Alice sometimes wondered if she had done well by bringing Jasper here.
By meeting him at all.
Don't get her wrong she loved him with all her soul.
But at moments like these, when she had him sleeping past morning she couldn't help but feel like she had done nothing but make his life worse.
The vegetarian diet had brought with it nothing but difficulties for him. He slept more and he took longer to heal. His blood required more venom than before in order for him to be able to function.
And she knew that animal blood made him nauseous. It messed with his other abilities and it kept him on a persistent state of thirst.
Had she done well by forcing him into a lifestyle he could barely survive into?
He could heal by living here, yes, but for how long he would have to suffer in order to find his place here?
Rosalie didn't make things easier for him and Alice knew that Rosalie's emotions where starting to get to him.
She knew Rosalie's anger and hatred was born out of fear but that didn't meant she liked the idea of Jasper being subjected to those emotions.
He wasn't at fault. His scars and his past. None of that defined him and Rosalie should do good at remembering that.
Because Alice's patience had a limit.
~~~~~~~~
Jasper was anxious.
Alice had gone into town with Edward and while he would have killed to go with her he hadn't wanted to risk it. His control around humans rather than improve did nothing but get worse the longer he spent in the vegetarian diet.
At least he had the peace of mind that Edward had gone with her. He didn't like Edward but he knew he at least would keep Alice safe.
Plus Alice could hold her ground for he had made sure of it.
That didn't meant he liked the idea of her walking around without him. Unprotected. He knew it irritated her sometimes but he couldn't help it.
While part of him didn't felt like he deserved her and that she would be better off without him another part of him couldn't stand the idea of losing her. She was his reason to live. To exist.
She was the light that kept the darkness from reaching him.
His hope for a better future.
Without her he was nothing.
And if he lost her...
If he lost her there would be nothing worth living for.
She was the first thing he had ever loved to the point where doing the right thing did matter. Where not disappointing her was important.
Not because he was afraid of the consequences but because her sadness would crush him.
Alice could get irritated all she wanted but he would never allow harm to come to her. She was never meant to know pain. Fear. None of those hateful emotions would ever reach her if he had a say in it.
So even if he knew she was safe he was still anxious.
Anxious that he could lose her if he wasn't there to protect her.
But he couldn't go with her.
Because if he slipped she would get upset with herself for not seeing it.
He didn't want to upset her.
Thus all he could do was sit at the bottom of the staircase outside and wait for her. He would rather be on the roof if that meant avoiding the others but the sun was on the other side. He would burn if he got so high.
He hated giving his back to the house even if there was no one inside. Alice had told him over and over again that he could trust the Cullens but he couldn't bring himself to.
Even if all he had seen from them so far was similar to Alice's words before arriving, he couldn't stop himself from feeling anxious around them.
Being anxious and paranoid was how one survived in the South. No one could ever lower their guard.
Not even among their own coven.
Much less him. One wrong move could have killed him.
Maria had taught him to trust no one. That trusting others would lead to nothing but death. He couldn't lower his guard even if he wanted to. He wasn't used to vampires being so kind, much less a coven. It made him feel uneasy. The sense of safety and peace made him feel uneasy. Carlisle's kind and understanding nature made him uneasy. Everything about everyone made him feel uneasy.
And part of him hated it.
The one person he didn't felt that uneasy about was Rosalie. She wasn't kind nor nice. She flat out hated him and didn't mind letting him know how much she wanted him to leave.
In fact.
She did great at making him feel like he was back in the South.
He was glad she was out hunting with Emmett.
Carlisle was at work and Esme was right infront of him. She was racking leaves and oozing such happiness and calm he couldn't help but bathe in it.
He found it odd that she racked leaves at human pace. How she looked so relaxed doing something so... human.
These vampires in general gave an almost human air.
He still couldn't get over the fact that he had been left alone with her. She was their weakness. He had gathered that much.
Esme was Carlisle's mate and the others seemed to hold her on high regard.
A mother Alice had said.
He liked her emotions. It didn't hurt or made him want to tear himself apart.
But he couldn't bring himself to interact with her.
He had felt her sadness whenever he gave her monotonous answers and refused to be around her. Her longing.
For some odd reason she had gotten more insistent since that incident of him attacking Carlisle.
She looked at him with such sadness... almost as if she knew things about him. Things Carlisle also knew.
It put him on edge not knowing what was it.
He wanted to interact with her but whenever he tried to all he was left with was with the crushing reminder that she was the coven leader's mate.
She held a similar power to him.
And that fell back on the fact that a female coven leader brought worse feelings than what he was willing to face.
Esme was nice and he knew that she would never do what Maria had done to him but that didn't got rid of his instincts. The overwhelming urge to submit and beg for mercy.
He knew it wasn't fair for her but he couldn't help it.
He was so focused on his thoughts he almost jumped out of his skin when he felt something touch his leg.
It was the rake.
Esme was right infront of him.
He froze.
She smiled at him. The warmness in her emotions getting stained with an anxious edge.
-Yes?
He was proud at how neutral his voice came out when in the inside he was itching to make a run for it.
-Would you like to help me?- Her tone was light and so were her emotions. There was no demand. No order. No threat.
She was giving him the option to refuse.
And as much as he wanted to refuse and go hide until Alice came back another part of him wanted to take the risk. Deep down.
Deep down he wanted to please her if that meant not having to feel her sadness at his rejections.
So against his better judgement he broke the pattern of rejections and reached out for the rake.
-Of course, ma'am.
The anxious edge in her emotions was crushed to dust under the overwhelming flood of joy.
Good.
Racking leaves at a human pace was stupid but he wasn't about to mention that. He kept himself at a safe distance from her as he raked the leaves but that didn't seem to bother her. Esme's emotions were almost as nice to be around as Alice's.
The sound of footsteps along with the smell of Emmett and Rosalie warned him of their return before Esme could even catch them. He soon felt the surprise and disbelief from Emmett flow towards him. Rosalie's surprise despite the fact that she was keeping a straight face unlike her grinning mate.
-Another poor soul falls under the claws of chores.- Emmett's voice was teasing as he said that. Jasper was able to feel both the disapproval and amusement from Esme.
-Emmett, another pair of hands would be great. Care to help?- Esme asked doing great at reminding him with her tone that there wouldn't be this amount of leaves in the first place if he had raked them as she had asked him to a few days ago.
-Of course!
-You are not piling them up to make a bigger mess.- Esme warned at his odd enthusiasm.
-Of course not ma'am.- Emmett gave her a mocking salute as he grinned.
Esme sighed and glanced at Rosalie.
-Don't look at me. I'm not picking up leaves.- Was all she said before walking past Jasper and into the house.
Time passed quick with Esme, Emmett and Jasper racking leaves at human pace. Jasper found it relaxing to an extent.
To an extent because even if the sun was on the other side of the house the heat of it. The light. All of it reached him as it seemed to almost seep into his skin and set his throat ablaze. It stung his retina and sent a prickling sensation right into his brain.
Like needless piercing his brain.
But he still had leaves to pick up and it bothered him the idea of not being able to finish something so mundane because of some light.
Thus he kept on racking leaves, keeping his pace human and fighting the heat and light. A sudden familiar wave of disdain hit him and he glanced in its direction in order to meet Rosalie's glare. She sat at the living room with a book about cars at hand. Her golden stare settled upon him in disdain and not wavering a single bit, not even when he caught her staring.
Jasper of course glared back at her with the same intensity, biting back a growl as he did so. Even if he liked her for her lack of kindness she still unnerved him.
He hated her emotions.
The hatred. The disdain. The hidden fear.
All of it reminded him of the South. Of the newborns and worst of it all.
Of Maria.
Alice claimed that Rosalie would become his best friend if given time the same as Edward was her's but he couldn't see it. Rosalie hated his guts and even if he would rather die than admit it he was scared of her.
Because she had that same hatred in her gaze as Maria.
And he hated it.
It made him want to submit down to her. To ask for forgiveness whenever he did something that got that hatred increasing. He wanted to leave .
But Alice wanted to be here.
And so he would be here too.
Even if that meant being around someone with emotions so similar to Maria.
Rosalie was stubborn and smart. She wasn't afraid to stand her ground against him and she had left it clear that all she saw was the worst in him.
Just like Maria.
Wind blew against him and he tensed. His grip on the rake tightening for a moment and as the gush stopped his shoulders relaxed.
One thing he hated the most was when the wind went against him. Even if he smelt like Alice he was still too paranoid and the idea of someone catching the acidic stain in his scent was too much.
He had found out that vampires in general didn't react well to his scent. In the South his scent meant death was close for his scent was tied to The Major.
But when he left Maria...
His scent did nothing but attract trouble. A handful of vampires had tried to attack him. Catch him. Something about how becoming like him could be useful.
A nomad had once caught him off guard.
Had almost drained him off blood.
He had managed to get the upper hand and slaughter him but that hadn't fixed the fact of how close to his demise he had been.
That had taught him to hide.
He shook his head forcing himself to break off those thoughts. He needed to finish here so he could go back inside. Hide in the darkness of his room.
Thus he went to racking leaves, ignoring Rosalie's persistent disdain.
He wanted to snarl at her so she would stop staring at him.
But he also knew that wouldn't be a good idea.
So he kept quiet and turned around to get Rosalie out of his sight. At some point, for some odd reason, Emmett came to rake at his side.
He tried to rake faster but Emmett mimicked him. Raking past him.
Something about that didn't sit well with him and he raked faster and past him.
Amusement flooded off Emmett and then he raked past him.
Jasper overtook him again.
And then Emmett dared to take the pile of leaves he was about to rake.
Before he could stop himself he took it from him with his own rake.
Emmett's rake reached out and he blocked it with his own. Glaring at Emmett in the act.
But all he got in return was a grin and more amusement.
And then Emmett hit his rake and stole his leaves.
Jasper chased him down with his own rake and stole them back. Using his rake to trip Emmett in the act. Emmett to his credit didn't fall and instead brought his rake into a fight with Jasper's own rake.
He even forgot about the heat under his skin as he focused on nothing but avoiding Emmett's rake from stealing his leaves. The amusement in the air was warm and it almost reminded him of his games with Peter.
So focused he was he didn't notice Emmett's plan until it was too late.
He wasn't sure how it happened but one moment he is blocking Emmett's rake and the next thing he knows Emmett is tripping him.
The attack caught him so off guard he crashed right on the pile of leaves with a sound he refused to acknowledge as a yelp. And then a rain of leaves as Emmett picked an armful up and dropped them on him.
He was still too stunned to even fight it.
Because how?
How did that happen? It had been decades since someone was able to take him down.
And the most disturbing thing here was that there was no malice behind Emmett's pride.
In fact.
The dominant emotions were amusement. Happiness. Excitement. Playfulness .
He was grinning. Not with the face of some arrogant vampire who managed to take down someone meant to be stronger.
No.
That was the kind of grin Alice would give him when she managed to take him down. The kind of grin Peter would give him whenever he won at one of their games. Playful .
-Emmett!- Esme's voice brought Jasper out of his shock. There was disapproval in her emotions with a flicker of anxiety.
-I'm fine.- Jasper wasn't sure why he said that, if it was aimed to anyone in particular or himself.
Because as the shook began fading realization dawned upon him.
He had let his guard down and nothing happened.
The most intimidating Cullen brought him down and nothing happened.
Nothing. Happened.
He was fine.
And he wasn't sure how to feel about that fact.
Emmett hadn't attacked him. Hadn't brought him down for a fight.
He had tripped him into a pile of leaves because he saw it as something funny to do. No ill intent.
That was... the oddest thing ever.
He felt relief from Esme and confusion from Emmett.
He ignored it in order to sit up. The second he sat up the second Emmett jumped on the pile, were vampires capable of having heart attacks Jasper would've had one right then right there.
But all he did was flinch back from being kicked on the arm as Emmett began rolling on the pile like an excited dog having the time of his life.
He stared.
And stared.
He decided to get up to give Emmett space. Shaking the leaves off his clothes and hair as he did so.
What he wasn't expecting was the sudden wave of dizziness that hit him.
And with it he also became aware of how awfully hot he felt. Of the pounding in his head and the blistering ache in his skin.
Shit.
He glanced up and winced as the light sent a stab of pain towards his brain.
His legs moved before he could stop it.
Going back into the house and ignoring Emmett's voice. He needed darkness. Needed to cool off before shit hit the fan.
One thing he learnt was that being outside during the day was never a good idea, sun or not he still got affected. Light would do nothing but make him overheat and at the end he would pass out.
And passing out never led to good things.
Thus he ran.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Alice had known that Emmett and Jasper would get to interact. She had seen it which was the reason she had left him behind.
What she hadn't seen was Jasper spending so much time outside. With the sun right on the other side of the house.
She found him under the bed and with his shirt missing. Curtains closed and lights off.
She laid down on the floor and rested her head on top of her crossed arms. Orange met gold.
He stared at her and she stared back.
Alice reached out towards him and caressed his cheek for a moment. His skin felt warm against her touch and it didn't took long before he was dragging himself out from under the bed and seeking her cold embrace.
-You can be so careless sometimes.- She sighed as he buried his face into the crook of her neck. Her fingers combing through his hair. He hummed at her and she felt his hands sneak under her shirt.
Well, at least he had fun. That's what she had been hoping when she left earlier.
This was the first step.
He needed to stop hiding and see that no one was aiming to hurt him or plotting his demise. Needed to learn to let his guard down.
Alice traced the scars on his ribs. Her fingers traveling up and up across the mosaic of crescent moon-like scars. Smirking when she felt him press a kiss against her throat and his claws drag up her spine. His fangs pinching her skin in a harmless bite.
She couldn't help but chuckle at that. Others would freeze and beg to be spared if the feeling of fangs on their neck was to arise but for Alice that did nothing but bring her either amusement or... other emotions.
-Had fun?
Her answer was a shrug.
She sighed and pressed a kiss to the crown of his head before pulling him closer. One good thing about her skin was that she at least could use it to hold him whenever he overheated.
It didn't happen often of course but still...
She knew Emmett had thought he had done something wrong again. And while things would be easier if the truth came out she also knew that telling them so soon could mess things up.
He needed more time. The Cullens needed more time.
And even then she wondered if at the end things would turn out for the best.
Because if she couldn't see it that meant things could go bad.
Right?