Here's part 5. These characters aren't ours, well maybe Logan is, but Stan
can keep the rest. This shit just keeps gettin' better and better, don't
it?
LOCATION: SOMEWHERE IN THE GHETTO SCHOOL
Logan lay sleeping in a beddie, totally exhausted all because of that whore that drained his fine ass. Good thing Logan has lots of stamina. Ole Nohair sat close stroking his ever gleaming baldness. Logan awoke. "Ugggghhh....what the shit happened? Where's that bright light comin' from?" Logan asked, confused, "Oh, your bald ass head. One minute I dreamt that two sexy ladies were hiding under my bed talking about my sexy ass and the next I'm here feeling like sheeeeit. Did I kill the little bitch that did this to me?"
"Marie's fine," said O'baldy, over Logan's groan, "Whenever Marie touches someone she absorbs their life energy. In a mutant's case, she absorbs their powers for a short time. In your case your ability to heal."
"I feel like she almost killed me," said Logan.
"If she had held on any longer, she could have infected yo' ass with AIDs or Syphilis!!"
Logan rolled out of bed and got onto his feet unsteadily. He reached out his hand and started to rub Baldy's smooth and shinerific head. "Oh Mighty Bald," chanted Logan," reveal to me the most hookerish woman in the entire world!" Appearing in the mirror-like sheen of Baldavier's head was the horrible image of Jean. Logan shuddered at the sight of it.
"What are you doing?" asked a manly voice. Logan whirled around and nearly shit his pants. Jean was standing behind him, and boy was she ugly as fuck. She had a green face mask on and her hair was all gray and greazy.
"What the hell happened to your hair!" yelled the Great Baldini. Jean looked at him all crazy.
"That's a wig, moron." she snapped, with attitudage much. In her wrinkly, moisture-free hand, she held up a scary looking bright ass red wig. The Prof. grabbed a lighter and immediately torched it. Jean shot the burning hair to the ground.
"Jean," scolded Baldalini, "You know that we don't allow pets of any sort here!" Jean was pissed. She opened her jaw to speak, but her 11 toothed denture slid out of her overworked mouth.
"Goh Hammit!" she said, stamping her foot on the ground. Drool leaked everywhere, not the good kind of drool mind you (the good drool is Hugh Jackman Brand or Logan Goodness Brand), but the smelly, haven't brushed their teeth in an eon kind of drool. Logan and King Baldthur covered their noses with their hands. "SMMMMMEEEEEELLLL BBBBAAAADDDD!!!" they both yelled together. Jean, who was totally humiliated, ran away down the hall bawling like a kid that couldn't get that last Pikachu toy.
LOCATION: MAGAYTO'S JOINT AGAIN
Sen. Kelly stands with his head pressed against the metal bars of his prison, overlooking the ocean. His face registers one of no hope. Behind him is a bleak andcsimply awful room. Regular T.V. only, no cable. A limited movie collection, only 5,000 titles to choose from. Playstation, but no Dreamcast. Only two leather couches. Tons of food and soda, but no Coke. Who does this Magayto think he is? These accommodations were terrible. The Sen. rubbed his sore ass. Sabertooth had really let him have it. He wouldn't be able to walk straight for at least a week. The Sen. stroked the lovebite on his neck. "Boy, that Sabertooth was a strong fellow," thought the Senator, "And the sex was good too..Wait! What am I thinking?! I love Fred!" The senator banged his head against the bars in anger. Much to his surprise, his head started to move slowly through the bars. He pulled back in fear, but overcome with curiosity he pushed his head through some more. This activity reminded him of something.....he just couldn't remember what. The more he went through, the bigger his eyes looked. He looked like a fish that had just been goosed. When the Senator was almost through, he looked back at all the expensive things in the room. Being the greedy bastard that he was, he went back into the room and began to stuff electronics wherever he could. "Good thing Sabertooth stretched out my asshole," thought the senator happily, as he rammed a 42 inch T.V. up his butt.
Magayto walks across a giant Popsicle stick with Sabertooth close behind him. Sabertooth couldn't take his dialated, fucked up eyes off his master's gapped ass. Magayto entered the first room to the Senator's luxury prison. "How are we feeling today Senator?" called Magayto, "Gay and ready for more man on man hardcore analaction I hope." Magayto stopped and looked around the empty room. Even the couches were gone!! He stared at the wall. There was a Fat Bastard-like silhouette cut into the stone wall. Then Magayto and Sabertooth heard it. At first it was very distant but the sound soon became more clear.
"Ah, want mah bahby back bahby back bahby back bahby back bahby back bahby back ribs," sang the voice in a Scottish accent. Magayto approached the window and looked out. "Aye matey," said a man that neither resembled Sen. Kelly nor smelled like him, "Want some chicken?"
The fat man was clinging to the rocks with his 30 lb pinky. His ass was huge! "What did you do to the senator?" demanded Magayto.
"Ah'm Sen. Kelly," said um... a fat ass version of Senator Kelly, "What have ye dun ta me?!"
Magayto looked at him with disgust. The Senator had a giant piece of chicken skin stuck to his lip and his pants, well, let's just say they didn't hide fatty's monster crack too good. Plus, the Senator had hundreds of electronic appliances rammed into any open orifices. Magayto for Sabertooth to retrieve the disgusting man. As Sabertooth reached down to pull up lardass, lardass bit back. He ended up chewing the fuck outta Sabertooth's arm. Sabertooth growled as the Senator plunged down into the water below, Sabertooth's jerking-off arm in his mouth.
Sabertooth looked back at Magayto, who was getting more and more impatient. "Well!" Said Magayto. Sabertooth turned around showing his master his stumpy. Magayto gave his ass a look that would have made my brother clean. He huffed out of the room, locking one -armed Willie in the cell.
"Blehleh!!"
LOCATION: BALDY'S SCHOOL FOR THE GAY
Rogue and a random hermaphrodite named Booby sat on the toilet together.
"You should go," Booby said. So Rogue's ol' nasty ass started to piss on him.
"That's not what I meant, whore."
"Oh. What did you mean, then Booby?"
"What did you do? My love-errrr- I mean, the Professor's furious. I don't know what he'll do with you."
"No no, you don't understand. It was an accident."
"You never use your powers against other gays. And stealing their powers is out of the question," Booby said.
Jenny and Kelly, who were hiding in the bushes near the Port-o-Potty, heard the whole thing. "That shim nibbler didn't just call Logan gay, did he?" said Kelly, lookin like she was about to whoop some ass.
"I think he did. What are we gonna do about it?"
"Someone's about to die." The two crack fiends walked out of the shit infested bushes (they'd do anything for Hugh).
"Get as far away as you can. It'll be better for all us herms that way."
"But Booby..."
"I SAID GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE, BEEEYATCH!"
Rogue started to cry all wimpily. She ran away.
Jenny and Kelly stopped their bum rush on the kid.
"He just made her leave. Maybe we should let him live after all," Jenny said, and then pointed at Booby, "Ewwww!! His eyes are all yellow!! Yuck!" Booby hightailed it out of there and went inside the school.
"That's one fucked up kid," stated Kelly, "He's go an odd shaped head too."
"Yeah," agreed Jenny, "A little too odd and...almost rectangular."
LOCATION: A NUDE BEACH
Ahhh.a day at the beach. A little kid relaxes in the ocean in his inner tube. Suddenly something surfaces in the water and inhales deeply. It's fat...naked and reeeeeeal damn FAT!
"Tommy, let it go!!" cries a little girl to her brother. A random boy is poking a bloated corpse with a stick. It's all rotten and nasty lookin'.
"Please let it go!!" she continues.
The boy continues poking the corpse like no tomorrow.
"I'm telling mom!" the girl finally yells as she runs away to tattle tail.
The idiot boy still prods the corpse, like he has nothing better to do. Someone gets out of the water and walks by him. It's a totally nude Senator Kelly and boy does he looked fucked up.
"Move it ye wee pouf!" yells the disgruntled Senator. As he moves, his lard jiggles and wiggles. The poor kid chokes on his own tongue and dies next to his pokified buddy, Mr. Corpse. The Senator starts to harass some topless women.
"Ahhh, I'm dead sexy," states the Senator while twisting his nipples, "Look at mah sexy bohday!" The women run away from him but the Senator chases them. He gives up after like two steps.
"Aw...wheeze...forgit...yegasp," yells the winded Senator, "I kin pleasure mahself without lassies." The Senator starts to masturbate in front of everyone on the beach.
"Ooohh, yeah," moans the Senator, "This is what I call hot sex!"
A police officer pulls up next to the busy Senator in a jeep. "Um.what the hell do you think you're doing?" asks the cop angrily.
"What does it look like I'm doin'?" yells fatty fat fat fat, "I'm mplaying with mah wee nads ye wee bairn! Now, leave me the hell alone now before I goo all over yer pretty outfit!"
The cop starts to spray Senator Kelly in the face with mace. "Hey!! Stop it!" screams the Senator, "It burns like mah stomach does after I've eaten three tons o' chili!" The now blinded Kelly starts to stumble about, squashing about 30 sun-tanners in the process. While running down the street he somehow manages to enter a McDonald's. The crew spots him and turns white.
"Hurry everyone!! Operation Fatass Feeding is now under way!" yells a manager. The entire crew begins to manufacture hundreds of burgers. The Senator makes his way to the bathroom and goes to the sink to wash his burning face.
"Ahhhh, I love ye, ye bonnie wee sink," says the hugely obese Senator. He exits the bathroom and suddenly stops. He sniffs the air like a random Logan sniffs for a smelly one-armed Sabertooth. "Big macs, Filet o' fish, crispy chickens," drools the still naked Senator. He makes his way to the front counter to order. All the people clear out of the restaurant in fear. The crew person that gets the crappy job of taking his order says his opening line, "Um...Welcome to McD..."
"Shaddup laddie!!" interrupts the Senator, "Give me some Goddamn food or else I'll fart this place apart!!" The crew person looks at his manager with a scared expression. The manager nods no. "Um....Sir You have..to...um..pay.." says the crew person hesitantly.
"FFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!" Senator K lets loose a really nasty ftttter. The entire crew starts to puke all over the place.
"BUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMM!!!!"
The Senator doesn't stop pooting until the manager hands over 12 wheel barrels full of chow.
"Now that's what I call a happy meal," said the Senator to himself, "Beeeeellllllcccchhhh!"
Senator Kelly walks into a nearby Kohl's department store. The clerks all stare at him with wide eyes.
"What are ye all staring at?" asks the fat streaker, "Ye haven't seen a dinger before? Now, I need a size 500000000000000X in men's pair o' levi's right away!"
"We only carry up to XXL Sir."
"Fine then!" yelled the Senator, "I'll go to a real store then, Walmart!"
He sat on a cashier before walking veeeeeeery slowly out of the store. He headed for the nearest Walmart, but not before stopping at Taco Bell, Wendy's, Burger King, and Pizza Hut. Suddenly his fat ass broke through the street and fell into the sewer! "KEEEERRRSPLLLOOOOGEEEE!!" Down into the poop infested sewer he plunged. "Aye, crikey!!" screamed the Senator through a mouth full o' sheeit. He quickly swallowed, "Mmmmmmmmm! Just like the Haggis back home that Ma Bastard used to make."
Some time later, after Fat Bastard had finally eaten his way through Westchester's sewage system, he crawled out of the cess pool. But, dammit, he was still hungrier than a bitch. He let his fat naked ass feel the full force of nature's gravity. Ass cheeks dragging on the ground, he headed for the nearest Wal-Mart to get some clothes, since Kohl's didn't carry his size. As he walked naked and fat down the street, people kept turning to stare at him.
"Is that a mutant?" someone said.
"Is it a gay?" someone else asked.
"No! It's a Fat Bastard! And he smells like he rolled around in the damn sewer!" yet another person yelled. This started a riot. People started throwing Slim Fast cans, beer cans, used condoms, and birth control pills at Fat Bastard. He tried to run away, but do you know how hard it is for a 3-ton man to run?
When Fat Bastard finally made it to Wal-Mart, he was about half the size he was when he left. Not only had the speed walk to the store helped, but for some odd reason, he kept leaking chicken grease. He threw on some random clothes and headed out once more.
LOCATION: BALDY'S SCHOOL FOR THE SHAFTED
"I wish I knew what Magayto wants with him," Baldy said, while rubbling on his head.
"Maybe it's his way with people?" Gaylops said, thinking he sounded cool. Which he didn't.
*Squeaky, squeaky* Baldy was now spit shining his head, and it was squeaking. "You don't like him?"
"How did you know?" Scott said again, with this big shit eating grin on his face.
"I am psychic you know."
Just then, the Lord walked in. The two choir girls, Kelly and Jenny, sang in the background. "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH."
"Where's Rogue?" he asked. And just as Baldy was about to answer, a yell rang : "Who gives a cock about that fucked up weasel?!"
Logan looked around.
"She's gone," Baldy said, stating the obvious. Another yell: "Well no shit Sherlock!"
"We have to find her!" Logan said. Random yell: "No the fuck we don't!"
"Are those two girls still floating around in here?" said Shorn Scrotum Head.
Logan nodded as the two yelled yet again. "HEEEEEEELLLLL YEEEAHHHH, CUUUUUEBAALLLLLLL!"
Magic 8ball Head sighed, then said, "C'mon, I'm going to use Cereblo."
"What's that?" Logie asked the Prof.
He wheeled into a room with a bunch of penies on the walls, causing Logan to say, "This sure is a big round room, sort of like your bowling ball head."
"This machine will suck my cock until I am ready to find Rogue. Then I can tell you where she is."
"You want me to wait outside?" Logie asked.
"Do you like being watched?"
"Good point. Hurry up please. We have to find her." "This is a time consuming procedure, Logan. I must relax," Baldy said, and closed the door in Logan's face.
Random yell: "Oh heeeeeeellllllll mutha fuckin'naaaww!"
~End part 5
LOCATION: SOMEWHERE IN THE GHETTO SCHOOL
Logan lay sleeping in a beddie, totally exhausted all because of that whore that drained his fine ass. Good thing Logan has lots of stamina. Ole Nohair sat close stroking his ever gleaming baldness. Logan awoke. "Ugggghhh....what the shit happened? Where's that bright light comin' from?" Logan asked, confused, "Oh, your bald ass head. One minute I dreamt that two sexy ladies were hiding under my bed talking about my sexy ass and the next I'm here feeling like sheeeeit. Did I kill the little bitch that did this to me?"
"Marie's fine," said O'baldy, over Logan's groan, "Whenever Marie touches someone she absorbs their life energy. In a mutant's case, she absorbs their powers for a short time. In your case your ability to heal."
"I feel like she almost killed me," said Logan.
"If she had held on any longer, she could have infected yo' ass with AIDs or Syphilis!!"
Logan rolled out of bed and got onto his feet unsteadily. He reached out his hand and started to rub Baldy's smooth and shinerific head. "Oh Mighty Bald," chanted Logan," reveal to me the most hookerish woman in the entire world!" Appearing in the mirror-like sheen of Baldavier's head was the horrible image of Jean. Logan shuddered at the sight of it.
"What are you doing?" asked a manly voice. Logan whirled around and nearly shit his pants. Jean was standing behind him, and boy was she ugly as fuck. She had a green face mask on and her hair was all gray and greazy.
"What the hell happened to your hair!" yelled the Great Baldini. Jean looked at him all crazy.
"That's a wig, moron." she snapped, with attitudage much. In her wrinkly, moisture-free hand, she held up a scary looking bright ass red wig. The Prof. grabbed a lighter and immediately torched it. Jean shot the burning hair to the ground.
"Jean," scolded Baldalini, "You know that we don't allow pets of any sort here!" Jean was pissed. She opened her jaw to speak, but her 11 toothed denture slid out of her overworked mouth.
"Goh Hammit!" she said, stamping her foot on the ground. Drool leaked everywhere, not the good kind of drool mind you (the good drool is Hugh Jackman Brand or Logan Goodness Brand), but the smelly, haven't brushed their teeth in an eon kind of drool. Logan and King Baldthur covered their noses with their hands. "SMMMMMEEEEEELLLL BBBBAAAADDDD!!!" they both yelled together. Jean, who was totally humiliated, ran away down the hall bawling like a kid that couldn't get that last Pikachu toy.
LOCATION: MAGAYTO'S JOINT AGAIN
Sen. Kelly stands with his head pressed against the metal bars of his prison, overlooking the ocean. His face registers one of no hope. Behind him is a bleak andcsimply awful room. Regular T.V. only, no cable. A limited movie collection, only 5,000 titles to choose from. Playstation, but no Dreamcast. Only two leather couches. Tons of food and soda, but no Coke. Who does this Magayto think he is? These accommodations were terrible. The Sen. rubbed his sore ass. Sabertooth had really let him have it. He wouldn't be able to walk straight for at least a week. The Sen. stroked the lovebite on his neck. "Boy, that Sabertooth was a strong fellow," thought the Senator, "And the sex was good too..Wait! What am I thinking?! I love Fred!" The senator banged his head against the bars in anger. Much to his surprise, his head started to move slowly through the bars. He pulled back in fear, but overcome with curiosity he pushed his head through some more. This activity reminded him of something.....he just couldn't remember what. The more he went through, the bigger his eyes looked. He looked like a fish that had just been goosed. When the Senator was almost through, he looked back at all the expensive things in the room. Being the greedy bastard that he was, he went back into the room and began to stuff electronics wherever he could. "Good thing Sabertooth stretched out my asshole," thought the senator happily, as he rammed a 42 inch T.V. up his butt.
Magayto walks across a giant Popsicle stick with Sabertooth close behind him. Sabertooth couldn't take his dialated, fucked up eyes off his master's gapped ass. Magayto entered the first room to the Senator's luxury prison. "How are we feeling today Senator?" called Magayto, "Gay and ready for more man on man hardcore analaction I hope." Magayto stopped and looked around the empty room. Even the couches were gone!! He stared at the wall. There was a Fat Bastard-like silhouette cut into the stone wall. Then Magayto and Sabertooth heard it. At first it was very distant but the sound soon became more clear.
"Ah, want mah bahby back bahby back bahby back bahby back bahby back bahby back ribs," sang the voice in a Scottish accent. Magayto approached the window and looked out. "Aye matey," said a man that neither resembled Sen. Kelly nor smelled like him, "Want some chicken?"
The fat man was clinging to the rocks with his 30 lb pinky. His ass was huge! "What did you do to the senator?" demanded Magayto.
"Ah'm Sen. Kelly," said um... a fat ass version of Senator Kelly, "What have ye dun ta me?!"
Magayto looked at him with disgust. The Senator had a giant piece of chicken skin stuck to his lip and his pants, well, let's just say they didn't hide fatty's monster crack too good. Plus, the Senator had hundreds of electronic appliances rammed into any open orifices. Magayto for Sabertooth to retrieve the disgusting man. As Sabertooth reached down to pull up lardass, lardass bit back. He ended up chewing the fuck outta Sabertooth's arm. Sabertooth growled as the Senator plunged down into the water below, Sabertooth's jerking-off arm in his mouth.
Sabertooth looked back at Magayto, who was getting more and more impatient. "Well!" Said Magayto. Sabertooth turned around showing his master his stumpy. Magayto gave his ass a look that would have made my brother clean. He huffed out of the room, locking one -armed Willie in the cell.
"Blehleh!!"
LOCATION: BALDY'S SCHOOL FOR THE GAY
Rogue and a random hermaphrodite named Booby sat on the toilet together.
"You should go," Booby said. So Rogue's ol' nasty ass started to piss on him.
"That's not what I meant, whore."
"Oh. What did you mean, then Booby?"
"What did you do? My love-errrr- I mean, the Professor's furious. I don't know what he'll do with you."
"No no, you don't understand. It was an accident."
"You never use your powers against other gays. And stealing their powers is out of the question," Booby said.
Jenny and Kelly, who were hiding in the bushes near the Port-o-Potty, heard the whole thing. "That shim nibbler didn't just call Logan gay, did he?" said Kelly, lookin like she was about to whoop some ass.
"I think he did. What are we gonna do about it?"
"Someone's about to die." The two crack fiends walked out of the shit infested bushes (they'd do anything for Hugh).
"Get as far away as you can. It'll be better for all us herms that way."
"But Booby..."
"I SAID GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE, BEEEYATCH!"
Rogue started to cry all wimpily. She ran away.
Jenny and Kelly stopped their bum rush on the kid.
"He just made her leave. Maybe we should let him live after all," Jenny said, and then pointed at Booby, "Ewwww!! His eyes are all yellow!! Yuck!" Booby hightailed it out of there and went inside the school.
"That's one fucked up kid," stated Kelly, "He's go an odd shaped head too."
"Yeah," agreed Jenny, "A little too odd and...almost rectangular."
LOCATION: A NUDE BEACH
Ahhh.a day at the beach. A little kid relaxes in the ocean in his inner tube. Suddenly something surfaces in the water and inhales deeply. It's fat...naked and reeeeeeal damn FAT!
"Tommy, let it go!!" cries a little girl to her brother. A random boy is poking a bloated corpse with a stick. It's all rotten and nasty lookin'.
"Please let it go!!" she continues.
The boy continues poking the corpse like no tomorrow.
"I'm telling mom!" the girl finally yells as she runs away to tattle tail.
The idiot boy still prods the corpse, like he has nothing better to do. Someone gets out of the water and walks by him. It's a totally nude Senator Kelly and boy does he looked fucked up.
"Move it ye wee pouf!" yells the disgruntled Senator. As he moves, his lard jiggles and wiggles. The poor kid chokes on his own tongue and dies next to his pokified buddy, Mr. Corpse. The Senator starts to harass some topless women.
"Ahhh, I'm dead sexy," states the Senator while twisting his nipples, "Look at mah sexy bohday!" The women run away from him but the Senator chases them. He gives up after like two steps.
"Aw...wheeze...forgit...yegasp," yells the winded Senator, "I kin pleasure mahself without lassies." The Senator starts to masturbate in front of everyone on the beach.
"Ooohh, yeah," moans the Senator, "This is what I call hot sex!"
A police officer pulls up next to the busy Senator in a jeep. "Um.what the hell do you think you're doing?" asks the cop angrily.
"What does it look like I'm doin'?" yells fatty fat fat fat, "I'm mplaying with mah wee nads ye wee bairn! Now, leave me the hell alone now before I goo all over yer pretty outfit!"
The cop starts to spray Senator Kelly in the face with mace. "Hey!! Stop it!" screams the Senator, "It burns like mah stomach does after I've eaten three tons o' chili!" The now blinded Kelly starts to stumble about, squashing about 30 sun-tanners in the process. While running down the street he somehow manages to enter a McDonald's. The crew spots him and turns white.
"Hurry everyone!! Operation Fatass Feeding is now under way!" yells a manager. The entire crew begins to manufacture hundreds of burgers. The Senator makes his way to the bathroom and goes to the sink to wash his burning face.
"Ahhhh, I love ye, ye bonnie wee sink," says the hugely obese Senator. He exits the bathroom and suddenly stops. He sniffs the air like a random Logan sniffs for a smelly one-armed Sabertooth. "Big macs, Filet o' fish, crispy chickens," drools the still naked Senator. He makes his way to the front counter to order. All the people clear out of the restaurant in fear. The crew person that gets the crappy job of taking his order says his opening line, "Um...Welcome to McD..."
"Shaddup laddie!!" interrupts the Senator, "Give me some Goddamn food or else I'll fart this place apart!!" The crew person looks at his manager with a scared expression. The manager nods no. "Um....Sir You have..to...um..pay.." says the crew person hesitantly.
"FFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!" Senator K lets loose a really nasty ftttter. The entire crew starts to puke all over the place.
"BUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMM!!!!"
The Senator doesn't stop pooting until the manager hands over 12 wheel barrels full of chow.
"Now that's what I call a happy meal," said the Senator to himself, "Beeeeellllllcccchhhh!"
Senator Kelly walks into a nearby Kohl's department store. The clerks all stare at him with wide eyes.
"What are ye all staring at?" asks the fat streaker, "Ye haven't seen a dinger before? Now, I need a size 500000000000000X in men's pair o' levi's right away!"
"We only carry up to XXL Sir."
"Fine then!" yelled the Senator, "I'll go to a real store then, Walmart!"
He sat on a cashier before walking veeeeeeery slowly out of the store. He headed for the nearest Walmart, but not before stopping at Taco Bell, Wendy's, Burger King, and Pizza Hut. Suddenly his fat ass broke through the street and fell into the sewer! "KEEEERRRSPLLLOOOOGEEEE!!" Down into the poop infested sewer he plunged. "Aye, crikey!!" screamed the Senator through a mouth full o' sheeit. He quickly swallowed, "Mmmmmmmmm! Just like the Haggis back home that Ma Bastard used to make."
Some time later, after Fat Bastard had finally eaten his way through Westchester's sewage system, he crawled out of the cess pool. But, dammit, he was still hungrier than a bitch. He let his fat naked ass feel the full force of nature's gravity. Ass cheeks dragging on the ground, he headed for the nearest Wal-Mart to get some clothes, since Kohl's didn't carry his size. As he walked naked and fat down the street, people kept turning to stare at him.
"Is that a mutant?" someone said.
"Is it a gay?" someone else asked.
"No! It's a Fat Bastard! And he smells like he rolled around in the damn sewer!" yet another person yelled. This started a riot. People started throwing Slim Fast cans, beer cans, used condoms, and birth control pills at Fat Bastard. He tried to run away, but do you know how hard it is for a 3-ton man to run?
When Fat Bastard finally made it to Wal-Mart, he was about half the size he was when he left. Not only had the speed walk to the store helped, but for some odd reason, he kept leaking chicken grease. He threw on some random clothes and headed out once more.
LOCATION: BALDY'S SCHOOL FOR THE SHAFTED
"I wish I knew what Magayto wants with him," Baldy said, while rubbling on his head.
"Maybe it's his way with people?" Gaylops said, thinking he sounded cool. Which he didn't.
*Squeaky, squeaky* Baldy was now spit shining his head, and it was squeaking. "You don't like him?"
"How did you know?" Scott said again, with this big shit eating grin on his face.
"I am psychic you know."
Just then, the Lord walked in. The two choir girls, Kelly and Jenny, sang in the background. "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH."
"Where's Rogue?" he asked. And just as Baldy was about to answer, a yell rang : "Who gives a cock about that fucked up weasel?!"
Logan looked around.
"She's gone," Baldy said, stating the obvious. Another yell: "Well no shit Sherlock!"
"We have to find her!" Logan said. Random yell: "No the fuck we don't!"
"Are those two girls still floating around in here?" said Shorn Scrotum Head.
Logan nodded as the two yelled yet again. "HEEEEEEELLLLL YEEEAHHHH, CUUUUUEBAALLLLLLL!"
Magic 8ball Head sighed, then said, "C'mon, I'm going to use Cereblo."
"What's that?" Logie asked the Prof.
He wheeled into a room with a bunch of penies on the walls, causing Logan to say, "This sure is a big round room, sort of like your bowling ball head."
"This machine will suck my cock until I am ready to find Rogue. Then I can tell you where she is."
"You want me to wait outside?" Logie asked.
"Do you like being watched?"
"Good point. Hurry up please. We have to find her." "This is a time consuming procedure, Logan. I must relax," Baldy said, and closed the door in Logan's face.
Random yell: "Oh heeeeeeellllllll mutha fuckin'naaaww!"
~End part 5