Author's Note: Sorry it took me so long (again). I seem to be having trouble focusing on writing. Or anything of remoste importance, really.
this chapter focuses on Shizuru and Yukina and what they are thinking, but mostly on Yukina.
Disclaimer: I do not own… "Angels" by Within Temptation
Thoughts
Song
Chapter 4
"Depression"
Sparkling angel
Shizuru sighed, staring listlessly out the window into a cloudless blue sky while leaning on the back of a chair in the salon. Where are you, little brother? she thought. Were we really so horrible that you had to run?
I believed
You are my savior in my time of need
"Hey, lady," the woman sitting in the seat Shizuru was leaning on snapped. "Are you going to cut my hair or what? I have places to be later. Besides, you're tipping me backwards!"
Blinded by faith I couldn't hear
Shizuru turned back. "Oh… sorry," she muttered. "I just got a little distracted I guess." She smoothed out her white blouse, picking up the silver scissors and giving an experimental snip.
All the whispers
The warnings so clear
"Well, that won't do while you're working. Hurry up, I've got a meeting in an hour." A lock of the woman's platinum blonde hair fell to the floor, brushing against Shizuru's grey slacks.
Shizuru made a few more snips. "There you go." She stood back, admiring her work. It wasn't the best, but she wasn't really feeling up to par anyway. The point was, it was a passable job and the client had gotten her hair cut and could hurry along to her precious little meeting. "You can go."
The woman left hurriedly.
I see the angels
I'll lead them to your door
There's no escape now
Following her out the door, Shizuru turned down the corner while stuffing her hands in her pockets, and sat down at her favorite coffee shop. She pulled out a cigarette, lighting it up and looking at nothing in particular. "Kazuma," she called out into thin air, "if you don't get your ass back here soon, I'm gonna throttle you!"
People turned to stare at the woman who was supposedly talking to herself. They whispered behind their hands, but Shizuru didn't pay them any attention.
No mercy
No more
No remorse 'cause I still remember
I'll find you, she thought, pushing a strand of almost blonde hair out of her face. I will get you back.
The smile when you tore me apart
You took my heart
Deceived me right from the start
At Genkai's temple, Yukina was keeping herself busy to help take her mind off of Kuwabara. Unfortunately, she had pretty much done everything possible already. She sighed softly, smiling at a bird that flitted down to a lower branch as she passed on her walk. "Why, hello there," she greeted cheerily. "You wouldn't happen to know where Kazuma went, would you?" The bird chirped a song in response. Yukina shook her head, still smiling sadly. "Of course not. And you wouldn't be able to tell me if you did, right?"
You showed me dreams
I wished they turn into real
You broke a promise and made me realize
It was all just a lie
The koorime passed slowly, strolling the grounds at her own pace, her pale blue kimono rustling in the leaves and grass while her shoes made even softer thumps on the ground. Kazuma and I used to walk here, her mind murmured to her. When he came around to visit. I miss him so much.
Sparkling angel
I couldn't see
Your dark intentions
Your feelings for me
"Maybe…" Yukina reasoned. "Maybe he had something urgent to do and he didn't have any time to tell us where he went!" She brightened for a second. Then, her smile fading and a frown appearing in its place, she halted. "No, he would have come back by now… why is he hiding?" she thought aloud.
Fallen angel
Tell me why
What is the reason?
The thorn in your eye?
Sweet and innocent, Yukina could not imagine that Kazuma Kuwabara was hiding. He was her knight in shining armor, the one that came around often to talk with her. He could cheer her up when she was sad, make her laugh when she wanted to cry… just an all around good man. She believed him to be strong and courageous (as he was), and would never suspect him of running away under any circumstances. There was simply no reason to; he loved her and wouldn't hurt her… So why wasn't he there?
I see the angels
I'll lead them to your door
There's no escape now
No mercy
No more
No remorse cause I still remember
You know why he's gone, a dark voice in her mind hissed. He didn't love you like you thought he did. He didn't want to be around you anymore. That's why, and you know it.
The smile when you tore me apart
You took my heart
Deceived me right from the start
You showed me dreams
I wished they turn into real
"No." Yukina shook her head violently to clear it of such horrible thoughts. "It's not true…" a silver tear slipped from bright red eyes down her cheek despite herself, turning into a crystalline gem before it hit the ground. "He does… he would never…"
Another pair of red eyes watched carefully from a nearby tree.
Quite denying it! sneered the voice. He hates you, so he left.
You broke the promise and made me realize
It was all just a lie
"Oh…" Yukina broke down sobbing, falling to her knees in the soft grass with her head in her hands. "Oh, why was I so blind? It's all my fault!" Her small body was wracked with sobs as she continued to blame herself for Kuwabara's disappearance, berating herself within and without as she wept.
"I'm so horrible," she whispered, a pool of hiruseki stones piled around her and tinkling from her cheeks. "I must be very ugly. I tried so hard to be nice, maybe I frightened him off. Or maybe he was afraid of me because I am a demon. I only wish I knew so I could fix myself."
He hates you, taunted the voice. You are ugly. And horrible. Who could stand to be around you?
"I guess," Yukina sniffed. "Maybe if I leave he will come back and everyone will be happy again."
"Yukina?"
Could have been forever
Now we have reached the end
The ice maiden looked up. "Oh! Hiei-kun…"
The fire demon stared emotionlessly down at his clueless little sister. "What are you doing out here…? Besides crying your eyes out, of course," he asked monotonously.
Yukina smiled a weak, watery smile. "Hiei-kun, please tell me what you think of me. Don't lie; I know I'm a horrible person. I just want an honest opinion, and you don't seem like the kind to hide what you're feeling."
This world may have failed you
It doesn't give you a reason why
You could have chosen a different path in life
Hiei was a little taken aback. "I don't think you're horrible," he replied instantly. "You're just another demon who helps out. Why? What makes you think you're so unbearable?"
"When Kazuma left… well, I just thought that maybe he left because of me…"
The smile when you tore me apart
You took my heart
Deceived me right from the start
"And you thought that you were a horrible person, then, right?" Hiei questioned with an arched eyebrow.
"Yes, of course! Why else would he leave? He's just like my brother; too ashamed to be associated with me." Yukina stared into the cloudless sky, blinking back tears. "I'm sorry. You must think I'm very weak for crying like this," she apologized.
Hiei's mind screamed for him to say no, that he what he really thought was that he was horrible for not telling her and making her feel as though her brother, and in turn he himself, was ashamed of her. He gave a noncommittal "Hn" instead, looking deep within the forest.
You showed me dreams
I wished they turn into real
You broke the promise and made me realize
It was all just a lie
Yukina seemed to take this as an affirmative. "I'm sorry, Hiei-kun. I'll not trouble you any further." She walked past him sadly, dragging her feet.
If I wasn't such a bad person, he would be here. So, if I keep doing really good things, he'll come back, she thought brightly. So… why do I still feel miserable?
Could have been forever
Shizuru left the salon for the second time that day, this time heading home. She walked at a leisurely pace, once again smoking her cigarettes to calm her nerves.
I'm going to find him if it kills me, if only so I can kill him.
Now we have reached the end
Author's Note: Hm... kinda short. Anyway, I finally got it done! Yay! I'd like to thank those of you that kept pestering me to update; it helps, really. Keep it up!
And don't forget to review! A friend of mine came up with an interesting theory: Not reviewing islike a horrible contagious disease. Let's test this theory out and prove it wrong! Review unless you wish to be branded as diseased!
Seriously, though, it's not that hard to do. Push the button, and give me your thoughts and criticisms.
Ja ne!
Amaya