Finally... I updated.. lol.. sorry it took so long.. I was concentrating on another story.. oh well.. at least now you've got your update.. so enjoy it!

Review Responses:

music nerd- LoL.. I like your version of the song better than mine.. very funny.. well I hope you enjoy this chapter.. thanks for the review..

maliaphire- yeah I loved the letter from Neal to Alanna too.. it was like my favorite part in the whole chapter... mucho gracias for the saweet review... i hope you like this chappie..

Miss Touched In The Head- thanks for such a lovely compliment.. its what I do best... make people double over in extreme laughter... lol... yeah that chapter was kinda silly.. lol... hope you like this chapter as much as the last.. thank you so much for the review...

On top of cloud 9- yep that's what I would say.. yeah I got a lil overboard on that chapter.. it was really fun to write though.. lol.. thanks so much for the awesome review.. keep em coming!

KunoichiGodess- Lol... yeah those darn squirells and those shish kabobs.. lol... yay I did get another review from you... I am soo uterly happy... I hope I get many more..lol.. thanks

MZ. STEFF MASBOLLE- ahh yes the jollyness... poor alanna.. she can't win against owen.. oh well... lol.. thanks for the review! And thank you so very much!

Kaladelia Undomiel- haha I usually say ur mom to my lil browhen I have nothing else to say.. lol.. I am sorry that you didnot like that.. ( .. oh well.. yeah well neal is jacked.. cuz he's hott.. and hott people should be jacked.. it's just the law of the land... yeah jon might make a reappearance in the next chapter.. maybe... lol... thanxs for the review!

Pink Squishy Llama- Neal is crazy.. what can I say? oh yes Yay for Numair to you tooo... well I really really hope you liked it and thank you times a million for the review.. and hopefully you will review this chapter.. PLEASE!

music nerd- haha i didnt even notice you reviewed twice this chapter.. yay for randomness! I love total randomness too.. and guess what? your puppy eyes paid off cuz I updated!

LandUnderWave- chipmunk stew.. a personal favorite of mine.. lol.. not really.. okay.. what does race cars mean? you probably don't remember cuz you left this review.. hmm.. three months ago.. wow I am bad... thanks for the spectacular review!

Nativewildmage- my favorite persoN! may the force be with you too.. I know your watching the world cup! And it totally rocks! I just love it like my mother.. did you see USA vs. Italy.. there were like 3 red cards.. man... well thanks for the review... as always.. lol..

A/N Yeah I know I haven't updated in three months and I am dreadfully sorry... but life is busy!

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters.. Tammy does.. but why would she want to write something so unbelievabley silly? hmm

Enjoy!

Alanna groaned, as the bell chimed to signal a new day. It had been an interesting and long ball last night and she was very tired (and slightly hung over from it might I add).

She had flopped to her side to see that George must have been already up and about, because he was gone.

She sighed, got up reluctantly and stretched, her old bones cracking in the process.

A loud knock brought the lady knight to her senses.

"You can come in," Alanna hollered. "It's open!"

Gary came in looking very flustered.

"Alanna I think you started a war with Carthak!" he shouted. "According to Mikhail it's all over parfaits!"

"So what? They insulted me." Alanna huffed.

"Alanna!" he shouted. "Tortall can't afford to start a war right now, and certainly not over a ridiculous thing like, ice cream!" He spat out the last two words like they were poison.

"Relax Gary," Alanna said coolly. "They'll just see that I have mad skills with a sword, be afraid, and go home."

"Alanna you're in your fifties now." Gary shouted. "You aren't as good as you used to be!"

"Gareth," Alanna shouted, appalled. "How dare you insult my skills with a sword? I can beat you silly right now, if I wanted to."

"I'm sure you can." snapped Gary. "But as I said before we are old! There are younger men out there, which are quicker than you and me now." Alanna rolled her eyes. "You need to get that through your thick skull!" He added, harshly.

"Speaking of thick skulled people, here's Neal now." She said as Neal entered the room. He glared at her. "How was your night at the stocks? Did you catch up with any good friends?"

"Ha, ha, ha, Alanna, very funny." said Neal sarcastically. "I guess you'll soon be joining them, once the Tortallan people find out you started a war with Carthak."

"You've been eavesdropping." Alanna accused, shouting in the process.

"I know." said Neal, smirking. "It is one of my best talents, that and throwing parties."

Alanna and Gary tried to hold back their laughter, except they failed and began laughing so hard they were rolling on the floor.

"Ah," said Alanna after her laughing fit was over. ", Neal, that was a good one. For a second there I thought you were serious."

"I was!" Neal shrieked. When they began laughing again, Neal turned up his nose and said, "I am shunning you."

"Good," Alanna said. "Now that you're shunning us you can leave. Now scram," Neal began walking away and Alanna added viciously, ",meathead,"

"I am not a meathead!" he cried, slamming the door behind him.

"Thank Mithros that's over," Alanna said before turning back to Gary. "So when is Carthak deploying the troops?"

"Today," Gary cried. "That's what I've been trying to tell you!"

"Oh shit," Alanna cursed. "Jon's going to freaking kill me!"

"That's the least of our worries right now!" Gary shouted. "We need to send out our troops, now!"

"Um okay," said Alanna. "By the power invested in me, I here by proclaim that, um, Tortall will send troops to Carthak, tada!"

"Oh joy, you finally got the royalty part down." Gary said sarcastically.

"Hey!" Alanna cut in. "It's very hard,"

"Yeah, very hard to start an all out war with Carthak, over ice cream," Gary shot back.

"Just go about your business, naïve, and ready the troops." said Alanna.

"I am not a naive!" Gary argued.

"Whatever, Gary," said Alanna. "Go, you have the queen's blessing and all that other fancy stuff."

Gary growled and muttered something under his breath, than left the room, slamming the door behind him.

Alanna sighed. She didn't understand why Gary was worked up about an itsy bitsy war. Wars happened all the time. Heck, Alanna was apart of at least three or four since her squire years. She found them kind of fun.

Alanna was confident that her people would still love her, even if she had started a war with Carthak. So that morning she decided to make a grand entrance into the mess hall, trumpets, red carpets and all. Hey, she was queen after all. What's the point of being important, if you can't rub it in everyone's faces?

"Hello Queen," a familiar voice said before she would be announced into the mess hall.

It was the same herald from last night.

"Hey, you told me heralding was your night job." Alanna said.

"It is." he responded, curtly.

"Than what in Mithros' name are you doing here?" Alanna asked.

"Well," he began. "A messenger woke me up at six in the morning, to tell me that the queen needed a herald. So I ran all the way here, just to announce to the frickin mess hall, that you're here to eat breakfast. And that's how I am spending my morning, when I could have been sleeping!" He pointed to the dark blue and purple bags under his eyes. "Sleeping," He repeated this time in a shout.

Alanna chuckled nervously. "Eh, sorry about that herald," she said inching away from him slowly. "It will only take a few seconds."

"I know," He said bluntly. ", that's why I am furious!"

Alanna gulped.

"Well, you know the drill." Alanna said. "Just basically say this. Presenting, your great, almighty, temporary ruler, Queen Lady Knight Alanna of Pirate's Swoop and Olau, got it?"

The herald's eye twitched. "Oh, I got it."

"Good," She pressed a coin into the herald's hand. "That's a good man,"

Unfortunately for Alanna, the herald's eye still twitched in anger and hatred. So, she decided to give it a rest and just get it over with.

The trumpets blared, signaling the hall, that the herald was about to speak.

"Presenting, your great, almighty, temporary ruler, Queen Lady Knight Alanna of Pirate's Swoop and Olau." the herald announced.

Alanna walked into the mess hall on her red carpet, expecting the whole room to erupt into applause, but sadly she was mistaken. The room was so quiet. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, someone shouted, "You idiot. You started a war with Carthak!"

The room immediately became filled with shouts of anger and displeasure to Alanna's dislike.

The worse part was someone actually shouted that Jon was a better ruler than her. 'Jon,' Alanna thought bitterly. ', couldn't even tie his own shoes without someone's help.'

A string of curses poured out of the lady knight's mouth. She hated that people continued to talk poorly about her when she was only standing two feet away. Her patience was beginning to wear thin.

"Will everyone just shut up?" Alanna shouted, angrily.

The room became death quiet.

"Thank you," She said pleasantly and cleared her throat. "So yeah, I know, I started a war over ice cream."

People began to talk again.

"Silence," She screamed. "Be quiet so I can explain."

"I would listen to her if I were you." a familiar voice said echoing through the mess hall. "She'll tear you apart in seconds if you don't. Believe me, I should know." Alanna smirked, knowing it was Neal. "I took her unmerciful beatings for four years. And boy, does she have a hard hand. Once in Irontown-"

"Queenscove..." Alanna began, wanting to strangle Neal for being such an imbecile.

"Oh," said Neal turning red. "Sorry my dear, almighty ex-knight mistress,"

"Much better," She mumbled. "Now, as I was saying before," She continued. "This war isn't just about ice cream. No, it's more than that." She climbed up on top of a table, so she could see all the people. "It's those, dirty, Carthakis, who have brought war upon us. They have insulted us as a people and our rulers. They have cut us deep to the core and have told us we are nothing! But they are wrong! We will not stand around like weaklings and let our great country be insulted. No, we must fight and prove to the world that Tortall is the greatest and that they should show us respect, we deserve. So who's with me? Who wants to bring down those maggots and make them into the dirt that they are?"

A loud cheer echoed through the room.

"For Tortall," Alanna shouted unsheathing her sword and holding it out valiantly.

"For Tortall," the rest of the men and Kel shouted, unsheathing their swords and holding them high.

"So let's go men and women," Alanna shouted. "Hop on your horses and head for Port Cayann with me. To war we ride!"

Alanna hopped off the table and began walking towards the stables to fetch her horse, Dark Moon.

The mess hall erupted into cheers and the people got up and followed Alanna to the stables.

She hopped on Dark Moon.

"Men and Kel," said Alanna addressing the group that was outside the stables. "We ride at noon. Are you with me?"

The group replied in a roar.

"Excellent," said Alanna grinning. "Let's get this thing started than!"

well hope you like it.. drop tons of reviews.. and yeah..

Adios...

Love, your demented authoress,

Caiti