The street lights glow in a subdued orange, and the streets reflects a retro feel, those that match the feeling of the sun setting. It is flooded with the feeling of anguish, and somehow, the regret of letting an oppurtunity pass me by.
Hinata remains alone inside, but still, I do not want to approach her now. She had asked me to leave her alone, and I will, for now.
Colors have no meaning, but often only our minds associate emotions and thoughts to them. So, each color holds different meaning for everyone. An artist, like Hinata, would know this well. Colors, they are everywhere, and to some people, they are poison to the heart, as everytime a certain color emerges, a memory associated with it flashes before their eyes. It's a painful feeling, being stabbed by colors everywhere.
By the balcony of my worn down home, I look at the people who wander the streets. Homeless, and unwanted, they remind me of myself, and how fortunate I am to still have a home, still have food on the table. Physically, I would be better off, but these people who wander aimlessly, have a satisfaction that myself, and some others, don't.
There is always a gap in my soul, my heart. Nightfall, and somehow, I feel neutral. A momentary void of feelings, as I walked out the door, and blend into the crowds. This, is a world I am foreign to. Close in a plane, distant in another. I leave, tonight to obtain some supplies for myself, food and tools for my work.
Momentarily, I stole a glimpse of the people around me as they pass me by, and I felt like I was drowning. People, who have an aim, are worthy of my envy and jealousy. I could sense their drive, their passion as they walked pass, something... that I can only hope to regain. When the fires burn out, only ashes remain.
Ashes, and dust. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Everyday, someone's dream crumbles, in the cruel tide of war, deceit, nature and destiny. To those who hold them close, what is left, is only dust.
So fair is the world, that everyone must lose what they have gained eventually.
Unconsciously, I have arrived at a place, a central square where festivals are often held, and today, is one of those days. People, are everywhere. The air is filled with the energy and life of a festivity, and this is also a way I choose to escape my past. Here, I can soak up some of their energy, some of their joy, some of their life. A parasite's life, to steal others happiness for my own gain. Gatherings like this attracts me, the same way certain insects are attracted to light. Like certain animals, trapping heat when the sun is near, for use when the sun descends into the horizon.
'So... I am really this pitiful...'
The more I try to forget, and live on, the more it comes back to haunt me. Why? Something I hold close was snatched away, and now, it's pain and misery reawakens. Why can't life let me remain alone, let me forget?
I dared to come and intrude only after I knew she was asleep. To me, this is my oppurtunity, to slip into her dreams, and help her with the only way I can.
Damn. Why did it always have to be this way?
I gazed at her sleeping form, and I am taken aback by an enchanting smile. Should I intrude on her dreams? A place where happiness is possible, for her. Do I have the right to do so? My hesitation is starting to worry myself, and I am starting to question my options. Is this really my only way to help her? To intrude into her self-made heaven?
Damn the gods for not giving me more options.
If somebody still reads this, and likes it. I suggest you people thank Lutai for indirectly reminding me that I stil have stories to continue. Deviantart stole my soul.