Diary
See disclaimer in Entry #1
:Diviners:
Diviners are a Grim Angel's greatest gift, but each of us has to give something up in return. That sacrifice is part of what makes the Diviners so powerful--and such a part of us. In a way, our Diviners are whatever it was we had to give up.
Einhenjar is my Diviner, my companion, my wings. It's the faintly pearlescent gold of wheat fields, of the lightning of the gods. It's jagged like the bolts from Thor's hammer, sharp and stark, terrible and beautiful. When I touch it, I can remember what it felt like to fly.
I can't remember much of the time I lost my wings. I had Einhenjar, but I still felt almost like my life was over. I cried and slept for a few days on end, and couldn't believe I'd let myself give up something so important to me.
There were a few times when Ledah came to me, I think. He'd put my hand on the hilt of my sword, my wound and my solace, and then my head would clear. He told me that the time would pass when I couldn't help but feel that a huge part of me was missing, that I would be able to go forth again in time for our mission. He would let me lean on him as I cried, and tuck his own night-colored wings around me, as if to compensate for my loss of mine.
Everything else about that time is still blurry. But I did come out of it.
Einhenjar feels like the sky, that wild rush of blue and white and possibility, when I hold it in my hands. It helps me look back on the wings I lost without feeling that constant ache.
As far as I know, Ledah's never told anyone what he gave up for his Diviner. He got his before me, and even though he didn't sacrifice anything visible, he changed a little then. Ledah'd always been taciturn, withdrawn... but he was quieter than ever, smiled less, was a little more duty-minded from then on. Even so, he helped me a lot when it was my time to realize my full destiny as a Grim Angel.
He's taught me so much... and yet, I know so little about what troubles him...
When I touch Lorelei, it feels like so many things at once that I can't even begin to guess what it is Ledah had to sacrifice. It's like glory and dearth and passion and crimson, all spun together in a mad spiral. It feels like the heart of the Ledah I was always so close to. It feels like beauty.
And I know that Lorelei is dearer to Ledah than life itself, like my Einhenjar is to me.
It's one of the few candid sides I can see of his heart...