Chapter 9: Big Steps

AN: I'm glad I managed to get this chapter up now, just to let everyone know to expect a slight delay for the next chapter. I'm getting my wisdom teeth out tomorrow morning and I don't know how long I will be out for. Oh, and also did you like my chapter title for the last chapter? I thought of it out of nowhere and for some reason thought it was hilarious, especially because it rhymes. Did anyone else find it funny? Anyway, doesn't really matter- ON WITH THE STORY!

During the next few months, Monica felt her self-esteem rising every day. She had finally allowed herself to believe that someone-Chandler- could love her. She finally let him in. They were growing closer and she was beginning to think of her future with him. It was an amazing thought, thinking of the future. She hadn't thought of herself having a future for quite some time, and now, she couldn't picture it without him.

Chandler walked out of the bathroom, rubbing his hair with a towel, just as Monica walked in the front door. After months of telling her to simply let herself in, Chandler was glad she was finally doing so. It didn't however; prevent him from jumping when he saw her.

"Bah!" Chandler exclaimed, dropping the towel. "God, Mon, you scared me."

Monica raised an eyebrow. "Wow, Chandler, you're really brave," she told him sarcastically.

"Ha ha," he said. He then smiled. "Happy Anniversary."

"Happy Anniversary," Monica replied, a little nervous. They had gone on their first date exactly one year ago.

Chandler approached her, holding out his arms. "I love you," he whispered as he enveloped her in a tight hug.

"I love you, too," he heard her mumble into his chest.

"I'm sorry I'm late," he told her. "Just give me a minute to get changed, kay?"

"Okay," Monica said before leaning towards him and planting a kiss on his lips. Chandler returned the kiss and planted a kiss on her forehead before walking into his room to change. Just as his door shut, Joey's opened and both Joey and Phoebe walked out.

"There you are, Pheebs," Monica said. "I was wondering where you were." Monica was happy for her friend. She and Joey had been dating for four months now, and were going strong. Monica did, however, envy Phoebe's ability to become 'physical' so easily. She was comfortable around Joey all the time and had no problem spending the night with him. It had taken Monica six months to be comfortable sleeping with Chandler, and that was actually sleeping. She and him had yet to go any further.

"Hey, Mon," both Phoebe and Joey said.

"So, it's the big anniversary night, right?" Phoebe asked.

Monica nodded.

"I'm so happy for you, Mon," Phoebe said, coming forward to hug her best friend. "I remember after your first date and you were so shocked that you has agreed to another. This is such a huge step. "

Monica groaned. "Don't remind me. I'm nervous already."

Phoebe laughed. "Don't be nervous, Mon, what's there to be nervous of?"

"I don't know," Monica said honestly. "I just am."

Phoebe gave her another hug. "Well, don't be nervous. Just have a good time."

"Thanks," Monica said. She smiled at Chandler as he walked out of his room.

Chandler approached them. "You ready?" He asked Monica.

Monica nodded. She turned to leave.

"Wait, don't I get a hug?" Joey asked. "I mean Phoebe got two hugs. I should get at least one."

Monica laughed and gave him a hug. "Bye Joe."

A few hours later Monica and Chandler walked back through the door, both laughing. The waiter at the restaurant had tripped and landed right on top of a table, the tray they had been carrying landing on them. The waiter had been embarrassed, but had started laughing as soon as he realized everyone was okay. In the end, the entire restaurant had been laughing.

"Did you see the look on his face when the glob of ice-cream dripped down the side of his face?" Chandler said through his laughter.

Monica nodded, laughing too hard to answer.

The two went over and collapsed in the chair together.

"Oh that was so funny," Monica said as she regained control of her breathing.

Chandler nodded and wrapped his arms around her. They were silent for a few minutes before he spoke up. "So, have you and Phoebe had any luck finding an apartment?"

Monica shook her head. "No, we haven't found anything we like yet that's, you know, close by." Monica and Phoebe had finally decided they were bringing in enough to get a bigger, better apartment. They were both working steady jobs and together could easily afford what they were looking for.

"That's too bad," Chandler said. "I know how much you guys are looking forward to a new place. But don't worry, it will happen soon."

Monica nodded. "I know, it's just so frustrating. I so want a new place." She trailed off for a moment. "I guess it's more the meaning of the new apartment than the actual apartment. I mean, it represents all we've been through and all we've done. We went from sleeping in a box on the streets to having a big apartment. I just can't wait."

Chandler pulled her in closer and kissed the back of her head. "I want you to know how proud I am of you, well both you and Phoebe. What you guys managed to do is amazing. I don't think I could have done it. It's taken a lot of hard work and dedication, but here you are. You're self-reliant and you guys can take care of yourselves. You're an amazing women, Mon, you really are."

At Chandler's words, Monica turned around to face him. "Do you really think that?" She asked, tears in her eyes.

Chandler's expression softened at her reaction. "Of course I do, Sweetie. You really are amazing," he said as he reached forward and brushed a strand of hair out of her face. "You're amazing and beautiful and…I am so in love with you Monica, so in love."

Monica felt her eyes well up and flow over the barrier of her lower eyelid. She tried to say something, but couldn't get any words out.

"Oh, Mon, no, don't cry. I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm sorry."

Monica almost laughed at the sincerity of his words. "No, Chandler, don't be sorry. These aren't sad tears. I just…I still find it hard to believe that you love me, that you think of my that way."

"Well, get used to it," Chandler told her. "Because I won't be changing my mind anytime soon, okay?"

Monica nodded, not looking away from his eyes. "I will and thank-you."

Chandler smiled. "I love you," he whispered into her ear.

"I love you, too," Monica said. She allowed herself to completely give in to him, give in to the feeling of loving and being loved. And it was an amazing feeling. After so long she finally allowed herself to believe that she was lovable, that she meant something to someone. Without thinking, Monica leaned in and kissed him.

Chandler felt Monica kiss him and he immediately returned the kiss. He had no complaints as he felt her deepen the kiss. It wasn't long before he felt her hands reach out to tentatively towards the hem of his shirt. It brought Chandler back down to reality and he reached out to gently stop her hands. He saw Monica looking up at him, startled.

Chandler offered her a small smile. "A-are you sure?" He asked her gently, squeezing her hands.

Monica looked up at Chandler and nodded. She could see nothing but love in his eyes and she had total trust in him. She knew in her heart that he would never hurt her.

Chandler looked down at Monica lovingly. He could tell she was nervous. "Really?" He asked, giving her every opportunity to say no. "I need you to be sure."

"I'm sure," she said. She took a deep, shuddering breath. "I'm a little scared, but I'm sure."

Chandler smiled. "You have nothing to be worried about," he told her gently. "I'll be gentle," he whispered.

"I know you will," she told him. "I trust you."

Chandler smiled and promptly picked her up, carrying her into his bedroom and closing the door.

Early the next morning Monica lay awake in Chandler's arms. She couldn't remember a time in her life when she had been happier. The last night had been everything she had ever hoped or dreamed for. She knew Chandler had made it as easy for her as possible. She loved him for that, he was always thinking about her. Monica sighed happily, feeling sleep creeping up on her again. She snuggled closer to Chandler and felt him tighten his grip around her. It was an amazing feeling, being in love. She couldn't describe it, and she couldn't remember a time when she had managed to live without it, without him.