I wrote a song for this chapter but went back and forth about including it. For some reason it felt personal so I've left it out. It doesn't affect the story though so enjoy!

Chapter 33

Marley POV

"I wrote a song today," he said, putting the ramen into his mouth. We were eating together, Tae a late lunch, me a late dinner after putting Sophia to bed. Separated only by thousands of miles, two flights and lots of sea.

"Do I get to hear it?"

"Of course, especially because it's about you."

My fork stopped halfway to my mouth and he cracked up, swallowing his next mouthful quickly, trying not to choke on his laughter.

"OK, wow," I replied. "That's so unexpected and I don't know what to say. Now I'm super curious. Play it for me?"

"I'll send it through to you after we've finished talking. I hope you like it. I'm sure of the words but the music is just a guide for now."

"I like all your songs and they always make me feel all kinds of things."

"Funny, that's kind of what the song is about, how you make me feel all kind of things as music."

He was staring at me through the screen, his food now pushed to the side, leaning forward on his arms. My appetite suddenly vanished and I did likewise, leaning forward, propping my hand on my cheek as I took in his expression. It had been 10 days since we'd seen each other in person with no date in sight for when we'd be together again. The almost daily Facetime calls helped but they were like putting a small bandage on a wound that needed stitches. Looking and talking to him was definitely something but I craved his touch.

Subconsciously my hand moved towards the screen and I dropped it when I noticed, a little embarrassed. "I'm missing that too," he said quietly, putting his finger to the screen as if I'd spoken aloud what was going on in my head. I joined it with mine, looking down before the tears that threatened to well up could grow and fall. That was happening more often lately, switching between grinning hugely when I remembered something that had happened between us to a wave of sadness that caused my eyes to fill. It felt lonely and I couldn't bare how my heart would sometimes just ache for no reason. I'd been here before, the ache after Matty was gone. This also felt like a kind of loss, having him so close but nowhere near me.

"Marley? Jagiya? If I can't touch you, can I at least see your face?"

I looked up slowly, breathing the emotions away.

"You don't have to do that," he said as my wet eyes met his. "You can be real with me, you know that. Because honestly, this is hard. I really miss you."

"Yes, this really, really, really sucks."

"What can I do to make it better?"

I thought for a moment.

"Can you play me the song you wrote while we listen together, that might help?"

"No, no, I'm too embarrassed to play it to you while I watch." The back of his hand went to his cheek which had flushed slightly, the other playing with his ear.

"Please?" I fluttered my eyelashes at him, causing him to laugh, throwing his hands into the air.

"That's not fair."

"Please?" I asked again, grinning.

"OK, OK but I can't look at you while you listen."

"Oh thank you, this is amazing." I sat back expectantly, while he played with his laptop for a moment.

"Let me send the words through so you can read them while you listen. That way you can't look at me at the same time. I wrote it in English."

My phone beeped and I clicked on the message as the music started.

I glanced at him, waiting for the lyrics to start. His hand was up to his mouth, finger rubbing across his lips as he looked off to the side, no longer facing the screen, his eyes averted from mine. It was gorgeous how his cheeks had a slight pink tinge to them.

SONG PLAYS

I sat for a moment, hand pressed to my chest while he continued to look down, his fingers picking at imaginary fluff on his clothing. The words were staggering and they popped inside my head, bouncing off every part of my brain. Our future? With you always? I had to speak but it took a few times of swallowing before I can manage a sound. "It's beautiful, I'm so overwhelmed. Thank you Tae, I can't even think clearly after that!"

He looked up, his smile filling his eyes. "You're beautiful. I couldn't not write it, it was sitting in my heart and it had to come out."

I had to pause and just stare, overwhelmed by him for the hundreth time. He was devastatingly breathtaking as he ran his fingers through his hair. "The words are amazing. Tiny death?"

He smirked. " That you'll have to look up. One of the best parts. For me at least."

"You can't explain it to me?"

"Google will do a better job than me."

I pulled out my phone.

"No, not now! Once we've stopped talking!" he reached forward as if to take the phone out of my hand.

"Tiny. Death. Meaning," I typed into the phone and he jumped up from his spot, spinning around so his back was to me, fingers in his ears as he sung "lalala" over my words.

I started to read. "From the French meaning, the time when..." and the words stuck in my throat as I continued to read it in my head, gulping as my cheeks flushed and breathing stopped for a minute.

After a few moments, he turned cautiously, biting his lips in an anxious way. I was kind of frozen in place, replaying the words I'd read on my phone with the words of the song and blinking. A lot.

"So...," he asked, warily.

"That's an amazing way to describe us being together... like that," I answered shyly.

"It really does make me feel alive when we are intimate. After my mind clears that is. And that takes a while because it always feels like I leave my body. Just like a tiny death. But after, it feels like I could live forever. You make me feel that way Marley. When I think about you, I think about all of you and all our moments. And I'm always thinking of you, hangsang."

I nodded, blushing, still processing his words. That he'd written a song for me at all. How he could put his feelings into words and into a song in such a beautiful way. I could keep pushing them down but my feelings for him were constantly growing and that made me happier and more overwhelmed than ever. When he'd told me he loved me and I'd said it back, I hadn't realised I was just feeling a small amount of the love I could feel for him, that there would always be more.

"I'm in awe of your talent," I said softly.

"It's easy when you have the right inspiration. Suga was joking that I could probably write some children's songs now for Sophia as well. I've half written 3 other songs since I met you, you're my muse."

Again I was stunned into silence, he was actually unreal. Taking in his earnest expression, I finally spoke.

"Tae. I'm so happy we met." The words weren't enough. His eyes sinking inside me, invading my soul, making my heart speed up and skip a few times as his tongue briefly moistened his lips. "I miss you like crazy," I said quietly and without warning, I burst into tears.

"OK, I'm jumping on a plane," he said, getting his phone out of his pocket.

"What?" I wiped my eyes, trying to see him through the wet blur.

"I'm going to book a flight and come see you. I can't stand this, I can't be the reason you cry."

"Tae, it's not realistic. You have things you need to do, they won't let you." I grabbed a tissue and dabbed my eyes, feeling them swell again with fresh tears. I really didn't want to make him feel bad, I simply couldn't keep my emotions in check around him.

He let out a sound of annoyance and put his phone firmly back down on the table. "When? When can we see each other again then? I want to hold you and make sure you have no reason to cry."

My mind was ticking over, quickly thinking while I sniffed to try and hold the emotion in. I had definitely thought about it over the last few weeks, how we could make it work. It was easier for me to travel than him. Everything I had to do could be done just about anywhere. It was his crazy schedule that meant we had so little time. And I understood, it was his career. It didn't change the fact that it wasn't going to change anytime soon.

"When do you next have two or three days off?" I asked, slowly settling my emotions.

He flicked open his phone and made a call, clicking off after a few minutes of talking. "In less than three weeks, I have four days off. My plan would normally be to rest and catch up with a few friends. It used to be that I would spend all my rest time with family but they live in Seoul now so I see them often. Can we make it work to see each other then?" His expression was open and hopeful. I looked ahead at my calendar and saw that there really wasn't a reason I couldn't go, as long as I took Sophia with me.

"Yes, I think we can," I said, finally smiling.

He let out a breath I didn't know he had been holding and closed his eyes for a moment. "Marley, that's amazing. And to see that it brings a smile to your face makes me even happier. Do you want me to come there? Or you come here or meet somewhere else?"

"Well, I'm the most flexible with my time so we can travel to the easiest place for you. I can't leave Sophia this time."

"Of course Sophia should come, I'd love to see her again. She's part of you. I'd like to bring you to Seoul but if I'm here, people will want my time. How about we meet in Tokyo? We do have fans there but they are very respectful and wouldn't be expecting to see me as there have been no announcements that I'm travelling. It would be easier than here and is only a few hours for me. I think you said you had always wanted to go to Japan?"

He remembered everything I said and I was again taken with how much he took in when we had time together. "Yes, I can't believe you remembered that. OK, lets do it." All of a sudden I felt light again, knowing I had something to look forward to.

Tae clapped his hands together, relief coming out in his face. "You've made me very happy! Now, you make a list of the things you want to do when we are there and I will get someone to contact you to sort flights. I will of course pay for everything."

"You don't need to Tae." I knew he had money, that wasn't the point. I could afford it although I couldn't be doing lots of trips a year like that or all my savings would run out.

"It's not a question. I will be paying otherwise the trip can not happen."

I frowned. I didn't like how that felt, never one to be controlled by a man. "Ummmm, Taehyung, I don't do ultimatums."

He held his finger up while he spoke into his translator app then his eyes grew big and his words stumbled over each other as he tried to speak quickly. "I spoke wrong, although my feelings were right I think. I am sorry. I needed to say it better. I know that it is you and Sophia and you need to work for all the things you have. I've worked enough now for all the trips I could ever want. Please let me take you to Tokyo so you can continue to use your money for the other important things you and Sophia need." His expression was worried and I took a breath.

Perhaps the language barrier had been the problem. I was a little proud, having had to be the only parent and bread winner in the last year now that it was just me to support the family. I had earned what I had for my daughter. And I hadn't liked the feeling of Tae telling me that like he was in charge of me. But I couldn't fault the way he had treated me so far, taking my feelings into consideration every step along the way. And I think I knew him well enough to know that he hadn't intended to tell me what to do.

"So, this gift of a trip to Tokyo, what can I give you in return? I want to feel like I'm contributing."

"Marley, our time together is all I want from you. I can't get that from anyone else. I don't want to get that from anyone else. Please believe that I don't want to hurt you by saying I have the money to do this. It is just fact. Me having money isn't a bad thing. It will help us to be closer when we live so far apart. And I know we can find some way to 'pay me back' if that's what you'd like," he finished, flirtatiously.

I nodded, placated, smiling at his last comment. I had overreacted and felt a little foolish. "It's OK Tae, I'm very thankful. Sorry, I was just being overly sensitive. And deal, I will think of something you'd like."

"I can understand and admire you for it. You are a strong woman Marley, one of the many things I love about you."

My heart stopped for a moment at the use of the L word. It still made my stomach flutter to think about what Tae was beginning to become for me. And love was something I'd had and lost when Matty died. Tae wasn't second best or the next after Matty. He was love in a whole new way.

"I wish I could kiss you right now," I said, shy still to voice my feelings out loud.

"If I was with you, I couldn't stop at a kiss. I'm going crazy without your body next to mine."

We both just stared at each other, breathing slightly faster than normal as our eyes didn't waver. Eventually he sighed and I blinked, frustration at the distance coming out in a small tsk sound of irritation.

"It won't be long Marley, the time will fly."

"I hope so Tae, the days feel so slow."

"Do you have everything you need for travelling, do you need me to buy you anything for the trip?"

"I'll be fine, I have travelled before you know so I do know what to pack although I suspect you are an expert," I laughed.

"Oh I know, you are very capable. And I seem to remember there were a few items of nightwear you didn't get to use last time we were together. Packing those for Japan would be a good start." His tongue came out, very slowly licking his top lip.

"It's interesting the things you remember," I said, laughing.

"That outfit was something I'll never forget and think of often, very, very fondly. The rest are in my dreams, for now."

"Like you said, time will fly."

"Not fast enough but being busy will help and then when we are together again, our time will be treasured."

I loved that because he didn't always know exactly the word he wanted to say, the one he picked was often sweeter and melted a little bit more of me.

"Oppa?"

"Mmhmmmm," he murmured back, leaning in to the screen, propping his chin on his hand.

"Love you," eyelashes fluttering on my cheeks as I looked up at him through shy, lowered eyes.

His smiled split his face open as he replied. "You are extra beautiful when your cheeks are that colour and jagiya, saranghae, sarangahe, hangsang."

His voice was musical, words gentle, smile captivating and I was definitely in love.

I'd been avoiding calling Abby, it helped that the boys had been sick since I got back. Terrible for them but it meant she was super busy trying to look after them, get to work and stay on top of life. I knew she'd ask me lots and lots of questions and I wasn't sure I could answer them all. It had been a while since we'd talked though so when her name popped up I decided to answer.

"Finally! I was beginning to think you were hiding from me," she said, bubbly voice flowing through the phone.

"Just readjusting to life back home Abby, how are the boys?"

"Loud, crazy, back to normal. But stop distracting me from why I called. I have been waiting for weeks for you to message me. Where were the pictures of you and Kim Taehyung in Australia? I thought you'd send me some!"

"We kept quite busy while I was there Abby, we made the most of the time. I did take photos, I can show you next time you come over."

"Soooooooooooooo?"

"So, it was amazing. More than amazing. He is amazing. We had fun."

"Fun? What kind of word is fun?"

"What? It was!" I said, feeling defensive. I knew it was all stemming from the fact that saying anything about my relationship with Tae out loud seemed to taint it or change it and I wanted to hold it tightly inside myself for a bit longer. But at the same time I was bursting to tell someone who would understand without judging me.

"Oh, I believe that it was fun but I can tell it was more than that. Marley, spill."

"I like him a lot and it's overwhelming. The feelings of wanting him so much and what happens inside me just thinking about him let alone looking at him."

"I bet the sex is fantastic," she said, not a question but a statement and I started laughing.

"More than fantastic, I'm yet to find a word to define it but incredible is a good start."

"I miss great sex," she sighed.

"Abby, you're married," I laughed again.

"I mean, yeah, it's good but the kids mean we're exhausted half the time and I miss those raw, early days when we just wanted to jump each other constantly."

"Hmmmmmm," I answered, thinking we were definitely in those early days.

"You're all loved up!" she exclaimed. "It's more than just attraction and sex isn't it?"

"I told him I loved him."

She inhaled quickly before a squeak came through the phone and I had to pull it away from my ear for a few seconds. "Did he say it back?"

"Actually, he said it first," and this time, I preempted her reaction, pulling the phone away so her high pitched noise was expelled into the air rather than my eardrum.

"OMG. I bet the sex was even better after that?!"

"Well, ah, it was just as I was leaving so we didn't get the chance. You're very preoccupied with my private life."

"Yes Marley, your life right now is the most exciting thing around. I feel like I could film everything going on for you and just sit back and watch it with popcorn. Like, what is next for you guys then?"

"Sophia and I are flying to Japan to meet him in a few weeks and then we'll see."

"Oh, Japan, how beautiful." She sighed. "He's paying I take it?"

"I have money."

"I know you do sis but he seems like a gentleman and he'd want to pay."

"Well, yes he is but I'm not especially happy about it."

"You can pay him back somehow I'm sure. Which reminds me, did he love the lingerie."

I blushed, glad it was a voice not video call.

"I heard that!" she laughed.

"Heard what? I didn't say anything."

"You paused to phrase your sentence without being over the top, I'm going to take it that they went down very well."

"We only had the chance to sample one of them but it was a very worthwhile experience."

"Who do you think you're talking to about this Marley, the Pope? Nice experience my ass. That's your code for explosive right? And I bet it was that satin and lace number that was the only one you wanted to buy."

I gulped at her intuition but wasn't surprised. She had a very good read on people. "Yes and yes. I will take the others to Japan though, he asked for them so I can safely say he was happy."

She was silent for a moment. "Are you OK though Marley?"

"I'm, well, mostly OK? It's not easy feeling intensely so quickly and then to be apart from each other. I think I've made peace with Matty about it all though which was huge and difficult."

"He'd want you to be happy," she said quietly.

"I know he would and I am. It feels a little selfish though."

"Why selfish?"

"To be dragging Sophia through all of this. What if it doesn't work out? Honestly, the chances of that are high. And then someone else leaves her world."

"Are you going into this relationship preparing for it to finish from the very start. Because it sounds like you have an escape plan. Sophia will be OK whatever happens."

"Not an escape plan exactly but I am very aware that the chances of this lasting aren't very high. This isn't a movie and we're not the main characters. Well, he is, I'm not."

"You're worried about who he is and where that leaves you?"

"I'm worried about everything. The difference in our cultures, his status, being so far apart, Sophia, you guys."

"Why would you worry about us?" she asked, perplexed.

"You've watched me fall apart, it will happen again when it's over and you'll have to help pick me up again."

"You said when it happens. Don't do that Marley!" she said, sternly, for once her big sister voice coming out. "You deserve to be happy and you need to remind yourself of that. He obviously cares about you, two trips overseas in six weeks isn't just anything. He is looking ahead and you need to as well."

"I'm scared," I said quietly.

"Why wouldn't you be? It's a completely new relationship in a completely foreign world. It must feel like walking in sand. But you think it's worth pushing through for?"

"Yes, I am... I am very much head over heels for him."

"I can hear it in your voice and I'm really happy for you."

I could hear the sniffles down the phone. "Are you crying?" I asked her, surprised.

"I love you Marley and I just want you to be happy."

"I am, truly I am. I just need to take it a day at a time because it is still so crazy to me."

"How do you even look at him without turning into a blubbering mess? He's gorgeous."

"I blush a lot," I admitted.

"You lucky, lucky woman."

"I am. He is more than I knew there could be in one person. Not only is he kind, sexy and funny, he's also so willing to move at the speed I need."

"He sounds perfect, are any of the others single?"

"Again Abby, you're married," I laughed.

"I have a list, like a get out of jail free card. I could add one or more to the list."

"Yes, some of them are single but you would be too much for them to handle I'm sure."

"Any one of them could handle me however they wanted," she sighed.

"Abigail!"

"OK, OK, I do love James, promise."

"I'm sure your husband will be happy to hear that you do love him."

She laughed. "Right, I can hear Joey waking from his sleep. I very much look forward to seeing pictures. Did you take any you can't show me?"

"Maybe," I answered, blushing again at some that showed way too much skin.

"I think I need to invest in some new lingerie too," she said and I could hear her grinning through the phone.

"I highly recommend it," I answered. "See you soon Abby."

"James is in for a treat tonight after all this talk of you and your man," and we hung up, laughing. She was a breath of fresh air, reminding me how lucky I was.