Me: I thought I'd try something new.

h890: Is it gonna be funny?

me: Heck yes!

ff: Awesome!

fg00: Hey, that's my line!

ff: Oh, whatever.

Summary: Well, it's a very weird twist on Lord of the Rings that I thought up. The name really gives it away.

h890: That's not a very good summary.

Me: I know. But whatever, I'll just start the story.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Yaaar!

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LORD OF THE ONION RINGS

A really long time ago, when elves were not thought of as little midgets dancing around in Santa's workshop, the Dark Lord Sauron forged the one snack food…TO RULE THEM ALL! Forged in the hot oils of Mt. Evil, not even the strongest elves could resist its golden crunchiness, the juicy oniony center, and the aroma of the most delicious side dish that man has ever known. It soon waged war between men and orcs as the aroma spread throughout Middle Earth. Isildur, the king of Gondor, finally knocked the onion ring off of Sauron's Plate of Doom and Middle Earth was momentarily saved. Elrond, leader of the elves, told Isildur to throw the snack food into the oils of Mt. Evil, but the smell of the delicious onion ring possessed Isildur and he ran away with it like a sissy little girl. But one day he decided to be clumsy, dropped the snack food into a lake, and was later shot to a horrible and tragic death. Boo hoo. Then a long time later, a little weirdo hobbit named Smeagol was fishing and fell in the lake because the fish he reeled in was so big that it dragged him in and he accidentally found it. He killed his friend for it and also, like Isildur, ran away with it like a sissy little girl. He became a total freak that looked like a shaved monkey and then lost the ring after about 500 years. What a loser. Anywho, then a random little hobbit named Bilbo got it and gave it to his stepson Frodo and now is in Rivendell. Frodo however has just left the Shire and is going to destroy the Ring, even though he is a total weakling and barely has an idea of what the heck is going on. And this is where our story begins…

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A tiny little hobbit was wandering aimlessly around with no idea where he was going, along with his three other tiny hobbit friends, who were also lost.

"Sam!" yelled Frodo.

"Yes?" answered Sam.

"Do you have any idea of where we're going?"

"No, Mr. Frodo. I think we're lost."

"Okay then. Thank you Sam."

Frodo kept walking and suddenly fell off of a randomly placed cliff. Mister Pippin ran towards the cliff and looked down at Mister Frodo.

"Are you okay, Frodo?" asked Pippin.

"Yes, I'm fine. I think I just found Rivendell, though," answered Frodo.

"Well, that was quick," said Merry.

So Sam, Merry, and Pippin jump off the cliff and land in Rivendell.

"Wow! We're in Rivendell, Mr. Frodo," said Sam, getting up.

"So I noticed," said Mr. Frodo.

After getting up and getting their acts together, Frodo and co. walked into the city of Rivendell, where happy little elves were singing in the trees. They suddenly got confronted by the one and only Elrond.

"Why hello, little midget man! Have you brought the onion ring?" asked Elrond as happily as he could (which, knowing Elrond, didn't seem that happy).

Yes. I have," answered Frodo. "I'll get it right now."

Frodo reached into his pocket and pulled out a perfect little onion ring.

"Oooooh!" squealed Merry. "An onion ring! I'm hungry!"

Merry snatched onion ring from Frodo and bit into it. There was suddenlt a crunching sound and Merry screamed like a little girl.

"Owie! My teeths got hurt! Evil side dish!" yelled the now angry Merry.

Angry little Merry threw it on the ground as hard as he could.

"Don't do that," said Elrond. "It's evil."

"I know. It just broke my tooth," answered Merry.

"Then why did you just throw it on the ground?"

"Because it's evil!"

"But I just said that. So technically you were stealing my words and were not obeying the copyright laws."

"What copyright laws? It's only 1213. Nobody has even thought of that yet."

"So? Just because I'm smarter than you doesn't mean you can pick on me."

"But I wasn't picking on you. I was just saying that copyright laws weren't invented yet."

"If they weren't invented yet then how did you know about them?"

"Well, you were the one who brought it up, so shouldn't you be asking yourself that question?"

"Gaaaaaah! My brain!" yelled Pippin. "I can't take your babbling on about copyright laws any longer!"

Everyone started to stare at poor little Pippin.

"What? Was it something I said?"

"Yes," answered Elrond.

Elrond suddenly turns into Smith from the Matrix and poofs outta there.

"Okay, that was weird," said Frodo.

"I agree, Mr. Frodo," said Sam.

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(meanwhile)

"Legolas!" yelled Mr.Bossdude. "Get your lazy-elf-voted-ten-times-as-the-cutest-guy-award-in-Like-Totally-Magazine butt over here!"

"Yes Mr. Bossdude,"

Legolas hated his job. Slouching over, he walked over to Mr. Bossdude, who was known to get very angry at times.

"Yes sir."

"I've been noticing that you and Aragorn have been screwing around more than selling these fine McDonalds foods," said Mr. Bossdude. "Is there a reason for this?"

"Well, started off Legolas, "everybody knows that McDonalds is evil because of the weird food they sell. And also there is the problem with obesity these days. Everybody is worried about their figure. So people start to hate the people who work at McDonalds, which would mean that everybody hates me and Aragorn. We screw around because we have nothing better to do and we don't really like our jobs that much."

"I don't get it," said Mr. B. "McDonalds has always been there for me. I mean, look at me now. Can you believe I used to be a hobo?"

"Yes."

"Okay, I'll just ignore what you just said. Anyways, back to my meaningless story. When I was a little kid blah blah blah blah blah blah… (Legolas starts drooling) …blahnd that's how I got to be so successful today."

"Wow. Interesting story," said Legolas.

"Thank you. NOW GET BACK TO WORK!"

"Yes sir."

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Me: well, this is the very short first chapter of my story. I hope you like it.

NOW REVIEW!

You know you want to…..