Seeing Eye

IV

Them Changes

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Disclaimer

I do not own any of the publicly recognized figures in this Fanfiction. Inuyasha is owned by Rumiko Takahashi and Sunrise TV.

Content Warning

This fanfiction is filled with the fuckery of my mind. This fanfiction is explicit and M rated.

Chapter Warning

Injury to the eyes.

Kagome held on to the mane of Un as she walked slowly between the heads. Her legs were uncertain and her step was slow- but she had vehemently denied getting on the beast for the sheer reason she would have no way to do so with Shippo.

So slowly they walked, her feet drifting over the ground as she tried to feel her way through roots and rocks, keeping stable only by Ah-Un.

She was both loathing the trip to the river and looking forward to it. The heat of the fire, the running, and her nightmare had drenched the spots in her armpits and down her back. The cool air was doing nothing to alleviate the itchy, wet feeling in the folds of her skin, and the probable smell seeping from her.

And what couldn't a good scrubbing make better?

Her eyes.

Kagome bit the inside of her cheek to stop the rising burn behind her throat. She wanted to see.

She wanted to be...optimistic. She wanted to believe that it was just...a scratch. But the pain, the feeling of something seeping constantly behind the bandages, it was telling her something dark.

Kagome wanted- no- she needed to get back home. To her world. She needed a doctor to look at them, clean them up- something.

But the longer she sat here, being led by a two-headed dragon and a child to a river, the most her chest hurt and her anxiety rise.

Where was Inuyasha? Miroku and Sango? Kirara?

Where was she?

And Sesshoumaru terrified her. Being subjugated to his moods- the moods from everyone around her- was too much. Too quickly shifting. His moods were often dark: vile and angry, only shifting when regarding Rin to brighter, happier feelings.

Then his feelings toward her. Kagome didn't like those moods. They made her feel like a prey animal: shifting between something loathsome to a curiosity that made her teeth itch. She didn't want to be interesting to him.

"You will stay with Ah and Un until my half-brother comes to retrieve you."

Why not just...take her? With the choking of the forest, the cinder and the ash, Inuyasha could take days to find her. Then it would take days to get her to the well. The… confusing nature of the situation made her angry. Why?

Why? Why, why, why, why?!

"Kago-me?" Shippo shifted in her tightened grasp- her body becoming rigid and tense as she thought over her predicament.

"Shippo!?" Kagome's hand fell away from Un's mane and her stride, so very slow and careful, drifted to an almost standstill as she let her hands seek his face. His brow was still sweaty and his hair was sticky.

"Kagome, where are we?" His voice was gummy and thick with sleep. She could practically hear the sound of thirst in every scratchy word. His face unconsciously pressed into her hand as his still-pudgy cheek filled her palm.

"Hey, hey, don't worry about that." Kagome cooed as she readjusted him in her aching grip. "How are you feeling? You've been out for a while there Shippo."

Instead of an answer, she felt a small paw- tipped with claws- touch her cheek. "Why are you bleeding?"

"I- I…" There was that burning feeling in her nose and the slow closing of her throat. There were no tears- not beyond what was already being expressed. But she was crying. "Don't worry about it. Please. Please."

She was begging. Subtly, behind the facade of strength, she was begging. Shippo had already lost both his parents- and, in some way, he was going to lose her next. Either by her going back to her world or… to this one. At the end of the day, Kagome knew what the constant fluid meant- the pain that radiated endlessly- she was blind. Her eyes were destroyed. Bisected by a youkai, which she could still feel within her vitreous gel.

What could a blind woman do?

The hand fell away, softly, to lay against her hand. She had all but stopped walking now, a tremendous feeling of pain, doubt, and sadness clouding her, as she pulled Shippo to her and hugged as tight as she allowed herself.

"Hmmm…" Shippo hummed lightly and she could feel him relax back into a semi-consciousness against her, his nose pressed to the curve of her neck.

Ah-Un, as gently as she was sure they could, pushing her forward. Her hand fell back to the mane of Un. Ahead of them, Rin hummed as well- perhaps completely unaware of Kagome's pause.

Kagome hoped Rin hadn't noticed.

Well- Rin brought up another question. Why had Sesshoumaru said that she had saved Rin?

She wasn't… She hadn't.

If anything, Rin had saved her and Shippo.

Despite not fully knowing why, or how, she was able to understand the two-headed dragon; she took a bit of solace in the fact that she could. Though she was unsure of him, his presence was kind and welcoming to her. He tried to do something when Sesshoumaru had accosted her.

"Ah-Un," it was whispered, but she knew he could hear her. "Why did Sesshoumaru claim I saved Rin?"

She let her worry be present. Her sheer feeling of being at odds in her tone and her body language, which she felt Ah-Un respond to in kind, as soft keening noise rumbling from Ah.

But they did not answer in a full language like she was expecting- instead, they seemed to practically shove their consciousness on her. A dizzy spell chilling her as she stumbled briefly, the feelings running around her head like frightful rabbits.

Then- strangely enough- she could somewhat understand. The dodder youkai forest. It had trapped them too.

And she had released them. Right?

But then why didn't Sesshoumaru just break them out? He was the big-game, the head honcho or whatever.

But Inuyasha had also fallen with her and the rest of the group. She could still picture him in her mind, his hands tucked into his sleeves and his ears lax. How long had they been there?

How long would it be...before she forgot what he looked like?

No. No. She would not say it like that- not until she got looked over by a professional.

It was a constant bounce between sour acceptance and timid hope. She wanted to hope. She wanted to see.

But then she would remember Kaede and she would remember the smell of blood. And her eyes would hurt more heavily. God, she just wanted to hope.

The sound of water rushing over rocks, bubbling and babbling, hit Kagome's eardrums softly. A pleasant sound that distracted her riled soul. Soothing her hard edges and allowed her to think of what she needed to do next.

There was no smell of sulfur, and there certainly wasn't a tendril of heat through the underbrush that would have her believe that there was a proper place to fully bathe. But she wanted to wash her skin and hair- and at least get water to boil for her wounds.

And, perhaps, be able to cook broth for Shippo.

The soil beneath her feet made a change from being hard-packed earth riddled with leaves, sticks, and roots to a smoother, softer soil. The click of rocks under her feet and the sliding silt splitting with the motion of her and Ah-Un.

Rin, ahead of them, made a high pitch squeal as she stepped into, what Kagome hoped was, the shallows of the water. Kagome could smell the chill, sharp and crisp in the air. No, there certainly wouldn't be a full bath.

"Ah-Un, could you- Um." Kagome shifted as they stopped, her shoes sinking a bit into the clay of the river bank. She didn't know the level of comfort she had with them, but she wanted to strip and clean herself. "Are we hidden? Could I change?"

There was a grunt, then the sound of Ah-Un moving against the ground as they laid down. Un bumped her shoulder softly before they moved to take Shippo from her arms, which would allow her to freely care for herself. A kindness that backfired on Kagome's underlying anxiety.

Kagome bristled in panic, her arms shaking slightly. Of course, she knew she wouldn't be able to tend to herself if she kept a hold of him, but the feeling of him not being in her grasp was soul-sucking. A drifting flitter of spines against her heart.

As Un moved away with Shippo, presumably hanging from the scruff of his furred vest, Ah bumped her shaking and empty hands. Her fingers hooked slightly, muscles clenched. Her reiki swarmed out, non-aggressively, to seek Shippo out again.

There was no Sesshoumaru around. There was no threat. An-Un didn't even make a sound as she washed them with her very soul to seek her Shippo, who was suspended- probably, on Ah-Un's back- and sleeping. Albeit roughly, seeking her out in sleep.

Ah gently pushed her back, his teeth pulling at the hem of her sweater, pointedly telling her to change.

Her skin itched.

Kagome frowned as she took off her backpack, her fingers feeling for the zipper as she settled on her knees. The bag was half empty, the immenseness whittled down by their journey through the dodder forest, and it offered her a bit more ease to pick through the contents. The roughness of a towel, the feeling of her washcloths, the jumble of foodstuffs, and other odd things. And thankfully, a fairly thick feeling crewneck sweater that was far too big for her, but draped nicely to her thighs, and a pair of rough feeling canvas pants.

Finally, her hands fell upon a bottle with a snap top. Good thing she could read, right?

Taking out all of the products, she lined them up next to her- hating how all the bottled felt and weighed the same. And, of course- per the very domineering Inuyasha's ample request all of them smelt like nothing.

Kagome sighed before pulling a lip into her mouth. It wouldn't be the worst if she just washed with one of them. It didn't matter what she used- just as long as the soot got washed away.

Without her depth perception, her way to standing back up was wobbly at best as she stood on wary feet. In one hand she held a washcloth and one of the mystery bottles. With her toes, she removed her shoes and socks.

Behind her, she could hear Rin splashing in the water close to shore as the moist, cold ground slicked the soles of her feet.

"Kssssssss." Kagome let a long breath slide through her clenched teeth as she pulled at the folded edge of her bandage. "Ow, fffffff-Ow ow. Damn it."

One edge of her bandages had dried to the skin next to her left eye where the skin itself had been cut. In trying to remove it, she could feel her eyelid pull with it. It hurt. God-

"Lady Kagome?" There was a hand at her side, making Kagome jump slightly.

"Ah Rin, sorry!" Kagome's voice cracked, yet was still somewhat sheepish. "I didn't hear you come up."

"Rin can help you with your bandages. Rin's had to bandage herself before and believes she can help!" The hand pulled at her dirty sweater and Rin sounded pleasant.

"I-um." Kagome, despite the fact Rin sounded like she was fully inclined to help, didn't know if she wanted it. She couldn't tell what her face really looked like- but it wasn't as if Rin hadn't seen worse.

Warring era. There was always so much...horror to be seen. Human on human monstrosities- even without the youkai and demonkind- was frightening.

"O-only if you are sure, sweetie." Kagome timidly crouched down as Rin pulled again, her knees sinking into the soft soil. A nervousness sweeping her, making her feel cold and urging her to run.

Then Rin's fingers were on the side of her face, pulling gently at the bandage little by little. They were cold and gentle, her fingers resting on the edge of tattered skin as she pulled away from the strip of blood-encrusted bandage.

It stung, deeply.

Kagome flinched as the cool air stung the wound, her hand coming to hide her eyes as she sat back on the cold and soggy clay. Something leaked down her cheek and she could smell blood waft through the air again.

While choking on a sob, Kagome got up suddenly despite the dizziness that followed as she turned and ran into the freezing waters. Cupping water, cold and full of germs and microbes, all of which she couldn't bring herself to care about, and washed her face.

She suddenly felt very young and very foolish.

What was she but a young and foolish woman? She felt shame for her audacity, something breaking in her heart. She could taste blood, she could hear the water. She could feel the fish and the water insects as they swam through the water.

She wasn't going to make it past this. Not alone, not like she knew she would be.

Her mother- if she ever saw her again, would never let her come back to the past. Never. And if she stayed, all she would be is an incredible burden. Incapable. Sadness chilled her to the bone, more so than any outside temperature.

Even in the modern era, there wouldn't be anything for her. A shut-away, a cripple. Someone that people looked at and pitied. She could picture people from all walks of life watching her and either 'feeling bad' for her, momentarily before forgetting her existence entirely, or taking advantage of her.

Her hand brushed the skin, that of which would surely scar, over the bridge of her nose. The flayed skin stinging.

And then, if couldn't get worse, her reiki had gone wild. Kagome knew, from brief lectures, that the human body tried to make up for disabilities. Hearing, smell, feeling- but not this strange knowing. The touch of a soul was something that was… terrible. Strange and terrible.

The deaths. The births. The fleeting mortality. The feeling of being stretched so far and so thin that she no longer was 'Kagome Higurashi'.

"Lady Kagome?" And then there was Rin, at her side as Kagome washed her wound, foolishly, in unboiled water.

Whatever.

"Rin is sorry for hurting Lady Kagome." then there were arms around her legs and Rin's face at her hip.

"No- No, no Rin-" Kagome said between rough breathing, her chest aching and her nerves on fire. "I just- the smell of blood makes me ill. Thank you, Rin."

Kagome awkwardly patted Rin, her hand falling on top of the girl's head. Trying to calm her. Trying to say it was ok.

But it wasn't ok. Nothing was ok. She was not ok.

"I am not ok." She didn't mean to say it, but she also didn't try to mend what she said. Kagome was not sorry, at this moment, for speaking what she felt.

She was in this mess because she wasn't...enough. Not enough. Her honesty, her gut feelings. All of them were put behind a shield because, oh boy, no one else felt what she had. And now, here, past the danger and past the threat...

She was going to be honest.

Rin moved away from her, and Kagome could feel her question gaze on her. But thankfully, she simply seemed to accept it as she ran back to shore, only to turn foot, and come back.

"Does Lady Kagome need help washing her hair?" There was the brush of the mystery bottle against her knuckles.

And Kagome let her, stripping off all her ruined clothing as she sat in the frigid water. Keeping still as Rin gently worked in conditioner, per her instructions, slick and soft against her neck and scalp.

Kagome rubbed at her sweater and pants, though she was sure she would never wear the pants again. Her underwear and bra, stripped away so she could bring water up under her breasts and around her ribcage, were simply held underwater by being pinned between a rock and her foot.

It was awkward. It was weird. But when it was done, Kagome felt better as she pulled her heavy crew neck over her head, the edge settling against her thighs and the soft sports bra she'd been able to find. The pants were rough, but they were warm.

The fresh bandages were firm.

When Shippo was returned to her grasp vai Un, Kagome simply tucked him into her and one-handedly put away all of her belongings. Unwilling to let him go for a second now that she had him back.

Unconsciously, he slipped his arms around her neck as if seeking his own comfort.

Kagome felt worn and drained, but as Ah nosed her shoulder she slipped her backpack on and let him guide her. Nullified and almost meek as she stood between the two heads. Even Rin was quiet as they made their way back to camp.

Yes, Kagome felt very foolish. And a burden. And a wreck.

And she wouldn't be sorry about it.

"There you are, you foolish girl! You were gone far too long!" Jakken heralded their arrival back in camp, his shrill voice making Kagome take a step back and into the grove between Ah and Un, cringing back as her jaw tensed.

God. Old Imps and their sourness.

And the smell of blood in the air. Old and new, worn like an expensive cologne. Sesshoumaru was here, his gaze slicking to her body. Kagome could feel it.

She hoped that he loathed her still. It would be different than what she was looking forward to in the modern era.

As Ah-Un gently guided her to a spot next to the fire, Rin began to announce her thanks to Sesshoumaru. Apparently, the smell of blood was not only him, but a rabbit he had caught.

Rin hummed and Kagome could hear her preparing something close by before the smell of something roasting clouding the air. Thick.

And again, she could feel Sesshoumaru as he stared at her. Stark. Brilliant. Cold.

Kagome could feel curiosity coming from him and, internally, she cursed him for not loathing her like he was supposed to. Just another passing fascination, just to be forgotten.

Author's Note:

Well, hello everyone! I wanted to thank, in pointed words, everyone who has reviewed thus far.

Thank you. It means a lot to me that people still hit that review button and I am glad that you are enjoying the story. I hope you stick around.

This story is a bit hard to put into words. I find myself putting Kagome on a mental rollercoaster. I don't go much into the pain, but instead, I like to think of what she would feel internal. Hope versus acceptance. trying to build strength in a horrible situation.

Anyway. Please review!