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Enjoy!

M.

Chapter XV

September 29th, 2003.

Underground Sanctuary

Will's POV.

It's been three weeks since my return; I'm still not sure if I'm going to stay or leave. I'm still mad at Magnus for lying, for hiding all this from me. But mostly, because she left me to deal with the fact that she was 100% certified dead.

What do I know for sure now? I know this place is fantastic!

Everything! From the hidden entrances around the world, the connections between the different Sanctuaries, the buildings, the ceiling. All those small pieces which make it feel like home even when it isn't. Details that shouldn't be possible like feeling the sun rays or watch the moon shining brightly. But it is, thanks to that thing which floats and makes us believe we are still out there. Every tiny thing was thought and extremely engineered, items I couldn't even conceive before I saw them in front of my own two eyes. And, to be honest, I can't help it. I feel a little put off because I wasn't part of it. I'm late, they have finished everything now, and there's not much I can do to improve it. Not that I could before either.

But hell! She even managed to bring Ashley back, and I still don't know how she achieved such feat, but there she was. I saw her daughter, I saw Ashley sleeping, and then I saw her sparring with Tesla. And there's no doubt this Ashley is no other than the one we thought we lost five years ago, and, I cried when I finally understood Ashley's okay.

I have those memories of a torn Helen, divided between mourning her daughter, wanting to chase and kill everyone in the Cabal with Tesla and Druitt, and reconstructing the Sanctuaries imprinted in my memory. It was hell.

I remember her.

In ways I know I shouldn't remember her. I remember her vulnerable and strong, sophisticated and enigmatic, and cryptic and so willing to share her histories. I remember her so paradoxical.

I remember Helen.

The Doctor, the woman, the mother, the daughter, the friend, the patient. Her.

I sigh. I also remember how badly I treated Magnus when she was there for me during those months after her return when she was finishing her last touches on this plan. And I was running around with my head focused on Abby.

I look up to the ceiling above my head and cover myself with a pillow and growl because I can see clearly in my mind the image that hung with me all this time.

I see Helen.

I see her happily joking, rolling her eyes at me, I see her smile, her hair, the pain I caused and that spark in her eyes that, somehow, she's not letting go after all this time and all the pain she went through. And my insomnia, which was correctly treated before, way back then when she trusted in me. Way back when she didn't need me to show my emotions to save her work. When we were friends, and I wished we were so much more, is back with a vengeance. And I remember, how her image came haunting me night after night when she didn't only push me to SCIU arms but kicked me out of the place I got to call home, while I hoped for the best outcome.

Since then, my insomnia started to hit slowly, but surely. One day at the time as we moved further away, as she made herself scarce for me; and then, she blew herself up. I gulp, this whole time, I just existed. I got used to inhabiting the body of the zombie I became. Not even my mind worked full-time any longer; I couldn't see things I used to see, and then, she came back like rays of sun after a storm.

The first night I returned, I slept like a baby. In her office, out of all the places I could have chosen to fall asleep. We were there, sitting on this super comfortable sofa and she was explaining something, and my head just lolled. I tried to keep awake, to pay attention, but the next thing I remember was this annoying sound of typing that wouldn't go away.

And the sweet smell of her perfume.

I thought I was in heaven; I nuzzled my pillow, which smelled like her. The noise stopped, and I was ecstatic, the warm fuzzy feelings now overflowing my body. Then I figured it out, either I dreamt all that day, or blacked out on her. A hand caressed my hair, and I sighed out of sheer joy. I couldn't have stopped it even if I tried to.

"How long since?" she asked me in concern, and I knew what she was talking. I knew I didn't need to answer before she managed to calculate it by herself. She sighed, "for what it's worth; I'm truly sorry, William," she whispered, moving my head tenderly until her eyes were boring holes in mine. And I nodded.

Somehow, finding myself in that position wasn't as embarrassing the following day. Nor all the other days until a week ago, for that matter. I groan again because my mind keeps drifting between memories of her. And for the past week, I tried to convince myself that I couldn't keep bothering her to help me sleep.

Not when the image of me with my head in her lap as she caresses my hair softly with one hand from time to time, as she pauses to check whatever she is working on until I fall asleep in her office under her watch was nothing close to professional. For that, I've been resisting the urges to get myself to her office for three days, and now, I'm awake!

Surprise! Surprise!

I look at the clock; I might as well go and find her she's probably still there. Or, I can walk around to tire myself. And somehow, I go for the second, and I drift to the place where I found Ashley the last time. She has a very secluded room far away from the living quarters and closer to the infirmary and the dangerous Abnormals area. I know she is changed, but why she's so far away, I'm yet to ask.

I hear the faintest sounds coming from the area closer to the young Magnus room, and I find her. The subject of my awakeness. Is that even a word? I'll blame that one to the tiredness. Anyhow, I know it is her, even if she is curled up in a tight ball, and I can't see her face.

I kneel in front of her before I even know it.

She raises her head slowly as if she doesn't have any fight left and I gasp. Purple marks cover her eyes and cheeks, and there's a thin line of blood running down her forehead. She lets go the hand she has on the side of her head, and I swear I can see her ear detaching from its place and I gulp, she looks utterly defeated. And that's a scary image. One I knew once before, and I wanted to forget.

"How can I help you?" I ask because there are too many questions in my head and that seems the most important one.

Then, I see the blood dripping from the arm that's clutched to her chest and the whiteness that can only come from an exposed bone. And I swear. I want to know who did this to her and why she allowed it, but I ask nothing.

"I'm going to place it back," I manage to say softly, and she nods once, and I want to cry when I hear the painful way in which bone finds its place back in the arm, but she doesn't. She only stares at me, biting the healthy side of her lacerated lower lip while holding her hand against her face. I run away, to find something to bandage the area, to stop the bleeding, or maybe, to step away from the broken image of her.

I return and cover the bloodied arm, and I see her fighting with all her might if only to keep herself awake. 'At least she's fighting,' I think to myself. She lets go of her head again, this time the ear stays in place and I wonder if I just imagined it before.

"It is attached again," Helen whispers in this tiny voice, and between short breaths, "Help me get to my room," she adds between short breaths and I grab her.

You know, I always thought carrying her would be something I wouldn't get to do. Not only because of our boss/protégé relationship but Helen is well proportioned, and she's tall. She's not your regular skinny girl, and I always thought I wouldn't be able to hold her for long. Surprisingly, Magnus's exceptionally light. And I find myself carrying her to her room, while she tries to keep herself awake.

"Bath," she instructs, the moment we get into the bedchamber of her room. I nod and walk towards the door I see. And I gasp for air since by doing so, I entered into a world of Helen's clothes, and the whole space reeks of her. When we reach her bathroom, I place her on the ground softly and turn around to open the water.

"Purple one…" she gasps, and I find what she's referring to, there are salts or something on a shelf. I grab it and drop some in the tub. I see the corners of her lips twitching before she blushes fiercely.

"What? What does hurt? What can I do?" I ask desperately, she bites her lower lip and lowers her eyes.

"Help me… Undress," she says, and my eyes widened. Never in my wildest dreams, I considered having the opportunity of undressing her. And now, here I am, standing in her bathroom, purple salt bottle in hand and looking at her in bewilderment. "Shoes?" she offers after a while, I nod and take her shoes off. She seems highly uncomfortable and opens her mouth a couple of times before she sighs. I manage to add all the dots and understand she needs to get into the tub, but she can't.

"You sure?" I ask, looking at her fully dressed status. She nods, and once again, I hold her up and lower her slowly in the tub.

"I need to sleep and food. The salts will help," Helen says, her voice sounds a little bit stronger. And I guess it's related to the fact that the wound in her arm has finally stopped bleeding.

"I can bring you food, Magnus," I frown. "But what happens if you fall asleep in the tub, and I don't know… Drown yourself, or something?" She chuckles, and wince grabbing her side.

"I'm not bleeding. I'm stronger now. I'll wait for you," Helen adds with an enticing smile, and I gulp. I don't even know why those words hit me so hard. "Hand me the scissors," she asks, and I stop. "The second drawer to the left."

"Why?" I ask, she looks down at herself, fully dressed in a tight sports pant and shirt, while she's soaking in the tub and I get it. I nod and find the scissor that, for some reason, exists in her bathroom before I run to the kitchen and back. When I return, I see the scissor by her side, but so far there's not a single cut in the vicinity. "Not strong enough yet…" she shrugs. And her eyes land in the things I brought, fruit and milk and a few cereal bars and chocolate. "I'm sorry, William. This situation is already embarrassing, and yet, I must ask it anyway." I gulp, "Can you feed me? I can't manage yet," she says, while she tries to close her hands in a fist and fails. I nod. Her head falls backward; she blushes fiercely, "Chocolate first, easier. Lots of sugar. Lots of quickly burned energy."

I feed her with a couple of pieces, and I can see how color returns little by little to her face. Well, under the purple marks. The cereal bars follow, and when we reach the fruits, she gives me one swollen hand and asks me to pull.

She grimaces when the crack is heard and brings it back to her body, touching it softly with her other hand. She nods thankfully, once she finishes checking everything in her hand is back in place. She looks better than before now. But, I can still see the blood traces in her hair, and neck, the only signal that her ear was detached before. I take a look around and find a bowl that will work for my next task.

"Where's your hair stuff?"

"Shower… why?" she frowns.

"I'm pretty sure you don't want to sleep with your bloodied hair."

"William, please." she blushes. I like it when she calls me William, "there's no need."

"I'm not doing it out of need, Helen. I will do it to give you more time to gather strength, and hopefully, to relax you a little," she sucks her lower lip and I leave her for a quick moment to get her stuff. I wash her hair while making sure nothing is stained any longer. "Do you think you can stand up, now?" I dare to ask, after a while, and she nods.

"I can stand. I won't be able to get out of here," Magnus comments looking the couple steps between the tub top and the floor. I grab her as I did before. This time I gasp, because her arms are around my neck and her face is close to mine. I can feel her breathing against my neck. Somehow, I manage to leave her on the floor, standing by herself. "I've drenched you. I'm so sorry, William," she adds as tears form in her eyes.

"Don't be, Helen," I say her name almost in reverence, placing some strands of hair behind her ear, trying to calm her down, she smiles.

"Sadly, this isn't over yet, and as I, hopefully, can't go lower than today, I'll guess I must ask, with a little luck you will able to forget all of this"

"What do you mean?" I frown.

"William," she says in a clinical voice, and I know she is detaching herself out of the emotions she's feeling, "I need you to undress me. Cut the clothes out. I can't take them off; they stick to the skin, and pulling them down will take forever."

"Okay," I hear myself say before I can even process what I just agreed to.

"Start from the pants and up, then the shirt. If you hand me a robe, I might be able to finish by myself." I nod, because honestly, what do you say in a situation like this? I grab the scissors and place it on the leg of her pants. She hisses. "Cold," she smiles. I concentrate on cutting without hurting her. I cut one side to the end of her thigh and start the other leg. Once I finish, I stand.

"Just think of it as a very skimpy bathing suit," she chuckles, and I blush.

Really? Doesn't she know how imagining her in anything 'skimpy' is arousing to the extremes? Hell, picturing her in a Victorian gown with thousands of layers is highly stimulating. I nod, while chose to concentrate on the work at hand, and I avoid looking down. I know I will see miles of soft white skin, and I don't think I can afford it.

I place the scissor on the hem of her shirt, and start to cut, and, oh! Dear Lord! I'm touching her abs! I get overwhelmed by the feeling of her skin against mine, and it doesn't help me that she chooses that exact moment to tremble and sigh, and I can see the goosebumps on her arms. I raise my eyes to hers, confused by her reaction. She has her eyes closed, and her mouth is slightly open. She opens her eyes slowly when she feels I'm watching her, and I notice her dilated pupils.

"I'm human too, sort of," she jokes. I nod, I can't even start to process the meaning of it. Our eyes lock, and I cut the shirt and her sports bra at once. She sighs happily, and I press my jaw tightly to avoid looking down. "Hand me the bathrobe, please?" she asks, I walk over where she pointed and turn around the exact moment she chooses to let the remains of her shirt and her bra fall to the floor, her bare back to me.

"Here," I add nervously passing it over her shoulder.

"Okay, breasts and bum covered," she winks at me, "You'll need to finish the pants. I'll keep them in place, and you can turn around so that I can get rid of them." I nod, and once again, I find my eyes locked on hers. "Thank you, William. You saved my reputation," she smiles when I hear the sounds of clothes connecting with the floor. And then, surprising me, she places a faint kiss on the corner of my mouth. She ties her robe not too tightly, while I look at her in awe. "Help me to the dressing room?" she asks and I, once again, nod.

She stretches the not broken arm, once I get to her, she grabs me by the waist with it, while I grab her from hers, and we slowly walk out of the room. She stops on a bench and asks me for a nightgown and a towel.

"Will you wait for me?" She asks hopefully, "I need to get to the bed, and I don't know if I'm able to do so by myself."

"Call me when you finish," I step away towards the bathroom, and start picking out the mess avoiding the pile of clothes. I don't need the image of Helen Magnus underwear stuck in my mind. I drain the tub and place the scissors back in the drawer. And she calls me. I return, and I gulp, the nightgown I handed her, Dear lord! It looked longish, and with not that much cleavage. But it's a little above her knees, and the lace has less cloth than I wish. And she's sitting.

"Hey, there are boxers, shorts, and shirts in there," she points to a place with drawers. "They should fit you, and you can get rid of your drenched clothes."

"Hum, okay" I don't even want to wonder whose clothes are since I'm sure they are from a particular Serbian dude. She raises an eyebrow when I don't move. "Right," I say and grab what she told me and quickly change into them in the bathroom. She smiles when she sees me, and she extends her arm again, and I'm soon moving along with her towards her bed. She sighs when she settles in it.

"Goodnight, Magnus." I start to walk away, with enough memories to keep me awake for years to come. The way her skin feels, how she sighed under my touch, how

"William?" she calls, and I stop myself, and the sigh I was about to let out because I'm sure a will hear another thank you, which I don't know I can take right now.

"How's your insomnia?" Helen asks, she's beaten and bruised, and I don't know how she got into that situation, but she still worries about me. I gulp.

"It's almost a grown-up now," I joke. Magnus crooks her head as if she is trying to understand something utterly foreign to her.

"Then, why didn't you come to see me?" She frowns, it's a cute frown. God, I'm screwed for life.

"I don't want to bother you, Magnus, I'm a grown-up, and I should be dealing with it not annoying you while you try to work," She chews her lower lip and nods. When she doesn't say a word, I turn around.

"William?" She calls again

"Yes?" I answer in a somewhat annoyed tone.

"Will you stay with me?" she whispers, I don't know if she asks for herself or me, but it sounds like a plea. She smiles, "please?"

"What about Nikola?" I spat, "What he's going to say when he finds out I'm on his clothes in your bed!"

"What?" She asks in shock. "Really, William?" Her eyebrow raises in surprise, "I hadn't you pegged as the jealous type." She smiles. "Let me be perfectly honest with you; those aren't Nikola's, those are mine. I find them rather comfortable, especially if I must wake-up in the middle of the night and run somewhere without much time to get into something more decent than what I'm currently wearing." She giggles, "Can you imagine what would happen if I go to Mirkel's room with this?" I blush because I know precisely how depraved Mirkel can be, harmless but utterly annoying with his words.

"Yours?"

"Indeed, they are. Now, care to explain to me what on Earth led you to believe Nikola was sleeping here? He has his room, right next to yours, although, he still prefers to spend more time in the cellar or the lab that in it." She dismissed with a wave of her hand but looked at me expectantly.

"Ah… I," I can feel the blush burning my cheeks. She observes me for a while; then she pats the bed, saving me from getting my foot out of my mouth.

"It doesn't matter what led you to that conclusion; I'm still waiting for your answer, will you join me? If it makes you feel better, it doesn't have anything to do with your insomnia and a lot to do with me not wanting to be alone at the moment."

I nod, and I walk to the other side of her bed. It's enormous, and we won't even notice we are both in it. Right? I try to convince myself that after all, I will not know what it's like to cuddle with Helen Magnus because I don't want to have to erase such memories and blame it on an awful situation. But, then she moves a little bit closer to me and sighs in, was that contempt? I swear I won't be able to sleep, her eyes close tiredly, and the next thing I know is that I'm waking up with a warm body half on top of mine.

I move the brown hair away from her face, and I can see her, no makeup, no marks, just peacefully sleeping, and I sigh happily, reveling in the sensations that I will take with me to my grave. Her eyes flutter open, and she looks up to me, and smile a sweet soft smile that I haven't seen her show before.

"Good morning, William," she says in a whisper. And it is right there when I finally make up my mind about my future.

"I want to die," I say, and she frowns.

"You will, at some point," she left out rather morosely.

"I mean," I start and she places a soft finger over my lips, and I shiver.

"Are you sure?" she asks me. And I nod. "Good. I'll see that it gets arranged," Helen lefts out before she gets more comfortable half atop of me. "Next week?" she says.

"Huh?"

"I can arrange it in a week."

"Sure."

"And William?"

"Yes?"

"If this helps you to sleep, I'll rather continue it here than in my office. I could use the sleep, too," Helen smiled.

March 21st, 2004

A windy sensation and a blue light bring William out of his dream. He knows that light too well: Ashley. He sits on the bed trying to control his breathing, glaring at her when he hears her giggling.

"Bloody hell, what's up with you Magnus women scaring me to death today?"

"My mom scared you?" Ashley chuckled making Will roll his eyes.

"She got a call to visit Keuld, who wasn't feeling too well and couldn't control her freezing touch. Your mom treated her, so when she came here cold as ice and face-planted herself into bed trembling, she didn't have a better idea than wake me up by placing one frozen hand on my back. Then, two hours later, she woke up to go to the pool, and I went back to sleep and, of course, your sister decided to come looking for her and tripped over the darn chest and scared the crap out of me with her swearing. And now you…"

"Oh, Will! You know we are not so bad," Ashley laughed. "Besides, it's not our fault you are so easily scared or awoken."

"And here I was in the middle of a sweet dream, and you come," he rolled his eyes playfully.

"Hush, dad," she joked, he raised an eyebrow, and she did the same with a huge grin. "Oh, I know you were totally dreaming of her," she wriggled her eyebrows, "I'll take you don't know where mom is?"

"I left her at the pond with Sam; she couldn't sleep. None of you can, apparently," he rubbed his face tiredly.

"Oh, you have to adore the Magnus' traits! Go back to bed, William, tah-tah!" she waved before disappearing again. A few moments later, he heard a loud thump outside, and the door opened.

"Ashley?" He asked, then he spotted Helen walking towards the bathroom.

"William, I thought you were sleeping!" She came closer to the bed and gave him a quick kiss. "Yes, Ashley brought us back; they are rummaging through the albums. And I'm in a desperate need of a hot shower. I'm already late!"

"Oh! Dear Lord! Helen Magnus is late! We can't possibly have that," he joked, and she glared at him. Then she turned around swaying her hips.

"Just for that, I'll wait for you at the staff meeting. In an hour!" She finished disappearing behind the doors.

Outside, the Magnus girls were using Helen's family album to bond.

"You know, I learned you existed months before I passed away," Ashley snorted. "Before the Cabal abducted me. Geez, it sounds so freaky! Anyhow, I found her on your birthday, and she told me everything. I don't know how I managed or why I didn't say anything about you to the Cabal. Or maybe I did, and mom was right, and even if they knew about you, finding someone who doesn't exist is almost impossible."

"And yet here I am."

"Lucky us! Anyhow, for years, I thought this little one was me." She said, caressing a picture of Helen, her hair was a shade or two darker than Sam's, she was smiling brightly, and she had a baby dressed in a white dress, the bracelet on her little arm shining through the picture. "When she told me, I remembered this picture. She has a copy on her desk, this one and one of my favorite pictures of us, from when I was 3 or 4."

"That's nice."

"Yeah, one day, after I learned about you, I took that picture out of the frame," she took the picture out of the album and turned it around. In Helen's handwriting the words Samantha Magnus – December 29th, 1970 appeared on the back

"That's me?"

"I guess so, I'm not Samantha," Ashley shrugged and looked the watch. Then she gulped, "I need to find Nikola now."

"What? Why?"

"You know I'm changed, right?" Sam nodded, "I'm under treatment to help me to be me. With you guys around, it's kind of hard to use the energy I need to use to keep myself in line."

"That's why you were jumping around?"

"Yup, I need to beat the crap out of Dracula," she grinned. "Sorry, I know he is your father, biologically at least, but if we want him to be not bruised by the time your team is up, then I gotta go."

"Okay," before she could ask anything else, she was gone. She sighed and looked at the picture of her baby self; a tiny smile appeared on her face. "I guess things would have been different."

"They might have," Helen told her from the door a sad smile on her face. "Ashley?"

"She went to find Tesla," she frowned, "She also pointed me to this picture," Helen smiled.

"Good. The lock put a hard strain on Ashley's control, that's why I decided to unlock you all. I couldn't; I can't afford her taking a step back on her treatment." Helen pinched the bridge of her nose. The memories of all those fights and all those days locked in the room, trying to take her down. "And the picture, it's the only memory I had from you. I still have all the things I got for you, but you never used stored."

"I found them. My dad, hum, Jacob Carter..."

"Your dad," Helen nodded. "He will always be your dad. No matter how biologically you are Nikola's daughter. Just like your mom will always be your mom. I, we can't take the place of those who brought you up. They made you who you are; we just made you what you are, in biological terms, of course, and it was sweet of him, to save those mementos for you."

"Well, as I told you, I didn't know until recently. But I don't want to talk about me," Sam rolled her eyes. "Or the Colonel."

"What do you want to talk about?"

"Why did Will stayed? I'm trying to figure out what I would do, and there's no way I would have stayed," Helen closed her eyes.

"Did Ashley told you about her treatment?" She nodded, "Will arrived a couple of months after we started it. I could see how he was fighting the demons I gave him. But I needed him here, not only for me but to help her. I knew I had pushed him to his breaking point, and I didn't hope for him to stay for me. Alas, I needed him to stay and help me treat Ashley; he was the only one who could help her deal with her mind, even if during the first couple of weeks he didn't know what her treatment was or how we were all involved in it."

"Okay..."

"I convinced myself I was doing it for her and only for her. And still, I couldn't explain it to Will. He was supposed to stay for a month before taking any decision. That night, she called me for a fight, and I went. At that point, we used to be two in the room, just in case. And both Nikola and I can get a good deal of injuries and pain, but we need to be well-fed, and I wasn't."

"What happened?"

"There are a moment or two when she spars in which she's not herself yet. Back then, she wasn't herself most of the time, and even though she got a good deal of injuries until she fell unconscious. She was strong enough to give me an open head injury, two black eyes, a lip cut, a jaw fracture, broken and bruised ribs, an exposed broken radius, displaced shoulder, wrists, and knees. And a detached ear after two hours of sparring and healing. When she passed out, and I tried to stand up and heal myself once more, I remembered I hadn't had anything since breakfast. And it was past dinner time."

"You called Will?"

"No. I dragged myself out of Ashley's room and locked it, and then I sat, and I was going to wait until I entered my healing cycle," she shook her head. "I was about to pass out when Will came. He was trying to tire himself enough to sleep. He helped me and then, I had to explain to him what happened to me…"

"And I knew I had to do my best to help Ashley. I also decided my fate that day. Now, is there any chance of having a gigantic cup of coffee? It might be a good excuse to tell your Doctor Frasier, who just entered your room."

"Crap! Yeah, coffee sounds like an excellent idea," Helen rolled her eyes

"Not even five minutes in the same room, and you have already corrupted my daughter with coffee."

"Me? There's no Magnus I can corrupt, darling; you are all forces of nature by your own"

"I'll take it as a compliment, you both better go. I need to finish hair and makeup," she rolled her eyes, "and then I will join you."