Part 3 of our lovely story.... cuz damn! We don't own Hughie or any of the
other actors, we're just borrowing them, so don't get any foolish ideas in
your pea brains about suing us. All that you'd get outta me is a pile of
carebears anyways. Enjoy...
LOCATION: A CROWDED AIRPORT
Remember Senator Kelly? That prancing fool with the face like a Jane Goodall chimp? Well, he was walking through a crowded airport, stark naked. Around him clowns were petitioning about the recent make-up tax hike. A random spectator grabbed the Senator and glued a red wig on his head and smeared white make-up all over his face.
"Hahahahhahaha," laughed the inbred fool, "You look almost like Jenny's brother, Ronald McDonald!"
Jenny, who was hiding in a nearby luggage rack with her partner in Hughlicious crime, Kelly, found this to be very amusing. "Ahhhh," sighed Jenny," I'm so happy that my brother looks like Ronald." Kelly looked at her all crazy and decided it was an overdose of Logan that had put her over the edge.
"Jenny," said Kelly, who was speaking very slowly and approaching her crackie friend with extreme caution," You HATE your brother. And you don't even call him Ronald anymore! It's Egon from the Ghostbusters now!"
"Oh, yeah," said Jenny," I hate that little bastard!!" Jenny took out a random picture of her brother and started poking holes in it with her McDonald's nametag.
Meanwhile, Senator Kelly got on a helicopter and the door closed behind him. Hmmmm..... the pilot was green...hmmmmm Toad maybe? What kind of security do they hire in the government? They let random green people walk their green asses wherever they please nowadays I guess. Whatever. In the plane the smelly Senator was talking to his weekend hooker, Fred, on his cell phone. "Hi Freddie," said the Senator, grinning like Jean Grey on Jenny Brand crack," Last night was wonderful." Henry, Senator Kelly's "helper", looked at his ass all crazy. A mannish voice answered the Senator back. It sounded like Barney from the Simpsons.
"Beeeeeeeeeelllllllcccccchhhhhh," said the man on the other end of the cell phone. The Senator hung up and started talking sheeit to Henry, who was still lookin' at him all crazy. "We're Americans," explained Captain Yeeeeeeeeeaaccccchhh (you know the sound he makes when Toad eats the bird?) "I can date and love another man and everyone will respect that." The Senator looked out the window of the plane, alarmed that they were flying over water, "Where the shit are we?" Henry morphed into a random naked, blue Smurfette. "What the hell!" shouted the good Captain. He made as if to get up but the blue thing used her ape-like toes to grab the senators' chubby ass cheek. "OOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW," screamed Senator Kelly," My ass!!!" The blue nose goblin just pinched harder, then she started to beat the living turkey outta him.
"Do you know that because of you I was afraid to go to the bathroom as a child?" said the blue thing for some odd reason. Senator Kelly just looked at her all crazy, like she had a booger coming out of her nose. The blue thing had had enough; she whipped her sagging breast in his direction. It smacked him dead in the face, nipple too. In Kelly's words," It knocked him the fuck out!" The nudie pushed his limp body down and left his ass there. She walked to the front of the helicopter and took her place next to golden penis painting Toad. He grinned at her and used his tongue to squeeze her nipple. "Hey ass," shouted Bluie, "You better have a good mutha fucking reason for squeezing my tit or so help me Hugh, I mean God, I don't know what the fuck I'll do!!" Toad turned yellow and slumped down in to the chair and concentrated on flying to the distant island in the, well, distance.
LOCATION: Baldy's School for the Gifted/ inside of another lab
Logan, the shirtless wonder, lay completely shirtless on a metal hospital table. Did I mention that he was shirtless? Well, he was completely, totally, utterly, shirtless. You could see his belly button, and sexy chest hair, and nipples...ahem. Kelly and Jenny sat in a nearby corner smelling his shirt with a vengeance. "Pass that sheeeit over here," said Jenny, grabbing at Logan's shirt.
Kelly took another deep breath of the wonderful shirt. "We must erect a monument for the shirt," stated Kelly.
Jenny looked at her all weirdish like. "Um...ok...sure," said Jenny not too enthusiastically," I'd rather molest the man that wears the shirt, Kelly. I don't mean to burst your shirt loving bubble but.... don't you think that's it's a little odd to erect a giant marble monument for well, a shirt?"
Kelly looked Jenny straight in the eye with a seriousness that startled poor Jenny. "YES!" Kelly. Kelly ran out the door and down the hall spinning the heavenly shirt over her head and making Indian noises.
"Riiiiiiiight," said Jenny. She continued to watch the shirtless Logan, waiting for just the right moment to pounce on him. Jean Havesexwithmenow Grey walked into the room. Logan looked at her with love in his eyes. Jenny immediately became insanely jealous. She looked at her skin. It was turning...GREEN!! She was becoming She-Hulk!! Jean put some monitoring devices on Logan and was preparing him for an X- ray. "I didn't hurt you did I?" asked Logan guiltily, while gesturing towards Jean's hickey infested neck.
Jean pulled down some of her turtleneck and showed him her neck. It had a huge bruised Logan handprint on it. "No," she said.
Logan grinned and made the coolest comment in the whole world aside from the "You're a dick" one. "Couldn't wait to get my shirt off again, huh?" said the charming and brilliant man. (Author's note: when Jenny and Kelly saw X-men in the theater for the 5th time, Kelly, at this particular moment, said, "I couldn't!!" after Hugh's little line. Well, she didn't whisper it; she said it really loud and everyone in the theater heard her.)
Logan went into the whirly thing. WHIRRRR WHIRRRR WHIIRRRR. The little lights went on and they tanned him to a nice golden brown. Toasted Logan goodness. While Logan was getting a tan, Jenny was busy beating the snot out of Jean. Jenny picked up the four-pound prostitute with one green muscled arm and flung her ass the fuck down, and with the other arm managed to drag Logie out of the tanning booth.
"KEELLLLYY! GIT YOUR ASS IN HERE AND HELP A BROTHER OUT!!" Jenny aka She-Jenny roared. Kelly flew in with the Logan shirt tied around her neck like a cape. "Here I come, bitch!" She did a flying leap into Jean's jaw and knocked out 11 teeth. Jean tried to use her telekinesis to put her teeth back in, but She-Jenny flushed the teeth down a random toilet. KERFLUSH! "Sonofabitch!" Jean said. Actually, it sounded more like "thono-a-ith", since her ass was toothless. Jenny held Logan up by a leg, like a doctor about to make a baby cry. She raised her arm, but Kelly beat her to it and landed an almighty whack on his tender ass.
"WOOOO!" screamed Logan.
"Oooo, my turn!" She-Jenny raised her gigantic arm and slapped the shit outta Logan's heinie. That motherfucker went flying. He slid back into the tanning booth. At about 102 miles an hour.
Just then, the other X-Folks decided they wanted to join them. Kelly and Jenny, who had morphed back into regular crack addict Jenny, hightailed their asses outta there to hide somewhere in the building. But where? Da Da daaa!
LOCATION: SOMEWHERE THE FUCK ELSE
All the X-Dorks sat around staring at Logan's sexy X-rays. "This metal is called adamantium. It's been surgically grafted to his entire skeleton," said Jean, reading the notes on her breast implants.
"How could he have survived that?" Scott asked retardedly.
Jean looked further down her shirt. "I dunno, but he has incredible regenerative powers, which makes it impossible to tell his real age. He could very well be older than your dirty draws, Professor Baldavier." Jean suddenly busted her ass on her own two breasts. They popped. SPLOOGE!
Capt. Picard looked at her oddly for a second before continuing. "Engage number two...I mean...Experimentation on mutants. It's not unheard of, but something like this..."He hit the turbo booster on his Wheelie 5000 and flew forward at warp five into Jean's rapidly deflating shabadoo's.
"Hndgian ag kagsdgiubn kgasdgui..." mumbled the Professor into Jean's breasties. "Jean, your breasts have never tasted like this before." Scott looked at the Professor all pissed off with his one eye. "I mean, they've never LOOKED like this before," corrected the Prof. "I mean FELT like this.... I mean...nevermind. Jean, why don't you take Logan to his room? Jean swaggered out of the room like a two bit whore.
When they got to Logan's room, he started opening drawers and doors and closets. Jenny and Kelly had hidden in the closet, but he didn't seem to notice them.
"So what are your special powers?" he asked Jean.
"THE POWER TO INFECT YOU WITH STD's JUST BY LOOKIN' AT YOU!!" Jenny screeched.
"I can move things with my mind."
"What kinds of things?"
"All kinds of things." The closet door shut, locking Jenny and Kelly inside.
"Ain't this a mother fucker," Kelly observed.
End Part 3
LOCATION: A CROWDED AIRPORT
Remember Senator Kelly? That prancing fool with the face like a Jane Goodall chimp? Well, he was walking through a crowded airport, stark naked. Around him clowns were petitioning about the recent make-up tax hike. A random spectator grabbed the Senator and glued a red wig on his head and smeared white make-up all over his face.
"Hahahahhahaha," laughed the inbred fool, "You look almost like Jenny's brother, Ronald McDonald!"
Jenny, who was hiding in a nearby luggage rack with her partner in Hughlicious crime, Kelly, found this to be very amusing. "Ahhhh," sighed Jenny," I'm so happy that my brother looks like Ronald." Kelly looked at her all crazy and decided it was an overdose of Logan that had put her over the edge.
"Jenny," said Kelly, who was speaking very slowly and approaching her crackie friend with extreme caution," You HATE your brother. And you don't even call him Ronald anymore! It's Egon from the Ghostbusters now!"
"Oh, yeah," said Jenny," I hate that little bastard!!" Jenny took out a random picture of her brother and started poking holes in it with her McDonald's nametag.
Meanwhile, Senator Kelly got on a helicopter and the door closed behind him. Hmmmm..... the pilot was green...hmmmmm Toad maybe? What kind of security do they hire in the government? They let random green people walk their green asses wherever they please nowadays I guess. Whatever. In the plane the smelly Senator was talking to his weekend hooker, Fred, on his cell phone. "Hi Freddie," said the Senator, grinning like Jean Grey on Jenny Brand crack," Last night was wonderful." Henry, Senator Kelly's "helper", looked at his ass all crazy. A mannish voice answered the Senator back. It sounded like Barney from the Simpsons.
"Beeeeeeeeeelllllllcccccchhhhhh," said the man on the other end of the cell phone. The Senator hung up and started talking sheeit to Henry, who was still lookin' at him all crazy. "We're Americans," explained Captain Yeeeeeeeeeaaccccchhh (you know the sound he makes when Toad eats the bird?) "I can date and love another man and everyone will respect that." The Senator looked out the window of the plane, alarmed that they were flying over water, "Where the shit are we?" Henry morphed into a random naked, blue Smurfette. "What the hell!" shouted the good Captain. He made as if to get up but the blue thing used her ape-like toes to grab the senators' chubby ass cheek. "OOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW," screamed Senator Kelly," My ass!!!" The blue nose goblin just pinched harder, then she started to beat the living turkey outta him.
"Do you know that because of you I was afraid to go to the bathroom as a child?" said the blue thing for some odd reason. Senator Kelly just looked at her all crazy, like she had a booger coming out of her nose. The blue thing had had enough; she whipped her sagging breast in his direction. It smacked him dead in the face, nipple too. In Kelly's words," It knocked him the fuck out!" The nudie pushed his limp body down and left his ass there. She walked to the front of the helicopter and took her place next to golden penis painting Toad. He grinned at her and used his tongue to squeeze her nipple. "Hey ass," shouted Bluie, "You better have a good mutha fucking reason for squeezing my tit or so help me Hugh, I mean God, I don't know what the fuck I'll do!!" Toad turned yellow and slumped down in to the chair and concentrated on flying to the distant island in the, well, distance.
LOCATION: Baldy's School for the Gifted/ inside of another lab
Logan, the shirtless wonder, lay completely shirtless on a metal hospital table. Did I mention that he was shirtless? Well, he was completely, totally, utterly, shirtless. You could see his belly button, and sexy chest hair, and nipples...ahem. Kelly and Jenny sat in a nearby corner smelling his shirt with a vengeance. "Pass that sheeeit over here," said Jenny, grabbing at Logan's shirt.
Kelly took another deep breath of the wonderful shirt. "We must erect a monument for the shirt," stated Kelly.
Jenny looked at her all weirdish like. "Um...ok...sure," said Jenny not too enthusiastically," I'd rather molest the man that wears the shirt, Kelly. I don't mean to burst your shirt loving bubble but.... don't you think that's it's a little odd to erect a giant marble monument for well, a shirt?"
Kelly looked Jenny straight in the eye with a seriousness that startled poor Jenny. "YES!" Kelly. Kelly ran out the door and down the hall spinning the heavenly shirt over her head and making Indian noises.
"Riiiiiiiight," said Jenny. She continued to watch the shirtless Logan, waiting for just the right moment to pounce on him. Jean Havesexwithmenow Grey walked into the room. Logan looked at her with love in his eyes. Jenny immediately became insanely jealous. She looked at her skin. It was turning...GREEN!! She was becoming She-Hulk!! Jean put some monitoring devices on Logan and was preparing him for an X- ray. "I didn't hurt you did I?" asked Logan guiltily, while gesturing towards Jean's hickey infested neck.
Jean pulled down some of her turtleneck and showed him her neck. It had a huge bruised Logan handprint on it. "No," she said.
Logan grinned and made the coolest comment in the whole world aside from the "You're a dick" one. "Couldn't wait to get my shirt off again, huh?" said the charming and brilliant man. (Author's note: when Jenny and Kelly saw X-men in the theater for the 5th time, Kelly, at this particular moment, said, "I couldn't!!" after Hugh's little line. Well, she didn't whisper it; she said it really loud and everyone in the theater heard her.)
Logan went into the whirly thing. WHIRRRR WHIRRRR WHIIRRRR. The little lights went on and they tanned him to a nice golden brown. Toasted Logan goodness. While Logan was getting a tan, Jenny was busy beating the snot out of Jean. Jenny picked up the four-pound prostitute with one green muscled arm and flung her ass the fuck down, and with the other arm managed to drag Logie out of the tanning booth.
"KEELLLLYY! GIT YOUR ASS IN HERE AND HELP A BROTHER OUT!!" Jenny aka She-Jenny roared. Kelly flew in with the Logan shirt tied around her neck like a cape. "Here I come, bitch!" She did a flying leap into Jean's jaw and knocked out 11 teeth. Jean tried to use her telekinesis to put her teeth back in, but She-Jenny flushed the teeth down a random toilet. KERFLUSH! "Sonofabitch!" Jean said. Actually, it sounded more like "thono-a-ith", since her ass was toothless. Jenny held Logan up by a leg, like a doctor about to make a baby cry. She raised her arm, but Kelly beat her to it and landed an almighty whack on his tender ass.
"WOOOO!" screamed Logan.
"Oooo, my turn!" She-Jenny raised her gigantic arm and slapped the shit outta Logan's heinie. That motherfucker went flying. He slid back into the tanning booth. At about 102 miles an hour.
Just then, the other X-Folks decided they wanted to join them. Kelly and Jenny, who had morphed back into regular crack addict Jenny, hightailed their asses outta there to hide somewhere in the building. But where? Da Da daaa!
LOCATION: SOMEWHERE THE FUCK ELSE
All the X-Dorks sat around staring at Logan's sexy X-rays. "This metal is called adamantium. It's been surgically grafted to his entire skeleton," said Jean, reading the notes on her breast implants.
"How could he have survived that?" Scott asked retardedly.
Jean looked further down her shirt. "I dunno, but he has incredible regenerative powers, which makes it impossible to tell his real age. He could very well be older than your dirty draws, Professor Baldavier." Jean suddenly busted her ass on her own two breasts. They popped. SPLOOGE!
Capt. Picard looked at her oddly for a second before continuing. "Engage number two...I mean...Experimentation on mutants. It's not unheard of, but something like this..."He hit the turbo booster on his Wheelie 5000 and flew forward at warp five into Jean's rapidly deflating shabadoo's.
"Hndgian ag kagsdgiubn kgasdgui..." mumbled the Professor into Jean's breasties. "Jean, your breasts have never tasted like this before." Scott looked at the Professor all pissed off with his one eye. "I mean, they've never LOOKED like this before," corrected the Prof. "I mean FELT like this.... I mean...nevermind. Jean, why don't you take Logan to his room? Jean swaggered out of the room like a two bit whore.
When they got to Logan's room, he started opening drawers and doors and closets. Jenny and Kelly had hidden in the closet, but he didn't seem to notice them.
"So what are your special powers?" he asked Jean.
"THE POWER TO INFECT YOU WITH STD's JUST BY LOOKIN' AT YOU!!" Jenny screeched.
"I can move things with my mind."
"What kinds of things?"
"All kinds of things." The closet door shut, locking Jenny and Kelly inside.
"Ain't this a mother fucker," Kelly observed.
End Part 3