Chapter 6: Calling Back

The following day, Monica and Phoebe had the day off of work, which was very rare. The restaurant was closed to be re-painted and would be open again in a few days. Phoebe decided that now that she was making money she wanted to go somewhere. She didn't know where she was going, but packed up a small bag and said goodbye. She would be back in a day or two.

Monica found herself alone. After debating with herself for the better half of ten minutes, she made up her mind to call Chandler. She was about to pick it up when it rang. Monica jumped back slightly and laughed at herself. She picked up the receiver.

"Hello?" She said still laughing.

"Hi, Sweetie," Chandler's voice filtered through the phone.

"Hi," Monica managed to get out.

"What's so funny?" Chandler asked.

"N-nothing," Monica said, getting a hold of herself. "It's just that I was about to call you, and I was reaching for the phone and it rang. And it scared me and then it was you."

Chandler laughed. "It's like one mind," he said jokingly.

"So," Monica said. "What's up?"

"Not much. Just wanted to see what you were up to tonight."

"Nothing actually," Monica replied.

"Great, do you wanna do something?"

"Sure, like what?"

"I don't know. You chose."

Monica smiled. He was always so polite. "Well, I kinda liked what we did last night."

"Pizza and a movie?"

"Yeah, it was nice."

"Sounds perfect."

"Okay, I'll see you at six?"

"Six is good."

"Good," Monica said. "I'll talk to you later."

"Bye."

"I, uh, I love you." Monica whispered. She waited, but only heard the dial tone. She shook her head, hoping he simply hadn't heard her than didn't want to say it. She wasn't sure how often she was supposed to say it now. And she was still so afraid he was going to leave her that she didn't want to do anything wrong. She never felt completely secure in the relationship. Monica sighed sadly as she replaced the receiver in the holder. It would bug her all day now.

Monica only got a few steps away from the phone when it rang again.

She picked it up. "Hello?"

"I love you, too," was all she heard before the phone went dead again. Monica smiled. She didn't know what she had done to get so lucky. Her emotions got the better of her and she didn't bother fighting the stream of tears that were determined to make their way down her cheeks. She couldn't believe they had been together for six months and he was still around; still wanted to spend time with her. Monica collapsed onto the couch, clutching a worn pillow and allowed herself cry. There was no one around so she could cry safely without anyone finding out. No one could ever know how weak she was.

Monica cried for a good hour before forcing herself up, off the couch. She made her way to the bathroom and had a shower. She got out and got dressed. Monica glanced at her watch and noticed it was getting late. She would have to leave soon if she wanted to get to Chandler's on time. She always gave herself lots of time, as it was a fairly long walk. She rarely took a cab, as it was too expensive.

Chandler got home from work and winced. It was almost six. He jumped into the shower and then quickly got dressed, pulling on a pair of pants and a polo shirt. He was just attempting to dry his hair with a towel when he heard a knock at the door.

He quickly walked over to the door and opened it. He found a slightly sad looking Monica on the other side of the door.

"Hey," he said softly. "What's wrong?" She looked low.

Monica offered him a small smile. "Nothing."

Chandler gave her a look. "I don't believe you," he said lightly.

Monica sighed and tilted her head back and forth a few times, debating with herself. "I…it's just…," she sighed. "No one's ever done that for me before, or even anything like it. I wasn't expecting it."

Chandler was confused. "Like what?"

"You…you called me back…" she trailed off, once again close to tears.

Chandler didn't know what to say. He had simply called her back earlier because he had hung up before it registered in his mind what she had said. He had had no idea that it had meant so much to her. Chandler didn't hesitate before he pulled Monica into a hug, holding her close. He sighed and closed his eyes, burying his head into her shoulder, inhaling her scent. He loved that she never wore perfume.

Monica felt Chandler pull her into a hug and wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. She buried her head against his chest and sighed deeply, reveling at the feeling of being in his arms. Monica closed her eyes and felt Chandler begin to sway back and forth gently. It was almost like they were dancing.

After a few minutes, Monica pulled back. "Thank-you," she whispered, sorry that he had to see her break down two days in a row.

Chandler sighed. He could see the pain and sadness in her eyes. It was so pure, so real. And it made him feel so awful. "Sweetie, you don't have to thank me. In fact, you shouldn't thank me. I like being here for you; I love it. And I love you, okay? And I'm going to start telling you that all the time, until you start to believe it, okay?"

Monica looked down and nodded.

Chandler reached his hand out, placing it gently under her chin. He gently forced her to look up, into his eyes. "Mon, I don't know what happened to you, but I want you to know that it doesn't matter to me. I love you."

"I love you, too," Monica said quietly, looking down again.

"What are you thinking right now?" Chandler asked gently.

Monica hesitated and seemed to be about to say something a couple times, but ended up saying nothing.

"Mon, please let me in," Chandler pleaded, almost whispering.

Monica looked up, right into his eyes, exposing all her emotions in her eyes. Some walls had come down and he could see so much hurt, so much pain. "I can't," was all she said before looking back down.

Chandler stepped forward, taking her hands in his and squeezing them gently for support. "Why not?"

Monica hesitated. "Because you won't want me anymore."

Chandler gasped gently. "What are you talking about?"

"You wouldn't want me if you knew that I…you wouldn't want me. No one ever does."

"Try me," Chandler said.

Monica again looked up. She hesitated, but knew she had to tell him. After six months she owed him. She sighed, knowing she couldn't put it off anymore. This was it, the end of their relationship. She knew he would leave her now. She took a deep breath, preparing herself for the inevitable.

"I'm a disappointment. I always have been and I always will be. No matter what I do, it's never good enough. I try…" She trailed off.

Chandler was in shock. "How could you think that?" He said softly, causing Monica to look up at him. "Monica, you are a lot of things, but you've never been a disappointment. Never. Okay?"

Monica shook her head. "But I am. I always have been. I was never even supposed to be born. I was an accident. I wasn't even wanted. I just get in everybody's way-"

Chandler cut her off by pulling her into a tight hug, holding her close, feeling tears come to his eyes now. He found he could actually, physically feel her pain. "I don't know who has made you feel like that, Mon, but I kinda like you in my way," he said smiling. "You've been anything but a disappointment. How could you think that about yourself?"

Monica shrugged. "Cause it's true."

Chandler pushed her away slightly, just far enough to look her in the eye. "No, it's not. Who told you this?"

Monica hesitated. "My mother."

"Your mom told you this?"

"Well, she's not my mom anymore."

"Why not?"

"She didn't want to be. She got rid of me as soon as she could."

"Got rid of you?"

"She kicked me out."

"Oh my God, Mon, that's so terrible. I'm so sorry. You don't deserve to feel this way."

"Don't I?"

"Absolutely not," Chandler said truthfully. "Mon, you are a wonderful person. How could anyone not want you?"

Monica looked up in shock, amazed by his words. "You…you still want to be with me?"

"Of course," Chandler said, pulling her into yet another hug. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Because I'm so…"

"So what?" Chandler asked.

"So everything bad."

"No you're not," Chandler said. "You are not. You are an amazing person. I love you so much, Mon."

Monica couldn't say anything. She was overcome by emotion; pain and hurt of what her mother had done to her, the disappointment of being herself, and relief and amazement that he was still here with her, that he hadn't taken off. For the first time in her life, Monica completely broke down, practically collapsing onto the floor, leaving herself completely vulnerable. All of the walls were now down. Chandler caught her, and gently lowered her to the floor, sitting beside her and pulling her into his lap. He held her close while she cried, gently reassuring her.

"I had just graduated," Monica said as she cried. "And she kicked me out. She gave me an hour to pack. I had nowhere to go. She knew that. I didn't have any money. I took a bus to the city. That's where I met Phoebe. She lived on the streets since she was twelve. We lived on the streets together for a year. I couldn't get a job. No one would hire me. It took me six months to get a job. I barely made anything. We had to work up from the bottom, the very bottom. We finally got an apartment. A little tiny thing. We slept on a mattress we found on the sidewalk. We barely had anything. We finally got a better apartment. It's so much better than the old one, but it's still not even close to being good enough."

"Good enough?" Chandler asked.

"For you."

Chandler felt his heart break at her words. "Mon, you don't have to be 'good enough' for me. I love you for who you are, not where you live, or what you do. Those things don't matter. You're a good person, Mon, you are. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise."

"How can you love me like that? Don't you get it? I lived on the streets. I have no money. I earn practically nothing. I look like crap. I have no family. I have exactly one friend, who is no better off than me. I have nothing. I've never even…" Monica trailed off.

"You've never even what?" Chandler prompted gently.

Monica inhaled deeply, fighting off another wave of tears. "I've never…I haven't…I'm…a virgin." Monica winced at the word, looking at Chandler to see his reaction.

"So?" Chandler asked.

Monica was too speechless to respond.

"Mon, I don't care where you live, or have lived. I don't care where you work, or how much money you make. I don't care about your family life, or lack of. I don't care what you have, or what your background is, or what you've done, or haven't done. I love you, Mon. I'm not in this relationship for money, or prestige, or sex. I'm in it because the very first day I saw you, when we bumped into each other on the sidewalk that day, I felt something. It wasn't some fairytale love at first site. It was something different, something I've never felt before. It was like I knew that we belonged together. And I still do."

When Monica didn't say anything, Chandler continued. "I'm sorry you had a crappy life so far, Mon. I just want you to know that you aren't alone. You know about my parents. I had a crappy childhood, too. And you know what else. In my whole life, no one ever told me that they loved me, not even my parents. You're the first person who ever said that to me and the only person who I ever said it to." Chandler stopped talking as he felt Monica lift her head up off of his chest.

"Really?" She asked meekly.

"Really," Chandler said, smiling.

Monica returned the smile. "You're the first person to tell me you love me, too. And the first person I ever said it to."

Chandler sighed and pulled her closer. He had had no idea that her opinion of herself was so low, that her self-confidence was almost non-existent.

After a few minutes, Monica lifted her head up, off of Chandler's shoulder. He smiled gently at her and leaned in, planting a light, comforting kiss on her lips. She returned the kiss, her hands going up to his hair. He felt her laugh slightly and pull back.

"What?" He asked softly.

"Your hair is wet," She told him.

Chandler ran his hand through his hair, and laughed as well. "Right," he said. "I just got out of the shower."

Monica sighed happily, and leaned her head gently against Chandler's chest. It was nice to laugh, to lighten the mood, but she was still in shock that she had 'bared her soul' and he was still here. He still wanted her. He still loved her. Monica sighed again and felt Chandler gently pull her to her feet and over to one of the chairs. He sat down, pulling her on top of him. He wrapped his arms tightly around her small frame and rested his head on hers.

Just the action from Chandler was enough to put Monica back into tears. Chandler said nothing, only held her gently while she cried, rocking her gently back and forth.

AN: So, I know its been really Monica-dramatic, but she needed to hit the bottom and get support from Chandler so she can build herself back up properly.