A/N: Hey, I'm back. Bet you thought I'd given up? Well I haven't – it's just that I also write fics in another fandom, and I had the latest chapter of what they over there call my 'saga' to finish, and I hadn't written it in months, it was driving me mad, so I finally got that done before Christmas! Oh yeah, hope you all had a great Christmas and New Year. Just a few random points, nothing fic-related: 1) Have you seen Uprising? If not, I recommend it! David's in it, and quite apart from that, it's just very good. We never got it in the first place over here so I bought the DVD, yay for me! 2) You know how there's some Friends scenes you just HAVE to rewind while you're watching cause they're so damn funny? Well mine include when Rachel tells Ross about the baby, and he's 'indignant as a consumer' about the condoms. Laugh? I just about died.

Anyway, enough of my waffling! This chapter's a bit longer I think, I hope not too long but I wanted to make it longer and I had lots to include, so I hope you enjoy it! To everyone who thinks Ross should divorce Melissa: TOTALLY! She's a bitch. If she was real I'd slap her.

I would have given you all of my heart

But there's someone who's torn it apart

And she's taken just all that I have

But if you want I'll try to love again

Baby I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest…

Chapter Eight

When he was younger, Ross had always dreamed about finding the woman he was destined to spend his life with. He'd wanted to get married to whoever his soulmate turned out to be, and settle down, live in a big house, have kids. It had never mattered that his peers had all been far more interested in going from girl to girl and worrying about nothing except exams. Ross was different, and even though he'd hardly been anything resembling popular in either high school or college, he'd held out hope that one day, the woman of his dreams would arrive and everything would fall into place.

And then he met Melissa; a gorgeous blonde, exactly the type who you hoped might walk into museum while you were there doing research, but realistically knew never would. Melissa did, against all the odds, and more surprisingly to Ross he'd managed to hold a conversation with her that wasn't embarrassing. Maybe the fact it had been his first proper adult relationship had led him to rush marriage, but he'd honestly believed she was The One. Nothing in his mind had ever made him doubt that until these past few months in which it had all deteriorated, and what was left was the truth.

Melissa was having an affair.

God, it hurt like hell to even think the words. Ross closed his eyes as spots of rain dripped insultingly from a murky sky and landed on him haphazardly. He didn't want to go inside and face anyone; staying out and getting wet was a far better option. He certainly couldn't see Melissa, not right now when her betrayal was so fresh in his mind. He wondered if it would ever be anything less than fresh in his mind, and then wondered if it was his fault for proposing in the first place, perhaps pressurizing her in some way.

Ross knew deep down that wasn't true. Nobody forced Melissa to do what she didn't want to. And, clearly, she wanted to sleep with someone else. Ross wasn't sure why she'd suddenly started trying to sleep with him again in the past week, but he suspected it wasn't really about him or their relationship at all. He'd become secondary to Melissa's thoughts and games she was playing with her other man. Ross couldn't believe he'd been so naïve. Surely there had been signs, there must have been, she'd been so off lately…

And what was worse, Rachel knew about it before he did. It wasn't that he didn't like or trust Rachel – quite the opposite on both counts – but he was ashamed that such an amazing girl had found out what a total loser he was. Not only was he being cheated on, but he'd practically forgotten his wife in the moments he'd almost asked Rachel out for coffee. That wasn't like him. He didn't really understand the reason for the way time seemed to slow right down and the world was closed off whenever he spoke to Rachel. She was so beautiful; she lit something inside him that hadn't been touched for a long time.

The rain was splashing now, and ordinarily Ross would have run for cover. This time, he remained where he was as other people dashed for shelter, and tilted his head up so that the drops mingled with the tears falling down his cheeks. That way no one would know he was crying.

"I can't believe it. I'm so stupid."

Over at Central Perk, Rachel was relaying the story to a horrified Monica. Yes, it wasn't going to make things better by spreading the news on Ross' behalf, but Rachel had been so utterly mortified that she'd had no choice other than leaving the diner there and then and heading to see if she could find anyone to talk to.

"You're not stupid, Rach," Monica said, patting her shoulder. "That Melissa… God, wait till I see her, she'll wish she hadn't married into the Gellers!"

Rachel neglected to point out that Melissa seemed to be regretting that decision already, and instead groaned out loud again at the memory.

"It was awful. Poor Ross. I've never seen anyone look that hurt, Mon. I feel terrible, he must hate me." This concerned Rachel above all else, to her selfish dismay, because she liked him a LOT and the thought of him not speaking to her again…

"Of course he doesn't hate you," Monica said with a sigh. "Ross doesn't hate anyone. Well, maybe Melissa now… But you, he doesn't hate you, silly. He really cares about you."

"He does?" Rachel couldn't resist smiling a little.

"He does," Monica nodded. "He'll be so upset at Melissa, though. I don't know what her problem is. This makes me so mad; it reminds me of stupid stuff in high school."

Rachel peered at her friend. "What kind of stuff?"

Monica shrugged. "Nothing. Just people being mean. It wound me up, that's all, and it's happening to Ross again."

Rachel was intrigued, but she didn't have the chance to press Monica further because Joey and Chandler had just walked in, announcing details of another club gig they'd managed to swing for the band in a couple of weeks. The two girls exchanged a glance that told Rachel not to mention the Ross/Melissa issue to the guys before Ross came home and talked about it. The only problem was, they had no idea where Ross was, and without realising, Rachel was starting to instinctively worry about him.

"Maybe I should go and see him," Rachel mused as she walked beside Monica on their way home. The two guys were talking a few paces ahead, leaving the girls free to discuss Ross and Melissa. "You know, to apologise," she added, when Monica looked at her.

"No, I don't think that's a good idea," Monica replied. "He'll want to be alone right now. If he wants to talk he'll call me, probably, or come over to the apartment. Don't worry, he'll be fine."

Rachel couldn't help worrying though, especially as she felt so guilty about interfering and gossiping. Her father had told her on numerous occasions that her tongue would land her in trouble, and on this count at least he'd been proved right. Rachel knew she'd had no right to tell Melissa what to do in the first place, or to try and defend Ross when really, she didn't know him that well, but thinking back, she also knew she had only done what had seemed the right thing. Ross was always so sweet and lovely to her, and Melissa was being a bitch by cheating… Nothing good ever came from deceiving people who loved you, Rachel thought, as the four of them arrived back at Monica's apartment, where they found Phoebe sitting outside on the step.

"Pheebs? What are you doing here?"

"Oh God, Rach." Phoebe stood up and hugged Rachel tightly as the others looked on. "I'm so glad you came here, I thought you were still at work but they said you'd already finished, and obviously you hadn't been home so I hoped you'd be here." Phoebe was talking very quickly and her blonde hair was flying about her face as she gesticulated wildly. She was in quite a state and Monica ushered her and Rachel into the warm flat, followed by Chandler and Joey, who immediately headed for the fridge.

"Here, have a seat, I'll make you some coffee," Monica offered with a smile, and Phoebe sat down at the table gratefully, Rachel taking the adjacent chair and holding Phoebe's hand.

"Okay Pheebs, what on earth happened? Are you okay?"

Phoebe nodded. "I think so. I mean, I am, but our apartment isn't."

Rachel felt her heart sink. This was all they needed. "Our apartment? Why, what about it?"

"Well, for a start they want to evict us, because apparently we don't pay enough rent, although where they get that from I have no idea," Phoebe shrugged. "Anyway, they're renovating all the apartments into like really expensive fancy ones that we'll never afford on our one income, which by the way I know is totally my fault."

Rachel squeezed Phoebe's hand. "Honey, it's okay."

"I'm not finished!" Phoebe sighed impatiently. "That's what happened after you left for work, when I finally opened the mail. But when I went out to try and find a job or something, I came back and there had been a fire in the building and by the time the fire brigade got there our living room was trashed." Phoebe bit her lip. "That was my first real home and it's gone. No matter which way you look at it, Rach, we're homeless."

Rachel couldn't believe it. She almost asked what had started the fire, but thought better of it when she saw how upset Phoebe already was. "Hey, we'll find somewhere Pheebs," she said, and hugged her friend. "Just don't tell my dad, he'll say he told me so, and I hate that." She was trying her best to joke, but deep down Rachel was really worried. She hardly had any money now that she was between jobs, as most of her last savings had gone on this month's rent.

"Rachel, Phoebe?"

The two of them looked up to see Monica standing there, with a cup of coffee in her hand which she set down before Phoebe.

"I couldn't help overhearing, and well, I have a spare room here if one of you wants to stay."

"Are you sure?" Rachel asked, taken aback. "I don't know if I could impose on you like that… I mean, if either of us could." She knew she'd said the wrong thing – again – but Phoebe smiled.

"It's fine Rach, you stay here and I'll find somewhere else. I'm more used to this kinda thing than you are, you'd never last. And you know Monica a lot better than I do, it just makes more sense."

Rachel shook her head. "I'm not gonna leave you all alone, Pheebs, no way."

"Well, one of you could sleep on the sofa," Monica reasoned. "I only have the one extra bed, but it's up to you guys, I honestly don't mind. I don't want to see either of you homeless."

"I can sleep on the sofa," Phoebe said straight away, standing up. "I don't even work, Rachel needs her sleep more than I do. And anyway, I plan to find somewhere else to live soon. I have tons of friends." And with that, she excused herself and went to the bathroom.

"Does she really have tons of friends?" Joey asked, emerging from the fridge with a stack of food.

"Yeah, friends who all live on the streets," Rachel groaned, dropping her head into her hands. "This is a disaster. Imagine evicting us! I pay my rent, that's the only thing I spend money on these days!"

"It's terrible," Monica agreed. "But you'll be fine here, and to be honest you two will keep me company. I've been thinking about getting a roommate for a while now, give me someone to talk to."

"You have me," Chandler offered, at which Monica rolled her eyes.

"We've been going out four months. We don't talk!" she said, making Rachel laugh. "So do you need us to give you a hand fetching your stuff?"

"Oh yeah, I hadn't even thought about that," Rachel said heavily. "Okay, we'll go when Phoebe comes out of the bathroom. God, I hope I have some clothes left."

"I hope you don't," Joey said with a friendly wink, before departing with his food.

"Is he always like that?" Rachel asked.

"Yep, pretty much. Hey, here's Phoebe back, we can go."

So Rachel, Monica, Phoebe and Chandler went over to the charred apartment, Phoebe gasping in horror as she stepped inside first and saw how blackened the walls were. The sofa was in a bad state, as were the coffee table and chairs. They discovered that the bedrooms had escaped relatively unscathed, but there was a horrible smell and Rachel found the place much colder and more hostile. It didn't feel like home any more.

An hour later, the four were carrying boxes back across to Monica's apartment. It wasn't a difficult task, as the only items salvageable were clothes and shoes and a few ornaments, so they were able to transport everything in one journey. Phoebe had been sad about leaving, but Monica had promised pancakes back at the flat, so everyone felt in a better mood as they walked in the door… apart from Rachel, who still felt guilty about Ross. As Phoebe went to unpack her stuff in Rachel's new room, Rachel decided that no matter what Monica had said, there was no way she could ignore what had happened, and made up her mind to visit Ross later that evening to apologise.

Ross couldn't believe what he was hearing as he paced up and down the carpet. He'd known Melissa would come home sooner or later, but nothing had prepared him for what she had to tell him. Just when he was sure he couldn't feel worse about the situation, he was proved wrong.

"Ross? Say something." Melissa was still hovering beside the kitchen, sounding apprehensive. Ross didn't think he could look at her, let alone say something. What was she expecting him to say?

"You… You're pregnant? But how can you be?"

"Surely you don't need me to draw you a diagram, Ross," Melissa sighed, infuriating him further. She didn't seem to care about how she was hurting him. It was starting to hit him that she'd probably never loved him like he loved her… or like he used to love her. At the moment, he didn't feel much love for her at all. She was a different person to him and he couldn't muster up any emotion apart from disgust.

"Whose is it?" was all he wanted to know. He hadn't a clue about this other man she was seeing but if there was a chance he might be a father, Ross wanted to know.

"Oh, I'm not sure," she replied, not sounding as embarrassed as Ross thought she ought to. "I'll get a test done and find out. I can let you know straight after." She sighed again. "Look, Ross, I think it'd be best if I went to stay with a friend tonight. Give you some space."

Ross couldn't believe the way she was acting, just as if they'd had a minor disagreement over shopping or something. Then again, as long as she was getting what she wanted, what else mattered?

"I think it would be best if you never came back," he spat, stalking past her to the bedroom, where he proceeded to throw as many of her clothes as he could grab into a holdall. He didn't want to be near her a moment longer. His hurt wasn't going to heal if she was hanging around acting as if she'd cut her knee rather than ended up expecting a baby. As he roughly zipped up the bag, a painful thought crossed his mind, exacerbating his hatred towards her.

"Here," he snapped, shoving the bag into her hands. "Leave a message when you know the test results." And with that, he slammed the bedroom door in her face, collapsing on the bed and waiting until he heard her leave before he let himself cry.

"It's a welcome feast!" Monica pulled back the cover on the food and smiled expectantly as everyone ooh-ed and aah-ed over the small buffet she'd prepared in honour of Rachel and Phoebe's first night in the apartment. Joey and Chandler were there as usual, and the five of them sat around the table in the kitchen and piled their plates high with various dishes.

"Wow, so you're a chef? That's really great," Rachel said, tasting one of the delicious mini-pies. "Do you have your own restaurant yet, because you really should!"

Monica tried to look bashful but her face betrayed her. "I know, I really should!" she squealed. "I'm working at one of the restaurants in the city but I'm going for a Head Chef interview in a couple of days. I'm pretty nervous."

"You'll be fine," Phoebe assured her. "This food is all brilliant. Well, apart from the meat stuff. I'm a vegetarian, you see."

Joey stared at her. "You don't eat meat? I never knew that!"

Monica rolled her eyes. "Don't worry Joe, she's still a person," she retorted. "Pheebs, Rachel told me about you being a vegetarian already, so I made you these vegetable pastries." She handed Phoebe a dish containing half a dozen pastries, which Phoebe accepted ravenously.

"You didn't have to go to all this trouble," Rachel said at last, once she'd eaten as much as she could possibly manage. "I mean, you're the one doing us a huge favour."

"It's no trouble," Monica replied, shrugging. "I enjoy cooking, and it makes a nice change to have people round my dinner table."

Chandler nodded. "Monica loves being the hostess," he said. "Even if it's not her party."

Monica stuck her tongue out at him, but she couldn't help smiling and admitting it was true. Rachel couldn't help looking at the pair of them and thinking how sweet they were together. She wished she could find that closeness with someone, and automatically her thoughts drifted to Ross, making her remember what else she had to do that evening.

However, it wasn't until after ten that Rachel finally managed to make a reasonable excuse and leave the flat, pulling on her coat as she headed out of the door after telling the others that she wanted to get some fresh air after everything that had happened. What she didn't tell them was that she'd sneaked a look at Monica's address book and found Ross' address in order that she could go round to his apartment and say sorry for the damage she had caused. She didn't realistically believe that he'd be interested in speaking to her while his marriage was in crisis, but the idea that he might hate her was too much for her to bear. She knew how sweet he was and he didn't deserve people like her messing up his life for him.

It only took Rachel ten minutes to reach Ross' building, and she didn't even have to buzz her way in, because a young man was leaving and held the door open for her. She thanked him with a smile and proceeded to go inside and up the two flights of stairs it apparently took to get to the right apartment. By the time she was standing outside, she felt extremely nervous and wondered if in fact she was doing a sensible thing. She wanted to apologise, yes, but maybe it was too soon and maybe he wouldn't want to see her.

Rachel lifted her hand to knock on the door and hesitated. She took a deep breath and decided that if walked away, she would keep feeling guilty and that wouldn't solve anything. So, mustering up a little courage, Rachel knocked on the door, running a hand through her hair as she waited for a response. When none came, she realised he could be out somewhere, but just in case, she shouted, "Ross? It's me, Rachel."

She waited about thirty seconds before starting to walk away with a heavy feeling that she'd really messed up, when she heard the door open behind her and whirled around. Ross was standing in the doorway, looking so sad and lost that it made Rachel's breath catch in her throat. She didn't know what to say, but he beckoned her inside and she followed, closing the door in her wake.

The flat was a mess. Clothes were apparently dumped on the floor and there was a make-up bag spilling its contents onto the once-clean rug. Around the coffee table lay shards of something resembling a mug, and there were various bits and pieces belonging to a woman which hadn't exactly been treated with care. It didn't take a rocket scientist to work out that Melissa was no longer welcome at this address.

Ross had sat down on the sofa and had his head in his hands. Rachel stood awkwardly by the door for a few moments before realising she'd come over, so it was up to her to explain herself.

"I'm sorry for barging in on you like this," she began, clasping her hands together absently. "I just… I feel terrible about what happened earlier, about what I said, and I'm so sorry, Ross. I know we haven't known each other well that long, really, but you've become a really good friend. I didn't mean to hurt you and cause you trouble. I honestly just wanted to defend you and…" Her shoulders sagged as she listened to what she was saying, and thought how trite it all had to sound when you'd found out your wife was having an affair. "I'm just sorry." She sighed and lifted her bag back onto her shoulder. "I think I should probably go. Sorry for annoying you."

Ross shook his head. "No, don't go, Rach." He rubbed at his eyes. "It might be better if I wasn't alone right now. I might do something stupid. Well, more stupid than marrying that…" He shook his head again.

"It's not your fault," Rachel said quickly, going over to the sofa despite herself. "It's her fault! And okay, mine too for opening my big mouth. But none of it is down to you. You've been nothing but great to me ever since you met me and you deserve much better than her."

Ross finally lifted his head. "Stop feeling guilty about earlier. You didn't do anything wrong, Rachel. I had to find out eventually, right? I understand what you thought the situation was and I appreciate you looking out for me."

Rachel frowned. "So you don't hate me?"

Ross actually smiled. "No, silly, of course I don't hate you. How could I hate you?"

She shrugged. "I dunno, I…"

He patted the seat beside him. "Sit beside me?"

She nodded and sat down, sliding her bag onto the floor and crossing her legs. She wasn't sure whether to look at him or give him a friendly hug, or say any more. The two of them remained quiet for a couple of minutes, but to Rachel it wasn't uncomfortable. It was companionable, and she liked it.

At length, Ross spoke again.

"Melissa's pregnant."

Rachel gasped. She couldn't help it. "Oh my God! She's pregnant? When did she spring this on you?"

"Not long ago," he confessed. "Hence my throwing her out and then breaking all her stuff." He rolled his eyes. "I'm mature, huh?"

Rachel laid a hand on his arm and squeezed gently. "Ross, honey, that is totally understandable. God, if it'd been me, I think I'd have kicked her ass! Seriously, you have every right to be furious with her!"

"Yeah. It might not even be mine. In fact, it's probably not, given the odds. She's been sleeping with him all the time and…" He blushed slightly. "We slept together once recently. I mean, it was the first time in ages and… I thought it was weird at the time. But now, I kinda have the feeling she was already pregnant and wanted to make me think I was the father. You know, she didn't bank on me finding out about her affair. And then I wouldn't be too suspicious and she'd probably milk me for maintenance and stuff." He sighed. "That all sounds terrible, doesn't it? You must think I'm paranoid."

Rachel didn't. She actually thought it made a lot of sense, and having met Melissa and seen the damage done by her, she wouldn't have been at all surprised if Ross' idea turned out to be true.

"You're not paranoid," she said quietly, rubbing his arm without even thinking. He smiled at her and she smiled back, and in that instant she knew she felt something for him that she'd never felt for anyone before. Even back in high school with her sweetheart, someone she'd believed herself to be in love with, nothing compared to the way he seemed to take her in, acknowledge her as a person rather than just another flimsy cheerleader.

And then, before she could move, Ross was leaning in towards her and automatically, she closed her eyes and waited. She wanted him to kiss her; she was dying to feel his lips on hers, despite the fact she knew that was a really bad idea, given the state he was in. Still, anticipation filled her senses as she felt him nearing…

He did kiss her – on the cheek. Her eyes flew open and she almost pulled back in sheer surprise, when she realised he was taking a pretty long time to give her a quick peck. She let a little sigh escape her as he pressed his lips to her skin, and she had to resist the strong urge to cup his face in her hands and force him into a proper kiss. When he drew away, however, she looked at him and was sure he must feel something for her too, something like she felt for him. Maybe it couldn't happen right now, but that wasn't to say it never could.

"Hey, how about I make us both a coffee?" she suggested after a moment in which she could have cut the tension between them with a knife. He nodded and she practically flew off the sofa, into the kitchen to make two cups of coffee. She barely noticed what she was doing as she went about it; all her thoughts were so concentrated on one person, sitting in the adjoining living room, his heart shattered.

A/N: Gah! So near and yet so far! I'm building up the tension here folks. And yeah, Iknow I totallystole the whole apartment burningdown thing, but what ya gonna do? ;)Hope you're still reading, because believe me, it'll all happen in the not-too-distant future! And in the meantime, keep reviewing, make my 2005 get off to a good start! ;)