A/N: Wow, more than 80 reviews! I'm blown away! I love you guys! Thanks so much! This chapter is called 'Running to Stand Still', named after a song by U2. Oh, and I should probably mention that the artists from the last chapter (REM)aren't Canadian, and my calling them that was a bit of a joke between a friend and I- it wouldn't really make sense to anyone else. So for the record, they're American, from Georgia.:)
This chaptercould probably use some more editing, but I'm exhausted and its rather late... Hope you enjoy and don't want me dead by the end of it. (And hugs to Anushka for being awesome. (laughs)) Happy Holidays!
Chapter Title: Running to Stand Still
"Stokes," Nick sighed into the receiver of his cell as he answered it less than halfheartedly.
"Hey Nick, its Sofia Curtis."
"Yeah, your name was on the ID... What do you need?" He massaged his temples as he fell back into the loveseat, closing his eyes in mild frustration.
"Just uh… checking up on you, I guess? Few of us were going out for dinner, you're welcome to join us."
"I... uh, don't think so…--"
"C'mon, we'll be an hour. Just you, and me, and a few others. It'll be fun; help you sleep, you know…"
"Sorry Sofia, tonight isn't a good night. I'm uh, really not feeling great. Thanks though... See you tomorrow?" Nick pressed, wanting nothing more than to hang up. Why the hell did Sofia want to go out for dinner with him? She hadn't even been there to see Sara off.
Sofia sounded slightly disheartened, but only for a moment. "…Alright then... if you change your mind, we're atthefancy place on8th.Hope you feel better."
"Thanks."
"Sure, goodnight… oh, and don't worry about Sara."
"Uh, right. Goodnight, then."
"'Night."
Nick snapped his cell phone closed and stared at it like it was a three year old who had just uttered a series of disgusting swear words at him for the fun of it. Sofia hardly ever talked to him unless they were on a case together, and even with the team back together, that rarely happened. And… only hours after his girlfriend had left, she was inviting him to dinner like nothing was the matter. Like Sara being gone was just a superficial scratch on an already bumpy candle or something. It was just plain weird, personally he'd never felt that Sofia had even liked him all that much. If that had been true, although he'd have to be pressed to say something so hurtful to anyone, he would probably have to agree that the feeling was mutual. He shook his head with a tired sigh as he stuffed his phone back into his pocket, deciding to leave it on in case Sara called. She had promised to phone back... even if it was a couple of hours ago. He shifted his weight on the couch, trying without success to get comfortable.
Finally deciding that he'd rather not think about Sofia, Nick decided that his brain had to be running on emotional overdrive- and the suspicions he was forming were probably just the result of his reading into the situation too much. She'd invited him out for a friendly dinner with whoever else was there, it wasn't meant to be anything out of the ordinary.
…But damn it, there was something wrong with that…
Sweet the sin…
But the bitter taste in my mouth…
Sara had unpacked a few sets of clothes in the guest room Blaze had told her to take, deciding not to put them in drawers but instead on top of the antique dresser by the window. Somehow, she didn't think she'd be there long enough for it to be necessary. Well, the part of her that felt guilty about being back in this apartment wanted to believe that. Come to think of it, the room didn't look much different than it had when she last seen it; packing her bags up. Admittedly, that night hadn't been a good one. She'd left for what she thought was the last time the very next morning. Angry with herself, she tried to shove the memory out of her mind. It still made her feel guilty; her actions were incredibly unfair to him. But a mere six years ago, she was vastly emotionally immature, incapable of returning his feelings past what she'd already given him. At the time, running seemed the only solution.
Sara sat down on the bed and felt the soft comforter between her fingers. There had been so many good times. But now… a sickly sweet sorrow…
She is running to stand still…
A 28 year old Sara Sidle lay beside him, listening intently to the sound of his soft breathing, and she wondered how…
But she didn't want to go back.
She stared at the ring on her finger. It terrified her. What was she doing? She was so confused; did she really want this? Did she really love him? He couldn't possibly want her…
She must have hurt him terribly…
She knew she had an out... Gil Grissom had asked her to join his team up in Las Vegas, and he was only one call away. He was part of the reason she knew she couldn't do it…
Sara felt bile rising in her throat; she felt sick to her stomach as she remembered the thoughts that had swarmed her vision that night. How he'd been so good to her, given her more love than she'd then thought possible, never asking for anything in return, save her hand…
She couldn't marry him.
Step on a steam train…
Step out of the driving train…
Maybe run from the darkness in the night…
She is running to stand still…
God, this was going to be one of the most difficult things she'd ever have to do. How the hell was she supposed to work with him? Six years ago seemed worlds away. How in hell's name was she supposed to deal with this on top of Aspen and Julia? And Christ, how had her subconscious avoided these thoughts until now? ...Back in Vegas whileon the phone with Blaze, even up until the point when he asked her why she really left?
It's just the way you cope. Sara's subliminal mind spoke to her, and she cringed. "Yeah, a lot of good that's done me… Who else could manage to push something so sickening so far out of her mind that it becomes a clouded dream, barely there?" Sarcasm was evident in her voice, and she surprised herself when she finally realized that cohesive sound had escaped her lips. God, she was so far out of it.
"What have you pushed so far out of your mind that it's become a clouded dream?"
Sara jumped, her eyes snapped wide open as she sat rigid, alert.
"Blaze?" She recognized his accent, and couldn't believe he'd heard her. "You... uh, you're back!" An embarrassed, sheepish chuckle escaped the same lips that had just betrayed her mere moments before. What the hell, what the hell… A sudden urge to smash her head against the dresser to her left came over her like a ton of bricks.
Blaze Evans appeared before her, looking pale but wearing his usual cherubic expression all the same as he leaned against the doorframe. "Hi Sar." He smiled for a moment, before noticing the way the slight features of her face had contorted into a distraught expression. "You alright, dear?" Sara watched as he swooped down to her, clasping her hands in his as she sat on the bed. She sniffed, trying to pull herself together.
"I'm so sorry Blaze." She collapsed into his arms, sobs wracking her body. Even still, the vicious thoughts gave her no peace.
You got to cry without weeping,
Talk without speaking,
Scream without raising your voice, you know…
I took the poison, from the poison stream,
Then I floated out of here…
"How do you think she is?" Grissom nodded at the case file he was peering over with Warrick at his side as put words to what was on his mind. Warrick gave him a sick look as he stared at the picture his mentor was holding. It was of the stripped body of deceased murder victim Christie Addams.
"Christie Addams?" Warrick asked in disbelief. He must have heard wrong. Grissom just looked at him.
"No, Sara."
"Oh, sorry." A cough escaped his throat. "I haven't actually talked to her… Well, I hope…"
Grissom didn't answer, but began studying another photo of a handgun found about a block away from the house Christie was killed in. His eyes weren't actually absorbing any information the photograph had to offer, but it was something to make him look busy as he searched for words.
"Nick is taking it pretty hard. I talked to him during break maybe a half hour ago." Warrick sighed as he studied Grissom, knowing full well he wasn't really looking at the picture.
Finally sound escaped the entomologist, but nothing decisive enough to offer Warrick a clue as to what was going through his head.
"Hmm."
"Mr. Evans is it?" A friendly nurse asked as they found their way up to room 319 at San Francisco General Hospital and Medical Center.
"Yes. And Miss Sidle." Blaze answered, placing a hand on Sara's shoulder. She nodded grimly, trying to smile but managing nothing more than a painful looking grimace.
The nurse jotted their names down on a clipboard on the room's door, placed it back in the pocket and unlocked the door for them to enter but leaving it closed. "He's just woken up an hour ago; we were actually just about to call you. He does however seem to have some short term memory loss, but other than that he seems to be recovering well." The redhead smiled. "He's lucky."
"That's great news!" Blaze grinned broadly, thanking the nurse and giving Sara a reassuring look. She smiled back at him, relieved.
"I'll wait here, you should see him first…"
"Are you sure Sar? He'll be positively ecstatic to see you, you know."
"I… yeah. I'll still see him, but…"
"It's okay. I'll come and get you in a moment."
Sara nodded, and Blaze opened the door quietly, entering and finally closing it behind him. She stood idly leaning on the wall as she waited, finally deciding to see who else had visited Neil. Her dark eyes grazed the cork clipboard as she pulled it from the pocket on the door. Reoccurring were three names she recognized, and two that she didn't. Adelaide and Michael Jones… So they ended up getting married! Sara smiled to herself, remembering the banter those two had shared in the lab. It reminded her of Nick and herself. Particularly Lindsay's birthday, when Nick had gotten her a chemistry set. Keep that, you might learn something. She chuckled, moving on to the next name. Bailey, one of the lab techs had visited quite a bit, as did two other people… a Miss Amerie Brookes, and Mr. Rei Edwards. They had to be either family or new staff…
Just as she was putting the board back, someone opened the door. She jumped a bit, but relaxed when she saw that it was Blaze. He smiled at her and ran a hand through his dark, ruffled hair. Saying nothing, he gestured for her to come in, and she obliged.
"Sara! Is that really you?" A voice came from the hospital bed in the corner of the room, and Sara saw that Neil was laying there, wrapped up in gauze in various places where he'd been burnt by the explosion.
"Neil! Yes, it's me… how are you?" She spoke fast but quietly, rushing further into the room to kneel at the man's bed.
"I'm fine… feel like I've just fallen down a rocky cliff; not sure when that happened, but I'm alright. It's been so long, when did you come back?" The heavily scarred man grinned at her through his bandages, but his smile quickly turned into a grimace as he realized how much it hurt to move his face. He didn't seem to remember the explosion, which was probably a good thing.
"I arrived here earlier today. I actually came to help solve yours and Aspe—"
"Sara, sorry to interrupt you, but can I speak with you for a moment?" Blaze interjected from the back of the room. Sara paused for a moment, a little shocked before apologizing to Neil and telling him she'd be right back. She joined Blaze in a corner away from Neil's view.
"He doesn't know about Aspen and Julia. And if you tell him, it will just hurt him. He'll forget it in a week, and have to be told again. He's better off not knowing, Sara…" Blaze heaved a sigh.
"He and Aspen were engaged."
Back in Las Vegas, Nick was fighting a loosing battle as he tried to get some sleep. The room was so quiet without the sound of her breathing beside him, and he could barely stand it. Frustrated, he looked at the clock. Sara hadn't called him back yet, and she'd likely be in bed herself soon. He picked up the phone.
She runs through the streets,
With her eyes painted red…
Under black belly of cloud in the rain
She is raging
She is raging and the storm blows up in her eyes
She will suffer the needle chill
She is running…
To stand still...
A/N: I fully expect death threats for this… but remember, the pain is temporary! I'm a total Snicker and hopeless romantic, so you can bet the fluff will come along. I'll try to update soon, be sure to leave a review! They're good at getting me going:) It worries me sometimes to see so many people with alerts on the story, but I wonder if they actually read past the first chapter. 0-o
As always, 'a penny for your thoughts' (Maybe I should change it to a nickel… That would bring my tab to 7 for Cat. (laughs)) Anyways, I do hope you enjoyed, and if you have a death threat for me, do not hesitate to sent it in via a review! Just don't be too mean… :'( It won't last forever…
Much love, and Until Next Time,
-Sahariah