A/N: It's been over a year since I updated this fic! I had most of this chapter all done and decided to resurrect Crazy Love, I still like the story and I realise there were people kind enough to read and review, and you all deserve an ending! So I'll try to keep going. The updates might not be frequent but I won't give up. Okay? If you're still remotely interested in this fic, do please leave a review, it'd mean the world to me!

Chapter Nine

Ross groaned as he opened his eyes and came face-to-face with the harsh glare of the midday sun. He hadn't been outside in two days, and hadn't even left his bed except to go to the bathroom and occasionally make something to eat which he'd always throw out. The main thing was, though, he just didn't feel like seeing or talking to anyone, so he had ignored all phone calls and a couple of door-knocks, in order to secrete himself within the confines of his room. He knew the others might be worried about him, but he didn't really care. None of them could help anyway.

Realising he was thirsty, Ross rolled out of bed and wrapped the duvet around himself before padding out to the kitchen, pausing to sigh at how rough he looked in the mirror on the wall. He hadn't washed or shaved since taking his self-imposed exile, and he ran his fingers over the substantial stubble. If he didn't watch he was going to have a beard before long, and that would really give Chandler ammunition. His hair was getting too long, as well, and he looked exhausted, even though he'd been asleep for most of the time. He hoped he hadn't looked this terrible when Rachel was round.

That wasn't the first time he'd let thoughts turn to Rachel, but it never became easier to do without wanting her so badly it physically hurt. It was wrong to be dreaming about her when he was still married and possibly a father, yet he didn't feel quite as guilty as he expected to. Maybe it was because he'd slowly come to terms with the fact that he and Melissa were over, or maybe it was just that Rachel was unbelievably hot and sweet and sexy and kind. And he'd managed to kiss her. Well, okay, it was only a kiss on the cheek, but the way her skin had felt and tasted remained vividly in Ross' mind. He hadn't meant to make her feel uncomfortable, as he imagined she must have done considering she left soon after making him coffee and a sandwich.

Just as Ross was trying to find milk that hadn't gone off – and failing miserably – there was a knock on the front door, and he sighed. He really wasn't in the mood to answer, but he didn't have much time to even decide before he heard the sound of a key in the lock, and in walked Monica, looking harassed and anxious. Her eyes widened when she rounded the corner and saw Ross.

"Oh my God!" she exclaimed, throwing her bag onto the sofa and walking over to him. "What the hell are you playing at? I've been so worried, Ross!" She hugged him tightly, and the duvet fell from his shoulders as he responded, unable to stop himself. It actually felt good to be hugging his sister without any stupid complications, and to top it all off, Monica gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Yeah, I know, not often that happens," she joked. "Seriously, I've been calling loads, and you haven't called back. I thought maybe something had happened, but I didn't want to bother you if it was to do with Melissa, and…"

Ross shrugged. "I just didn't want to see anyone." He frowned. "Nothing in my fridge is edible. How did that happen?"

Monica pulled on his hand and dragged him across to the bathroom. "You go in here and please have a shower," she said firmly, "and I'll make you lunch. Deal?"

She drove a pretty decent bargain. "Okay. Thanks Mon."

"No problem." She smiled and closed the bathroom door behind him.

Ross had to admit, it did feel good to be standing under hot water, closing his eyes and resting his head against the tiles. In here, no one could get him; he was safe. He tilted his face to the water and gasped as it hit him in welcome torrents, flattening his hair and making little drops form on the end of his nose and his chin.

Twenty minutes later, he finally emerged from the shower and set about brushing his teeth and shaving, things he suddenly felt a big urge to do now that he'd showered. Once that was all done, he pulled on his dressing gown, which was hanging on the back of the door, and ran a hand through his wet hair, not that he was that bothered. The smell of bacon was permeating through the gap between door and floor, and he went out to see Monica completely at home in the middle of his kitchen, with the radio on and lots of things cooking.

"Hey!" she said brightly when she saw him. "It's nearly ready. I sorted out some clothes for you; they're in your bedroom, okay? Don't be long!"

Ross couldn't help rolling his eyes affectionately at his sister and her impossible efficiency, as he shut the bedroom door behind him and dressed into the jeans and shirt she'd laid out for him on the bed.

"You'll make a brilliant wife one day," he joked as he wandered back out to be met with a huge plate of food that was bad health-wise, but good in every other way. Monica had made some for herself, too, so they sat down comfortably together and Ross gratefully started to eat his first meal in two days.

"I know," Monica replied, shrugging. "Any man would be lucky to have me." She grinned. "You're lucky to have me."

"Very," he agreed. "Look, Mon, I'm sorry I haven't been in touch and made you worry. I just… I couldn't face everyone pretending to feel sorry for me when they haven't got a clue."

"Ross, that's not fair," she scolded gently. "We all do care about you, very much. Joey and Chandler included, even if they give you a hard time instead of showing it. They're just as worried as I am, and so are Rachel and Phoebe. Phoebe even wrote you a song."

"A song? I didn't know Phoebe wrote songs."

Monica nodded. "She does. She plays guitar and sings quirky little things. Anyway, those two haven't known you properly for very long at all, and they've asked about you every day." She paused. "And Rachel told me she came to see you. She didn't say what happened but I told her off a little. I didn't think she should be imposing on you when you obviously didn't want company."

"Oh no, that's not how it was," Ross shook his head. "She wasn't bothering me. She wondered how I was. She was there, you see, when I found out about Melissa, and she felt bad because she'd kinda stood up for me. I mean, I wasn't planning to see anyone, but Rachel… she's different, Mon. She really seemed to want to listen to me, and she…" He sighed and found he couldn't say any more without giving away his feelings for Rachel.

Luckily – or perhaps not – Monica was aware of that already. "Ross, I know you like Rachel, okay? It's pretty obvious. And I'm not saying you shouldn't, she's lovely and very sweet. But don't you think you should deal with Melissa and your marriage and stuff before dreaming about someone else? It just doesn't seem like you."

Monica's words were like a replica of Ross' own thoughts, and he was relieved she'd voiced them. Yet he wasn't sure she was right. Melissa appeared determined to wreck his life and make him miserable, and of course, he was devastated at the burnt-out relationship with the woman he'd imagined was his soulmate but not to the extent that he wanted to shut out other possibilities altogether. It wasn't that he considered for a moment that Rachel might actually like him in that way, he just didn't want to end up lonely and bitter because he wasn't able to face up to the truth. It helped a bit that Melissa's affair, when all was said and done, in fact wasn't that much of a shock when he remembered how distant she'd been over the past couple of months.

"I don't have a chance in hell with someone like Rachel," he sighed, playing with the half-eaten egg on his plate. "That's not what this is about. I need to get over Melissa, Mon. I know it'll take time, but I haven't left this place in two days and it didn't make me feel any better. I'm still really upset, it's just… I like dreaming." He smiled somewhat sheepishly, and Monica leaned over to hug him. "Oh yeah, there's more news," he added when they drew apart. "Melissa told me she's pregnant, and she's not sure who the father is." When Monica let out a gasp, he held up a hand. "It's okay, Mon, I'm pretty sure I can't be the father. We've only slept together once in the past four months and I think that was after she got pregnant. I wasn't meant to find out about the affair, you see, and it had to be believable that I got her pregnant." He laughed shortly. "I would have believed it, too, if I didn't know…" He found anger welling up inside him and took a deep breath.

"You know what I think?" she said, after a few moments. "I think you should come and hang out with us today, get back in the way of things. Rachel started working at the coffee house and I promised we'd stop by, as if we ever do anything else."

Ross laughed; it made him feel better. "Well, that's true. Sure, why not?" He didn't mention to Monica that the idea of seeing Rachel was incentive enough, but he had the sneaking suspicion that his sister already knew.

XXXXXX

Over the last two days, Rachel had discovered something about herself that she hadn't known before, and it had come as a startling revelation.

She hated making coffee.

Not only that, she was useless at it. The number of complains received about her was growing by the hour, and the 'I'm new' excuse didn't seem to be working in the slightest. The only people cutting her any slack were her friends, who barely drank their coffee for all the talking they did, so it never mattered too much if she got their orders right. She wished the other customers could be equally as unfussy.

"I think you're doing great," Phoebe said encouragingly as she sat at the counter and sipped an iced tea. "I mean, I'd be so rubbish at waitressing, I'd probably be fired on the first day."

Rachel eyed her. "Pheebs, didn't you used to be a waitress in Kentucky? I remember you telling me you did it for a year!"

"No, that wasn't waitressing," Phoebe said, shaking her head. "That was standing around wearing a very low-cut top so that men would come in and order stuff. It wasn't real, not like this job."

Rachel supposed it was a compliment of sorts, so she smiled and went over to the woman in the corner who had ordered a peppermint tea. It was on her way back to the counter that she heard the door open, and turned automatically to see who it was, as she always did. She couldn't hold back the small smile that crossed her face when she saw Ross coming in with Monica, Joey and Chandler following. They all took their usual places on the sofa and chairs, but not before Monica had waved to Rachel and Ross had glanced over, making her smile wider. He smiled back, and it was a blushing Rachel who went back to Phoebe.

"Oh my God, you are so in love with him!" Phoebe exclaimed.

Rachel was mortified. "Pheebs, keep your voice down!" she hissed. "And no, for your information, I am not in love with anyone. I was just saying hello."

"You never say hello to me like that," Phoebe pointed out. "Although if you did, I'd have to worry that you wanted to be more than friends."

Rachel sighed. "Look, I know what you think about me having these… these feelings for someone who's married. But Pheebs, I can't do anything about it! Believe me, I've tried! And his wife's a complete bitch who doesn't deserve him."

Phoebe nodded. "I know, you told me that. I agree, she sounds horrible. That's not the issue, though! Rach, if you're not careful you're gonna get hurt, because I can assure you there's no way he's anywhere near over her yet, no matter what he says. And now he might be a dad, and I mean, could you handle that?"

Rachel shrugged, leaning on the counter and letting her eyes drift over to Ross, who was listening to something Chandler was saying. She didn't know if she could handle it; all she knew was, she wanted the chance to try. Ross was someone special, the kind of guy that didn't come along every day. Most guys pushed their luck where Rachel was concerned, but Ross wasn't like that. He cared about her and he was funny and sweet and… Rachel let out a tiny moan of longing, and when she looked up, Phoebe was watching her with sympathy.

"Rach…"

"Don't say it, please. Whatever it is, I can guarantee it's already crossed my mind. I can't let him slip away, Pheebs, can I? I'm not about to make a move right now, or ask him out in a week or anything. I totally understand it'll take him a while to even accept Melissa's gone. It doesn't mean I can't dream, does it? He's my friend, and I want to be there for him no matter if he's interested in me or not."

Phoebe nodded. "I know." She sighed too. "To be honest I don't think things are working out for me and Joey, either."

"Really? What's happened?"

"Nothing in particular. We have a laugh and enjoy each other's company, but I really don't think he's into a proper relationship, and I don't want to be tied down. I'm gonna talk to him and see if he thinks we should stay friends. I think we'd be great friends."

The two girls smiled at one another, and then Rachel went over to speak to Monica, who had been gesturing for a couple of minutes.

"Bring Phoebe too!" she said, and Phoebe came and sat on the sofa beside Ross. Rachel perched on the arm, trying to make it look as if she was in the middle of taking an order. "Okay, we've got a gig tomorrow night and you guys are of course invited," Monica said to Rachel and Phoebe. "However, we have one small problem arising within the band."

"Small? That's putting it mildly," Chandler interrupted, looking perturbed.

"Ross wants to leave." Monica didn't seem very pleased judging by the tone of her voice, which was forced-cheerful. Rachel stole a glance at Ross, who was staring down towards the floor, avoiding anyone's gaze. He looked decidedly unhappy.

"You do? Why?" Phoebe asked. "You guys are a great band, you can't start leaving and stuff!"

"Apparently real jobs are more important," Joey said sarcastically, glaring at Ross.

"They are," Ross replied, still refusing to look up. "In case you didn't hear me before, I might be having a child, and I can't keep messing around with a stupid hobby like the band. I need to concentrate on work and making money."

"But you can do both!" Monica insisted, as if Ross was being very stupid. "We've done it for long enough now, what's the deal now? You don't even think the baby's yours, so what difference will that make?"

Rachel felt those words as keenly as if they'd been directed at her. She thought Monica and the others were being pretty unfair. Ross was so upset and disorientated that she realised he was probably just going with an initial reaction that he hadn't thought through, but the issue of the baby and Melissa was weighing very heavily on his mind.

"Hey, maybe I should get everyone some coffee, and you can discuss this properly, huh?" Rachel stood up. "And I realise I'm new and everything, but I think you three should give Ross some time to get over what's happened before shouting at him for thinking about the future."

With that, she turned and walked back to the coffee machine, her heart pounding so loudly in her ears that she was sure it had to be audible to everyone in the coffee shop. She never usually stood up to people like that, but something inside her had bent a little bit.

Two minutes later, Monica was in front of the counter.

"Mon, I am really sorry about what I just said," Rachel said. "It was out of order, I didn't mean to. It just reminded me of some other situation, nothing to do with you guys, and I shouldn't have interfered. It's got nothing to do with me, and like I said, I'm sorry."

"No, don't be," Monica said quietly. "I don't know what got into me. I was the one who persuaded Ross to come outside and get away from that flat, and look at me now. The prospect of losing our position on the club circuit makes me turn into some mad competitive freak. I didn't mean it either. I'm worried about Ross, and I think if he stops doing the one fun thing he has in his life, he'll lose it altogether."

Rachel nodded. "I agree. I'm worried too. He's been so nice to me. What is with this Melissa? She seems nuts to me."

Monica rolled her eyes. "Oh, she is nuts. It took her a while to reveal her true colours, though. I used to think she was such a cool girl, great sister-in-law, blah blah, but then I started to see how she'd manipulate Ross and have him saying and doing whatever she wanted. He was so in love, how could he see what she was actually like? I tried to tell him a couple of times but he got really mad with me and I couldn't bring it up again. Now look what she's done. Wrecked my brother. I could kill her, I swear."

Monica may have been a small person, but Rachel was under no doubt that she meant exactly what she said.

"And I also wanted to apologise for telling you off about visiting Ross. I was just worried, but I spoke to him and he explained how much you'd helped and… I guess I was being overprotective."

Rachel smiled. "Don't worry about it. I don't blame you."

"Well, he seems to really like you," Monica went on, "so maybe you could have a word with him about the band thing? I want him to have something to do in his spare time, and to be honest once Melissa pisses off and has another man's baby, what else is Ross gonna do except sink into a depression?"

Rachel didn't honestly think she was any use at talking, but she agreed anyway, liking the way Monica had started to trust her and consider her a proper close friend. Ever since she and Phoebe had moved into Monica's, Rachel felt that the three of them were quickly bonding together, a bit like being in dorms at university. She appreciated it, and if she admitted it to herself, she was rather glad the old flat was no longer her home.

So, when Monica and Chandler had gone back to work, and Phoebe had taken Joey back to the apartment for a 'conversation', Rachel went over and sat beside Ross on the sofa, handing him a muffin. He looked up.

"Paying you back for the one you bought me," she said with a small smile, and he actually laughed as he took the plate from her.

"Mon sent you, didn't she?" he said, half-way through the muffin, during which time Rachel hadn't been sure what on earth to say.

"I… uh…" Rachel knew she was blushing. He didn't want to talk to her, that much was clear. "Sort of… But I wanted to sit here, anyway. I know I'm not like your best friend or your sister or anything but I just wanted you to know I'm here for you. You've been so sweet to me since we met and I'm sorry this has all happened to you. You deserve better, and one day you'll find it." She smiled again, patting his arm before moving to get up – and felt his hand on her arm, pulling her back.

"Rachel, please stay," he said, a pleading look in his eyes. He didn't need it; she would have stayed just from the way he said her name, as if no one else had been christened that before, or if they had, they didn't do it justice. "Look, I'm sorry too. I'm not… acting like myself at the moment, because of the whole thing with Melissa. It's not because I don't want to talk to you, or that I don't consider you close to me. I do. I dunno. It's weird. I feel as if we've known each other a long time."

She nodded. "That's how I feel. I've never had a real male friend before, you know? I mean, someone I could trust, who I believed liked me without his whole motive being sex." She sighed. "God, I must sound so stupid."

Ross shook his head, turning to face her on the sofa. "You don't, not at all. I'm sure you can't blame men for feeling that way about you, though."

She looked at him, ready to explain how actually, being hit on for the sake of it wasn't a fun experience at all, and realised with a jump of her heart that he was actually flirting with her, or attempting to. She laughed.

"I can't say I've thought about it before," she replied. "I'm just another girl they fancy their chances with. What's to feel?"

"Lots," he said earnestly, leaning forwards. She couldn't take her eyes away from his, in which all his emotions were easily betrayed. Right now, he was nervous as hell. "Oh God, what am I doing?" He shook his head and his shoulders dropped. "I shouldn't even be speaking to you right now, not when I'm so fucked up, but Rach…" He looked up at her again, and her stomach did a funny flip. There was something extra behind his eyes this time that she hadn't noticed before. It looked a bit like desire. Could it be that perhaps he shared the feelings she'd developed for him?

"Yes?" Her pulse was racing, he was so close to her now that if she was stupidly brave and moved forwards about a foot, they'd surely end up kissing. The thought alone was enough to make her mind spin.

"I'm useless at this. I'm sorry." He spread his hands. "I… I like you, okay? I have done since I saw you at the club, but I'm married, and it's all a huge mess, and I don't even think I should be contemplating someone else while I'm confused about Melissa. And I totally realise you're probably not remotely interested, and that's fine, I understand, but I had to tell you, even though I'm now wishing I really hadn't." As if to back up the point, Rachel noticed the very tips of his ears turning red, and it endeared him to her even more.

Now she leaned in, but only to recklessly grab his hand and squeeze it. "Ross, you are so incredibly wonderful. I am so interested, you wouldn't believe it!" She laughed when he stared at her, as if not daring to believe she'd said that. "How could you not tell? But I agree, you're in this situation and I don't think you're ready to date yet. Do you? I mean, it's up to you how you feel, but I'm not sure we should even go there until you're over Melissa. It wouldn't be fair on any of us. The moment you feel better, let me know, and we can see what happens."

Ross nodded, somewhat shyly, and they exchanged a tentative smile. Now it had been said, Rachel was very relieved. She wasn't carrying a massive burden any more, and now she knew he wanted to go out with her, she could have sung with joy. Yet she knew they had a long way to go before they could really be together, before Ross was free of his wife and the trouble she'd brought.

"You know, I'd kiss you now, but I don't think I'd be able to stop."

That was probably the single sweetest thing anyone had said to Rachel in her life, and it was all she could do not to take the decision right out of his hands there and then. Instead, she smiled at him again, and said she had to get back to work, which wasn't a lie. She went across to serve a middle-aged man, and when she went back to the counter, she saw that Ross had gone, and the sofa was unoccupied. She sighed, and set about making a cappuccino.

"You did what? Are you crazy?"

Ross stepped back from the force of Monica's voice. He'd anticipated such a reaction, but it was still loud close up. He shrugged and helped himself to one of the freshly-baked cookies Monica had made that evening.

"I'm not crazy. I'm actually taking control of my life."

"By messing it up even more? God, Ross, you can't just tell Rachel how you feel without sorting yourself out first!"

"Why not?"

Monica looked ready to explode with frustration. "Because the girl likes you too, for whatever weird reason, and this isn't gonna make her feel any better! It'll be awkward between you now, because you both know each other's feelings but you can't do anything about them!"

Ross truly didn't understand why Monica was so worked up. To him, it had made perfect sense to admit to Rachel that he liked her. If he hadn't, he might have sent himself round the bend thinking about her all the time, coupled with invasive thoughts about Melissa and her baby. It was unbelievable that Rachel had told him the way she felt was the same, and if things had been different circumstantially, Ross knew where he'd be right now, and it wasn't standing here, arguing with his sister.

"Mon, in case you haven't noticed, stuff like this doesn't happen to me very often," he said, walking over to the sofa and sitting down. Monica sat on the coffee table so she was facing him. "Someone as incredible as Rachel liking me back. And yeah, it's not the best timing, but we've cleared the air and we know we have something we can try once I'm ready to. She doesn't mind, Mon. She was so sweet about it. You know, I do remember seeing her in high school a few times, passing her in the corridor on my way to science class, and I'd think how lucky a guy would be to get a chance with her. Well, I have a chance with her!"

If I sound half as obsessive out loud as I do in my head, man…

Monica sighed. "I know, Ross. I mean, I get it. I'm really happy Rachel feels more than friendship for you, I am. I'm just worried about you, after the whole Melissa thing. She's treated you like shit, and she might be expecting your baby. If you get carried away with Rachel…"

"I'm not getting carried away," Ross said quietly. "I'm having an open mind about stuff. I don't want to spend the rest of the year miserable about Melissa, who doesn't care about me in the slightest. I need something more, something to look forward to."

"I know."

"But you're right about sorting myself out, which is why I'm going away for a week or so."

"You are? Where?"

"Back to Mum and Dad's. I need a bit of space, Mon. I'll be home really soon. It's probably best if I'm out of everyone's way, including Rachel's."

His mind was made up. He needed time and space to think everything through, away from the distractions (good and bad) that Rachel and Melissa provided.

A/N: Ah go onnnnn, review? Pretty pleeeeeease? You know you wanna...! ;)