Yeah guys I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while.. I'll be honest.. BIG WRITERS BLOCK

Review responses:

Guardian of the Small- my first reviewer... ahh your awesome... thanks!... hope you review this chappie too...lalala..

nativewildmage- don't make fun of the norwayish people... they're like sweet.. but deff. not in soccer.. thanks for the reviewy..

Kaladelia Undomiel- update other books? what other books.. I haven't written any books.. at least not yet..lol... thanks for the awesome tips.. I'll keep them close to my heart...until I die.. being a tiny bit over dramatic.. but thanks...

music nerd- kid you totally inspired this chapter... high five.. sweetness.. keep the tips coming and I'll keep the chapters coming too... muchos gracias... and buena viaje!

stillerfan4ever- I'll try to not let you down.. and if I do for this chapter.. I am deeply sorry and my appologizes extend to you.. but on the flip side I pray you like it... thanks for the review

On Top of Cloud9- you my dear are so awesome.. thanks for like the constant reviews... kudos to you... cuz hey people don't get anymore awesomer than you... PEOPLE THIS GIRL IS AWESOME (oh and I do hope you are a girl.. I'll have to check on that later.. sorry if your a guy lol)

epobbp- thanks for the review... I hope you review again.. and a small question what in gods name does your pen name mean? not to be mean.. just wondering.. curiosity kills the cat and the satisfaction brought it back.. so they say.. bless the person who made that little thing up...lol outtie

Pink Squishy Llama- thank you.. I love that part too.. jon is just an idiot so many times so I had to put an explanation for his stupidness in.. chow (or however those frenchies say it)

Lela- of- Bast- I heart shrek and donkey.. actually surprisingly enough I didn't get my idea from that.. it just popped in my brain... so chea... thanks for the awesome review (I need a new adjective to replace awesome.. I swear I use it to much)

maliaphire- another one of my favorite, ever faithful reviewers.. I thank you with the depths of my soul..lol... thanks for the nioce review...

Tortal gal- I'm glad I got you laughing... and thanks for the compliment on my sense of humor.. cuz my friends say I have zippo in that department.. that will show them.. right?.. muchos gracias chica

so yes welcome to alannas cordination... take off in

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Blast off!

"Will you Sir Alanna of Pirates Swoop and Olau take this temporary crown and put it on your head?" a Mitharian priest dressed in an orange robe asked her.

"Jon I am not putting that crown on my head until I see some proof that I am getting some parfait's out of this!" Alanna snapped her foot tapping the ground impatiently. She was already mad enough that Jon had forced her to wear a dress to her coronation and now she had no proof that Jon's cook, Melinda, was going to make her a parfait when she was done with this stupid ceremony. "And another thing," She shrieked, "this ceremony, it's absolutely ridiculous. I mean who cares enough to go see me put a crown on my head and be queen for a week!"

Jon smacked his forehead in frustration. He just wanted to leave the palace as quickly as he could before the conservatives got up into his throat for putting his crazy champion on the throne.

"Alanna just put the frickin crown on your head, so I can get going." He shouted while he was standing in his swim trunks and he also had on sunglasses.

"No!" Alanna shot back. "We had a deal!"

Alanna turned away from him with her nose in the air like an outraged court lady.

Jon sighed and walked over to the Mitharian Priest. To the priests surprise Jon snatched the crown out of his hand.

"Jon I am going to-" Alanna began.

But before she could finish her sentence the crown was smashed on her head.

"Behold your new queen, sing her praises." said Jon quickly and then sprinted away before his shocked champion could tear after him with her sword.

Alanna's array of curses was drowned out by the sudden applause in the room.

The lady knight looked over at her husband, Baron George Cooper, who was wiping his eyes.

"That's my lass, Queen of Tortall." he whooped. "I am proud of ye'."

Alanna turned scarlet at his words and turned around to lash out at Jon to see that he wasn't there. He apparently snuck out the back door, leaving Alanna to address the court (including the feisty conservatives).

The room suddenly turned deaf quiet and the court now had their eyes glued on Alanna causing her to break out in a cold sweat.

She was never good at public speaking.

"Speech! Speech! Speech!" the familiar voice of her ex Squire Nealan of Queenscove chanted breaking the silence.

This only flustered Alanna further.

"Queenscove…" she began to growl.

He still chanted on until Alanna heard a yelp coming from Neal and the glistening of a few shukusens.

Alanna smiled knowing that Kel and Yuki shut her ex Squire up.

Then the room again was deaf quiet.

Alanna took a deep breath.

Well here goes nothing, She thought.

"People of Tortall lend me your ears." Alanna said adding a half hearted smile that was painful for her.

There was no response except a loud hacking cough by one of the older noble men.

"As you know I am to be your queen for a week. And I know this could be very scary for some of you if word has gotten around about my temper." A few chuckles arose from the crowd. This gave Alanna strength to continue. "I promise you that I will try and not do anything rash or so crazy that you will all hate me for the rest of your lives. I know some of you don't approve of me as a person." She looked out to the conservatives. "And I respect your opinions. But now guess what? I'm queen and your not. So eat it! Let's get out of here and enjoy the rest of this day. And unfortunately I will have to see you all at my coronation ball tonight. Thank you and now I will go eat my parfaits!"

And with that she ran off stage and into the king's (now queens) quarters.

"Melinda!" Alanna shouted.

A large and scary lady came through the door. She had brown curly hair and was bigger than a bear. She even had the looks of a bear cruel and ferocious. Her eyes were a piercing yellow giving her a malicious look.

How does Jon put up with seeing someone so ugly every day? Alanna thought.

"Yes tiny one?" she asked her voice was very deep like a man's.

"Tiny one, that's no way to speak to the king's champion!" Alanna shouted outraged her temper boiling. "I'll show you tiny one."

She made a jump at the bigger woman. She expected to make impact, but failed to do so. Instead the large woman had picked her up by the collar and put Alanna on her bed (and not too softly I might add).

Melinda chuckled.

"Yes you are a tiny one with the temper of a small rodent deprived of its cheese." said Melinda chuckling. "Queen or no queen you still are puny."

Alanna growled.

"Now what do you want?" Melinda asked.

"I just want a parfait." Alanna cried. "All this week I've been waiting for this moment and now it's finally came. So Lindy could you whip up a parfait for me?"

Melinda burst into a cruel laughter.

"Little one we have no ice cream left." said Melinda. "Seems old King go sleep walking last nightand eat it all."

Alanna turned redder than her hair.

"What!" She screamed. "I've waited all this time just to have that idiot, Jon, eat all the ice-cream!"

"I'm afraid, short one that we will not get our next shipment of ice cream from Carthakwon't come for another week." said Melinda and then grinned like a happy hyena. "And then you will get no parfait because your queen ship will be over."

"Why can't Carthak ship it faster?" Alanna snapped.

"Carthak usually sends it in a few days, but when they heard you were on the throne for a week they put ice cream back a few days." said Melinda the hyena grin still planted on her face. "I guess they don't like you very much."

Alanna opened her mouth to retort, but thought better of it and stormed out of the room.

She ran all the way to the foreign ambassador's wing of the castle looking for the foreign ambassador's from Carthak.

As soon as she reached the door of the head ambassador Mikhail Sanjuana she pounded on it.

"Mikhail get yourself out here!" Alanna shouted. "You have a lot of explaining to do."

The door opened with a creak and a chubby man in his late fifty's tumbled out. He had white hair and looked very intimidating (A/N just imagine John Madden with darker skin).

"Yes queen Alanna," he said looking down upon her like she was nothing.

"Why did you cut off the ice cream supply Mikhail?" she growled.

He gave her a sly grin.

"That is none of your business," said Mikhail who pulled a twinkie out of his pocket and began to eat it, "queen or no queen Alanna of Pirate's Swoop, us Carthaginians are not very fond of you."

"How dare you!" Alanna shrieked. "How dare you insult me inside my own castle! You shall die by my sword!"

She pulled her sword out in a flash pointing it at the ambassador.

"Such strong words for such a small lady like yourself Queen Alanna." said Mikhail chuckling.

"What's with everyone calling me small?" Alanna demanded. "And plus my sword probably couldn't even puncture that layer of blubber you have anyway."

The ambassador turned red in the face and drew his sword.

"Is that a threat queeny?" he asked his words leaked in fury.

"I believe it is." said Alanna tensely.

But before they could duel each other Daine came running down the hall.

"Alanna, what in Mithros' name are you doing!" she shouted.

"About to make this whale die by my sword." said Alanna frankly.

"I do not have to stand for this foul treatment." Mikhail said furiously. "The Carthaki ambassadors will leave this repulsive country and its appalling queen, immediately. My emperor will hear of this Queen Alanna and he will not be happy at all."

"Just try me fatty I'll take down your whole country blindfolded!" Alanna said trying to hit the ambassador, but without success because Daine was holding her back.

"Alanna!" Daine cried. "Jon is going to murder you!"

"Fatty there deserves to be executed for his foul treatment towards me!" Alanna shouted back. "He won't insult Tortall and get away with it."

"Well guess what I just did." said Mikhail smirking. And with that he slammed the door hard in their faces.

"What have you done now Alanna?" Daine asked aloud to herself.

"He was being a jerk anyway Daine." said Alanna waving it off.

"Alanna I think you just ruined Tortall's relations with Carthak." Daine cried.

"Oh I'll fix it later," Alanna said grumpily. She grabbed the wildmage by the wrist. "Come on we need to get ready for that stupid ball."

that was bad wasn't it.. god I have no self esteem...lol... please do me a favor and review... I will sing your praises.. (whatever that means)

REVIEW

Thanks.. Gracias.. whateva

Your honorable authoress

Caiti

P.s. thanks meghan for betaing.. may the force be with you... lol