Three months.
That's how long it has been since Jasper and Alice arrived.
While he spent less time in his bedroom and had loosened up he still refused to let people touch him or even in his personal space. He did start going hunting with Emmett and Edward though it became a silent agreement to not get close when he was feeding.
He would get hostile if someone got too close when he was feeding.
Boardgames seemed to be the main method to get him to spend time around them. Chess seemed to be his favorite even if he didn't said so. And cards.
He was great at those two.
Carlisle had ended up having to teach him how to drive after finding out neither Alice or Jasper knew how to drive.
He had also taken it to go with Esme to town whenever she needed to. Of course he wore sunglasses to hide the orange of his gaze.
That was another thing. His eyes should be gold by now, but they were still orange, dark orange.
Almost as if he didn't fed as well as he should.
Edward and Emmett had told Carlisle that he never finished the animals he hunted.
Carlisle had asked Alice about it and all she had said was that too much animal blood made Jasper sick.
That was an understandable explanation. Jasper fed off human blood without restraint for over 40 years.
But while understandable it wasn't good. Carlisle couldn't have him starving for the simple fact that he liked to follow Esme into town. Taking such risks as that of being starving and in a crowded place was reckless and stupid.
That's how he came with the idea of going with him hunting. He needed to see how much he drank.
Jasper hadn't seemed to like that but he hadn't complained.
Turns out he didn't even drink half of the deer before attempting to bury it.
-Don't.- He commanded and he didn't miss how Jasper tensed at the order before looking up at Carlisle half confused half hesitant.- Aren't you going to finish it?
-' m full.- Jasper mumbled looking down. That was a lie and he knew both of them were aware of it. He waited for the strike as Maria would have done under such blatant lie.
But the strike didn't came.
All he got was a sigh.
-Jasper, starving yourself won't do nothing but make things even more difficult for you. I know animal blood isn't the greatest in taste, less much if the animal is an herbivorous, but you must make an effort. The more you drink the easier it will get.
Jasper didn't answer. He was staring at the deer and feeling as nausea began rooting itself in him the more he stared at it. As he took on the details of the fur. The smell. Its vacant look. It made him sick. He didn't want to feed off of something so gross. It was unnatural. Wrong. Disgusting.
But he didn't want to disappoint Carlisle. The man was... kind... sort of. His presence wasn't overwhelming and his emotions weren't painful to be around. He could feel the sincerity in his emotions. The worry. The comfort.
It wasn't something Maria had ever given to him.
Support .
He didn't want to disappoint him.
And so biting back the nausea and the urge to reel back he dove down and sank his fangs back into the deer's neck. The blood was foul and disgusting and the feeling of fur trickling his skin made things twice as gross. He felt his stomach clench and a dangerous swirl in it. Pressure.
But he didn't let it stop him. He drank and drank until all he could feel was the pressure increasing. The stench becoming too much to handle.
Then he pulled back and wiped his mouth with his sleeve before looking up at Carlisle. He felt like a dog waiting for a praise as he did so.
The pride in Carlisle's emotions was more exhilarating than Maria's ever was. Warmer .
And that was all the strength he needed to ignore the growing nausea.
He had drank more than the half.
This was the first time he had ever drank so much animal blood in one sitting.
And after the corpse was buried he was gleeful to still be able to feel Carlisle's pride. He approved . Getting pride from Maria was near impossible but when it happened it was like a flash and most of the time if not all it was mixed with either greed or lust.
Carlisle's wasn't.
His was warm and good. And no one had to die for it.
He walked three steps behind the man as Maria liked. Not too far to be compared to a common newborn but not too close to be able to attack her from behind.
But he found himself falling further and further behind as the pressure in his stomach grew unbearable. Venom accumulated in his mouth as his hand gripped his stomach. A weird sensation at the back of his throat and a dangerous swirl in his stomach.
It could be his imagination but he could swear he could feel sweat trickling down his temple.
And then he came to an abrupt halt as the pressure became impossible to ignore. He whirled around and against his will he ended up losing control of himself as the blood he had drank came back up like a river of molten lava.
But it didn't burnt as much as the shame did. Embarrassment. Anger. Frustration. And all he ended up doing was lowering himself to the ground like a pathetic child and hiding his face between his knees. Fingers burying into his hair.
Was he truly this weak?
How could he be so weak God?
What was the point of this if he couldn't even keep in some blood?
The guilt and sadness in the air did nothing but weight him down even more. Carlisle now knew he was weak. Pathetic. Pitiful. All pride gone. And why wouldn't it? He had failed. He could never keep too much in and he hated it. Hated the emotions such weakness brought from others.
It made his throat burn with a feeling he refused to acknowledge. A rage that made his blood boil.
And at the end that bubbling heat spilled out in the form of tears. Weak . A sob caught at the back of his throat.
God he was pathetic.
~~~~~~~~~~
Carlisle was cursing at himself. Alice had told him that Jasper got sick if he drank too much animal blood, he should have asked him to drink at least a bit more, but Jasper had nearly finished the deer, he had seemed fine so Carlisle had thought he was fine.
He should have paid better attention to him. If there was one thing he had noticed was that Jasper always seemed eager to please him, his obedience was almost mortifying.
And now this were the results of such obedience.
He had crouched on the ground and made a ball of himself after throwing up. And Carlisle wanted nothing more to go to him and comfort him.
But touching him would do nothing but spook him.
It wasn't until he heard the sniffle that he decided to risk it. He was the one who put him in this state and he would be damned if he was to stand like a fool and watch his son suffer. He came to his side and as hesitant as he was about this he brought his hand to rest on his head.
-'m sorry. 'm so sorry.
His voice was muffled but so small. It broke Carlisle's heart to hear it.
-Don't be. I shouldn't have pushed you, I should have been more understanding of your situation and approached this differently.
He could feel it now.
The anger and frustration. The shame. Self-loathing. It clung to the air like a thick blanket and twisted Carlisle's heart in its grasp.
-Jasper, it's okay, it wasn't you fault, it was mine, I-
-No. s' mah fault. Ah cain't seem ta do anythin' righ'. Ah hate animal blood but ah cain't drink human blood either 'cause it hurts. Ah agreed ta this diet 'cause ah could feel mah sanity slippin' away. 'cause ah wanted the pain ta stop. an' 'cause ah was tired of death. But at the end ah cain't seem ta be able ta live from either.
He sounded so miserable.
But at least his words did let Carlisle know how much was he fighting here to make his effort count.
-That's not true. You can live a normal life with us, you have been doing great so far. I won't push you to drink more than you can take, all I'm asking is for you to take an extra sip whenever you feed, add another two extra sips per week. I know it's hard but I can't have you starving, both because you spend time around town with Esme and because I don't want you hurting.
Carlisle dared to move his hand to ruffle his hair. He didn't miss how Jasper tensed under the touch before his shoulders seemed to relax a bit.
-You are a good boy, Jasper, stronger than you realize, and I don't mean it physically. You haven't come so far because of Alice only, give yourself some credit.- Carlisle told softly.
-What if 'm just not made for this diet?
-You spent 40 years feeding off nothing but humans, you have been on this diet for less than three years, no one is expecting perfection out of you. I don't expect perfection out of neither you or the others, all that matters is that you make an effort. That's all I ask for.
A sob was his answer.
-Jasper, I know it seems impossible now, but trust me when I tell you that it will get easier. We are all here for you and no one is leaving you alone.- Carlisle assured, he wished he could pull him into a hug.
-Why?
-I have said it before. We are a family now, I may have not turned you or Alice but I see you as my own, we will always be here through bad and good, because that's what families are for. You are my son now and I'm never giving you up.
Broken orange met soft gold.
-You've no idea 'bout the things I've done. You wouldn't think the same if you knew 'bout it.
-The past is in the past. Believe it or not we all have things from our pasts that we aren't proud of. As far as I have seen these past months I can be sure that you are a good man and that you are trying to do better, that's all I care about.
Jasper ducked his head at those words. At the emotions in the air.
He had never felt such unadulterated sincerity. Affection. Comfort. Compassion. From a coven leader.
This man... he had no idea the kind of monster he had under his roof. He knew what the Cullens thought about The Major. Had heard Emmett speak about him and felt their emotions.
He was a demon.
And all of them were glad he was dead.
It was to be expected and he didn't blame them. All sane vampires would indeed be glad that The Major was dead.
But then how come now there was an uncomfortable sensation in his chest over the idea of the Cullens speaking so ill of The Major?
If the Cullens were to find out he was The Major... would he be kicked out? Casted aside?
Or worse.
Feared .
He had grown to like them against his logical side. The idea of kind Esme or cheerful Emmett fearing him didn't sound pleasing at all. Compassionate Carlisle. Brooding Edward. Unnerving Rosalie.
He didn't want them to fear him.
But Carlisle's words weren't for The Major.
They were for him.
He had a family. He had the support. Not The Major.
The Major was Maria's not the Cullen's.
And Carlisle's words warmed his chest.
Maybe, just maybe, he could trust this man.
~~~~~~~
Alice received Jasper by jumping him and locking her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. His arms coming around her as a reflex.
She kissed his neck before dropping her head on his shoulder. Bleeding her love and comfort all over like the warmest blanket.
Jasper found the gesture while pleasing, odd, and all he could come up with was that she must have seen his pitiful display. Great .
She didn't seem mad about him doing the exact opposite of what he had been told. Not test his limits to prove something.
He nuzzled her neck and bathed her with his own dose of love. Smiling when her hold on him tightened.
He walked back into the house still holding on her.