When I got home it was later then I had hoped for. My platforms had gum on them and my hair smelled like smoke. Oh, and I guess you can't really forget the fact that I was still high as a kite. Although it slowly drifted away as reality crept over me. My house was empty as usual. My dad working late, and my step mom god knows where. Probably out de-stressing or getting more botox for that god awful plastic face of hers. I wouldn't ever admit I was lonely, or longing for something as the lavender carpet met my eyes as I closed the door to my room.
I ran my fingers through my almost tangled hair, and looked in the mirror. My eyes were red, and my hair, hadn't been brushed since morning. My lips weren't glossy anymore, and the corners of my eyes had collected tears from the dazed out redness spreading across the whites of my eyes. This caused my eye makeup to be smudged ever so slightly. I turned away because I really didn't want to know anymore. All I wanted was to forget I had just spent the afternoon giving into indulgences, and shattering part of my build up with Anna Stern.
So naturally I drew a bath and tried to slip it all way. Let it slip away into the purple bubbles, and lily soap. Everything could be better right? Right? As soon as I got out of the tub, I'd be me again, right? Everything just had to be okay…. It couldn't not be. My cell phone was ringing in the other room, but I tried to block it out.
"Focus Summer." I said as I scrubbed myself and tried to forget. Because that's what half my life had become. "Just forgetting." I slipped away as I dazed out into the soapy bubbles, their happiness meeting my eyes as they slip, slip, slipped around! I giggled. How silly they were. The warmth of the bathe over come me slowly, and finally I did forget. I gave into the warmth and happy bubbles, and the buzz of the lights, and the buzz in my head. It all swirling into me, and the purple tinted tub water.
"Just forget it." I said to myself, "Forget Cohen, Forget that you just smoked a bowl with Anna Stern and you might've told her you still loved Cohen, Fuck I mean I don't love Cohen. I HATE COHEN. Forget it that you tried to sleep with Ryan two nights ago and started to cry in the blue pool house light. Forget it all." Slipping underwater, happiness came over me. But still in the back of my stoned mind, all I could think about was this random memory of Cohen that kept popping into my mind. Him and me, laying near the edge of his bed. He had thought I was asleep. "Summer." He had said, to me. But I didn't respond, I just moved a little. "Summer." He said again. And I remembered being a little irritated because really all I wanted to do was sleep.
"Summer, I, I love you."
He had thought I was asleep. But I wasn't. And for some reason in my current state, that's all I could think about, with the swirly bubbles and half spinning room.