Sanji cigarette had burned down to the filter and out by then.

I had sunk to the floor by then.

Now I knew the man Sanji never wanted to be like.

He'd never be like the man who beat and violated his Mother.

My eyes wide open.

I had been crying but now there were no more tears left to cry.

I was shaking.

>"He wins. That is much worse I think."

"You wanna know what's worse Nami?" Sanji's voice was in a low whisper by now.

Oh god there was more?

"Mom had been pregnant.

Little over 4 months. "

A quivering gasp escaped my lips and I made a very small weak noise in my throat.

>"Ooh. Ya. Much worse."

"When Mom told me I was going to be a big brother I was so existed.

I'd always wanted to be a big brother Nami.

But it was hard for my mom to get pregnant.

She had had two miscarriages before me.

After the first two, Mom wanted to try one more time.

I was their miracle child.

And now she was pregnant again.

The doctor was confident this time would be successful as well.

We found out later, when they did her autopsy, that it was going to be a little girl.

I was going to have a little sister."

I feel like I was going to be sick.

>"There as trash can right there next to the desk."

Oh. Just. Stop already.

"But enough about all that Nami. You wanted to hear about my dad right?"

I looked up at Sanji and he wasn't Sanji any more.

His eyes were wide and half crazed.

He had a small twisted grin on his face.

Oh god…he's lost his mind.

I broke him.

I broke Sanji.

I pushed him and pushed him too hard and broke his mind.

What have I done?

What have I done to this beautiful kind person?

"So what happened to Dad?" his voice was playful and sarcastic.

"Well he acted very much in the same way I did.

Denial. Couldn't believe that was his beloved there.

There was lots of crying.

You can image a man's man like my father, bawling his eyes out….

And then he just got…Angry."

Sanji's eyes get wider when he says 'Angry'.

"Pissed. The fuck. Off.

I'd never seen my Dad angry before.

Annoyed, frustrated, stern, bit intimidating a few times, 'I'm putting my foot down and that's how it's gonna be' authoritive power and influence…

But never angry.

You know how Luffy gets?

When someone manages to piss him off?" Sanji gives a very eerie sort of giggle that disturbs me.

"Ho! This was much worse. Much, much worse."

Worse than Luffy when he gets angry because someone was being exploited or used or damaged his hat?

"Imagine… what would happen,

If someone crushed Luffy's hat… to bitty pieces, beyond repair,

Laughed at his dream,

Insulted Shanks,

While eating in front of him…

And then shot every last one of us in the head right before his very eyes."

A small whimper comes from my throat.

>"That's scary."

"That was the rage and fury of my father as he went to hunt down the bastard that took my mother away from us."

>"Ooh. Sucked to be that guy hu?"

"Ne. Nami?"

I'm startled.

Sanji was closer to me.

He'd moved.

I hadn't noticed that he had.

Sanji is right in front me of crouched low sitting on his heels, hands clutching his knees leaning over looking right at me.

I jump.

He's even farther gone.

His face is even more crazed.

"Do you wanna know what my father did to him?" He asks "Do ya?"

I really didn't…I knew by now it had to be something really horrible…but…

>"You did demand to know."

Shut up I know that! I asked for this.

In a small whimpering voice I ask. "What did he do?"

Another eerie laugh that made me cringe.

"Do you know how cattle are slaughtered for beef Nami?"

My hands slap over my mouth.

I knew.

I went vegetarian for a while after I found out.

I got over it but…

I can't quite look at beef the same way.

I slowly nod my head in answer to Sanji's question.

"Ho, you're such a smart girl Nami.

It was just like that.

Only…

Dad started skinning him just a little bit before he drained his all of the guy's blood out.

You know, so he'd have an extra painful and agonizing death."

I felt nauseous.

>"There's that afore mentioned trash can…"

Why? Why are you not shutting up?

>"'Cause you're not listening to me damn it!

If you'd just listen to me then I wouldn't have to nag you and we wouldn't be in this mess."

FINE! Fine I'll listen to you from now on.

I'll do anything you say.

Just stop.

Please.

>"Promise?"

I swear!

>"Anything I say? You'll do it?"

Anything.

>"Good. Pay attention to the rest of his story now."

Sanji was somewhat normal again.

Normal as in, his face was not crazed and distorted like and insane killer clown.

And also normal in the since didn't seem detached and distant anymore.

He still looked tired though.

The worst of it was over.

"Dad went to prison.

He didn't fight it.

He knew what he did was wrong and he accepted the consequences.

Plus he was too depressed to care and would have gone off into isolation anyway… so what difference did it make if it was to prison or a deserted island.

Though the case was sympathetic, the whole traumatic stress disorder, people loving my mother so much…he only ended up doing 5 years.

I went to visit him once but he wouldn't see me.

I understood.

I'd remind him too much of Mother.

So I just left a note telling him were I was now.

It was just after Zeff and I set up Barrate.

I wrote Dad all the time telling him about what was going on with me.

I told him about Zeff and almost starving to death, the pirate fighting cooks, trying to find All Blue, becoming a pirate chef for the "Man who'd become King of Pirates" who…actually is kind of a dumb ass but it fun and challenging. Heading to the Grand Line…

I told him about you too Nami.

I told him about what happened to your mom and how you had to work for the bastard that killed her.

How strong you were for that.

I could never stand to be around the shit head that killed my Mother for two seconds.

But you were doing it for the sake of your town.

That's another reason I love you Nami.

You're such a strong and noble person.

I know you don't believe so but you really are.

I have a thing for strong women.

I wrote Dad all of that.

Hundreds of letters over the years.

He only wrote me back once.

He didn't even write to tell me he got out.

I had to find out from someone else."

Sanji moves to sit in a more comfortable relaxed position.

He had moved closer to me and is leaning against my desk.

One leg is searched out while the other is close to his chest with his arm resting on his knee.

He's lit up another cigarette.

He's close enough to that when he tugs on me I only tip over and fall a few inches landing against his chest.

He's so warm.

I close my eyes and let myself sink into the comfort he's offering me.

"Do you regret it Nami?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you ever regret loving Bellmare san? Do you ever regret the time you spent with her?"

It was a rhetorical question.

Of course I didn't

"Do you think I regretted loving my Mother or any of the time I spent with her?

Do you think my Father did?"

No.

"Of course he didn't.

Ya he loved my Mother with all of his heart and soul.

She was his world.

When she was killed his world collapsed and he was sucked into a black whole of misery and despair.

He melted into a pile of goo.

He's only a walking shell of man now that half of his soul is gone.

He can't even bear the sight of his only son because he reminds him so much of the love he lost.

But you know what Nami?

It didn't end him.

He's still alive, living out his existence how ever miserable and painful it may be.

And he's recovering.

Believe it or not.

He suffered a terrible wound.

A wound that would've killed a normal man.

But it's healing.

It's going to be a vicious ugly scar but it'll heal.

You wanna know how I know this?"

"How?"

Sanji opens his cigarette case and from under the picture he pulls out a worn folded piece of paper and hands it to me.

"Only letter the old man ever wrote me."

I open it and read:

Sanji,

I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am.

It's a terrible thing for a child to loose both of his parents.

I'm a terrible selfish man for abandoning you the way I have and don't deserve to be called your Father.

Though you've already forgiven me haven't you?

You told me in your letters how you understand and don't hold it against me.

You are too kind Sanji.

You are so much your Mother's son…

I have your letters.

I've read them all and treasurer them.

I'm proud of you.

You've had it hard since you lost your mother and I went away.

But you've stayed strong.

You have a dream now.

That's good.

It's good for a man to have a dream.

Keep it in your heart and don't let it go.

Anyway…getting to the point of why I'm writing you after all this time has passed.

Though I don't deserve to the honor of being your Father, I still want to pass on one piece of Fatherly advice from my grand life experience and all that…

It's the least I can do for you and will be the single most important thing I can pass onto you.

And what I have to tell you is this:

Never be afraid to fall in love.

I know you loved your mother and loosing her was painful.

You know I loved her too and you know it was just as painful for me if not 100 times worse.

It's a terrible thing to loose that which you hold most precious and dear.

No one should ever have to go through it.

But things like that happen.

Having something precious is wonderful.

Losing it is agony.

But we mustn't let is stop us from living our lives.

The road to recovering from a loss like this is long and hard and some days you just don't want to go on living.

But what's great about this sort of thing is now, you've hit rock bottom.

You can not get any lower.

Life has beat you bloody and broken and left you for dead.

But you didn't die.

You're alive.

And now that you've survived the worst you can endure anything.

I'm back home Sanji.

I'm back on Monte Island.

In our restaurant sitting at the back corner booth you, your mother and I would sit at after closing to have our family time.

Dinner, games, family discussions.

I'm here in that place we did all of those things writing you this letter telling you…

Don't be afraid to fall in Love.

Never fear love Sanji.

For love is the greatest most wonderful thing one can experience in this world.

And even if you find love a loose it and it's the most agonizing gut wrenching pain you can hardly stand and makes you beg for death…

If you survive and your life is misery, you can at least look back and say: "I was happy once."

And you'll have those happy memories for the rest of your life.

No one can take them from you.

No one.

Not ever.

Find love Sanji.

Find a girl you can love with all of your heart and soul and never let her go…

I finish the letter and fold it back up.

Sanji wraps his arms around me and holds me tight.

"I love you Nami."

The tears that I though had been all used up seemed to have become replenished again.

No fair using Fatherly Wisdom.

I cry and Sanji holds me.

He wraps me in his warmth and I let my self drown in his comfort security.

After a while I find my voice again.

"You'd forgive me? I ask him

"Nami. I'd forgive you for fucking anything.

You could stab me in the heart right now, with one of my own knives and leave me bleeding and dying and I still wouldn't hate you."

"Not even a little?"

"Well I might a little upset you used one of my good knives. I mean good cooking knives you like are hard to find and are damn expensive."

I give a small laugh at this.

"Even if you forgive me, I still don't deserve you."

"Ya well, you're selfish and spoiled; since when does not deserving something ever stopped you from taking it."

>"He's got a point."

Go away. Nobody likes you.

>"I thought you were listening to me now?"

Just because I'm listening to you now doesn't mean I can piss and moan and talk back. XP

>"You're a real pain in the ass, you know that?"

Ya, so are you.

>"What does this boy see in you again? He must be masochistic."

Must be…

I sigh. "Well I hate to disappoint you Prince Charming… but there's no Princess here…just her Evil Step Sister."

Sanji looks me over and raises an eye brow then shrugs.

"Ah well. At least you're not the Ugly Step Sister."

I laugh

"I know you were looking forward to this big romantic epic ending with finding the girl of your dreams…but you're just gonna have to settle for me."

"I really don't think I'm settling."

"HA!" I laugh "That's 'cause youra Chump!

Man I knew you were a sucker the first moment I laid eyes on you.

Believe me I know.

I've seen lots of suckers.

You don't know damaged goods when you see 'em."

"Now that's where you're wrong my dear sweet Nami.

True I may be a chump.

And a sucker.

But I know damaged goods when I see them.

Although damaged goods aren't as bad as one may think."

"Is that so?"

"Absolutely!

It's the least I've learned becoming a quality chef.

A Quality Chef of the Sea no less.

Sure any chef will tell you the key to great food is fresh high quality ingredients.

However! One does not always have access to the freshest, most high quality ingredients.

Especially at sea.

So a Quality Chef of the Sea must use all his knowledge and skill he possess to still create and bring forward quality and excellence using these so called 'damaged goods'."

I shift my head to look up at him. "And how, oh great Chef of the Sea, do you plan on utilizing these damaged goods?"

Sanji grins wide.

He drops his head down and captures my lips with his and draws me into a kiss, soft yet deliberate.

His tongue flicks out to brush my lips, asking for entry.

I grant it opening eagerly to him.

I savor the taste of him as he explores every inch.

Teeth, cheeks, tongue.

I stroke his tongue with mine, he strokes mine with his.

I feel as if I could climb inside of him.

Just as I'm about to loose myself completely he pulls away.

I give a needy moan.

I didn't want it to stop.

If I hadn't already been on the floor my legs would have given out and put me there after that.

>"Oh he's goooood."

Yes he is.

Sanji has a big ass satisfied grin on his face.

The one he gets when you taste something of his that's delicious beyond all reason and he knows it.

He gives the trademark remark that comes with that grin.

"Kuso Umeh darou?"

"Hai." I manage to say.

He laughs and plants a kiss on my head.

"Now then. Are you gonna eat the delicious sandwich I made for you with love or are you gonna let it go to waist?"

At the mention of food my stomach answers his question.

He laughs "That's what I thought. Come on. Come up to the kitchen and I'll heat it back up for you and give you a fresh cup of cider."

"That sounds good…

Though, I think I'm in the mood for some Tangerine Liqueur."