Chapter 17
Marley POV
When we pulled up in the large beach carpark, I drove up to the edge, away from a few other cars that were nearby, security parking close but a respectable distance away to give us privacy.
The moon wasn't full but the night was clear and still. It lit up the ocean, the breeze causing a rippling across the surface. I felt like we were in a bubble as he took my hand, looking out at the water before looking back at me. "It's very peaceful, everywhere here has made me feel connected with nature. Your country is beautiful, I've loved it. Not as much as I've loved meeting you Marley." His voice was deep, resonating through my body as he spoke. Each time he said things like that, another piece of the wall I'd built around my heart broke away.
I tucked my bottom lip into my teeth, taking a deep breath to reset my thoughts. And then another one. And then they were coming too fast and I started to hyperventilate, feeling my chest seize up and my eyes grew huge as I clutched at his hands in panic.
He reacted instantly. "Breathe Marley, long and slow, look at me," and he held tightly as I locked my eyes on the rise and fall of his chest, steady and even. It felt like a long time before I could look up, the feeling having passed enough to move again.
"Are you OK," he asked, tucking hair behind my ear and holding his hand to cup my face. I nodded slowly, my mind feeling heavy.
"I think you had a panic attack, I've had them before in the lead up to big events. Do you know what triggered it?"
My mouth felt dry as I went to speak, clearing my throat. "After Matty, I created a wall to stop just about everyone getting close. I didn't want to feel that way again., it was too hard." He continued to gently stroke his thumb across my cheek, his other hand holding mine, anchoring me to the present, reminding me this moment was real. "But with you, it was almost instant. And easy. Even from that day in the park when Sophia interrupted your writing, I felt something for the first time in a long time. And now...," I couldn't explain how I felt about him leaving, especially knowing there was nothing either one of us could do about it.
"I will always be grateful that Sophia came up to me that day."
I was silent for a moment and then couldn't hold it in anymore. "Tae, we haven't talked about what happens next, after you've gone."
"It's been such a short amount of time, hasn't it? To have feelings already. I'm very comfortable with what we have and I want to keep talking to you."
"Yes, five days isn't long," I replied, unsure of what he meant. Was he saying five days was too long to have real feelings. Because mine felt real. But if his didn't feel the same as mine, then were we just filling in time the last few days? I couldn't bring myself to ask. And he was comfortable with how things were, did that mean he didn't want more than what we had now. Was I just a temporary distraction? I felt more confused now than before we'd started to talk.
"Can we keep messaging?" he asked quietly.
"I'd like that Tae."
"I'm not great with texting but I do like video calls."
"OK, it's a plan." A vague one that didn't really resolve at all how we were feeling. Was it a cultural barrier that I didn't realise, was talking about feelings not a done thing? Because I wanted to lay it all out so I knew one way or another.
I started shivering, the cool night air spreading through the car
"Lets head back to your place so we can enjoy the last little bit before...," his voice trailling off.
"Yes, before," I said with a sad smile, starting the engine.
Security pulled up behind us as we parked in my driveway, waiting in the car as we went inside.
"My flight is 630am and my wake up call is 4am," he said, closing the door behind us and following me into the lounge. "As much as I'd like to stay, I need to go back to the hotel soon so I can finish packing and maybe get a few hours of sleep before we need to head to the airport. Once we land, we hit the ground running and it's almost midnight now."
I leaned against him as he spoke, taking the chance while I could to memorise the feel of him.
"I don't want to say goodbye, that's too final. And this isn't final," he said tugging me lightly onto his lap and I curled into his chest feeling the kind of safe that felt like home. Looking up, I saw his eyes were roaming over my face and I instinctively opened my lips slightly, his answering as he lowered his mouth to mine. The kisses were slow and deep as we explored each others mouths and as the fire took over, his hands came to my waist, holding me close. We both seemed to know it wasn't going to go further than kissing and I didn't feel the pressure to go there with him right now. If there was going to be more intimacy, it would come as the relationship grew. But right now, as his lips ran along my jaw, I was electrified. And as I tasted his skin, brushing across his Adam's apple, he swallowed closing his eyes tightly, the attraction sparking between us.
What felt like too soon, we pulled back, softly smiling at each other. "I should check quickly to make sure I haven't left anything in your room," he said and I wriggled off his lap as he went to stand up. As he left the room, I went to the cupboard grabbing a spare tube of my watermelon lip balm, tucking it into my palm.
"I think I took everything earlier," he said as he pulled me into his arms. As I wrapped my arms around him, I slipped the lip balm into his jacket pocket, hoping he'd find it when he got back to the hotel.
"So, that's it then," I replied, hugging him close.
"I do have to go now, yes," he answered into my hair.
Taking my hand he walked me to the door.
"It's going to be OK Marley."
"You don't know that," I replied, burying my head in his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around my back, pulling me against himself again.
"I don't know it for sure but that's what people say to make others feel better."
He gently moved my head away from his body, hands on either side of my neck as he stared down at me, both of us not saying anything for a moment. It stretched on, all of our feelings visible in our eyes as we drank each other in and I couldn't look away from his face. His lips were parted slightly and I wanted to sink into them and stay there, the softness already so familiar and comforting. I knew it would balance the turmoil going on inside for just a bit longer.
"Can I borrow a kiss?" he asked quietly. "I promise to give it back."
And I could've wept at how sweet he was in this moment but my eyes were dry, tears kept at bay for now as he leaned down. It was tender, the fire from earlier having burnt out into a restrained passion that I didn't want to stop, now or for the foreseeable future. But eventually it had to and we peeled away from each other as I bit my lip to stop myself from crying.
"I'll call tomorrow when we land."
"OK."
"And I'll text before then as well."
"OK."
"I don't break promises Marley."
"OK," I answered, squeezing his hand, my heart telling me it wasn't OK.
"If I don't go now, I won't."
"I know, sorry, I'm not trying to make it harder. Be safe." I couldn't say what I wanted; that I'd miss him, how much I already felt for him, that I wanted him to stay. That was too selfish and unfair, it had only been five days. Could you really fall in love in five days?
He put his hand on the door handle, swinging his bag up onto his shoulder. One last time our eyes locked, no more kisses, that would have broken me. "Goodbye Tae. Until next time."
"Until next time," he answered, turning the handle and opening the door. He took a few steps out onto the path, heading to the car that was waiting in the driveway. Then he dropped the bag on the ground and strode back, quickly pulling me close as he guided me back inside the dark of the entrance way. "One more," he said and this time the passion was back and suffocating in a good way, completely filling me, my mouth surrendering to his. Our breathing was quick as he finally stepped back. "I needed that," and I nodded feeling dazed, touching my lips which felt heavy and bruised from the intensity. "Hold onto that kiss until I see you again," and this time as he walked away, he didn't look back.
I watched as the car started, they were obviously watching out for him and as he drew near, security jumped out to open the car door. As they backed out of the driveway, I leaned against the doorframe watching the car leave, driving down the street and away from me and that's when I did finally break, shutting the door behind me as the tears began pouring down my face.
KTH POV
Walking out that door was killing me and I couldn't look back after the kiss on the doorstep. I knew if I saw her eyes, I'd cancel everything and stay. I knew that when we'd talked I hadn't explained myself properly. I'd wanted to say that although it was such a short time, it didn't matter because I already cared deeply. But in respect for her having been only recently widowed, it felt too soon to say I wanted to start a relationship. But now I was thinking that staying silent about what I wanted was worse than saying something as everything felt unresolved.
As I climbed into the car, staff looked at me, taking in my face and stayed silent for which I was grateful. I turned away against the car window, the streets spinning past as I sunk into my thoughts.
Back at the hotel, my room felt empty and I suddenly felt very tired. I took off my jacket, laying it on the bed and something fell. I reached forward and for the first time in the last half hour, I smiled. She'd given me her lip balm and I opened it straight away, spreading some across my lips, rubbing them together and tasting her.
We hadn't done more than kiss but it was perfect. I couldn't say I wouldn't have been very open to our physical relationship progressing. Her mouth on my neck earlier, I shivered at the thought, my body reacting like it had done in that moment. But the connection we had already was amazing and this little touch of hers, leaving me a memory of how her lips tasted was the end to a day that had been beautiful and difficult.
Picking up my phone, I climbed into bed as I sent off a message.
TaeTae
Thank you, I can taste watermelon xx
Marley
You're welcome, I wanted to send you away with a little piece of me
TaeTae
It will forever more be my favourite fruit. Shouldn't you be asleep?
Marley
I'm not the rockstar with the busy schedule, shouldn't you be asleep?
TaeTae
I didn't want to go to sleep without saying I was thinking of you
Marley
I'm thinking of nothing else. Goodnight Tae
TaeTae
Goodnight jagiya
I scrolled through the photos on my phone as my eyes grew heavy, stopping at one when we were in the back of the car, watching the sunset. I'd captured just the right timing, our hair caught in the breeze, her lips pressed to my cheek, my smile huge as we snuggled in close. It was pure happiness in one image and the last thing I saw before I drifted into sleep.
**I know this was shorter than other chapters but it needed to be. Thank you for the questions in my inbox. Yes, they will do more than kiss, some of those chapters have been written already but she's a widow and this was always going to be a slow burn. By the way, if you're enjoying it so far, I'd love to hear from you or any questions you might have, a review or in my inbox :) **