Thank you.
Chapter Five
A Game of Go and a Modest Ninja Centerfold
"That was wicked!" Ron gushed when they were back in the Gryffindor common room. Sasuke and Naruto were playing Go. Sasuke placed a black stone on the board.
"What was so fantastic about it?" Naruto asked, feigning confusion. Neither Sasuke nor him were wearing their masks. They had passed patrol duty off to a set of Naruto's kagebushin. Sasuke had come up with the idea after their spar, reasoning that it would ease their workload and make keeping the whole castle protected much easier. Naruto had agreed, saying that maintaining them would help build his chakra stamina. Now they were playing Go and generally trying to ignore their suddenly starstruck and expanded fanclub.
"The way you guys fight! It's amazing! What kind of magic is that? You didn't even use wands!"
Naruto placed a white stone. Sasuke considered the board.
"You're up to something," he said. Naruto smiled innocently.
"What makes you think that?"
"Now I'm sure of it," Sasuke groaned, "That smile means you're up to no good,"
"Hey, hey! Why do you always think the worst of me?"
"You learned Go from Shikamaru,"
"So did you!"
"You can talk to the fox,"
"He's sleeping,"
"So you're on your own?"
Naruto grinned and spread his hands grandly, "This humble tactician has no advisors, just like his opponent," he said dramatically. Suddenly he looked suspicious, "and no Sharingan for you. That's cheating."
"Effective information gathering. It's only cheating if you get caught," Sasuke corrected, placing a stone. Naruto placed a stone, completing the surrounding and capture of four of Sasuke's. He dropped the captured stones into the lid of his stone's bowl. Sasuke frowned.
"You suck!" Naruto laughed at his expression. Sasuke placed a stone, capturing five of Naruto's. Naruto almost fell off his chair.
"Who sucks?" Sasuke asked calmly as he deposited the captured white stones into his own bowl lid.
"Jerk,"
"Don't cry when you loose,"
Naruto scowled. Oddly enough the girls at Hogwarts had all taken a shinning to Naruto rather than Sasuke. An odd turn of affair that took the blond completely by surprise. He was used to people either hating him or viewing him as a crazy relative they would rather not be related to. And if not those two then they thought of him as a cute little brother. Who they still would rather not be related to.
But never attractive.
Well, Naruto had to admit, there was Hinata. But that was an isolated case so it did not count towards the final total.
"How do you deal with them, Sasuke?" he asked, placing a stone.
"Deal with who?" Sasuke asked. Naruto flicked his eyes towards a group of swooning girls. "Oh. Them. I ignore them,"
"That never worked for you," Naruto complained. Sasuke shrugged and placed a stone.
"If you entertain them they'll just get even more annoying,"
"Or they'll be obsessive like Sakura and Ino," Naruto placed a stone.
"Ino's engaged to Shikamaru," Sasuke said distractedly. Ron left, finally getting the hint that weren't talking to him at the moment.
"She is? How'd you hear that?" Naruto was surprised.
"Sakura told me. Thought that it made her chances better,"
"Good luck on that,"
Sasuke placed a stone. "She has no chance. I'd feel sorry for her but for some reason I can't seem to bring myself to care,"
"Has anyone told you that you're heartless?" Naruto shook his head and placed.
"Many. Most of them died,"
"Sound?"
"Of course. Like I could leave that Village standing after we killed Orochimaru?"
Naruto sighed, "I suppose not. The tactician in me sees the military advantages in wiping out your enemy but… ouch,"
"Thanks for helping, by the way,"
Naruto nodded, "You asked. How could I refuse when the Great Uchiha Sasuke asked for my help?"
"Usuratonkachi," Sasuke frowned, placing a stone.
"There? Either you have lost your mind or you have something up your sleeve," Naruto said, scanning the board. Sasuke smirked enigmatically. Naruto carefully placed his stone.
"Um…" it was Ginny, "What are you two playing?" she asked, blushing a little.
"Go," Naruto answered, "It's a game from where we're from,"
"Oh," she blushed some more. Naruto looked like he was going to say something more but he caught himself before sound escaped his mouth. He smacked his palm against his forehead and groaned.
"I can't do it Sasuke! I can't be all cold like you!" he complained. Sasuke shrugged and placed.
"That's your problem, Dobe. But if you're going to entertain all of them beware of turning into Kakashi-sensei or Jiraiya,"
Naruto paled, "Never!" he vowed.
"Your choice," Sasuke bowed his head a bare inch, "I have nothing," and he ended the game. They counted up their territory and sure enough Naruto had won. Sasuke looked around the room and scowled. "Don't you have classes in the morning?" he demanded. The students scattered, disappearing into their dorms at the sight of the patented Uchiha Death Glare. Naruto shook his head and sorted the stones into their containers.
"Who's Shikamaru?" Harry asked, being one of the few who did not flee at Sasuke's glare.
"He's a teammate of ours. We graduated from the academy with him," Naruto said, "He's also the biggest genius in the whole Village. Makes the other prodigies look like schoolchildren when it comes to tactics,"
"I still can't believe he made Chuunin before us," Sasuke muttered.
"Kakashi-sensei had to explain that one to me too," Naruto shrugged, "Seems the Kages figured he was the only one who showed sufficient planning and flexibility in a fight,"
"I heard he didn't even fight,"
"Well, not really, but he got Temari into his kagemane and if it had been a real fight he probably could have killed her,"
"He forfeited,"
"He knew when to give up. He doesn't have chakra reserves like us, at least that's how Kakashi-sensei explained it," Naruto shrugged again, "Like it matters now. Both of us were granted permission to skip the Chuunin exam and go straight to the Jounin exam once you got off probation,"
"And we promptly joined ANBU," Sasuke shook his head, "I guess they figured that since we both studied underneath two of the Legendary Sannin that we knew what we were doing,"
"Good thing they were right," Naruto grinned like a maniac fox, his clear blue eyes twinkling. "Then again, we had just come back from poisoning Orochimaru, one of the Villages most dangerous traitors and massacring the whole Sound population. I think the Council found that to be an adequate peace offering for your return,"
Sasuke snorted, leaning back in his chair, "Those old coots only wanted their precious Uchiha clan back in the control of the Village,"
"Even now that your brother's repopulating the clan for you," Naruto laughed. Sasuke smiled.
"It was nice to learn that he didn't actually kill off our clan," he said softly, thinking about his nieces. Sasuke had had a difficult time believing the report he had gotten from one of Orochimaru's spies in the Hokage tower on his brother's record. When he next came across his brother he confronted Itachi on the matter. Itachi was surprised that Sasuke had found out and admitted that it was true that he had not been responsible for the massacre of their clan and had, in fact, rescued Sasuke from sharing the same fate.
It had been their father. Itachi had come in just as their father had sliced his way through his own wife. Sasuke had missed the vicious battle between father and eldest son. And, as luck would have it, the youngest Uchiha brother walked in just as Itachi cut down their father.
The misunderstanding changed both of their lives. Sasuke grew to hate. Itachi was sent on a deep undercover infiltration assassination assignment to destroy the Akatsuki organization. It was not until years later, when Akatsuki fell, that Sasuke learned the truth.
As of three years ago Itachi had been cleared of all charges against his name and has settled back into Konoha life. He had married and now has twin daughters who absolutely adore their Uncle Sasuke. Not that anyone could blame them.
It took Sasuke a while to overcome the extreme conditioning he had put himself through in his attitude towards his brother. Even now he found himself unconsciously tense at the mere thought of Itachi, but he was getting better. Then again, it was hard to stay sullen and resentful around Naruto's constantly sunny disposition.
"Another game?" Naruto asked. Sasuke looked up from his thoughts and nodded, a small smiled playing about his lips.
"Chess this time," he requested. Naruto nodded and tweaked the jutsu he had placed on the game board. The sturdy, box-like Go board shifted fluidly into a relatively unadorned wooden chessboard, complete with pieces. Naruto picked up the two kings and shuffled them behind his back.
"Pick,"
Sasuke chose the left. White.
"So Shikamaru's getting married. And to Ino. How did he ever get a girl that hot?" Naruto shook his head, "It's gotta be a karma thing,"
"Karma? By all that's holy I hope not. What would that mean for us?" Sasuke started the game with a moved pawn. Naruto snorted and moved a pawn of his own.
"I don't know about you but I think I'm pretty safe. But I wouldn't worry too much. When you take what you went through at that dirty snake's hands I think you worked off your karmic debt and then some," he said flippantly. Sasuke frowned. It was small but Naruto caught it, "And don't start angsting on me, you go that? I don't need a broody partner right now. You go all broody and I'll be bored outta my skull!"
Sasuke snorted and made a move.
Ron drifted back to watch the game, interested now that it was something he understood.
"But Ino and Shikamaru? I just can't get over it!" Naruto complained, making his move.
"If ever Shikamaru had to pick up a 'troublesome woman' as he calls them…" Sasuke shrugged. "I'm glad it was Ino. Gets her off my back and out of my hair,"
"Ah yes, your perfect hair," Naruto laughed.
"Like you're one to talk,"
"Ah, but mine is this soft naturally. None of those moisturizing conditioners needed for these locks," he bragged.
"You sound like a girl," Sasuke snorted.
"I'm practicing," Naruto shot back. "Gotta keep on my toes if I want to keep my abilities sharp!"
Sasuke paused, his fingers lightly touching one of his pieces, "Have the girls ever figured out that your female 'cousin' from out of town was actually you?" he asked curious.
"Hinata did. Hard to fool the Byakugan, now more so than ever since she's been training with Neji rather than her father. But she promised not to spill the secret. Bad as the Sharingan, that Byakugan," Naruto smiled. Sasuke nodded.
"I figured as much. Neji mentioned something to me a while back but he hasn't said anything either,"
"Good thing too or else Baa-chan wouldn't be able to use me for so many missions. And then my paycheck would be so much smaller!" he cried dramatically. None of the Hogwarts students understood a thing that they were saying. Harry looked up from his homework for a moment to see what had Naruto so theatrical.
"Do you dress up as a girl?" Ron asked. Naruto looked at the redhead.
"My dear child," he said seriously, "I would never dress up as a girl for the simple matter of my male pride,"
"And you don't," Sasuke agreed, "Just dress up as a girl, that is,"
"No, no. Ron, I turn into a girl,"
The common room fell silent. Naruto and Sasuke ignored the reaction.
"Yep. Perfected the transformation when I was only eleven," Naruto continued blithely.
"Oroike no jutsu," Sasuke laughed quietly. "The transformation that brought down the Sandaime Hokage and allowed you to steal one of the forbidden scrolls. Fondly called the Ninja Centerfld by the Village perverts,"
"And you call me a dobe when I could bring down the Sandaime at that age," Naruto looked smug and made his move.
"You blindsided him," Sasuke retorted.
"Shouldn't matter. He was a Hokage,"
"You turn into a girl?" Ron spluttered, blushing. Naruto shrugged.
"It comes in handy and it's not as big a deal as you would think,"
"It is when you spend all that time learning to act like one too," Sasuke muttered under his breath.
"You're just jealous because I make a better looking girl than you would," Naruto sniffed, turning his nose up and away from Sasuke.
"Oh, by the way, I heard that Kiba's got a thing for your 'cousin,'"
Naruto blushed. "Remind me to kill the little pervert when we get back home,"
"Why? He's a normal, healthy male adult in love with an attractive woman. Let him have some fun,"
"Not with me he ain't!"
"So you'll tell him?" Sasuke asked slyly. Naruto scowled darkly.
"I'll shoot him down if he dares ask. I'll tell him that I'm happily obsessing over the youngest Uchiha just like every other breathing girl in Konoha," he threatened.
"You have a thing for me?" Sasuke looked surprised. Naruto blushed.
"No. Yuuko. Yuuko will have a thing for you."
"Shame," he teased, "Check,"
Naruto made his move. "Checkmate,"
Sasuke swore.
"Why would you want to turn into a girl?" Ron asked. Naruto shrugged.
"It started as a prank. You know, like, how many dirty old men can say no to a pretty girl when she pouts at them? Since then it's morphed into my alter ego disguise,"
"Can we see?" asked a curious boy. Naruto looked at Sasuke and they both shrugged.
"No skin off my nose," the blond pushed himself away from the table, stood and clasped his hands in the seal for a transformation. "Modified Oroike no jutsu! Henge!" There was a poof of smoke that sent a couple students into minor coughing fits. The smoke cleared to reveal a petite blonde woman with long hair tied up in pigtails wearing the same clothing that Naruto had. She had the same whisker-like birthmarks on her cheeks.
"You kept it clean this time," Sasuke commented offhandedly. The female Naruto smirked.
"This ain't a prank. It's a demonstration for legally underage children," she sniffed.
There was a chorus of "Whoa!" from practically everyone who had been watching.
"How did you do that?"
"The same way any shinobi does any kagehenge," Sasuke muttered. Naruto tried to be a little cuter.
"Shinobi secret!" she grinned and tossed the room a kiss before letting go of the transformation. Another cloud of smoke and Naruto was male again. "You want to learn you'll have to apply and get accepted into the Academy. Good luck on that. They don't accept anyone over the age of seven without a lot of troublesome paperwork,"
"Man Naruto, you make a sexy woman," complimented Naruto's summoned fox. Naruto laughed.
"That's why I'm so effective! No man can say no to a face like mine!"
"That sounds so wrong coming from you right now, Usuratonkachi," Sasuke shuddered.
"But it's true. I haven't failed a mission yet!"
"Since we were Gennin doing D ranks, at least," Sasuke stipulated. Naruto glowered and sat down.
"A lot has changed,"
"Indeed. I'm not saying that it hasn't," Sasuke stood up and nodded to his friend, "I'm going to check the halls," Naruto nodded and packed up the playing board as Sasuke donned his cape and mask and slipped out through the portrait.
In a dark lair fit for an evil villain, Voldemort reclined in a somewhat less than comfortable chair. He surveyed the sheet of paper before him, squinting just a little to make out the words in the musty dark.
Okay. So his eyesight was deteriorating greatly and he couldn't afford more candles. He'd kill anyone who laughed at him.
"Harry Potter went back to Hogwarts? With two masked strangers? We must pay them a visit, eh Nagini?" the snake hissed her approval to her master.
Harry shivered.
"What's wrong, Harry?" Asked Hermione.
"I don't know. I just have this really bad feeling,"
"I have a bad feeling too," Naruto groaned, "I don't think all this pumpkin stuff agrees with me," he started scratching his arm.
Sasuke sighed. "Don't tell me the Dobe's allergic,"
"Don't ask me! Maybe Kyuubi just doesn't like the stuff and this is his evil and sadistic way of telling me!"
"Who's Kyuubi?" asked Harry.
Naruto paused, realizing what he had said, "No one important. He's something of a, well, guess you could call him a friend,"
"And why wouldn't he like what you're eating?" Hermione asked.
The jinchuuriki hesitated. How could he truthfully answer that without telling the truth?
Sasuke saved him.
"Oi! Naruto. Word from my snakes is that some controlled snakes have been poking their noses around the school," he said as he set a garter snake back on the stone floor and watched as it slithered away. Naruto frowned.
"Controlled snakes? I don't like that. Pair my foxes up with your snakes. Your summons will find the controlled and the foxes will take care of them,"
"Sounds good,"
Naruto pulled out a phial, bit his thumb and let the blood drip into the glass container. "Take this and show it to my foxes as proof of my orders,"
Sasuke nodded, took the phial of blood and vanished. He did not even have to use teleportation, just really good camouflage. Naruto nodded and smiled. That was one of the trademarks of the higher ranks of the ANBU: they could vanish in plain sight without even the use of chakra. It took years of stealth training to accomplish and it made for a good trick to wow the customers with.
"How'd he do that?" Ron demanded. Naruto grinned behind his mask.
"Trade secret," he said mysteriously.
"It's always a trade secret with you two," Ron grumbled.
"Of course it is. How else do you expect us to stay Mysterious Shinobi?"
"He has a point, you know," a passing ghost commented.