Chapter 5: Taking Steps

Monica made her way quickly down the sidewalk, towards the restaurant she worked at. She saw Phoebe entering ahead of her and called out to her friend.

"Hey Pheebs!"

Phoebe waited, holding the door open until Monica had entered as well. "So?" She said.

"So, what?" Monica asked, innocently.

"How was the date?"

Monica smiled and blushed. "It was okay."

"Just okay?"

Monica looked up, "okay, it was wonderful, he's just so…perfect."

Phoebe smiled. "Some-bod-y's in lo-ove," she chanted. This only made Monica blush a deeper shade of red. "Are you going to see him again?"

Monica nodded, almost hesitantly.

"What's wrong with that?"

Monica sighed. "It's just… he's going to hate me when he finds out. He says he'll be fine with anything, but he really has no idea what he's getting himself into."

"What, that you lived on the streets?"

"Yeah."

"You don't know that."

"Don't I?" Monica said. "Do you have any idea how many interviews I was laughed out of because I was from the streets? I hate it. It's so defining. It's like 'oh, you're homeless, so you're not a good person.'

Phoebe nodded. "I know, I hate it too, but we're past that now. I'm sure he'll realize what kind of a person you are when he finds out how far you've come. Not many people can overcome what we did. That means something."

"I hope so," Monica said, making a silent prayer.

Over the next few moths, Monica continued to see Chandler. She was still very secretive and used any and every excuse she could think of as to why he still didn't know where she lived. She couldn't let him see her small dingy apartment. There's no way he would want to stay with her. She knew she was very often a disappointment to people, just like her mother said, and she didn't want to disappoint him. She would wait until she and Phoebe could at least afford a better apartment before she ever even thought about inviting him over.

Financially, she and Phoebe were doing pretty well. They were making enough to pay for their apartment and food. Monica loved the feeling of being self-reliant, like she could take care of herself without any help. When she and Phoebe had been working at the restaurant for a year, Tom decided they were ready to work during the day, as well. They would often put a shift in as a waitress before cleaning at the end of the day. They took every shift they could get and found they were able to afford a better place to live.

The apartment they found was still very small and not very glamorous, but it was a huge step up from their previous one. It had two small bedrooms, a small kitchen and a bathroom. Best of all, it was partially furnished. There was a small, single bed in each room, and a kitchen table, three mismatching chairs, and an old couch. They packed up their dishes, and toiletries, and all of their other belongings and said goodbye to the small, dingy apartment that had been their first step in getting off the streets. They left the old mattress that they had slept on for the past six months for whoever would be in the apartment next, hoping it would be helpful to them.

They found they were making enough to afford the new apartment, and could even have hot water! This was amazing to them. One of the best parts was that the phone company had let them keep their old number. To Monica, this meant not having to tell Chandler that she had moved. She knew he would be suspicious.

About a week after the moving day, Monica met Chandler at his apartment. He had called her and asked her to come over. She had been there a couple of times, and it was nice. It was obviously a bachelor's apartment, with two barcheloungers and no decorative stuff, like pictures, but it was very comfortable. Monica knocked timidly, not sure what he was planning. So far she had managed to avoid the subject of sex with him, but she knew that couldn't last forever. She and Chandler had barely gone past first base; which was as far as she had ever gone. She was too scared to bring it up, and skirted the topic when he tried to. She didn't want to admit that she was a virgin. It would probably be a disappointment.

She heard movement and then saw the door open in front of her.

"Hey," Chandler said, smiling at her. "It's you," this had become their trademark greeting, from the time they met in the grocery store.

"It's you," Monica replied, automatically, smiling.

Chandler stepped back, inviting her in. She smiled and entered.

Chandler could tell Monica was nervous, and he wasn't sure why. He watched her step hesitantly into the room. In an attempt to put her at ease he pulled her into a hug, which she returned after a moment. She seemed to calm down and settled into the hug, her head resting on his shoulder. Chandler was still in awe of this girl. She was so secretive and timid, he wondered what had happened to make her that way, and he wished he could help her. He was just waiting for her to let him in. He knew she had very low self-esteem, and self-confidence, but he didn't know why. She was absolutely amazing and he was in awe of her, but she never seemed proud of herself and avoided any topic relating to her life and family. The only friend of hers he had met, or even heard of, was Phoebe.

When he felt like she was ready, Chandler pulled away from the hug, planting a small kiss on her forehead before completely pulling away. She smiled up at him, and squeezed his hand gently. He took that as a good sign.

As soon as his arms were around her, Monica relaxed. She hated that they had been dating for six months and she was still so nervous around him, but as soon as he hugged her it was like all her fears disappeared and she felt completely comfortable. He just had that effect on her. She felt him pull back and kiss her on the forehead. She smiled at him and squeezed his hand before moving further into the room. She spotted his roommate on the other side of the room, just exiting his room.

"Hi, Joey," Monica called out.

"Hey, Mon," Joey replied, a smile on his face as always. Monica liked Joey. He was immature and wasn't the brightest, but what he lacked in brain cells, he made up for in heart. He was one of the most genuine people she had ever met. She knew he was a good friend to Chandler; the two were very close. Joey was an aspiring actor, and Monica had faith in him. If someone had their heart set on something, it would happen. She knew from experience.

Joey glanced down at his watch and cringed. "Sorry, but I gotta go," he said to Monica. "I got a date." Then to Chandler, "Don't expect me home."

Chandler shook his head. "I never do, man."

Joey laughed and left.

"So," Monica began. "What do we have planned for tonight?"

"Well, I got some movies, and I though we could order some pizza. How does that sound?"

Monica smiled. "It sounds perfect."

"Good," Chandler said. "I thought it would be a nice break from going out."

A few hours later Monica and Chandler were curled up together on the couch, contentedly munching on pizza. They were both laughing at the movie playing on the television. Monica had forgotten her earlier fears and was now quite comfortable in her position on the couch. She was curled up, leaning on Chandler. His arm was wrapped loosely around her shoulder. It wasn't long before the movie ended.

Chandler pulled his arm back and leaned forward, leaning forward to rewind the movie. "Do you want to start another movie?"

Monica glanced at the clock on the wall and sighed. She shook her head. "No, I can't. I gotta take off in less than an hour. I'm sorry."

Chandler smiled reassuringly. "It's problem. I can just stay here and watch," he paused as he checked the name of the last movie, "Bambi, by myself. Wait a minute. Bambi! I didn't rent this."

Monica laughed at him, one eyebrow raised. "Then where did it come from?"

Chandler racked his brain. "Joey must have rented it."

"Why?"

"He likes these movies, I don't really know why. Just don't tell him I told you."

Monica laughed. "Okay." She stopped laughing when she noticed Chandler staring intently at her. "What?"

Chandler snapped out of it. "Nothing, you're just so beautiful."

Monica looked down. Chandler noticed her expression change. Her eyes saddened. "No I'm not," she whispered.

Chandler reached his hand out, placing it gently under her chin, making her look up at him. "Yes, you are," he whispered gently. "And don't let anyone ever convince you otherwise."

Monica said nothing. He noticed one lone tear run down her face. He had never seen her cry before. "I'm serious, Mon. You don't seem to think enough of yourself. You really are beautiful, okay?"

Monica nodded gently, more tears running down her face. She leaned forward slightly and Chandler took this as a sign. He leaned in and pulled her into a tight hug, holding her close while she cried. He could only hope he was helping her.

Monica felt herself breaking down as she heard Chandler tell her she was beautiful. She knew that it wasn't true. It couldn't be true. She was nothing special. She had been told that for her entire life. Tears came rushing to her eyes and as much as she struggled, she couldn't stop them. Being on the streets had hardened her and she hadn't cried in a very long time, but she couldn't stop now. It had been building for two long. She hated herself for crying in front of him, but was grateful when he wrapped her arms around her.

"I-I'm sorry," Monica said when she finally pulled back.

Chandler smiled sadly at her. "Sweetie, you don't have to be sorry. You're allowed to be upset, you know. I want to be here for you, if you'll let me. Okay?"

Monica paused before nodding. "Okay," she finally managed to say. "Thank-you," she whispered.

"For what?"

Monica looked into his eyes. "For being here and being so patient. I know I'm a pain to be with."

Chandler shook his head. "No you're not," Chandler told her. "You're amazing. I know it's only been six months, but I can't imagine not being with you. I…I love you."

Monica felt her mouth gape slightly and stared up at Chandler in shock. She realized then that no one had ever said that to her before. No one; not even her mom or dad. Monica stuttered slightly for a second. "I love you, too," she finally told him quietly.

Monica was running a few minutes late when she entered the restaurant that evening. She spotted Phoebe wiping down tables on the other side of the room.

"Hi, Pheebs," Monica called out. "I'm so sorry I'm late."

Phoebe shrugged. "Don't worry about it. I've only been here for a few minutes myself." She gave Monica a suggestive smile. "So, why were you late. Did you and Chandler lose track of time in a moment of passion?" She asked jokingly.

"Uh, no," Monica said. She paused. "He, uh, he told me he loved me."

"Really!" Phoebe exclaimed.

Monica smiled shyly and nodded.

"Oh my God! That's so great!" Phoebe dropped the rag she was using on the table and ran over to Monica, pulling her into a hug. She screamed and jumped up and down, very excited. Monica caught on to some of Phoebe's enthusiasm and jumped up and down with her. Eventually they settled down and got to work. Phoebe noticed that Monica wore a small smile for the rest of the night. She was glad to see her friend so happy. Monica had always been really hard on herself and Phoebe was sure that Chandler was good for Monica.