Part 17
As if on cue, the jet took off at the speed of 'oh my gay!' Jenny, Kelly, and the rest of the crew slid on the floor and were thrown against the back of the jet.
"Arrroooooooo!" Jean howled in pain. Logan looked down and quickly snatched his hand away from the squig-tastic manhood he had been squashing.
Ass-Eye the Fourth looked up in anger, "No one touches my girl's man parts but me!"
"Believe me shithead, I didn't enjoy a second of it. I will pay for her to get that removed. It's disgusting!" cried Logan, avoiding Loin-eye's mono glare.
Jean put her head down in shame, but Cloppy put a reassuring arm around her furry neck, "Don't listen to him Jean. I love your shlong. It really brings out the best in you when you wear your sexy bikini."
"Oh Scott!"
"Jean!"
"Scott!"
"Jean!!"
"Enough!" cried Jenny, pushing bodies off of her, "I can't stand to see her being lied to!"
"Jenny?" Kelly blinked in surprise, "I thought you hated the mongrel tramp. What's the big idea? We're supposed to be a team!"
"Shaddup Kell. I do hate her! I just want to tell it like it is. It's not right for Cy-gay over there to make her think she's something she's not," Jenny explained. She turned to Jean, "Jean, you look like something that hasn't totally evolved yet. There is nothing feminine or woman-like about you. You have a beard. Man hands. A penis. You're proud of your 'man': a one-eyed pansy of a gay that digs cocks. Now tell me, shouldn't you be keeping that head down? I have a tower back in Milwaukee that I, and no doubt millions of others that have been blinded by your total foogglyess and lack of breasts, will be happy to see you reside in for life. You make paint chip hun."
Jean burst into tears and wailed like some old bag lady that dented her only shopping cart. "Sc---o---o--------oh----t! It just can't be true!" She looked down, a frown on her face, "Oh crap, it IS true!"
"I know Jean, that's what I love about you...your total disregard of fresh panties."
Before she could wail some more, the jet suddenly plummeted nose first. The Prof groggily opened his eyes. "Wha...O my God! We're headed right for that sasquach! O, sorry Jean. Put your head down! I meant ...O my God! We're headed right for that giant green statue of a lady holding a torch!"
"Um ...the Statue of Liberty?" supplied Kelly.
But the Prof didn't hear her sarcastic comment. He crawled forward like some brave, shot-up soldier in Vietnam, his numb legs flapping dramatically behind him, maiming 5 audience members in the process. Suddenly M*A*S*H music filled the jet, following the Prof's courageous lack of walking ability. He reached for the jet's joystick and tugged down with an anguished midget-like squeak. The jet missed the giant statue by a hair, and it veered upwards, barely missing a random disembodied testicle.
The jet headed towards a bridge in the distance, and spotlights and fireworks could be seen around the Statue of Liberty. Magayto was close. So close you could smell the blatant odor of homosexuality that permeated the air around him.
Scott took the controls, trying to look like he could actually be a leader, "Alright, there's the bridge. I'm taking us in. Storm? Some cover please." He turned his head and grinned for no reason.
"Damn tard," muttered Logan.
Storm pushed herself off the floor with a groan. She waddled her way to where Scott was being gay, breathing like there was an air shortage, "*belch* You got it." Jenny and Kelly looked on in total shock as Storm's eyes began to turn white.
Scott shrank back in horror, "What that hell is wrong with her! Look at her eyes!!"
The Prof, now back in his wheels, turned to see what the gay panic was about, "What is it Scott...What in the holy name of Rogaine is wrong with you Storm?! It's a mutant! Burn her! Burn her!"
Cy-Man-of-Gay was about to light her on fire when Logan jumped in, lookin' sexy and full of sperm. "Now wait a minute you basket of fruit. We're all mutants! You have that lame ass eyeball trick, the Prof is bald and has a Hover-Round, and Jean is actually Harold Ramis in disguise! I thought your school taught everyone that diversity was the best choice and tha humans and freaks could live in peace together."
Scott Guard put down the flaming stick and lowered his eye in disgrace. Before he could utter another word, Logan beat the snot out of him. It was o so amusing.
"Woo! Go sexyman! Shake that ass!" cried Kelly, waving a mini Logan flag.
Jenny meanwhile, took the controls and landed the jet perfectly without a bump.
A random guard popped up and said, "Looks like a Storm is coming!" and then walked away. Everyone laughed at the delayed joke.
Logan took the lead and began to walk towards the Statue's museum of carpet samples, the Prof's un-oiled wheels squeaking in sync with his every footstep...
Suddenly, Kelly grabbed the Prof's wheelie-dealie and sprayed some wd-40 on that shit.
"Sorry, but that shit was annoying. You know, if you oiled those wheels half as much as you shine your damn snoglobe, you prolly wouldn't have that problem," she said.
The X-people walked through the building slowly. They walked through a metal detector and just as Logan went through it started buzzing all irritatingly. So Logan stabbed the fuck out of it.
"Nice goin', ass," Asshole-eye said. Logan only flipped him off with his claws. Since Dorkwad didn't know what that meant, he smiled all retardedly.
"What an idiot," Jenny said, then ran smack into Logan. "Ow, hey, man, your metal ass ain't cute to run into, you know? Why'd you stop for?"
"Something smells..."
Kelly waved a hand. "Pssssh. It's probably Jean. Does it smell like shit, ass, fish, feet, cornuts, fffttt, or week old sweat?"
"Shh," Logan shushed.
"Tsk. Ain't gotta get all snippy," Kelly said, shaking her head with mad attitude.
They split up and looked for the source of the foul stench. Logan went around a corner, and came back. But suddenly, another Logan popped up behind him!
"Wait!" both Logan's yelled at once, as Cyke took aim.
"You know, if this shit wasn't so ungodly weird, I'd be happy to see two Logan's," said Jenny.
Cyke's ol' retarded ass didn't know which Logan was real, so he didn't shoot anything. Not that his mono eye could see where he was shooting anyways.
"Hey, Visor-man, shoot the one on the right! That's the one that smells like shit and piss! It's Mystique, and she obviously didn't take a damn bath after crapping all over Cereblo!" Jenny hollered.
"Derrrr," said Scott, and a door closed on the two Logan's.
"Man, you slow ass bastard," Kelly said, then got slapped by Toad's tongue as he suddenly appeared.
"Oh hell naw," Jenny said, but just as she was about to lay the smack down on Toad, Scott got in her way.
"Dammit, Suezo, move your monolithic ass!"
Scott moved, but unfotunately it was because Toad kicked his ol' wimpy ass. He lay there like a slug. It was his only defense.
Toad then turned on Jean. He jumped at her, but she held out a hand and stopped him in mid air.
Jean looked happy that she had finally done something right and helped out the team. But Toad wasn't done. He hocked a loogie on Jean's face.
"Hwagck tooey!" Toad said, and dropped like a rock after Jean let him go.
Jean scrambled to her ape feet, trying to pry the nast-tastic goo from her already peeling, cruddy, bearded face. She tried to scream for Gillette, but the only thing that came was a few odd and sick sounding poots. *theeeeeep theeeep booooom wigga wigga ftttttt*
Scott never got to his feet so quickly in his entire gay life. The smell was overwhelming. "I'm coming Jean!" he screeched, like a little gay man that was about to get bitch-slapped. As he ran towards the scary ass woman before him, Toad tripped his ass and he was thrown into a glass window.
Jenny and Kelly stood by, their faces grim.
"What the fuck kinda team is this? Pile of freakin' foogles up in this figgle!" cried Kelly, watching Jean writhe at her feet from lack of air and good looks. She kicked her dead in the face and then turned around, whistling and looking innocent.
Suddenly, a blinding light filled the room along with the piney smell of Mr. Clean. Everyone stopped what he or she was doing and stared in awe at the bright light before them. Scott looked up, shielding his ever Seeing Eye with an overworked hand, "A-are you God?"
"I am that is," said the voice in a mysterious and booming tone, "Moses! Moses!"
"O my God!" screamed Storm, flying from absolutely nowhere, "Praise tha Lord!" She fanned herself with a pamphlet of hymns, trying to look like she had for once in all of her black life, actually been black. "Everyone, join in prayer with me."
"Niggaplease!" said 'God', "Get your wanna be ghetto, fake African ass outta here! You were raised with a pile of stuck-up whities!"
"Yeah," added Kelly, "Me and Jenny here got more soul than you'll ever have, and we're just crackers!"
"Hey, wait a minute!" cried Scott, squinting, "God isn't in a wheelchair! And I'm pretty sure that God wouldn't be balding! What the hell!"
The light slowly faded, and the entire room screamed, "BALD!" The old ass Professor stood.sat before them, the gleam leaving his Nair-tastic sphere.
"I knew it wasn't God," snorted Jenny, trying to take off her "Go God!" t- shirt and angel wings inconspicuously, "God doesn't let bald people into Heaven, that would be like letting midgets live regular circus-free lives."
"I'm sorry," the professor said, putting his head down and causing the crowd to whip some Blu-Blockers on, "I always wanted to be God. It's been a dream of mine ever since I invented Turtle Wax."
"Hey! Can we get on with this?" came a muffled yell from the room Logan was trapped in with Logan 2, "Tell testicle man to shut his yapper!"
"Testicle man." muttered the BaldGuy, "Why I outta.let Jean give you a BJ so you get an uncountable number of STD's."
Suddenly Scott started to run, "Booby traps! Booby traps!"
"What the hell is he talking about?" asked Jenny, scratching her head, "Booby traps?"
"The Fertellies!!" he screamed again, like some sort of slack jawed moron, "We gotta get outta here!"
Kelly was about to point out that Jean had long since suffocated, when a lady dressed in black and two men entered the room, with guns.
We finally found you little brats!" the old bat snapped. She slapped one of her sons in the head, "Well? Go get him Francis! You moron!"
"Dude! The Goonies!" cried Jenny, "Hey my clothes changed! I'm Mouth! Woo hoo!"
Kelly reluctantly looked down at her Hawaiian shirt, "Goooodammit! I 'm Chunk!!"
"Do the Truffle Shuffle!" yelled Jenny.
Before Kelly could shake her shit, the floor dropped out from beneath everyone, and they started to slide down a waterslide.
"Wooooo weeeeeeee!" Scott screamed, flapping his arms wildly.
Meanwhile, Jenny and Kelly went down their own slide, having themselves a good old time. Something blue and stanky sloshed past them, leaving the water piss yellow and swimming with ass.
"Piss water!!!" hollered Kelly, trying to use Jenny as a boogie board, "Don't let it touch me!!"
Logan suddenly slammed into them. Jenny and Kelly wasted no time, and began to immediately fondle him with an ungodly vengeance.
~end part 17
As if on cue, the jet took off at the speed of 'oh my gay!' Jenny, Kelly, and the rest of the crew slid on the floor and were thrown against the back of the jet.
"Arrroooooooo!" Jean howled in pain. Logan looked down and quickly snatched his hand away from the squig-tastic manhood he had been squashing.
Ass-Eye the Fourth looked up in anger, "No one touches my girl's man parts but me!"
"Believe me shithead, I didn't enjoy a second of it. I will pay for her to get that removed. It's disgusting!" cried Logan, avoiding Loin-eye's mono glare.
Jean put her head down in shame, but Cloppy put a reassuring arm around her furry neck, "Don't listen to him Jean. I love your shlong. It really brings out the best in you when you wear your sexy bikini."
"Oh Scott!"
"Jean!"
"Scott!"
"Jean!!"
"Enough!" cried Jenny, pushing bodies off of her, "I can't stand to see her being lied to!"
"Jenny?" Kelly blinked in surprise, "I thought you hated the mongrel tramp. What's the big idea? We're supposed to be a team!"
"Shaddup Kell. I do hate her! I just want to tell it like it is. It's not right for Cy-gay over there to make her think she's something she's not," Jenny explained. She turned to Jean, "Jean, you look like something that hasn't totally evolved yet. There is nothing feminine or woman-like about you. You have a beard. Man hands. A penis. You're proud of your 'man': a one-eyed pansy of a gay that digs cocks. Now tell me, shouldn't you be keeping that head down? I have a tower back in Milwaukee that I, and no doubt millions of others that have been blinded by your total foogglyess and lack of breasts, will be happy to see you reside in for life. You make paint chip hun."
Jean burst into tears and wailed like some old bag lady that dented her only shopping cart. "Sc---o---o--------oh----t! It just can't be true!" She looked down, a frown on her face, "Oh crap, it IS true!"
"I know Jean, that's what I love about you...your total disregard of fresh panties."
Before she could wail some more, the jet suddenly plummeted nose first. The Prof groggily opened his eyes. "Wha...O my God! We're headed right for that sasquach! O, sorry Jean. Put your head down! I meant ...O my God! We're headed right for that giant green statue of a lady holding a torch!"
"Um ...the Statue of Liberty?" supplied Kelly.
But the Prof didn't hear her sarcastic comment. He crawled forward like some brave, shot-up soldier in Vietnam, his numb legs flapping dramatically behind him, maiming 5 audience members in the process. Suddenly M*A*S*H music filled the jet, following the Prof's courageous lack of walking ability. He reached for the jet's joystick and tugged down with an anguished midget-like squeak. The jet missed the giant statue by a hair, and it veered upwards, barely missing a random disembodied testicle.
The jet headed towards a bridge in the distance, and spotlights and fireworks could be seen around the Statue of Liberty. Magayto was close. So close you could smell the blatant odor of homosexuality that permeated the air around him.
Scott took the controls, trying to look like he could actually be a leader, "Alright, there's the bridge. I'm taking us in. Storm? Some cover please." He turned his head and grinned for no reason.
"Damn tard," muttered Logan.
Storm pushed herself off the floor with a groan. She waddled her way to where Scott was being gay, breathing like there was an air shortage, "*belch* You got it." Jenny and Kelly looked on in total shock as Storm's eyes began to turn white.
Scott shrank back in horror, "What that hell is wrong with her! Look at her eyes!!"
The Prof, now back in his wheels, turned to see what the gay panic was about, "What is it Scott...What in the holy name of Rogaine is wrong with you Storm?! It's a mutant! Burn her! Burn her!"
Cy-Man-of-Gay was about to light her on fire when Logan jumped in, lookin' sexy and full of sperm. "Now wait a minute you basket of fruit. We're all mutants! You have that lame ass eyeball trick, the Prof is bald and has a Hover-Round, and Jean is actually Harold Ramis in disguise! I thought your school taught everyone that diversity was the best choice and tha humans and freaks could live in peace together."
Scott Guard put down the flaming stick and lowered his eye in disgrace. Before he could utter another word, Logan beat the snot out of him. It was o so amusing.
"Woo! Go sexyman! Shake that ass!" cried Kelly, waving a mini Logan flag.
Jenny meanwhile, took the controls and landed the jet perfectly without a bump.
A random guard popped up and said, "Looks like a Storm is coming!" and then walked away. Everyone laughed at the delayed joke.
Logan took the lead and began to walk towards the Statue's museum of carpet samples, the Prof's un-oiled wheels squeaking in sync with his every footstep...
Suddenly, Kelly grabbed the Prof's wheelie-dealie and sprayed some wd-40 on that shit.
"Sorry, but that shit was annoying. You know, if you oiled those wheels half as much as you shine your damn snoglobe, you prolly wouldn't have that problem," she said.
The X-people walked through the building slowly. They walked through a metal detector and just as Logan went through it started buzzing all irritatingly. So Logan stabbed the fuck out of it.
"Nice goin', ass," Asshole-eye said. Logan only flipped him off with his claws. Since Dorkwad didn't know what that meant, he smiled all retardedly.
"What an idiot," Jenny said, then ran smack into Logan. "Ow, hey, man, your metal ass ain't cute to run into, you know? Why'd you stop for?"
"Something smells..."
Kelly waved a hand. "Pssssh. It's probably Jean. Does it smell like shit, ass, fish, feet, cornuts, fffttt, or week old sweat?"
"Shh," Logan shushed.
"Tsk. Ain't gotta get all snippy," Kelly said, shaking her head with mad attitude.
They split up and looked for the source of the foul stench. Logan went around a corner, and came back. But suddenly, another Logan popped up behind him!
"Wait!" both Logan's yelled at once, as Cyke took aim.
"You know, if this shit wasn't so ungodly weird, I'd be happy to see two Logan's," said Jenny.
Cyke's ol' retarded ass didn't know which Logan was real, so he didn't shoot anything. Not that his mono eye could see where he was shooting anyways.
"Hey, Visor-man, shoot the one on the right! That's the one that smells like shit and piss! It's Mystique, and she obviously didn't take a damn bath after crapping all over Cereblo!" Jenny hollered.
"Derrrr," said Scott, and a door closed on the two Logan's.
"Man, you slow ass bastard," Kelly said, then got slapped by Toad's tongue as he suddenly appeared.
"Oh hell naw," Jenny said, but just as she was about to lay the smack down on Toad, Scott got in her way.
"Dammit, Suezo, move your monolithic ass!"
Scott moved, but unfotunately it was because Toad kicked his ol' wimpy ass. He lay there like a slug. It was his only defense.
Toad then turned on Jean. He jumped at her, but she held out a hand and stopped him in mid air.
Jean looked happy that she had finally done something right and helped out the team. But Toad wasn't done. He hocked a loogie on Jean's face.
"Hwagck tooey!" Toad said, and dropped like a rock after Jean let him go.
Jean scrambled to her ape feet, trying to pry the nast-tastic goo from her already peeling, cruddy, bearded face. She tried to scream for Gillette, but the only thing that came was a few odd and sick sounding poots. *theeeeeep theeeep booooom wigga wigga ftttttt*
Scott never got to his feet so quickly in his entire gay life. The smell was overwhelming. "I'm coming Jean!" he screeched, like a little gay man that was about to get bitch-slapped. As he ran towards the scary ass woman before him, Toad tripped his ass and he was thrown into a glass window.
Jenny and Kelly stood by, their faces grim.
"What the fuck kinda team is this? Pile of freakin' foogles up in this figgle!" cried Kelly, watching Jean writhe at her feet from lack of air and good looks. She kicked her dead in the face and then turned around, whistling and looking innocent.
Suddenly, a blinding light filled the room along with the piney smell of Mr. Clean. Everyone stopped what he or she was doing and stared in awe at the bright light before them. Scott looked up, shielding his ever Seeing Eye with an overworked hand, "A-are you God?"
"I am that is," said the voice in a mysterious and booming tone, "Moses! Moses!"
"O my God!" screamed Storm, flying from absolutely nowhere, "Praise tha Lord!" She fanned herself with a pamphlet of hymns, trying to look like she had for once in all of her black life, actually been black. "Everyone, join in prayer with me."
"Niggaplease!" said 'God', "Get your wanna be ghetto, fake African ass outta here! You were raised with a pile of stuck-up whities!"
"Yeah," added Kelly, "Me and Jenny here got more soul than you'll ever have, and we're just crackers!"
"Hey, wait a minute!" cried Scott, squinting, "God isn't in a wheelchair! And I'm pretty sure that God wouldn't be balding! What the hell!"
The light slowly faded, and the entire room screamed, "BALD!" The old ass Professor stood.sat before them, the gleam leaving his Nair-tastic sphere.
"I knew it wasn't God," snorted Jenny, trying to take off her "Go God!" t- shirt and angel wings inconspicuously, "God doesn't let bald people into Heaven, that would be like letting midgets live regular circus-free lives."
"I'm sorry," the professor said, putting his head down and causing the crowd to whip some Blu-Blockers on, "I always wanted to be God. It's been a dream of mine ever since I invented Turtle Wax."
"Hey! Can we get on with this?" came a muffled yell from the room Logan was trapped in with Logan 2, "Tell testicle man to shut his yapper!"
"Testicle man." muttered the BaldGuy, "Why I outta.let Jean give you a BJ so you get an uncountable number of STD's."
Suddenly Scott started to run, "Booby traps! Booby traps!"
"What the hell is he talking about?" asked Jenny, scratching her head, "Booby traps?"
"The Fertellies!!" he screamed again, like some sort of slack jawed moron, "We gotta get outta here!"
Kelly was about to point out that Jean had long since suffocated, when a lady dressed in black and two men entered the room, with guns.
We finally found you little brats!" the old bat snapped. She slapped one of her sons in the head, "Well? Go get him Francis! You moron!"
"Dude! The Goonies!" cried Jenny, "Hey my clothes changed! I'm Mouth! Woo hoo!"
Kelly reluctantly looked down at her Hawaiian shirt, "Goooodammit! I 'm Chunk!!"
"Do the Truffle Shuffle!" yelled Jenny.
Before Kelly could shake her shit, the floor dropped out from beneath everyone, and they started to slide down a waterslide.
"Wooooo weeeeeeee!" Scott screamed, flapping his arms wildly.
Meanwhile, Jenny and Kelly went down their own slide, having themselves a good old time. Something blue and stanky sloshed past them, leaving the water piss yellow and swimming with ass.
"Piss water!!!" hollered Kelly, trying to use Jenny as a boogie board, "Don't let it touch me!!"
Logan suddenly slammed into them. Jenny and Kelly wasted no time, and began to immediately fondle him with an ungodly vengeance.
~end part 17