Chapter 4

She hugged her small frame, protecting herself against the cold of the room. It was night. The children were in bed. All was taken care of. Only she was left unattended to. Only her feelings were left unresolved. Her body was stiff, she had been lying there for hours, letting mind go free. A mistake, she was sure for without boundaries, without that limit, where she told herself to stop, there were problems. Problems that she couldn't explain, problems she wasn't prepared for but was warned of. Problems that could easily be avoided if she could hide her fee flowing thoughts somewhere, somewhere safe.

How she resented herself and her existence. She and her choices only made her miserable in the end anyway. If only God would just answer her! Why, in God's name, was she even here! She only screwed things up for herself and everyone else. For four years the question burned inside of her, could she have lived with it? Could she have lived with these powers for all eternity? Could she have gone on through her everyday life knowing how different she was from the rest of the world? Could he? Could he have gone through life knowing that he had married someone who would always be so different?

The information she had found out today only made her feel worse about the unanswered questions. What she really wanted, what she really needed was to know that in the end it would all be worth it. The biggest and most important and meaningful question that needed answering: Would it all be worth it in the end? Today this question was answered. The answer was no.

All she had to reassure all these years that she was making the right decision slipped away in slow motion as she threw up in that alley way, once she was out of his sight. Of course, she had scarred the children so badly that she wondered if she would have to take them to a clinic. Luckily, she easily convinced them that it had been something bad that she ate and they asked no further questions. She hated herself for reacting that way, she hated herself for screwing up her first assignment, she hated herself for answering that letter on that day, she hated herself for not telling him the real reason she left, she hated herself for hurting the both of them when he was just going to go out and get married in the end, anyway.

She felt so naïve and deceived by the world. Her only comfort that the both of them, in the end, would be happy was gone. She had nothing now.

iSwoosh/i

Soot filled the air of her little room. Once it all cleared, she got up from her seat on the bed and stared reluctantly at the letter hovering in the fireplace. She glared at it and all it represented: all of her mistakes of the past and future. Just what she needed. She snatched it from its home, knowing where its true alliance lay. She flipped on her light and quickly ripped it open.

iTo Miss Mary Poppins,

The P.P.I.E.W.A. (Practically Perfect In Every Way Administration) is regretfully notifying you that the board is considering the placement of yourself at this time. The P.P.I.E.W.A. is unsure of whether or not you are capable of completing you assignment successfully. We are afraid that you may becoming emotionally involved, which we are sure you know is against policy. The P.P.I.E.W.A. is considering taking you off assignment and sending you back for another year's training. If you do not pull take a course of action, you will most certainly be pulled off the assignment.

The P.P.I.E.W.A. /i

Wonderful, now it would take even longer for her to finish her term. This wasn't supposed to happen. It wasn't part of the plan that she had devised so many years ago that would make them all happy, make it all worth it. Him getting married and her having to go back for a year's more training was not in the equation. Nothing was working out. What if she'd told him? Why hadn't she tell him? If she had told him that after going for the four year's of training and three year's of service, if she had told him that after all that, they would take away her powers and she would be free to live life as a normal person, her powers would be gone…would it have made a difference? No, it wouldn't. They had both wanted something that she wouldn't have allowed herself to do in that condition. Not matter what he would have said.

It had been a selfish move but at that moment in time, she honestly didn't think she could live happily through life looking over her shoulder, making sure that no body found out. This way she could have a normal life, it would just take longer. Once her powers were gone they could have all been happy. He had known how she hated them, he would have understood. If only he hadn't jumped to conclusions, she would have thought to tell him. He would have waited. The could have had it all. What made it even worse was that she still wanted it all. She still wanted to be his and she kicked herself for wanting it now, she shouldn't, she couldn't but she did. One of the hardest things in life: watching someone you love, love someone else.

i She was sixteen. Her dress fell neatly across her knees and she sat in the sitting room chair. This novel wasn't exactly very interesting and all she could think about was going outside but it was a little cloudy. It was probably going to rain. Maybe she could go see Burt…but he was working. Or perhaps she could see if uncle Albert was busy or not but she decide not to. She closed the book that she had been staring blankly at for a half hour and wrinkled her nose as a little dust flew into the air. She sighed – a bored sigh – and carelessly dropped the book on the side table. She looked around for something to do.

Wait…a few moments passed where she could feel her heart beat quicken…was she taller? She looked down, her eyes wide in horror and saw two inches of unoccupied space between herself and the chair. She screamed as she jumped up and grimaced at the chair in terror. Oh, lord, oh god…what was happening to her! She could feel her hands go numb and her neck and face felt as if they were on fire. Her entire body prickled as she looked down at herself in disgust. What was WRONG with her! She was just now beginning to be able to live with herself, getting over the fact that she wasn't faultless and now, now look at her! She was floating two inches in the air! She could now hear her heart in her ears, pulsing, pulsing, pulsing. Her mind couldn't process this.

She felt like crying, anything but she had to get away from this house. She looked around in panic and couldn't breath. Oh, God…had anybody seen her? The thought only made her want to crawl inside a hole and hide from the world forever. She was some kind of freak! She walked towards the stairs and stopped. No being alone with herself would only make things worse…she walked towards the study where uncle Albert would be. No she couldn't talk to him right now. She walked towards the door and stopped again, she was going to fall to pieces, she had nowhere to go. She could feel the lump in her throat and her eyes stung. Wait… Yes she did. She ran to out the door grabbing her coat on the way.

She flew down the street, shrugging her coat on the way there, her shoes hitting the pavement and she ran as fast as she possibly could for two more blocks. It started to rain but she didn't care, it was better that way. Nobody could see her tears. She turned a sharp corner and tore past the bakery and the flower shop, ripping the door open to the grocery store.

His eyebrows instantly moved together as he studied the disaster in the doorway. "Mary, what's wrong?"

She raced into his arms and he held her soaked self tightly. "Burt…I'm so scared."/i

-A few weeks later-

iShe snapped her fingers and a sock flew across her room. Oh, this was ridiculous! She was actually trying to do these things now! But if it could help her clean up her room…well, maybe it wouldn't hurt. She snapped them again and this time she caught the sock and smiled at herself.

These powers could bring her satisfaction and feelings of accomplishment but with those emotions, fear and misplacement came along too. She didn't know how she would ever be able to live a normal life this way. She felt as if she didn't belong anywhere, so she decided that maybe God had made a mistake and put her in the wrong world…the wrong time. But upon mention, Burt told her not to be silly and that God doesn't ever make mistakes. He told her that she should try and develop it…make it something extraordinary because, after all – he explained – she was an extraordinary girl, so why not develop her extraordinary powers, right? Wrong. She was just starting to feel settled, everything was falling into place. Just the other day, Phyllis asked her if she would be marrying Burt. She felt a wave of shivers rise up in her upon the asking of it…they were only seventeen but had been an item for three years now. But then she remembered the event that had occurred, just weeks, earlier and didn't know what to tell her.

She didn't know where she belonged. Sometimes she wished that she could fly off onto her own little cloud, her own world. She often found herself thinking "Why me? Was I not over my awkward period?" All of the haunted insecurities from her past now existed and thrived in her once more and she didn't know if she could live that way forever. She walked over and opened the sock drawer, placing the item in with its other contents.

/iSwoosh!i Soot flew everywhere and spread throughout the room causing her to closer her eyes and wave to smoke away, coughing vigorously. Oh goodness, what in heaven's name was going on! The smoke and soot eventually cleared and she looked to the fireplace, gasping in horror, curiosity and astonishment. Suspended in midair, in the midst of the fireplace was a letter, waiting for its recipient.

Cautiously she approached it. What was it? Was that what caused the soot to fly everywhere? Her hand extended and she went to touch it, quickly pulling it back. Well, it was real – she wasn't hallucinating. Whether that was good or bad she would not know yet. She grasped it quickly then looking back into the fireplace, as to make sure nothing else surprising was to happen. She studied it for a moment in wonder. What was the P. P. I. E. W. A. ? That's what the return address said and that was it… hmmm….

Flipping in over, her fingers trembled as they traced the seal. She took a deep breath and opened it in one swift motion, taking the piece of parchment from within and unfolding it.

font size 8 To Miss Mary Poppins,

The P. P. I. E. W. A. (Practically Perfect In Every Way Administration) would like to welcome you to join us as you show signs of being eligible for enrollment. The P. P. I. E. W. A. is a group of magical misses whom are stationed with families in desperate need of help and guidance around the world. It is these magical misses whom are to restore these families. The P. P. I. E. W. A. will coach and guide you into becoming Practically Perfect In Everyway. You will go through at least three years or more of training before you are permitted to go out on assignment. If you accept this invitation you will need to take hold an umbrella and simply stand on the front of your porch with it open on the date of May 1st. The P. P. I. E. W. A. would like to congratulate you and with hopes of seeing you very soon.

The P. P. I. E. W. A./font size

Her eyes flew across the letters, going as fast as her heart was pounding. She read it through twice to make sure that she understood and didn't miss anything. There was a booklet inside the envelope too. She didn't know whether to be excited or – or something else. She didn't know, she couldn't think straight…finally some sort of explanation to all of this. She didn't want to live with these powers but if she had them she should do what they were meant for, right? That's what Burt told her to do. Wait – Burt. She couldn't leave him but she couldn't live here with him with these … powers either! But she loved Burt, she didn't know if she could live without him. But this was her final chance to be somewhere that she was meant to be. She would belong there! She would be with people like her…she couldn't pass that up. Not now. But…

/iSnap!i

She ducked as the sweater on her chair came flying at her. "Gee, Mary! Watcha throw'n your sweaters at me?" She spun around to see Burt standing in her doorway. Her stomach dropped and she felt as though she was going to be sick. The abdominal knot was tightening and she took a few steady breaths as he walked over and kissed her on the cheek.

His brow knitted together. "Mary, what's wrong," he asked studying her clammy expression. She forced a smile and said that it was just a bad headache. She would tell him later… she needed time to think about this. Time…/i