Eve raced through the halls of the opera house, cursing her skirts. She had stayed up late the night before, partly finishing an essay that the Christines had assigned (actual Leroux!Erik assigned it on their behalf, which was why Eve actually finished it) and partly helping the Erik lovers plan a way to get to the fifth cellar. She figured the Eriks would Punjab all those that were caught beneath the opera house, and thus lessen the competition (Eve realized that Leroux!Erik would sooner kill her than talk to her, so she now had her sights set on Webber!Erik.) Needless to say, she overslept. And then, as she was running to her class, "Feminism in the 19th Century", she ran into Rauol, Eirk, and Christene. They were re-enacting the Final Lair scene from the ALW Musical…and taking up the entire hallway. Eve could only get through when they had finished. As she continued to run to her class, she wished she had acid to burn the image of a grasshopper and a scorpion kissing from her mind.

She finally reached the classroom and slipped inside. Fortunately, the teacher had not arrived yet. Eve sat in an empty seat next to Constance. "What's going on?"

Constance shrugged her shoulders. "Whoever is teaching hasn't shown up yet." As soon as she uttered these words, Comte Philippe de Chagny came striding into the room.

"I'm sorry I am late. I was dealing with some relentless pursuers." As an emphasis to his statement, he pointed to the hallway where the students could see the not- so- mini grasshopper, Philipee, pulling two large sacks behind him. The sacks were screaming and promising to be good, but Philipee ignored this and continued to pull them to wherever he was going. The Comte returned his attention to the class and said, "I hope you will all take a lesson from the actions of Irene and Stefanie. Do not attempt to 'glomp' me!"

Lexy raised her hand, and when Philippe nodded to her, she spoke. "Um, why are you teaching a feminism class? Shouldn't it be taught by a, um, female?

"Excellent question. I shall answer it momentarily. First, I would like to make one point clear. I am dead. As dead as a man can be who has drowned. It doesn't matter if you believe I fell into the lake myself, or was 'helped' by Erik. Either way, I am still dead. So I should not be in any of your "sequels" to The Phantom of the Opera. Now, are there any questions? None? Good."

"I am teaching this class because there were very little feminist movements in the 19th Century. You fanfiction writers tend to give your original female characters, or even female canon character qualities that did not exist in the 1800s. So you will be instructed on the proper amount of feminism a female character should have by me."

Before he could continue, Webber!Erik stormed into the classroom. "Everybody out! There is an emergency assembly in the auditorium! Out! Out! OUT!" All the students in the room high tailed it out of there as fast as they could. They completely ignored the protestations of the Comte, and didn't notice when Erik whispered something in his ear, and they certainly didn't see Philippe's eyes flash dangerously

When the students reached the auditorium, they were greeted by the glares of both Eriks AND both Raouls. Seeing the, normally mild-mannered, Raouls mad did not make the students feel any less uneasy. When all had assembled, Leroux!Erik stalked to the edge of the stage and shouted at the top of his lungs (which were very powerful, him having the voice of an angel and all), "I DO NOT LOVE THE FOP! NOR DO I WANT HIS, AND I QUOTE, "SWEET, YOUNG, HANDSOME BODY!"

Webber!Erik walked up next to Leroux!Erik and said, "As much as it pains me to agree with 'No-Nose' I am also thoroughly sickened by what I just read. I would have dropped the chandelier if Mlle. Alaina had not stopped me."

"And I would never touch the walking corpse!" As soon as Leroux!Raoul said that, Leroux!Erik whirled around and started walking towards Raoul.

"What did you call me?"

Leroux!Raoul started backing up nervously. "Ummm."

"Hey!" Everyone looked towards the staff balcony where the rest of the staff had gathered to watch the event. Mlle. Mirielle was leaning over the balcony. "We agreed that you could have this assembly if you worked together. So, no punjabbing the Raouls!

"Yes, Erik. Do try and keep a level head," said the Persian

"I wouldn't talk so fast, Daroga. Apparently you missed the one about you and I 'sharing each others bodies under the Persian sun.'" At this, the Persian fell silent and his skin turned a couple shades lighter.

"Oh come on. You know you two want each other. You are just in denial." Everyone turned and looked at Deirdre in shock. She had openly challenged the Eriks! Those who were sitting beside her quickly got up and moved. Meanwhile, Leroux!Erik's eyes narrowed then he turned and whispered something to Webber!Erik. He nodded and disappeared in a flash of light.

"Well, my dear. Since you know so much about Persia, this little part shouldn't be a surprise to you." As soon as he said that, Deirdre disappeared beneath the floor. When the students looked back to the stage, they saw that Leroux!Erik was gone as well.

Up in the staff balcony they heard Leroux!Madame Giry say to M. Andre "Oh dear. I guess Erik added another entrance to his torture chamber."

With mock seriousness, M. Andre replied, "Yes, it is quite a pity she happened to be sitting there." Then all the staff members burst out laughing.

Back on stage, the Webber!Raoul realized that nothing he could say or do could out do the Eriks, so he just said, "So, don't write any more slash about the Eriks. Or us." A cough sounded from above. "Or the Persian."

The students then left the auditorium with their eyes glued to the ground to look for any surprise trapdoors.

A/N: Some people have inquired who our Webber!Erik is based on. He is just a generic Webber!Erik. But, if you want, you can imagine any stage Phantom you want. Be it Michael Crawford, Brad Little, Peter Karrie, Gary Mauer, John Owen-Jones, Hugh Panero, etc. But we are telling you, Webber!Erik is not Gerry!Erik. We consider him separate from the stage Phantom. But don't worry Gerry fans, Gerik (Gerry!Erik) will make an appearance at some point.