A/N: Okay, I apologize in advance for this; chapter 10 is a sad chapter. But it's a necessary one. Not Enough-Our Lady Peace. Which is a Canadian band. (laughs) One of my favourites. Anyways, on with the chapter… it's a long one! (cheers!)

Chapter Title: Not Enough

Four rings and no answer. Her phone was off. Nick sighed harshly, putting the phone back on his night table just knowing there was no way he was going to get any sleep. Maybe he should have just left a message. But what would he say? Hey Sara, its Nick, listen, it's only been four hours since I last talked to you, but I really don't know what to do with myself, and I can't sleep without you. Um… yeah. I love you, bye bye now. He rolled his eyes. If his message ended up being that lame, he didn't care. Whatever.Before long, the phone was picked up again.

"Hey Sar…"

They were engaged? Why hadn't Aspen told her? Sara's mind had gone numb, even as she bid Neil farewell, her facial expressions, even her words, seemed out of her control. The walk out to the hospital parking lot with Blaze was a silent one. She didn't even realize what was going on until he helped her into the cab they'd flagged down after a few minutes. The only thing she could carry was the pain… She knew all their worlds were falling apart, too.

There's nothing left to prove…

There's nothing I won't do…

There's nothing like the pain…

"Sara…" Blaze didn't miss the expression on Sara's face. He put an arm around her before telling the cab driver to take them to the street by his apartment, pulling her close, trying to comfort her. She stiffened in his embrace, but soon relaxed, finally allowing her head to fall onto his shoulder. A few stray tears found their way down her slight cheeks, eventually soaking invisibly into the dark fabric of his overcoat collar. They continued to well in her deep eyes when finally, the pressure was too great and she blinked. But the tears didn't make it far… a gentle thumb brushed them from her face…

"This isn't your fault." Blaze's dark hair coalesced with Sara's raven locks as he leant his own head on hers. She gave a silent reply with another blink, sending another stream down her face. A sudden sob escaped her lips, and her nails dug into the denim of her pants…

I feel for you…

"Shh…" He took her hand in his, squeezing it gently. He wanted desperately to tell her it was okay… but they both knew the situation was far from it. Instead they said nothing, choosing instead to take comfort in the other's company as waves of dread noiselessly consumed their minds. A vague notion that being this close to Blaze should have been more difficult considering her relationship with Nick wormed its way into Sara's head. But right now, all she wanted was some sense of security… solace from the harsh reality before her. Was that selfish? But their closeness was beginning to worry her… Her reflection were quickly interrupted following that thought by the cab driver, who announced they'd arrived at Blaze's apartment.

"Thank you." Blaze sighed quietly. The tone of his voice was so unlike it usually was. "How much do I owe you?"

"$16.25, please. Thank you, sir." The cabbie replied, accepting the twenty dollar bill from him with a friendly smile.

"Keep the change," Blaze smiled back, giving him a small wave as he aided a shaky Sara back out of the car. "Goodnight."

The cab drove off, and the pair entered the apartment lobby, making their way up the stairway, Blaze's hand on her shoulder all the way. She barely noticed. Characteristically, he always had something to say. It had been a long time since he'd last found himself searching for words. But there just didn't seem to be anything to say. Any words of comfort would likely come out either meaningless or provocative. Not that he was against that; truth be told, he was finding it difficult to spend time with his ex fiancé… well, not even ex, really. They'd never formally broken it off. Sara just got up one day and left… maybe a week after their engagement. He had of course tried to track her down, but all he managed to get out of her was that she couldn't do it. Since then, they'd hardly spoken, and Blaze found himself wondering on a semi-regular basis just what he'd done wrong. And if forced to express the rationale behind his subsequent failed marriage, he'd likely have to admit that it was because part of him couldn't let her go.

Nothing left to face…

There's nothing left to lose…

Nothing takes your place…

…But all that was in the past. Useless memories and sentiments that, given the circumstances, could never be acted upon again. He'd long since accepted that. But having her back so suddenly had thrown him for a loop, to say the least…

Finally in the condo, Sara excused herself to the guestroom where she was sleeping. She felt guilty for leaving so abruptly, especially after what they'd both been through, so after throwing on a thin sweater and a pair of flannels, she returned to the living room. But Blaze was nowhere in sight.

"Blaze?"

"Over here, Sar."

She heard his voice coming from the sizable balcony extending from his bedroom. Unsure of whether or not she should really be going into his room, she stepped in and quickly made her way over to where he stood, leaning lightly over the balustrade.

"What are you doing?" Sara asked quietly.

"Looking at the stars… the water." He turned from the ocean view the condo platform provided to look at her moonlit face. He smiled when he saw that she was wearing the same kind of casual pajamas he remembered, and continued. "It's calming, I guess."

What you want,

What you lost,

What you had,

What is gone is over…

What you got,

What you love,

What you need,

What you have is real…

She smiled back sadly, deciding to join him at the railing.

"Yeah… that's something I miss in Vegas," she said without thinking, her fingers tapping along the granite barrier now that she felt less shaky. Blaze chuckled lightly, returning his gaze to the shining water of the harbour now that she was beside him.

"I think I'd miss it too," he sighed. They were both silent for a while, just staring out into the distance, unsure of what exactly to say. Trying to perhaps lighten the mood, or perhaps feed his curiosity, Blaze finally spoke.

"So who was it you were talking to earlier in the car? The one who told you about the bombing before I even knew about it?" He tried to sound almost joking, but couldn't help but worry he'd sounded nosy in asking that question. It was entirely possible, after all, that the person on the other end was a boyfriend or something. Or even a husband. Honestly, Sara seemed so enigmatic as far as relationships went. He was still confused, even six years later. It took Sara a minute to reply, long enough that he'd considered saying 'never mind'. She wasn't sure how she wanted to answer; he was obviously just making conversation, but somehow, she didn't feel like discussing the particulars of her relationship with Nick with Blaze, at least at the moment. Given their circumstances, it was bound to make things more difficult anyway. So she decided not to tell the whole story.

"Um… just a coworker from back in Vegas. He was watching the news and worried that I was still in the airport." Hell, it was the truth. Nick was a coworker. He was watching the news. That's all that needed to be said, right?

Judging by the way she was avoiding his eye, Blaze inferred that there was probably more to it than that. He wasn't a CSI supervisor for nothing. But he didn't want to push her for answers.

"Ah, I see." He smiled at her again. They were quiet again for a while, until Blaze noticed that Sara was shivering and grabbed a large housecoat for her from his bedside. He used the opportunity to bring up what was really on his mind.

"Sara…" Another sigh. "Do you want to— uh… talk…"

She tilted her head casually, looking at him questioningly. In reality, she knew exactly what he meant. She was dreading it.

"About all of this… and us."

It was Sara's turn to sigh now. But she felt guilty… he'd put up with her evasive nonsense for more than six years… maybe now was the time to talk. Finally, she agreed.

"'kay. Where do you want to start?"

When they say…

You're not that strong,

You're not that weak,

It's not your fault…

"Hey man, how are ya?" Warrick patted his friend on the back as they met in the entranceway of CSI just prior to the start of shift. Nick smiled back, but the usual dazzle of his grin was missing.

"I'm… uh, okay, I guess." Nick finished removing the thin jacket he'd been wearing and threw it over his shoulder as they made their way to the locker room.

"You hear from her?"

"Uh, yeah… I called her yesterday afternoon. Was watching the news… there was another bombing at San Francisco International Airport just five minutes after she got outta there." He felt sick just thinking about it. Warrick looked deeply concerned.

"She's okay, right?"

"Yeah. Heard the explosion from up the street."

"Christ…"

Catherine peeked her head in the locker room just as they wandered in.

"Hey guys, Gris wants all of us in the break room ten minutes early." She announced, pushing a strand of bright blonde hair behind her ear. "How are you doing, Nicky?" Her eyebrows raised in question as she smiled encouragingly at her coworker. Nick looked up from his locker where he'd had his face buried for the last minute or so to acknowledge her.

"I'm alright, thanks Cath. See you in five." He waved her off casually, feeling guilty for it almost instantly when he caught the uneasy look that crossed her thin face just before she nodded and took off in the direction of her office. He heaved a sigh and made to close his locker, when the article he'd placed on the top shelf caught his eye. The cowboy hat. He couldn't help but smile. Picking it up, Nick decided he'd wear it. It was something that could bring him closer to her, even if she was several hundred miles away. Warrick looked up from his own locker as he pulled a new shirt over his head, grinning when he saw Nick's hat.

"Nice sky piece."

Nick adjusted the hat slightly as he looked at his partner questioningly.

"Sky piece. You know, hat."

"Isn't a sky piece like a beanie or a skull cap?"

"Yeah. There lies the joke."

Nick chuckled, submitting himself. "It's from Sara. For my birthday."

Warrick laughed, shaking his head. "Nice."

By the time Nick and Warrick made it to the break room, Greg, Catherine and Grissom were already seated, and judging by the way they all shut up at once when they entered, the subject of conversation was likely Sara and Nick. Grissom looked older than ever. It seemed this situation was getting to him almost as much as it was to Nick. Sofa came in just behind them, apologizing for being late when she was really about three minutes early.

"Hey Nick." She patted him on the shoulder a few times with a smile before taking a seat to the left of Grissom at the break room table. Nick noticed she had her blonde hair let down, and it spread across her shoulders and on her back. Usually she only wore it that way for special occasions. But his thought train was interrupted when Grissom handed him an assignment, explaining that their load was fairly heavy today. He looked at his sheet. DB in a club just off the Strip. He was working with Warrick…a glad smile crossed his face. Warrick and… Sofia?

"Nice cowboy hat." The woman in question had risen from her seat to stand with her case group, shooting a grin at Nick as she examined his assignment paper. "It suits you." She gave the front rim of the 'sky piece' a little flick and headed for the door, her long blonde hair flowing behind her. "DB at Aiyoku nightclub just off the strip. Catch you there."

Grissom, characteristically oblivious, walked out the other door just after Sofia did, making his way to his office where he had a mountain of paperwork on the solved Christie Addams murder waiting to be tackled. Catherine, Greg and Warrick however, remained with a slightly taken aback Nick, waiting just until Sofia was safely out of earshot before mumbling 'what was that?'

Nick shrugged it off with a shake of his head.

"No idea," he answered, deciding to change the subject. "What have you two got?"

"Double at the Tangiers. Apparently it's pretty messy… your typical 'blood everywhere' scene." Catherine sighed, her fingers toying lazily with the small assignment sheet.

"Nice." Warrick cocked an eyebrow in her direction, gaining a smile in return.

"Why? What have you got?"

"DB at Aiyoku, like Sofia just said."

"You're both with her?"

Nick nodded. "Yeah."

Greg pipped up. "Isn't Aiyoku that new club with the Geisha kind of theme?"

"Not sure, I've never been there." Nick answered, wondering where Greg had gained this knowledge. "Have you?"

"No, no… but I heard its now one of the places to be in Vegas. A lot of the big players come in and out of there."

"Great, media attention." Warrick sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "We better get out of here, Sofia's going to wonder where we are."

Nick nodded and picked up his kit from the floor, giving a small wave as he followed Warrick out the door… and finally into the semi-darkness of the PD parking lot, situated in the middle of the urban wasteland of lights that was Las Vegas on a Saturday night.

Blaze pulled off his t-shirt and grabbed another white housecoat quickly from a closet just beside the door to the balcony, finally throwing the discarded article over his shoulder. It landed lightly on the bed, and he walked back outside again. Heaving another sigh, he decided it best to just get right to the point.

"Do you think we could start by going back six years?"

Sara's eyes shot up from the ground, the sick feeling in her stomach returning. His request wasn't forceful, if anything the familiar voice was gentle, caring. His tolerance made her feel worse… she was so much more capable dealing with anger than… whatever this was. But she nodded anyway.

"'kay."

"Sara… just, please… tell me outright… why did you leave?"

"I still don't know exactly why... But Blaze, don't think it's because I hated you or something. That's just not true."

"But then why? Sar, that's all you ever say. 'You don't know, or you couldn't do it.' What the hell does that mean?" He was getting frustrated, his voice finally more forceful. Sara closed her eyes and breathed deep, trying to suppress the aching tears she could feel welling behind them.

"It probably had to do with a lot of things… When I was a kid… my mother…. she stabbed my father to death. At the time… I'd never seen anything more destructive than marriage." Her dark eyes finally opened with a little sniff, sending familiar crystalline droplets down her cheeks, reflecting in the moonlight that glowed over them. "…and even in our line of work… you know love is one of the most common motives for murder." She almost chuckled at that.

Blaze just stared at her, open eyed. "Jesus Sar…"

"I just… don't usually talk about it." She smiled sadly in his direction, biting her lip in an effort to control herself. "I'm afraid of commitment. I seem to poison my own relationships. I'm only just learning how to be…" Blaze placed his hand on hers, and she looked up again, images of Nick swarming her head. "I'm only just figuring out how… to be loved."

There's nothing you can say,

Nothing you can do…

There's nothing in between,

You know the truth…

It's not enough…

It's not enough, I'm sorry…

A/N: Damnit, I'm evil. XD Sorry. But at least this chapter is long, right? XD I'll try not to make the wait so long next time. School took over. (grr.) Anyways, sorry for any errors… I didn't really go over it well, and I have to run in like, three minutes. Just wanted to get this finally posted. Please drop me a review on your way out! Thanks, Happy Holidays, and Until Next Time…

-Sahariah