Author Note: I am rewriting this story because I am not hapy with it. I have been thinking about it a lot lately and I am going to rewrite it. I am sorry that I have not updated it in forever and a day I'm going to try to do better with that. I hope you like my revised version. It's still going to be along the same lines as the old one was I just need to make it better. Read and Review! Thanks! ~~Kylee~~
Disclaimer: I own nothing...havin fun is all! :)
CHAPTER 1-SECRETS REVEALED
Hermione strolls into the Gryffindor common room to find Ron. She finds him in a corner playing wizard chess with Harry.
"Ronald you should be doing your homework. Harry I'm sorry but I need to borrow Ron," Hermione says to Harry. "Ron please come for a walk with me," Hermione demands of her boyfriend.
Hermione turns and leaves the portrait hole. Ron turns to Harry. "Maybe I'll finally get some from her what you think?" Ron says with a wink to his friend.
"I doubt it Ron. She looks kind of upset," Harry says looking toward the portrait hole where Hermione just left.
"Eh. You do not know what you are talking about mate. She wants me and maybe she'll finally let me do more than just kiss her," Ron says leaving the common room to follow Hermione strutting.
He finds her leaning on the wall outside the portrait hole. When she sees that he is outside with her she turns and the begin wondering aimlessly around the castle.
"So, Hermione," Ron says putting his arm around his girlfriend. "What are we doing on this walk we are taking today?" He says pulling her closer to him. She felt his hard on press into her bottom and felt disgusted.
She pulled away and walked beside him. "Ron, you don't understand. This is not a walk for you to be laid. I'm sorry to break your heart but you will never have sex with me," She says still walking beside him.
"Oh Hermione. You'll come around eventually and we'll eventually have sex," Ron says.
"No Ron. We will not. Because there is no more us after this walk I can't be with you anymore Ron," Hermione says stopping with Ron beside her.
"What? Why?" Ron demands.
"Because Ron. I am a lesbian. And I'm in love with your sister," Hermione says preparing to be hexed.
"What? How long? Does Ginny know?" Ron asks completely calm.
"I don't know how long Ron. However, I cannot fight it anymore. No, she does not know. I am going to tell her this weekend. Please do not say anything. Please let me be the one to tell her that I have feelings for her. If she doesn't return those feelings that's fine I just need to tell her and to get it off of my chest," Hermione says leaning against the castle wall for fear of passing out after revealing her secret.
"Holly shit. I was not expecting all of this. It is okay Hermione. I will come to terms with it I am just somewhat shocked right now. I think more by the fact that you're telling me that you're a lesbian than that you're in love with my sister," Ron says leaning against the wall beside Hermione. "If you ever need anything you know that I'll always be there for you right," Ron says with understanding.
"Yes Ron. I know that. Thank you for being so understanding. It's not what I expected from you. I expected you to flip out on me and to tell me to stay away from Ginny and never talk to her again," Hermione says feeling tears well up in her eyes.
"Why would I do that Herms? It's okay that you like Ginny. I am not sure how she'll feel about it. She's pretty fixed on Harry. Hey whatever. If she does return your feelings just don't hurt her okay," Ron says. "We should get back Harry is probably wanting to finish our game or wizard chess," Ron says leading Hermione back to the common room.
The two walked back into the common room to find Harry had lost interest in the chess game being as Ginny was sitting on his lap facing him kissing him. Hermione stared with want wishing that it was she that Ginny was making out with. Ron looked towards his ex-girlfriend and realized her hurt. He then went over and made his presence known.
"Uh hum. Harry. Do you think that you could refrain from shagging my sister in the common room please," Ron says giving Hermione a friendly glance noticing that she looked sad and lonely.
"I um have to um go do homework," Hermione says leaving the common room to go to the head girls' room.
"I should go see what's bothering her," Ginny says following Hermione.
"Want to finish our game of wizard chess?" Ron asked Harry.
"Sure," Harry says plotting his next move.
Meanwhile upstairs in the girls' dorm Hermione had locked herself inside of the Head Girls room and was making slices in her arms, legs, and stomach with her razor blade that she kept hidden in her bedside drawer.
Ginny knocked on the door. "Just a minute Hermione said. Shoving her blade back in the drawer and wiping the blood off of herself pulling her robe back on. She then grabbed whatever book was nearest her reach and pulled it out and pretended to read it.
"Come in," Hermione says.
Ginny comes into the bedroom and sits down beside Hermione on the bed. "You okay?" Ginny asks concerned.
Hermione folds her body in on itself to keep from being too close to Ginny. "Honestly Gin. I'm not okay. I have been hiding a secret. I was going to wait until the weekend to tell you but I guess I could tell you now," Hermione says.
"Okay," Ginny says looking at her friend waiting for something bad to come out of her mouth.
"Okay but you have to promise that you won't be mad at me and you won't leave and not be friends with me anymore," Hermione says staring at her crossed legs on the bed.
"Hermione, you're my best friend. I'm not going to go anywhere no matter what you tell me," Ginny says.
"Okay. But don't say I didn't warn you," Hermione says putting off telling Ginny part of her secret.
"Hermione please just tell me already," Ginny says.
"Ginny I'm a lesbian," Hermione says quietly.
"Oh." Ginny says not sure how to react.
"Yeah, and uhm, I have been hopelessly in love with you for a long time now. Don't freak out. I promise you that if you don't feel the same way it's okay. I just have to get this out and tell you. I can't take hiding the secret anymore," Hermione says.
"Oh," Ginny says still not sure how to react.
"Would you please say something other than oh!" Hermione yells.
"I'm sorry Hermione. I just, that's not what I was expecting to come out of your mouth, and I was expecting you to tell me that my brother knocked you up or something. Does he know all of this?" Ginny asks.
"Yes he does. I took him for a walk a little bit ago and told him that I couldn't see him anymore. He says he's okay with it all. It doesn't matter Ginny if you don't return my feelings I just can't keep it in anymore. I can't take hiding it any longer," Hermione says pulling her knees to her chest and hugging them.
"Hermione, I'm not sure what I feel. I love Harry. I love you too, but I don't think I love you that way. I'm sorry," Ginny says.
Hermione places her hand on Ginny's arm. "Gin. I told you it's okay. I just had to get it out. There's more too, but I'm just not ready to share that with anyone yet. One day I will okay," Hermione says pulling her hand way from Ginny and hugging her knees again.
"Hermione what do you mean there is more?" Ginny asks.
"I said not right now Ginny. It's not something that you or anyone else is going to approve of and I can't tell you right now. I'll show you something but not right now," Hermione says getting mad.
"Please Hermione, You've been so depressed lately. I don't want to see you that way. I don't like seeing you that way. Please tell me or show me or whatever now," Ginny begs staring at her friend with worried concern.
"Fine. But you can't get mad," Hermione says in a huff.
She stands up and begins unbuttoning her robes.
"Herms what are you doing?" Ginny asks.
"Ginny I can't tell you this, I have to show you. Don't worry I have my under wear and bra on. Please don't be mad," Hermione says dropping her robes to reveal her scars and cuts that are still slowly seeping blood.
Ginny's eyes widen in horror. "Oh my god Hermione! What the bloody hell happened?" Ginny demands loudly.
"I….I'm….a….cutter. It relieves my stress and depression," Hermione says barely above a whisper.
"I…I don't….know….what you want me to say," Ginny says moving closer to her friend to examine the damage on her shoulders and her sides.
"I don't want you to say anything Gin. Just don't hate me. It's an addiction. I don't do it for attention. I do it because it makes me feel better in the moment and gives me control over myself," Hermione says tears falling down her cheeks.
"Hermione they're terrible. I think you should go to the hospital wing and get them healed," Ginny says placing her hands on Hermione's shoulders where she is still bleeding from some of the cuts.
Hermione winces from the pain of Ginny touching her cuts.
"I'd rather let them heal on their own without magic Gin," Hermione says pulling her robe back on.
"Okay, but will you at least let me clean them up and put some peroxide on them?" Ginny asks.
Hermione nods. "We can go to the prefect bathroom and lock the door. There is a first aid kit there too. I'll put my swim suit on," Hermione says.
"Alright. Give me a few minutes and I'll go grab my swim suit too," Ginny says.
Ginny returns a few minutes later with her bath robe and toiletries. They then head downstairs to the common room and out the portrait hole to the prefects bathroom. Hermione gives the portrait the password and asks it to keep their bath completely private. The portrait agrees and lets them inside.
Ginny fills the pool sized bath tub with hot water and bubbles. The two girls climb inside. Ginny sits to one side watching Hermione get in. She can't believe the amount of scars and cuts on the older girls' body. They are everywhere: on her legs, her stomach her back, her arms, and a few on her wrists where it looks like she may have tried to take her life a time or two.
Hermione winces in pain as the water hits her cuts. The pleasure of the pain is unbelievable. She finds herself smiling as she climbs into the tub. Then she remembers Ginny is there and opens her eyes to find the younger girl staring at her with a look of horror on her face.
She then eases herself into the water the rest of the way trying hard not to let the happiness at the pain show on her face.
Ginny moves over close to Hermione and pulls out body wash and a wash cloth from her bag. She lathered up the soap on the wash cloth and began lightly rubbing it on Hermione's shoulders. She then asked, "Hermione could you please stand up so that I can clean the rest of your cuts,"
Hermione obeyed. Ginny gently cleaned all of Hermione's cuts taking care not to split open any recent ones that have scabbed over. "Hermione," Ginny says.
"Yeah Gin?" Hermione asks enjoying the feeling of Ginny cleaning her as much as the sting of the soap on her open wounds.
"You need to get some help. Please? For me. I don't want you to hurt yourself anymore," Ginny says trying to hold back tears that were forming.
Hermione sits back down. "I'll try Ginny. That's all that I can promise is that I'll try. If you'll help me," Hermione says.
"Of course I'll help you Hermione. You're my best friend. I'll always be here for you," Ginny says pulling the plug in the tub and exiting to grab the peroxide from the first aid kit. Hermione follows her. She then turns to allow Ginny to dab the peroxide on her open wounds. They sting, and Hermione sucks in a breath that she didn't know she had been holding through clenched teeth.
After words they both got dressed and sat on the floor in the bathroom. "How long?" Ginny wants to know.
"Since third year. I was so stressed with having so many classes. I had heard of people in the muggle world cutting to relieve stress so I tried it. At first I was scared because I bled so much. But then I just wanted to cut more and more. The first cut was this one," Hermione says pointing to a three inch scar on her arm above her elbow.
"I used to just cut on my arms but then it seemed like I just wasn't bleeding enough from them so I tried my legs. That worked for a while and then it wasn't as satisfying so I moved to my shoulders. I would stand in front of a mirror and look back while I was cutting so I could watch the blood run down my back. Then I would get in the tub and clean them much like you did tonight because the burn of the water hitting them then the sting of the soap is just so amazing. I can't explain it but it just feels good," Hermione says folding her hands together in her lap.
"Wow, Hermione. Will you please go get help though? Please?" Ginny begs.
"Ginny. I told you that I'll try. I don't think I can stop on my own. And it's not going to be something I'm going to stop over night, but I will try okay. That's all I can promise is that I'll try," Hermione says.
"Okay. Can we go to Madame Pompfrey and Dumbledore now please?" Ginny says not believing that Hermione will seek help.
"You don't believe me that I'll go get help do you?" Hermione asks.
"I'm sorry Hermione but no I don't. I'll come with you," Ginny says.
"You're very wise Ginny. If you don't make me go I won't go. And yes I will go if you'll come with me," Hermione says pulling herself up off the floor holding her hand out to help her friend up.
Ginny takes her hand and drags herself off the floor. They then go to the hospital wing to Madame Pompfrey and request that Dumbledore be summoned before they tell her what is wrong.