Sasuke: Ahem. I'm taking over for Gaara. So now I'm Kazekage. (evil laugh)
Kisame: (sneaks up to Sasuke with Samehada held over the Uchiha's head) Now's my chance to kill a kage.
Fire: Isn't that cheating?
Sasuke: Nani? (jumps out of Kisame's way)
Kisame: Arrgh! Fire! Don't ruin my assassination attempts!
Fire: But Sasuke's my cowrit—
Gaara: Who said you can take over for me? (glares at Sasuke)
Sand: So…does this mean that Sasuke's really a secret Sabaku? (thinks) Sabaku no Sasuke?
Sasuke: (yelling) I'm from the Uchiha clan!
Fire: I'm leaving and taking Sasuke and Kisame with me after this chapter so you won't be hearing this from me again.
Gaara: A parting gift. (sand grabs Sasuke and throws him in the washing machine)
Sand: Swirly! (turns on the washing machine)
Fire: Sasuke!
Kisame: It's not called a swirly if it's not in a toilet.
Baki: You don't need the bag? (hold up the Big Bag of Reviews)
Fire: Baka-Baki! Do something!
Baki: …
Kisame: If you open it, it will stop. (tries to open the washing machine)
Gaara: (glares at Kisame, sends sand to whack him away) …
Kisame: (swings Samehada at the sand and eat all of Gaara's chakra in the sand) You think such weak attacks will work on me? (sand falls)
Sand: (throws chakra-less sand in Kisame's eyes) Ha! Take that!
Fire: Waah! Kisame! (runs to Kisame)
Sasuke: Blub… (crawling angrily out of the washing machine) Fire forgot about me!
Sand: Laundry's done! Now time for another spin cy—
Fire: (grabs Sasuke) I'll leave you Baki and the spare Bag of Reviews. I'm leaving! (grabs Kisame and runs clumsily with both men in arms)
Gaara: Fire's too small to hold two big guys like that.
Baki: (holds up the Big Bag of Reviews) Um…
Sand: I already replied to them… Leave me alone.
Baki: (runs away crying) …
Gaara: (splats the chapter onto the screen) …
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Disclaimer: The word chakra-less was created by Fire and is the property of Fire. It was created with the word chakra and the suffix –less. If you are confused about the meaning of this word, please send a review or PM and Fire will explain it. So mendokuse.
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Disclaimer: All characters and character personalities in this story belong to Masashi-sensei. Please don't steal them. O.o Okay, all characters and all character personalities belong to Masashi-sensei, but their actions and all dialogue said in this story belong to Sand. Steal them and Gaara will come after you!
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Chapter 6: Crumbling Hope
Kankuro gave up trying to find the spiky, brown-haired shinobi, so he went to look for the meaty shinobi in the kitchen. He wanted some information on the blond Konoha kunoichi.
"So, what's Ino-san like?" He just wanted to know. He certainly wasn't interested in her. He just needed the information for Gaara's potential fiancée list, and Konoha had some of the most beautiful kunoichi Kankuro had ever seen.
"Why do you...MUNCH MUNCH...want to know about Ino?" Chouji munched loudly on his food, eyeing his eating guest warily. He was still eating at the dining table long after everyone else left but he wasn't going to share any of his food.
"I just want to know if she's strong. How long did it take for her to become a chuunin? Why does she and Haruno Sakura fight all the time?" Sakura was a potential kunoichi as well…but she was too obsessed with that Uchiha to be a good choice. "What does she like in a guy? Is she a good fighter now?" He only watched her fight once during the chuunin exams a year and a half ago, and she wasn't impressive then, but she could have improved by now.
Kankuro hoped that Chouji didn't notice the question about the guy preference.
"Hmm...Ino is a pretty strong kunoichi in Konoha. We became chuunin together with Sakura-chan. They fight all of the time because they're childhood rivals. And, she's a good fighter." Chouji had to think for a while before answering the oddest question in the odd series of questions.
'Why does this guy want to know something like that?' Chouji hoped Ino didn't end up dating Kankuro as a rebound for Sasuke. He didn't want a guy who fought with him over food to be around him. He had heard what Kankuro was like around hamburgers.
"But, I think she still likes Sasuke." He didn't see any harm in telling Kankuro ALL of these things…especially if it kept him away from his food.
"What's so great about that traitor? He left Konoha for a nukenin." The news about Uchiha Sasuke becoming a nukenin and leaving Konoha for Oto was widely known throughout the hidden villages. His name has also been added to all the bingo books.
"A lot of girls like Sasuke. Ino and Sakura have been two of his largest fans since they were little. He was the reason they became rivals."
'Chikusho! How am I supposed to compete with someone like Uchiha Sasuke?' Kankuro's body broke out into a nervous sweat. He had to do something. 'She's one of his largest fans! What does Uchiha have that I don't?'
"What does she like about that kuso traitor?" Anger filled Kankuro's body. Just thinking about that arrogant guy made his chakra strings reach for his puppets.
"..." Chouji chewing slowed enough to look at the older shinobi beside him. "Why do you want to know so much about Ino?" He was a glutton, but he wasn't as dense and stupid as people thought he was. "Do you like her?" He could already see it.
Kankuro's face tried to hold back his embarrassment. It was impossible that Chouji could have figured it out. "Wh-what do you mean?" He coughed loudly to clear his throat, hoping that the excuse of accidentally choking on nothing would provide cover for his reddened face. "What do you mean? Me? Like that girl? I think you should cut back on the spinach."
'What does spinach have to do with anything?' Chouji actually overheard Kankuro's loud ostracizing of the green vegetable earlier. 'And, it seems Ino is attracting strange people again.' Ino was one of the prettier kunoichi in Konoha as well. And, her fanclub was more than moderate in size.
"If you like her, you should try being nicer." Chouji knew that Kankuro tended to be a bully, but he could be a nice guy when he tried. At least this was what Shikamaru told him. Chouji hoped it was true. 'Then I can take his hamburgers!'
"What do you mean? I'm always nice." Kankuro just liked to play with others. He wasn't really bullying them. "I'm going. You're no help." He needed to find the spiky, brown-haired shinobi for further information.
Unfortunately, he couldn't find Shikamaru anywhere.
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Shikamaru wanted to leave Suna as soon as possible. But, first he had to find his teammates. 'Kuso... Where is Ino?' He didn't have to worry about his stout friend. He was in the kitchen and wouldn't mind allowing him to eat a little more, especially if it meant he could find him easily later. But he couldn't find his loud, nerve-grating teammate at all. She wasn't inside her room, and he certainly wasn't going to check Temari's room.
'Aitsume…why did he have to drag me all the way here just to set me up with his sister?' But it was strange. Temari didn't seem to know about this plan either.
"Uggh... Mendokuse!" He didn't care that his teammates were going to complain about leaving early. He just wanted to leave right now...or crawl into a cave somewhere and hide forever.
0o0o0o0
Temari had to get out of Suna as soon as possible. She wanted a mission in Konoha or some other hidden village, but the thought of Konoha appeared in her head only brought up the image of Shikamaru.
"Argh! Baka Gaara! Why did he have to be so overly observant?" Her face radiated deep red. She couldn't even fool herself with the effort of her search. The memory of what had happened earlier was too strong.
Pro: He likes her as well
Con: He won't confess this
"Who taught Gaara these sneaky tactics!" Temari threw a chair at the wall, effectively smashing it to pieces. If she found him, she was going to kill him!
Her room looked like she had invited a hurricane to stay a while, just to make sure everything was nicely decimated.
"Temari-chan..." There was light knocking on the door. The shaky voice was unsure whether to go in or not. The sound of breaking furniture wasn't very inviting.
"..." Temari stopped her rampage to take a look around and sighed before opening the door. "Ino?" Green eyes met blue eyes.
Ino had one hand clasped around her arm while her eyes stared down to the ground. "Ano..." But her fear completely dissipated with one glance around Temari's demolished room. "Eh! What happened here? Did someone try to attack you?"
Temari didn't know what to say. She couldn't say that she was venting her frustration on her room because of what Gaara wrote about her and Shikamaru. If she told the blond kunoichi, everyone in Konoha and Suna would be in an uproar, preparing for a large scale wedding.
It was a long distance relationship that had been going on under everyone's noses for a year and a half. Well, sort of a long distance relationship. But they didn't really say nor do anything to declare their relationship as something like that.
It wouldn't be a surprise to everyone in Konoha if the two got married, but the news about Shikamaru in Suna wasn't as widespread. It would be a big shock, but no one would mind. It was advantageous to the two villages if they did get married. The elders were certainly against her. The relations between the two villages could become stronger, and only for the low price of a strong kunoichi going to a lazy shinobi.
And all of Shikamaru's hard work on quelling the rumours during the past few months would've gone to waste. Lately, the other chuunin have been telling him to ask the blond Suna-nin out or at least make it official that they were dating.
"..." Temari just realized that her room was worse than Gaara's. She was in such a rage that she didn't even notice what she was doing. "Uh... Yeah, I was...attacked."
"By how many shinobi? A hundred?" Ino knew that the room was too beat up to have had only one or two assassins. "You could've called for help!"
The elder kunoichi stared at the Konoha-nin for a moment, wondering what she was doing there before actually asking. "Ino, what do you want?" Temari wanted to get rid of the blond kunoichi and start cleaning up before anyone else came into her embarrassingly mangled room.
"I only came to ask...what does Kazekage-sama think about me?"
Temari backed away a step at the words, unsure whether to give her friend the truth or a white lie. "I don't know." Actually she did know. He wrote it down in the cons scroll. "And, I don't think you should ask him. He'd probably just answer with nothing." Or kill her.
'Nothing?' Ino didn't know that the guy was so quiet. 'But that other guy could have more information about the redhead.'
Ino's eyes rounded in realization, her head shaking fervently to fling the thought out of her head. "No! I don't want to ask him!" She was referring to her plan B. She really hated plan B.
Temari wondered confusedly what Ino was talking about. It looked like just she had a weird thought about Gaara and was now freaking out over the outcome.
Of course, Ino was far from doing something as bold as asking Gaara himself.
Ino sighed heavily before walking dejectedly towards the door. "Arigatou, Temari-chan." She really didn't want to ask him about the Kazekage.
However, Temari was glad to have Ino around for a short while. It got her mind off what Gaara had said earlier. But it was coming back now. "Arrgh! Why did he do that!"
0o0o0o0
Kankuro sighed heavily as he walked down the corridor. 'Teme! Who talked behind my back, making me sneeze so many times?' He had started to sneeze uncontrollably after leaving the kitchen.
He sighed again when he couldn't find the spiky-haired chuunin in his room. But, his spirits were going to be lifted soon. He just knew it!
And he was right.
Ino was too absorbed in her thoughts to notice where she was going and literally bumped into Kankuro. But because of their major weight and size difference, Ino was the only one knocked down.
"Haaaah... Watch where you're going, baka! It was like walking into a brick wall!" Ino didn't get a good look at who she bumped into. She was just annoyed because the person didn't help her up.
'Brick...wall...' Kankuro didn't like being called names, especially since he was the one usually saying them.
"Who are you calling a brick wall, walking stick?" Kankuro's hands flew up to cover his mouth. He really didn't want to say that, but it was too late. His mouth moved and sound came out before his brain could intervene.
'A walking stick!' A dark and ominous aura formed behind Ino, lighting her with a black fire. 'Unforgivable!'
"Y—"
But before Ino could let out a single word, Shikamaru came running with a fire extinguisher and foamed her. Then, he picked up the white puff with its long, blond ponytail and ran past Kankuro towards the kitchen, leaving a dazed and confused Kankuro.
Kankuro stared blankly in the direction the two Konoha-nin had run. "Arrgh!" He punched the wall to his side in an effort to relieve his frustration… "Why did I say that? Now, she'll dislike me even more!" …and, continued on his way to his room.
But around the corner, a shadowed face peered in with his uncovered eye. 'Something strange is happening...' The shadow turned around to leave. 'Well, better not get involv—' But, it was greeted by a pair of light green eyes.
"Baki, come." The monotonous voice wrapped around Baki's mind and forced him to obey.
The green-eyed redhead scribbled something down before walking back to his office.
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Ino wiped some foam out of her eyes to see who had doused her with a fire extinguisher. "Baka Shikamaru? What are you doing?" She wanted to know why he sprayed her and why he was carrying her.
After struggling for some time and almost making him fall over, she forced him to put her down.
"It's too mendokuse to explain to you. All you need to know is that we're leaving now." Shikamaru dragged the protesting Ino by the arm with him in the direction of the kitchen.
"Agh...did you get into some trouble with Kazekage-sama? Why are we leaving so soon?" Ino knew that Shikamaru had a legitimate reason for them leaving so soon. They had arrived only a few hours ago and they were already leaving. She wasn't even able to put any of her moves on the redheaded Kazekage.
Shikamaru's face burned red. What Ino said reminded Shikamaru of what happened earlier.
Pro: Temari-neechan really likes this boy.
Pro: He likes her as well.
Shikamaru was careful to make sure Ino didn't see his face. If she did, she would go off into wild allegations of what happened and who did what with whom.
Con: He won't confess this.
Con: Neither will she.
Shikamaru's pace quickened, his grip on Ino's arm tightening. "Ahh...mendokuse." He was giving Ino his usual response to most of her questions. He wanted to shake off this topic.
Unfortunately, it wasn't working.
"What do you mean it's too troublesome? You're making me leave now? When I'm in the middle of trying to catch something?"
Shikamaru sighed in defeat. He might as well tell her the truth so she wouldn't make a complete fool of herself.
"Kazekage-sama has no interest in you. He finds you annoying and loud." That was a little too direct and blunt, but there was no way around it. He could have said Gaara doesn't find her the least bit attractive and wouldn't make a move on her even if she was the last female creature in the known universe. But it wouldn't be any less of the truth. He decided that the blunt and direct words were better. At least she wouldn't take it the wrong way and continue to chase after him. She could accidentally kill herself.
Ino was shocked speechless. Her mind went into a complete blank as Shikamaru continued pulling her after him.
'Masaka.'
Everything around her faded into the background.
'First Sasuke-kun calls me annoying.'
Her eyes deadened and her shoulders slumped at the memory.
'Now, Kazekage-sama thinks I'm annoying.'
Her mind concocted several instances where she could have given him the impression of being annoying and loud. There were also images of when she was like that around Sasuke-kun.
Then, her eyes livened and she regained her composure.
'There is no way that he hates me!' Ino snapped out of her spell and wrenched her arm free. "Masaka! What do you mean he finds me annoying and loud? And that he has no interest in me? What do you know!" Ino ran down the opposite direction of the hall back to Temari's room. She didn't want to see or talk to any of the guys. They knew nothing! Gaara didn't hate her!
'Baka Shikamaru! Meanie! I just want a cool and handsome boyfriend. Is that too much to ask?' She thought for a moment before deciding that she was right. 'Baka! What do you mean an IQ of over 200!'
Shikamaru sighed before running after his teammate. She was probably thinking that he was lying about his IQ.
End Chapter 6
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Mindless drabble from Sand:
Ino: (shouts) Gaara hates me! That's not possible!
Kankuro: (contemplating) Handsome boyfriend? So…what do you mean by handsome?
Gaara: Not you.
Kankuro: … (annoyed) I'm handsome.
Gaara: To puppets.
Kankuro: Plenty of girls like me.
Gaara: Puppet girls don't count.
Ino: (cries) Noooooooo! Kazekage-dono! Don't hate me! (thinks) He's going to kill me…
Gaara: … (sweatdrops and thinks) I forgot she was here.
Sand: (runs up wheezing and breathing heavily) Did I miss anything!
Gaara: Kankuro said he was ugly.
Sand: (nodding head in agreement) That's so true.
Kankuro: I didn't say that! I said that I'm the handsomest guy in the Narutoverse! (mumbles to self) In fact, it should be called the Kankuroverse…
Gaara and Sand: (thinks) He's delusional…or the make-up on his face finally seeped into his brain.
Ino: (cries) Please review… (sobs) I only want a handsome, strong, rich, bishounen boyfriend. (tears streaming down face) Is that too much to ask?
Everyone: (says in unison) Yes!
Sand: Review and maybe Gaara will reply since Fire is pressuring me for the next chapter. (tears streaming down face) If Gaara is in a good mood…
Gaara: No stupid reviews.
Kankuro: Just tell Ino that she should be with someone handsome like me.
Gaara: That's a stupid review.
Kankuro: Send them in anyway!