Jasper went out hunting with Emmett and Edward as a request from Alice and while he didn't felt comfortable with the idea he couldn't say no to her when she looked at him which such pleading and hopeful eyes.
She had him wrapped around her finger and she knew it.
Thus he yielded.
The walk through the forest was quiet which he appreciated. He tried to walk behind them so as to not be seen and therefore not get asked questions he didn't want to answer to nor dragged into conversations he didn't felt like being a part of. The light in general felt more irritating than usual and it was making his eyes hurt, threatening to give him a headache.
The bad thing about his persistent thirst was that sometimes it didn't let him sleep and without sleep his sensitivity to light grew worse. He had learnt to not let it bother him but sometimes it was too much of a hassle.
And between the pain in his head and the hunger it could be said he wasn't in his best mood. The light wasn't helping nor it did the absolute fire in his throat. His senses were overriding and working twice as harder than usual to pick up on anything that could put the fire out.
He rubbed at his eyes for the third time hating the fact that his sunglasses had broke during his last hunt.
And then his entire being came to a sudden halt and his muscles grew tense as something registered. A familiar sound that sent a pleasant shiver down his spine and made the fire grow stronger. Heartbeat .
Human heartbeat.
Not close enough for Emmett and Edward to catch but close enough for him.
He was about to warn them when the scent hit him like a wave of the most delighting cloud of sweetness he had ever smelt. It sang to him like a siren that curled around his throat and strangled him until all he could feel was a thirst never known to him.
The wind slammed into him the sweetness of Heaven with the force of a train. It rattled his insides like an earthquake and shattered his control like thin glass.
One single thing flooded his mind like a dam bursting apart. Blood . Pumping inside and flowing through veins. Calling for him. Arms grabbed him and he twisted sinking his teeth on the bicep. But it didn't let go. Such a strong hold that tightened around him like a newborn.
He saw red and an animalistic growl left his throat. His gift lashing out. Drowning his challenger with terror and anxiety, filling them with such fear he hopes they suffocate. He refuses to stop pushing fear. Strong. Hard. He wants to suffocate them into nothing but a pit of utter despair and horror. Make them regret thinking for one second that they can keep him from what he smelt first.
The arms left him as expected and he bolted towards the sinful and glorious smell. He ran without a care of where he stepped or the trees that he broke on his wake. The closer he got the more he lost his mind to it. Submitting to the divine lullabies of blood calling to him.
He caught sight of a man at the river. He was crouched on the ground washing the cut on his palm with water. His ginger curls flowing in the air as the wind blew. The action itself drowning the place with his magnificent scent.
Jasper stepped into the river but he was so enticed with the human's wonderful smell he crashed on the river. Shaking as venom accumulated in his mouth.
The ginger's startled gaze settled upon him before surprise and confusion clouded his emotions.
-Mate, you almost gave me a heart attack there. You alright?
He didn't answer.
He was shaking too much and it felt like his throat was on fire. Part of him was screaming but the hunger crushed that voice down to ashes. Ginger was worried but cautious as he got up and began approaching him.
-Hey, are you okay? You don't look so good. You on something?
He couldn't move and the man was getting close too close he was too close .
And when he reached out to him with his wounded hand. Blood sliding down his freckled skin and dropping on the water he felt a choked sound leave him.
His throat hurt. It hurt so bad he couldn't move. Couldn't breathe. Animal blood for too long did that.
The human kneeled before him.
And that's all Jasper needed for him to lung for the man. Grabbing his shoulders and slamming him against the river. A choked sound cut the air as his skull met a rock with a sickening crack. Fear and pain clung to him like a second skin even if the man was left unconcious.
He dove down and without missing a beat he sank his fangs onto his neck, piercing skin and getting to the artery where he could hear the loud flow of his blood. The blood washed the fire from his insides. Claws digging onto his biceps with such force bones snapped beneath them. Water soaked them both but he didn't care for this blood was glorious and he was starving.
After such long time of nothing but foul tasting blood and feeling far from satisfied this came to him. This magnificent blood. He sucks and sucks. Biting harder and harder until bone snaps between his teeth. Even then he doesn't stop.
Because he wants it all. All the blood. All of it . His. And when the last drop is indeed gone a guttural sound reverberates at the back of his throat as rage flickers in. He pulls back and licks the remaining that stains his neck hoping to taste more of such wonderful thing.
But when all the blood is gone he can't help but gag at the bitter taste of the thick emotions in the air. Fear. Panic. Pain. It clings to him like a second skin and seeps deep into his bones until he do nothing but curl in on himself. Fingers gripping his wet hair as the fear and panic merge with him. The pain.
Now his to be damned with.
A sob catches in his throat and he digs the heels of his hands against his eyes, biting his bottom lip in a failed attempt to keep the tears from coming out.
God he failed Alice . His beautiful Alice who would be so upset over the fact she hadn't been able to see this.
The sound of footsteps makes him curl even more into himself. A familiar scent merging with the blood and slender arms come to wrap around him.
The arms pull at him and he lets them lead him away from his sins. Away from the scent and from it all.
And even then he ends up crumbling under the weight of those damn emotions.
Guilt and regret starting to bloom deep within his core. Frustration. Anger. The feeling of failure is overwhelming.
-Hey, hey, it's alright.- Alice's arms are around him and he can feel her hand rubbing his back.
But not even her comfort can fight this off.
He feels like the world is crushing him down. Pushing and pushing until he is suffocating despite the fact that he doesn't need to breathe in the first place. The grief and sorrow. Hatred. Guilt. Anger. Failure. Shame. It's crushing him.
Suffocating him.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Edward and Emmett were aware of Jasper walking behind them. He was as usual silent as death and doing a fantastic job at keeping Edward out of his mind. Alice had practically begged them to take Jasper out so they had complied, both because they couldn't say no to her and because they did want Jasper to finally start hunting with them too.
Then out of nowhere Jasper's footsteps halted. They ignored him, maybe he caught something.
Then the wind blew and it hit them.
Human .
At that same time one word overtook Jasper's mind with such ferocity Edward flinched.
Blood.
The bloodlust that drowned the air like a whiplash from a cosmic explosion almost brought them down to their knees.
-Shit! Emmett grab him!
Emmett didn't need to be told twice, he grabbed Jasper before this one could make a move which got the older vampire twisting around like a cobra and sinking his teeth on Emmett's bicep. Emmett hissed and tightened his grip.
-We have to get him out of here.
-How the hell do you expect to do that?!- Emmett, who hadn't expected to have to struggle to keep a hold of Jasper, snapped, while also having to ignore the blazing fire spreading through his shoulder.
The bestiality of Jasper's growl would had sent shivers down their spines if the wave of horror hadn't hit them. It filled each corner of their mind and made Edward choke.
It was such fear Emmett's dead heart would have been screaming to jump out. It crushes them. Sinking them into the depths of absolute despair and horror.
Emmett drops to his knees with his breath ragged as he releases Jasper. Edward dropping to his knees soon after gasping.
And even after Jasper leaves the terror fills them until it threatens to drive them mad.
And then just like that it fades in time for the scent of blood to wash over the forest. The sound of footsteps makes Edward's half accessing mind look up.
Alice, Carlisle and Rosalie appear, Rosalie flies to Emmett's side in less than a second while Carlisle checks them for any visible injuries, when he sees none he glances at Rosalie.
-Rosalie take Emmett and Edward back to the house.- He orders and for once Rosalie doesn't hesitate to obey, carefully helping Emmett up and letting him lean against her. She grabs Edward by the scruff of the shirt against this one's protests and quite literally drags him with her.
Carlisle follows them with his gaze and when they are gone Alice looks at him.
-It wasn't his fault. He didn't mean to hurt them. He would never-
-I know.- Carlisle cut off, he knew Jasper hadn't meant to hurt Edward and Emmett.
Right now all he felt was disappointment.
Disappointment against himself for failing at helping Jasper.
Sadness about the human's death and how upset Jasper was likely to get over this.
Guilt that he couldn't stop this.
Meanwhile Alice was beating herself over this. She should have seen it sooner. Should had come with him rather than send him with Edward and Emmett.
Walking across the forest was jarring, even more so with the scent of blood in the air. Upon getting to the the river the sight they got crushed Alice's heart.
The blanket of absolute depression in the air making them stagger.
-I will get him.- Alice said, her voice strained as she stepped into the river. She approached him keeping her emotions at bay, he was shaking and a little sniffle left him. She brought her arms around him before tugging on him. Motioning for him to get up and when he does she leads him away from the human.
Carlisle and Alice share a look and he nods at her. He would deal with the body, and when his children disappear into the forest he approaches the body. The man's expression was frozen in one of absolute terror. He knelt at his side closing his lifeless eyes. The bite on his neck caught his attention.
It stood out like a sore thumb against his pale skin.
Jasper had gone straight for the carotid.
But that wasn't what caught Carlisle's attention.
It was the carnage of it. The ripped skin and how he could see bone. Broken bone. This was the most animalistic bite he had ever seen a vampire do. Uncontrolled. Messy. It could actually pass out as an accident.
The man slipped on the river and died as his skull hit the rock. An animal found him and devoured what it could. He lost the blood in the river.
With some hope they wouldn't have to move.
~~~~~~~~~~
Alice sat under a tree with Jasper's head resting on her lap. His arm hiding half of his face from her. He was refusing to look at her but at least he wasn't crying anymore.
Seeing him of all people cry always felt like a hit too hard for her heart to handle. In all the time she has known him she had only seen him cry twice and it always hurt as bad as the first time.
She twirled a strand of his hair around her finger. She hated not having seen this. What was the point of seeing the future if she couldn't protect the one person she loved the most?
-It wasn't your fault. You ain't entitled to see the future every single time so others won't screw up.
Jasper's sudden voice startled her.
Alice didn't answer but Jasper didn't need to for him to notice that she didn't agree with his words. He removed his arm from his face in order to meet her golden gaze, raising his hand to touch her face.
-My dear Alice. It's not your job to keep people from screwin' up nor it's your fault when you fail at it. I at least don't blame you for it which means neither should you.- He took her hand into his own and brought it to his face to press a kiss on the back of her hand.- I'm the one to blame for this not you, never you.
The light smile she gave him hurt.
Because smiles like that made Jasper fear the day where she would end up seeing him the way he saw himself.
He sat up in order to wrap his arms around her. He didn't want her to feel bad for his weakness. Much less when it was because of her that he was given this new chance at life.
One where pain and self-hatred didn't control him. Depression. Anger.
She saved him.
And he was more than grateful for this.
She didn't need to feel responsible for his slips.
He pulled back ever so slightly to press their foreheads together. Noses touching.
-I'm sorry 'm always worryin' you. I promise I'll try harder to not do so.
-You don't have to overdo it love, putting pressure on yourself will do nothing but hurt you. You are doing just fine right now, don't let this incident or anyone tell you otherwise, okay?- Alice said grabbing his face and giving him a firm look.
-Okay.- Jasper smirked giving her a peck as her serious face did nothing but fill him with warmness and amusement. He loved when she got all serious.
-I'm serious Jazz, I don't want to find out you are messing around with your limits in order to prove something. You don't have to prove anything to anyone.
Jasper huffed at her words but couldn't help the smile that pulled at his lips.
Moments like these did great at making him wonder how did he end up with such wonderful woman as his soulmate.
He caught her lips into another kiss. Bleeding his love and affection all over her. His gratefulness. He couldn't help but laugh as she pushed him off.
-I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you Jasper Whitlock.- Alice told grabbing his shoulders to keep him off her and refusing to let his emotions lure her into ignoring this conversation.
-I know, I promise to be good. Can't I have another kiss?- He smiled at her in that way that never failed to make her legs go weak and she huffed. He really could be manipulative when he wanted to.
-I see you are feeling better now if all you wanna do is kiss me.
-But I always wanna kiss you.- He told as a statement of fact leaning so close to her their lips brushed together.
-You are insufferable.- Alice sighed as his wonderful lips pressed against the corner of her mouth.
-But you love me.
His voice with those beautiful words was something that she loved to hear to no end for it had taken so long for him to even come to terms with the fact that she did love him.
-Always.
She caught his lips into another kiss feeling the electric whispers dance across her skin as he deepened the kiss. His taste merged with the light stain of human blood was one of her guilty pleasures, though she would rather die than voice it out loud or even think about it around Edward.
Her arms wrapped around his neck as she pulled him closer. Wanting to taste more of that intoxicating mix between him and human blood. She had learnt that if she bathed him in her emotions he was less prompt to get depressed after a slip. Thus kissing him was a great charm and she got to have him close.
The sudden sound of a throat clearing made Jasper flinch and pull back. Glancing over his shoulder in order to be met with Carlisle's light smile. His emotions calm if not a bit proud and oddly happy.
Carlisle who had been unable to not hear the last bits of their conversation and found it rather endearing. It amazed him greatly how different Jasper's personality could be when it came to Alice.
-What happened with the body?
The sudden question was soft if not a bit hesitant. Jasper's crimson eyes giving nothing away as he asked.
-I left him there. It will look like an accident.
-His body will be found?
-It may take them a while but I believe so.
Jasper seemed relieved at that for some odd reason. Carlisle couldn't quite blame him. He always tried to leave the bodies somewhere where they would be found so their families could have closure at least.
-Come on.- Alice sprung up taking Jasper's wrist and pulling him up. It amused Carlisle to no end how Alice could manhandle and drag Jasper around like that.
Oh to see him so carefree with the others.
Jasper for his side felt a smile tug at the corner of his mouth.
As they got closer to the house Jasper heard Emmett's protests and Rosalie's half comforting half starting to get annoyed words. Right. He had bit him. Guilt struck him twice as hard, but at least this was something he knew had a solution, surely Emmett had to know how to relieve the pain.
He took his boots off at the porch quite aware that Esme would have his skin if he was to get the floor filthy. Alice at his side doing the same.
The living room grew quiet and the sudden urge to run and never come back crossed his mind.
Of course Alice grabbed his arm and gave him a disapproving look. He huffed at her. Stepping into the living room was nerve-wrecking for a lot of reasons.
Emmett sat on the couch shirtless and barely able to lick the bite which was quite far from his reach, Rosalie hovering over him. Edward stood on the other side of the room looking more unsettled than ever and Esme was sitting on the couch looking and feeling worried. Relief washed over her when she saw him with such force for a moment he thought she would get the actual courage to pull him into a hug.
She didn't.
-I'm sorry for bitin' you. And for usin' my gift against you.
-It's fine dude. You didn't do it on purpose.- Emmett brushed off giving him a grin that despite all screamed about the discomfort he was currently in.
Edward gave him a nod as if to agree with Emmett but his emotions bled with uncertainty and anxiety.
And Jasper couldn't blame him.
That terror... He couldn't pull it out of thin air. That was his own terror from when he was buried alive as punishment for the first time.
The level of terror he had felt was like nothing he had ever felt before. It had made him crumble and wish and beg for death to take him if that meant escaping such suffocating near maddening sense of terror and panic.
As time went on and Maria refused to answer to his pleas he had felt madness start to whisper at him.
Even now small spaces put him on edge.
Still.
Despite how Emmett and Edward didn't seem to hold any kind of anger or resentment towards him Rosalie glared at him but at least there wasn't hatred in her emotions.
That was a win considering he did attack her mate again. She had all the right to be angry with him.
-Are you okay?- Esme was bleeding worry as she stood up and no matter how much a part of him wanted to flee his legs didn't move when she approached him. Her pure and honest maternal concern for him forcing him to not react at all to her proximity.
-I'm fine.- He felt the need to assure her.
Her emotions were so honest and naked to him it made him relax. She was no threat.
She was a kind woman who held such love for those around her it was sort of amazing.
He liked her.
She wasn't like Maria. She wasn't Maria.
And because of that he found himself almost reaching out to her. Wanting to touch her arm so he could show at least some sort of comfort for her.
But he caught himself and dropped his arm back.
He couldn't touch her. It was too soon. Too soon to make conclusions.
Conclusions that could kill him if he got them wrong.
Getting attached was dangerous.
He couldn't get attached.
Because at the end he would be the one to get hurt.
~~~~~~~~~
Jasper knew why he was here. Carlisle's study.
He knew what was coming and still he couldn't keep his mouth shut.
-I didn't mean to kill her. I know apologizin' won't bring her back to her family nor it will amend what I've done but... I am sorry.- His voice came out weaker than he had intended and he hated it.
Jasper's crimson gaze was filled with such pain and guilt it was almost too overwhelming for Carlisle to look at.
-Jasper, I'm not mad, no one is it. What happened was unfortunate but you can't blame yourself for it either. Dwelling on guilt for too long never does good. You tried your best and you failed, and that's okay too, we can't always win our battles but that doesn't mean you are weak.
Jasper stared at Carlisle almost as if he had grown another head.
-You didn't bring me here to punish me..?
-I would never punish someone for slipping. You are not at fault.- Carlisle said biting back his anger at the fact that his first thought had been punishment over something he wasn't at fault.
-I bit Emmett and I attacked 'em with my gift.- Jasper reminded with a frown, surely Carlisle hadn't forgotten it, he had used his gift against others when Carlisle had explicitly told him to never do so again.
-You apologized and for me that's enough. You can't be held accountable for things out of your control. Even so Edward and Emmett are perfectly fine, they both forgive you.
Jasper still felt confused but didn't attempt to argue. No punishment? Was this man even aware that he should keep others in line? Especially someone like him?
-Then why was I brought here?
-I wanted to make sure you were okay.- Carlisle told truthfully, he had seen him at the river, had felt his emotions.
It had worried him to feel such negative emotions and while he seemed fine he had come to learn that Jasper would rather bottle it all up than show how he felt.
-I'm fine.- Jasper was giving him that look that Carlisle couldn't help but sigh at. It was that look that made him feel as if he was being scrutinised.
Jasper did that a lot whenever Carlisle said something... civilized. Almost as if searching for hidden intentions and whenever he didn't found it he would grow all tense and anxious.
It unnerved Carlisle truth be told.
But it also saddened him to no end.
Because what in the name of Heaven had Maria done to him?