Chapter 2

Olivia's Apartment

7:21 a.m.

Wednesday, January 24

Olivia awoke to the smell of something breakfasty being cooked in her kitchen. She could hear Elliot singing off key but she couldn't make out the words, as she padded softly to the kitchen. He was standing at the stove making scrambled eggs. She smiled as she waited for him to notice her.

"Hey, sleepyhead," he called, turning the pan off. "You, my friend, are just in time for some of my world famous eggs."

"Oh, really? I didn't even know you could cook," she said looking dubiously as he placed a plate of egg, toast, and bacon in front of her.

"Well, I'm a man of many hidden talents." They bantered good-naturedly all through breakfast, but Elliot could tell there was still something bothering her.

"Listen, Liv," he said, gathering up their breakfast dishes. "I know this is going to be hard for you but you need to know that whatever happens, I am here for you."

"Thanks, El. I-" she stopped suddenly. "How can you be so great? I mean, you and Kathy kept Maureen. You got married, you had a life. How can you be so supportive when you did the exact opposite."

"Liv. Liv, look at me," he said trying to catch her eye. "When Kathy and I found out she was pregnant we panicked. We didn't know what to do and yes, we did consider adoption, but our situation was different. There were two of us in that relationship, we were 18, and we did what was best for us then. You weren't in same thing. You were 16 and scared and alone. You knew that keeping your baby would mean bringing her to a home where you were dealing with an abusive, alcoholic mother. You can't think that I would judge you for wanting a better life for your baby."

Olivia looked at him, stunned. He'd obviously given this a lot of thought. She wiped the tears from her eyes and looked at him. Then she reached across the small table and gave him a chaste hug.

"Thanks, Elliot. I really needed to hear that. I'm going to hit the shower now. I guess it wouldn't look good to be late to work today," she said releasing him and heading for her bedroom.

When she returned from getting read for work Elliot was waiting for her on her couch. He had changed into the clothes he kept at her apartment for those times when he just couldn't make it across the city to his apartment.

"Ready to go?" he asked hopefully over his mug of coffee.

"Yep. Let me grap my coat and I'm all set," she replied, snatching her keys from the counter.

They rode to work in comfortable silence and set about a quiet day of paperwork. They were catching if any new cases came in but it seemed the rapists had taken a day off. Munch and Fin were in court that day, so the office was quiet when the clock rolled around to 6.

"Hey, you 'bout ready to go," Olivia called as Elliot closed his last case file.

"Yeah. You want me to drop you off on my way?" he asked as he pulled on his jacket. Before she could answer a stunning brunette walked into the room. Looking around, she finally addressed herself to Olivia.

"Hello. I'm looking for Olivia Benson. Are you by any chance her?" Olivia felt chills down her spine.

"Yes. I am. W-What can I help you with?" she asked trying to keep her breathing normal.

"My name is Grace Atherton. I think you and I should talk." The girl looked around the squad room anxiously. "Do you think we could go for coffee or something? I'm not sure I would feel comfortable discussing this here."

"Yeah. Okay. There's a coffee shop around the corner. Let me finish up here and I'll meet you in ten," Olivia answered, her eyes never leaving the girl as she turned to leave. She could feel Elliot's eyes boring into her as she turned around.

"Do you want me to come with you?" he asked, already knowing her answer.

"No. I need to do this on my own." She looked at him pleadingly, begging him to understand.

"Okay," he said, recognising the desperation in her tone. "Call me later if you need anything." He gave her a hug and kissed the top of her head. "It's going to be okay. Trust me."

Olivia looked around the croweded shop for the girl. Her daughter. She spotted her sitting pensively staring into her cup of black coffee.

"I like it black too," she said taking the seat opposite. Grace smiled and nodded. A smile so very like her own.

"I know Daddy sent his lawyer to talk to you," she began. "I hope he wasn't too terrible." At Olivia's shake of her head she continued, "Good. Look, all I really came here to say was that I know my dad and he's probably pressuring you to take and DNA test and stuff and I wanted you to know that if you don't want to get involved I understand. I don't want you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable." When she finished, she finally looked up at Olivia.

"He didn't pressure me. His lawyer, I mean. He just left me his business card and told me he'd be in touch." She paused. "I am going to do it."

"What?" She asked with hope in her eyes.

"I am planning on taking the test. I want to get to know you. And I want you to know me." Olivia looked at the girl, no, woman sitting before her with tears of happiness in her eyes.

"I am so glad. I was so afraid that you wouldn't want to see me," she said, her voice cracking with emotion.

"I've always wanted to see you, to know you. It just wasn't possible before and to be honest I didn't think you would want to see me." Olivia was too overcome to say more.

"So you'll tell me why?" Grace asked

"I'll tell you everything," Olivia promised.

Both of them knew that the telling of this story would be long and hard for both of them, so they decided to go back to Olivia's apartment. Olivia ordered Chinese food while Grace perused the book shelves. When their food arrived they both sat cross-legged on the floor as Olivia began her tale.

"I'm not sure how to start this, so I guess I'll start with my mother. Please let me finish before you ask me any questions. I don't think I can do this otherwise," Olivia said. At her nod she continued, "In 1967 my mother was a college student at NYU. She didn't party much. She spent most of her time at the library. One night, a man pulled her into a small alley just below street level. He raped her. Nine monthes later I was born. There is a five year statute of limitations for rape and my mom was so sure they'd catch the guy before the time limit was up. When the five years came and went she started to change. She started drinking more and more. Up until then I'd had a pretty secure, normal life but after that...Well, nothing's ever been normal.

"About a month before I turned 16 my mom came home completely smashed, worse than usual. I-I couldn't take being there. My friend Miranda was having a party that night and I knew she wouldn't mind if I showed up and spent the night so I headed over there. Once, I got there I had a few beers and started to loosen up. I got tired and Miranda said I could sleep in the guest bedroom. There was somebody already passed out on the bed but I was too tired and drunk to care. Sometime in the middle of the night I woke up to Miranda's brother's friend kissing me. I don't really remember a lot but we did have sex. The next day he didn't remember anything. I didn't know what to do. The party was for him, you see. His family was moving to Australia and that was his last day in town. When I found out I was pregnant with I did try to get in contact with him but Miranda's brother had lost touch with him by then.

"I was alone and I was terrified of telling my mother. I knew she would be furious with me so I waited until one night when I knew she wouldn't be drinking. She was mad, although she did take better than I imagined. She never once hit me the whole time I was pregnant but she did get drunk that night and every night until I went into the hospital to have you. I knew that it would be wrong to bring a baby into the hell that had become my life. I contacted an adoption agency a few weeks before you were born and they agreed that adoption was I believe the word they used was 'essential' for you own good. When the doctors took you away to be cleaned up, I called the agency and arranged for them to be there within the hour. I wanted you to be safe as soon as possible. My mom came in shortly after I made the call and I explained to her what I was going to do. She just sat there and listened. She never said one word about it that night or ever after."

Grace sat there with a stunned look on her face. "Wow." Her face was a mask of astonishment and some emtion Olivia couldn't identify. "Wow," she said again. "That is a lot to take in.

"Yeah. It is," Olivia replied softly. The silence was interupted by the shrill ring of the telephone.

"I am really glad you told me all this. I really need to go now. I-I'll-call you later, okay?" she said hurriedly as she gathered her things and headed for the door. "I promise I'll be in touch. Oh, and please don't tell Daddy I was here, okay?" And with that she was gone.

Olivia was startled out of her thoughts by the ring of her cell phone. Elliot she thought. If I don't answer that he's going to be pounding on my door in a few minutes.

"Benson," she answered out of habit.

"Hey. How'd it go?" he asked.

"Good. I think. She just left." Elliot could hear the tension in her voice.

"She just left! It's nearly midnight," he exclaimed.

"Yeah, I know. We had a lot to talk about. I told her, El. I told her everything. Everything about my mom and her." The silence was deafening.

"How did she take it?" he asked slowly.

"I'm not sure. She left pretty quick when I was done." She sounded confused.

"Well, it would be a lot for her take in, to deal with. Do you want me to come over?" He sounded hopeful but Olivia wasn't sure she wanted him there right now. Their relationship was changing and she wasn't sure how deep she wanted those changes to go.

"El, its late. I think I just need to be alone right now. I don't want you wandering the streets this late because of me." He could hear the exhaustion in her voice and decided to let it go.

"Ok. I'll see you at work tomorrow," he said.

"Yeah. Tommorrow. G'night, El," she said, hanging up the phone.

As much as she wanted to sleep, her thoughts kept plaguing her. She wasn't sure where her relationship with her daughter, with Grace, would lead but she knew that she wanted to be a part of her daughter's future. She prayed for the first time in a long time that her daughter wouldn't be scared of her and the past she represented. And she prayed for Elliot. She had his friendship and their relationship as parteners but she wanted and needed more. She needed his love.