opened his arms but Jude stayed put.
"Jude," he said softly, "Please?"
She rolled her eyes but stepped into them. He closed his arms tightly around her.
"You're stupid if you think a hug's going to solve anything," Jude said.
"Let me be stupid then. I was stupid last night. It seems to-"
Tears slid down her cheeks and her body was suddenly wracked with sobs. "Shhh, shhh," Tommy soothed. "It's okay."
"No, it's not okay!" Jude cried. "Why does everyone keep on saying that?"
"Who says that?" he asked. He pulled back a little and stroked her cheek. "Huh?"
Another tear slid down her cheek. "Who?"
From anger to tears in what seemed like one second flat, he nearly didn't understand it.
"My Mom…My Dad…Oh forget it." She moved away from him and wiped her eyes.
"I can't." He pulled her closer.
She burrowed deeper into his chest. "Well, you're going to have to try."
"Come on," he said gently. "Let's go."
"What do you mean 'go'? We can't! My song…and Darius…" She trailed off uncertainly.
"Look," Tommy declared. "Darius can wait."
He smiled conspiringly and raised his eyebrows as he asked with a wink, "Who knows? Maybe it's his turn to go fuck himself."
She laughed a little. Shakily.
"Come on," he urged again as he held her hand in his. With the other he brushed away yet another tear. "Let's escape."
He started walking but she stayed behind.
He smiled, looked down at their joined hands and then back at her.
"Seems I've got quite a hold on you girl," he drawled. "Let's go."
She shook her head slightly at his antics but followed him.
"And I promise you," he said with a look back, "you won't have to smile unless you feel like it. Or act happy unless you really are."
When Jude finally stopped trailing behind, he put a comforting arm around her shoulders and led the way out of G Major.
AG Author's Note-
Review, review and Thinking of You is updated.