Chapter 34

Marley POV

Flowers were delivered the next morning, the doorbell ringing a beautiful surprise. The purples, pinks and whites were gorgeous, the scent fragrant. As I thanked the delivery lady and took them inside, I reached for the card to read, putting the huge bouquet down on the kitchen counter.

Saranghae Marley, missing you. Your Tae xx

The smile to my face was instant. My Tae. I couldn't have been happier to read that, my jaw would probably ache the rest of the day from smiling so much. I leaned in, breathing the fragrance then grabbed my phone to send him a message. I knew he'd be asleep for a few hours yet but snapped a photo of the flowers, sending it off with a message to read when he woke up.

Marley

They're beautiful, gamsahabnida Tae, I love them xx

I actually didn't know how I was going to get anything done today, him clouding my mind, my senses heightened but I'd give it a good try, after I made myself a hot drink.

Leaning against the kitchen bench, I was smiling at my cup of tea, lost in thoughts. Last night I'd had a Facetime that woke me at 4am. Tae had come back from an event and called, forgetting the timezones had changed again and that I was fast asleep, waking to the ring of the call coming through. I was bleary and super tired when I'd picked up the call, Sophia wasn't feeling 100% and had woken at midnight, taking a little bit to resettle. But I forgave the interruption to my sleep as soon as I saw him, dressed in a suit and looking about as fine as he had ever looked. We'd only talked for a few minutes when he'd realised the time, telling me he'd call later and that it wasn't important right now.

It had been a week since the decision to go to Japan together and I had been busy sorting things, ordering a last minute passport for Sophia, slowly packing things into a suitcase even though it was a few weeks away. I didn't want to forget anything and packing for a child too made things extra complicated. She had only ever flown within the country, I was hoping she'd cope with the long flight there, slightly concerned at tackling it on my own.

Picking up my phone as I put my tea down, I began to scroll again, the news alert in my notifications telling me there were some articles that might interest me. And the moment I opened it, I wish it hadn't as I read the headline:

Kim Taehyung caught with well known singer

The colour drained from my face as I clicked on the picture, blowing it up to see Tae leaning in close to a woman, his mouth near her cheek as if leaning in to kiss her. I could see her side profile in the photo, the smile evident, matching his. She was beautiful and I was crushed, seeing everything I couldn't be in one image. Flawless, youthful, someone he could be proud to take home to meet his family.

Well of course, why wouldn't he want to be with someone like her? I looked down at what I was wearing, back at the picture and how she was dressed, clicking out of the link and dropping my phone on the bench.

My heart was beating too fast to breath easily and I doubled over, pain shooting through my body, stabbing my stomach as I clutched it, hyperventilating. This was all the worst things I had thought about when I knew that we probably couldn't last. That I wasn't going to be good enough for him. But to see it so blatantly in front of my face, it hurt more than I could've imagined. That's when I knew I was definitely in love with him and now my heart was ripping to pieces.

I was trying really hard not to over react, the flowers in front of me a visual reminder that he was missing me. But then the self deprecating part of myself was screaming that they had been sent for another reason, out of guilt maybe. And my mind was all over the place, not giving me room to think clearly as I held onto my stomach, holding myself together. I was too shocked to cry, instead I felt things beginning to harden inside myself, preparing to build the walls up again.

Sometimes things are too good to be true.

After a few hours where I lay on the couch, a blanket tucked over me as I stared blankly at the TV, my phone rang and I reached for it, limbs feeling heavy as the screen lit up with his picture and name.

"Hey beautiful, the flowers were delivered quickly, I only ordered them before I went out last night."

I was silent at the mention of the event, glancing across to where the flowers were, now connected to the thing that was hurting me.

"Yes, they came this morning," I answered and I could hear the monotone response coming from my mouth. His brow furrowed and he obviously picked up on the feelings coming off me as he leaned forward with a frown.

"Are you OK aein?"

"I don't think I am," I answered, unsure of what I wanted or needed to say. It felt too hard and I just wanted to go to bed and not deal with it because everything in me was saying that this was going to be another goodbye. But this time, for good.

There was a huge, gaping silence where he waited for me to continue but I couldn't open my mouth or look him in the eye, that would just add to the hurt.

"Talk to me, don't shut me out Marley," he said, quietly. "I want to help if something is wrong."

"Did you have a nice time at the event last night?" I asked finally, looking up briefly before looking away again, catching a look of confusion in his eyes.

"Yes, that's why I called you in the middle of the night, I wanted to share it with you. Baby, what's going on? You're not yourself, has something happened?"

"You tell me."

"Something has happened but I don't know what so I don't know what to ask. You need to talk Marley."

Taking a breath, I looked up again, unable to keep the hurt from my eyes as I looked at him. "I saw the photos Tae."

"Photos?" His eyelashes were blinking quickly against his face, fluttering unusually fast as he turned his thoughts inwards, still frowning. Then something seemed to click, a small intake of breath and he stared straight ahead locking eyes with me. "Is this the photos taken last night? I've seen some of them but I don't understand how they could be making you upset."

"What about the ones of you about to kiss that lady in the blue dress?"

"Lady in a blue dress? What are you... oh...," and he paused as if putting all the pieces together. "I haven't seen those but I'm assuming it's Gyeon Eun-Ju as she was wearing blue and near me. But Marley, I wasn't kissing anyone, there isn't anyone else."

"That's not what the photos show Tae," my voice cracking as I spoke.

"In this case, you can't believe everything you see," he replied, his eyes becoming glazed and wet.

"Honestly, I don't know what to think Tae," I said, defeat flowing from my mouth, unwilling to register the hurt on his face and unshed tears in his eyes.

"I was in your bed only a few days ago. Marley, I was in you!" His voice rose just a little as he pushed the words out, continuing to speak in a flurry of emotions. "And it wasn't just sex for me. We've just opened our hearts to love. How could you think it would change so fast? How could you think there's any truth in it? I wouldn't do that to you, I couldn't."

I felt a stab in my chest at his blunt words but my mind was clouded by the image of how happy he looked and the pain that it had brought up for me thinking someone else had put the smile there.

"This is just so hard Tae, it's always going to be like this isn't it? Hiding, stories spread that aren't true and everywhere, new photos?"

"For now yes and if we don't have trust then this isn't going to work."

"I'd like to trust you completely and so much of me does trust you but I just had such a strong reaction when I saw the photo and I didn't know what to think."

"Right now, I'm too upset to explain to you what was going on. I need to go Marley, we'll have to talk about this later, when we've both calmed down. I can't right now, not feeling like this. Goodbye."

The call disconnected and I was met with a silence and an emptiness that stretched further than I wanted to acknowledge. Especially when I realised he hadn't said "until next time."

Lowering my head into my hands, I started to cry.

KTH POV

I was quiet at practice, doing the moves but not really talking to the members and I knew they'd noticed that I wasn't smiling.

"Taehyungie, why do you have a face like thunder?" Namjoon finally asked as we stopped for a water break.

"I'm fine hyung," I answered, taking a swig of water from my bottle, then another, avoiding looking at him.

Yoongi came up behind me and put his hand on my shoulder briefly. "We know each other too well for that answer. We can leave you to your thoughts if you really want but we're always there for each other Taehyung ssi."

Sighing, I slumped down against the wall, my breathing still ragged from dancing hard. "I handled it badly."

"What happened Tae?" Jin asked, taking a seat next to me, stretching out his legs as the others settled around me.

"The photos from the awards ceremony the other night? Marley saw the one of Gyeon Eun-Ju and took it the wrong way. And I got angry and wouldn't hear what she had to say."

"You don't get angry Tae, you get upset."

"I was hurt that she didn't trust me enough to know I'd never do anything like that."

"It might feel like you've known her forever because you got close very quickly but it has only been a few weeks Taehyung. You have to give her a bit of time to really understand you the way we do and she hasn't been in our world long enough to know this kind of thing happens all the time. You know how the media distorts things but she has never had to deal with this before." Namjoon put his hand on my arm, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

I pulled my knees up and rested my arms on them, dropping my head back against the wall. They made sense and I already knew I needed to apologise for not hearing her out or giving her the space to feel what she was feeling. I wasn't an expert on relationships, this was all so new to me. "I'm wondering if I can actually even do this. Long distance is really hard."

"Hyung, apart from today, your smile has been telling all of us that you're really happy. You know she is worth trying for." Jungkook slid his arm around my shoulder and I rested against him, feeling his support.

"I'll call her once we finish here hyung, thank you all."

"Call her now Tae, you know this dance and we don't want to look at your face like that anymore," Hobi said, reaching his hand down to pull me up.

I hugged him, grateful as I so often was, for all of their friendships. Sometimes they made me furious but as far as brothers went, I had the best ones.

Marley POV

I'd driven on autopilot to pick Sophia up from preschool, the teachers exchanging looks when they saw my face. They had seen me have bad days in the last year and were always very kind so I let them think whatever they wanted as long as they didn't ask me what was wrong. The rest of the day had gone much the same, running through the routine of taking care of my daughter without even processing what I was doing. All the sad movie cliches became a reality as the colour leached out of the day leaving me feeling distressed and I had to force myself to answer when the cashier spoke to me at the supermarket checkout. I'd reached for my phone to message him a few times not knowing where to begin or if he'd even pick up. Remembering the sound of his voice as he'd said goodbye, I wasn't sure he'd want to answer or if he was ready to talk.

Now, I had climbed into bed, super early. Sophia was asleep and the thought of sitting by myself in the lounge was too much. I just wanted to sleep and make it all go away, at least for tonight. Tomorrow I would message him, tonight it all felt too raw, knowing I had overreacted and probably ruined what we had. The thought made my heart hurt so much that I knew I was deeply connected to him, the ache sharp and piercing.

As I curled up, turning off the bedside light, my phone vibrated and my heart leapt as it always did since he had first started calling me, wondering if each call was from him. When I saw his name on my screen, I stared at it for a moment before answering, gathering myself.

"Jagiya," he said softly when the call connected, his voice deep and regretful as that one word made me close my eyes, unable to look at him without bursting into tears and there had already been too many. There was silence as I waited a second before being brave and when I saw his face, I just wanted to reach through the screen and climb onto his lap to have him hold me close.

"I'm so sorry Tae," I said quietly when I could finally respond. "I should have talked to you about how I was feeling without getting upset."

"I didn't mean to hurt you with my words, I just wanted you to understand that there was no way the photo was as it looked. The members reminded me this is all new to you."

"I'm sorry, I hurt you too," I replied, "I'm not good at this."

"Marley, we're both finding our way. We just need to do it together, please let me explain what happened."

"You don't need to. You were right, if there isn't trust then it can't work. I do trust you Tae."

"Thank you baby, we do need to talk about it though as it will happen again, there will always be more photos and I need you to understand things aren't as they seem."

"OK," I answered, snuggling down under the covers. I needed his arms around me but the closest I had was to be wrapped up in the duvet, the weight holding me close when he couldn't.

"It's important you understand what a photo taken of us shows and what was actually going on as it is often not the same."

I nodded as he continued. "That is Gyeon Eun-Ju, she's a singer and we were seated near her at the award ceremony. She's not even smiling at me, that's just the way the photo was taken, she was looking across at an actress she is friends with. And I was only smiling as Jin had just whispered a dad joke that was actually funny. I'd leaned forward about to hide my smile and it looks like I'm leaning into her face. It just wasn't the case."

"Thank you for clearing all that up. I'm sorry that I made it more than it was. I was just feeling, ummmm...," I didn't really want to say the truth. That seeing how beautiful she was reminded me that I didn't match up to the people in his world. "well, I was feeling caught off guard I guess."

"No secrets Marley, I can tell you're holding something back."

"OK," I replied, taking a breath. "She's beautiful."

"Yes, she is but you're the beautiful woman that I want to be with. She's married too if that makes any difference to you."

"It's more than that. She is someone you could take home to meet your family."

"Is that something you are worried about? That I wouldn't want to take you home? I would be very proud to introduce you to my family and they would love you like I do."

"I worry that the fact I am from another country will mean they don't want us to be together. Especially as you're the oldest in your family."

"That is something that was important but not so much these days. My life has never been traditional and my family are very accepting of what makes me happy. Please don't think you're not enough. You fill my heart with butterflies."

"Ditto Tae," and for the first time since I'd opened the news article, I smiled a little although it felt tight and my heart was still hurting.

"I've been waiting to see that," he said, touching his mouth. "It didn't feel right that you were looking at me with sad eyes, I need them to sparkle again."

"You are the sweetest."

"I wasn't feeling sweet when I rang you last night. I wanted to tell you that I'd chosen a Christian Grey style tie to wear because I was thinking of you when I was getting dressed."

"Oh, wow," I answered, my jaw dropping slightly at the thought. How could I be thinking about that when 10 minutes ago, my world had been crumbling. "Bring that one to Japan with you then, if the trip is still on?"

He paused before answering, tilting his head at the screen, his brow furrowed. "Did you think that this would put a stop to everything? Marley, there is more to our relationship than the good times and we need to work out how to overcome those other bits so we can be strong in the future. So yes, I am counting down the days until I see you in Japan."

The fact that he'd said the word future hit me hard and I felt ashamed again of doubting him when all he'd shown me was love the whole way along.

"I'm sorry Tae. I feel really bad that I didn't trust what we had." I could feel my face folding in on itself, I'd devalued our relationship by thinking he could possibly have sent flowers as a way of preempting my reaction when the photos came out. I had to fully trust if we stood a chance.

"Marley, it's OK. A bump in our story. Lets draw a line through all of this and keep moving forward, if you still want to?" A flash of vulnerability and uncertainty wrinkled his features and I instantly wanted to reassure him.

"Of course I want to Tae. I need to get out of my own head and just focus on us, not what's going on around us."

"OK, I love you Marley. I really, really do love you."

I breathed in and out a few times. "I believe you Tae, I love you. I'm sorry."

"I know. It's really OK, we're going to move on jagiya."

He reached down, touched something on his top and started laughing, the sudden sound bubbling up deeply from his chest, a stark contrast to our serious conversation. "Your hair seems to be on everything I own. Even when it's been washed, I'm still finding your hair."

"That is a problem with long hair," I answered with a grin.

"I'm not complaining. Every time I see it I smile. But I get the feeling the stylists are confused where it keeps coming from." He was grinning back at me and I began to feel light again, the turbulent feelings of the day beginning to untwist inside me, releasing my body and mind slowly back to myself.

"Have I said lately that I'm in love with you?" I asked, tiny smile as his eyes lit up.

"Not for a few minutes but I'll take it as often as you'll say it," he said. "I wish I could kiss you right now."

And just like that, things were OK again.