Me: Well, I'm back from my fabulous trip to Hawaii! We went scuba diving and I slept all day and I drank a pina colada. It was fun. Now I'm back to update this very story. And because I'm updating on Christmas, I'm giving all you people an extra long chapter!

All you people: YAY!

Me: Alright, here it goes.

Disclaimer: I don't own McDonalds or Lord of the Rings. I do own some onion rings, however.

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LORD OF THE ONION RINGS: CHAPTER 2

(Back at Mickey D's)

"What did Mr. Bossdude want?" asked Aragorn.

"He says were messing around too much," asked Legolas. "Can you believe it?"

"Yes."

"That was a rhetorical question, Aragorn."

"Oh, right. Sorry."

Suddenly they heard Mr.Bossdude shout all the way from across the room.

"Legolas!" he yelled. "Get your lazy elf butt over here! We have a customer that needs to get something!"

"Coming!" yelled Legolas, running over to the register.

The Dark Lord Sauron was standing in front of it, ready to take his order.

"What can I get for you, sir?" asked Legolas.

"Hmmmmm. Let's see," said Sauron. "I'll take a number one combo meal, three extra large fries, two Dr. Peppers, five Big Macs-hold the pickle, a bucket of bacon grease, two Sausage McMuffins, a fruit 'n yogurt parfait, a Five-Piece Chicken Selects Meal, ten McGriddles with extra syrupy stuff, six hash browns, a mighty kids meal with the Barbie Princess toy, some more extra large fries, a double cheeseburger-hold the pickle again, two more hash browns, a ten piece Chicken McNuggets, a bucket of onion rings…"

"Ummmm…sir?" Legolas interrupted. "We don't carry onion rings here. Those are only at Burger King."

"WHAT! NO ONION RINGS! (the building starts shaking) WHAT KIND OF CRAZY PLACE DOESN'T CARRY ONION RINGS?"

"Um…McDonalds, sir," answered Legolas.

"OH. In that case, I'll just have a salad. Being a Dark Lord of Mordor sure can make you gain weight."

"That'll be $4.50 sir," said Legolas, opening the cash register.

Sauron took his wallet out and started digging in it.

"Oh man," said Sauron. "All I have is a hundred. Do you take Visa cards?"

"We sure do."

"Fabulous."

Sauron got out a Visa card out and scanned it.

"Thank you for your purchase, sir," said Legolas."

Legolas handed the teeny weeny salad to Sauron and the Dark Lord walked out the door. All of a sudden Aragorn ran up to Legolas in a panic.

"Legolas!" he yelled. "Quick! To the Batmobile!"

"What are talking about?" asked Legolas. "And what's a Batmobile?"

Aragorn started jumping up and down like a frightened kitty.

"Mr. Bossdude is going to kill me if I don't get out of here right now!"

"What happened?"

"Well, I was back there in the kitchen, pressing all of these interesting buttons, and suddenly the oven overheats and the whole kitchen blows up. Didn't you hear the enormous explosion?"

"No, I didn't."

Legolas looked back at the kitchen, which indeed was blown up.

"Oh, I see," said Legolas.

There was a long moment of silence.

"Let's go!" yelled Aragorn.

"Right behind ya!" yelled Legolas, running out the door right when Mr. Bossdude comes in.

"Hey. Where are you guys going?" asked Mr. Bossdude.

The McDonalds manager looked at the kitchen.

"OH MY GOD! WHAT THE &#!# HAPPENED HERE! ARAGOOOOORN!"

Mr. Bossdude proceeded to shake his hand in vengeance.

"Phew. That was close," said Legolas.

"You're telling me," said Aragorn, still running.

Five minutes later Sauron walked back into the McDonalds.

"Why hello there, Mr. Dark Lord of Mordor," said Mr. Bossdude. "What can I do ya for?"

Sauron looked at the kitchen.

"What the heck happened here?" he asked.

"Renovations," replied Mr. Bossdude with one eye twitching.

"I see," said Sauron. "Well, I came here to complain. A few minutes ago I bought a salad here and there was something wrong with it."

"What was wrong with it?"

"What was wrong with it? WHAT WAS WRONG WITH IT! I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT WAS WRONG WITH IT!"

Sauron threw a little packet of something down on the counter. Mr. Bossdude looked down at it.

"Sir, that's zesty balsamic vinaigrette salad dressing," he said.

"I KNOW! I wanted creamy ranch dressing with my salad! But no. You just had to give me ZESTY BALSAMIC VINAIGRETTE! And it's not even zesty! I demand creamy ranch dressing this instant or I shall have my Nazgul kill you with the fire of a thousand evils!"

"Well, funny you should mention that. We just ran out of our creamy ranch dressing today. I'm sorry."

"I'm sure you are! I knew I should've gone to Burger King. They have onion rings there. Now for your punishment."

Sauron looked at Mr. Bossdude evilly.

"Oh $#!#."

Sauron left and the place blew up.

So, after Legolas and Aragorn left their jobs at McDonalds, they caught up with four special little hobbits. They all went off from Rivendell along with Gimli, Gandalf, and Boromir. Currently they are in Moria.

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"Where the heck are we?" asked Merry.

"We're in Moria, like the narrator just said," said Gimli.

"What narrator?"

"Ugh."

Gimli walked over to Gandalf.

"Whatcha doin' Gandalf?" he asked.

"I'm trying to figure to figure out how to open this danged door," answered Gandalf. "Let's see… Abracadabra?"

The door didn't open.

"Kiddywompus?"

The door still didn't open.

"Alakazam?"

The door just stays there.

"Dangit!"

The door suddenly opened.

"Well, something's wrong there," said Gimli.

"Whatever," sadi Frodo. "Let's just go in."

All of a sudden they hear Pippin scream a blood-curdling scream.

"Ahhhhh! Giant calamari!" screamed Pippin. "Even though I am hungry and giant calamari sounds really good right now I'm still scared!"

"Quickly! Into that dark, creepy tunnel!" yelled Legolas.

"Alas!" yelled Boromir. "I shall slay the foul beast!"

Boromir picked up a rock and threw it at the creature, making it fall over dead.

"Well that was surprisingly easy."

"Wow," said Aragorn. "Who knew that a giant thingy like that would die because some idiot threw a pebble at it?"

"Hey! I resemble that remark!" yelled Boromir.

"C'mon! Let's go!" yelled Sam.

They all ran into the tunnel.

"Well, that was close," said Gandalf. "Let's go further into the dark, creepy tunnel."

"Right," mumbled Gimli.

So, the Fellowship go further into the tunnel. After about two hours of walking around doing nothing, they find a bunch of goblins and slay them all. During this time, Pippin finds a stale piece of bread and eats it because he is hungry. After the battle, Merry is jealous because he was hungry too, and he thinks he should've gotten the measly piece of stale bread.

"Hey!" yelled Merry. "That piece of bread should've been mine!"

"Nuh-uh," said Pippin. "I found it first so there!"

"So? You are not worthy!"

"Well, you're not worthy even more."

"That doesn't even make sense, you nincompoop."

"Enough!" yelled Gandalf. "I can't handle it when hobbits argue! They're like midgets that are fighting over a McDonalds Happy Meal!"

"What?" asked Legolas.

"What do you mean what?" asked Gimli.

"I mean what because I used to work at MickeyD's with Aragorn."

"What?" asked Aragorn.

"Oh, shut up," said Boromir.

"You shut up!" yelled Aragorn.

"Are you talking to me?" asked Frodo. "I didn't say anything."

"No, he was talking to Gandalf, Mr.Frodo," answered Sam.

"No he wasn't," said Aragorn. "He was talking to me."

"Why would he talk to Aragorn if he barely said anything?" asked Frodo. "He should've been talking to Legolas."

"Hey!" yelled Legolas. "If anyone's the blabbermouth here it's Boromir."

"So technically he should be saying shut up to himself, right?" asked Pippin.

"SHUT THE #(! UP!" yelled Gandalf.

Okay. So after about an hour of arguing about who was telling who to shut up, the Fellowship encountered the Balrog of Morgoth. (dun dun duun) It was a very gruesome battle. So gruesome that this wouldn't be rated K+ anymore. Aw heck. I'll tell it to you anyway.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Anything but that!" yelled Gandalf.

"Yes that!" said the Balrog evilly. "I have found the one weakness of the great Gandalf the Grey! Behold!"

The Balrog pulled out a little pink Furby.

"Don't look into its eyes!" yelled Frodo. "It's possessed!"

"What kind of evil monster would torture a wizard like this!" yelled Gandalf in agony.

"HUG ME!" yelled the Furby.

"Such evil robotic cuteness!" yelled Gandalf, putting his hands over his ears in pain.

"I LOVE YOU! LET'S BE FRIENDS!"

"Noooooooooo!"

Gandalf falls off the ledge into his doom. Seconds later, the Furby jumps at the Balrog and sends it over the cliff.

"GANDAAAAAAAAAAAAALF!" yelled Frodo.

"There is no time to grieve now," said Boromir. "That possessed toy may come back any minute!"

"You're right. Let's get out of here."

So, the remaining members of the Fellowship get outta there as fast as they can. Outside, they all cry and get attacked by bloodthirsty crows. Boo hoo. Pippin later finds out that he hates bloodthirsty crows. So did Merry. It really is sad how stupid hobbits are, isn't it? That's why everybody hates Hitler.

"Who's Hitler?" asked Pippin.

"Oh, I'm sure it was some king who wanted nothing more than to help his good people," said Merry.

"You both are idiots," said Gimli. "Everybody knows that Hitler is a name of a company that sells hot dogs."

"Oh yeah," remembered Pippin. "They sure have good hot dogs."

"One taste and you'll get it," added in Aragorn.

"Isn't that the slogan for Dr. Pepper?" asked Legolas.

"Who knows? Who cares?"

"Oh, I'm sure somebody does," said Gimli.

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I don't own Dr. Pepper, just in case you wanted to know.

Me: Well, it's not exactly that long of a chapter. Oh well.

REVIEW!

p.s. Please.

p.p.s. Axel is mine. Mwahahahahahaha.