The Art of Getting Even
By Dinuriel
Disclaimer: Yeah, I own it. I live in a huge mansion in Hawaii. Josh Holloway, Evangeline Lilly, and all the other cast members come to my cocktail parties. I am a multi-millionaire. OR I don't own it. I live in a regular-sized house in Alberta. My buddies come over to my house one at a time to play video games. I have thirty-seven cents in my jacket pocket and two fives in my wallet. Any guesses?
Summary: Post-island. So maybe no normal person would ever buy an old acquaintance out of jail just to get revenge on some conman… but since when has Sawyer been a normal person?
A/N: Wow, I'm already way more popular on FanFiction than I am on FictionPress. Four reviews on the first day, five for the first chapter… it took me a week to get my first FictionPress one, and that was from a friend. They really hate me over there for some unexplained reason (although I guess it evens out, because here everyone hates my friend and she's really loved on FictionPress, although for some reason her worse story has more reviews than her better one- sorry Doritos, just telling the truth, Fire Eye kicks Immortal ass any day!). Anyway, I want to thank all those who reviewed:
sillyya: Yeppers, I got you covered. Here is your update.
steam rolled harry potter: I'm flattered that you're so enthusiastic. Also, I really like your name (for those of you who didn't know, it's from the episode Deus Ex Machina, Hurley referring to Sawyer's new glasses).
Cine: Thanks. I'm grateful that you stuck with it despite the fact you didn't have faith in the description (I'll be the first to admit I'm no good at summaries and descriptions). You'll find out where the money came from in this chapter- although both your guesses were good.
domaholic17: Wow- we're both speechless. I hope this update doesn't disappoint you.
KateLilly: I'm glad you think it's funny- and the weird thing is, I never even intended it to be funny. Weird how things work out sometimes, eh?
Chapter Two: The Ford Family Fortune
Sawyer grinned at Kate's expression when she saw him.
"Oh my God!" she exclaimed, "You actually own a suit?"
"You learn somethin' new every day, Freckles," he replied, pulling her into a quick, but firm hug, "In your case, you're gonna learn a few new things today."
"Uhuh, yeah, that's nice, now would you let go of me?"
Sighing, he backed off and collapsed into his seat at the head of the dining room table.
"Take a seat, Sassafras."
She slumped into the seat across from him, biting her lip.
"Where'd you get all the money?" she asked, "You conned a bunch of people, didn't you? Robbed a bank? Listen, Sawyer, I know this isn't your money! You're nothing but a criminal!"
"Think about where you just came from!" he snapped back, "Anyway, gettin' you outta there wasn't cheap, so you better be grateful!"
Kate frowned. "How much did I cost, Sawyer?"
He shot her a quick glance. "Let's just say the Pittsburgh Penguins won't be movin' to Knoxville any time soon."
She raised an eyebrow. "You're buying a hockey team?"
"Not anymore," he answered bitterly, "So, you wanna know where the money came from? I'll tell you."
Feeling some anger well up inside of him, Sawyer turned around and called for his devoted assistant and resident computer genius of the entire time since the island.
"Sayid!"
-
Kate could hardly believe her eyes when the Iraqi made his entrance.
"Sayid!" she exclaimed, running up and hugging him.
"Good to see you too, Kate," Sayid greeted, returning the embrace.
Sawyer frowned. "Oh, so you're happy to see him. Lemme tell you somethin', Freckles, this guy didn't fork over a penny to the 'Get Kate out of Jail Fund'."
"Well, you wouldn't have had the money if it weren't for me," retorted Sayid, "Allow me to explain Sawyer's wealth. To start, all of us received five thousand dollars compensation from Oceanic Airlines after our rescue. You did too, Kate- they sent it directly to your bank account."
"But five grand wouldn't have got you out of jail," added Sawyer, "Not to mention, cover the house, the car, and everything else I got around here. Nope. But you remember that confidence man I told you about way back when?"
"The guy who ripped off your parents?" Kate replied, "Yeah. Sawyer."
Sayid nodded. "Well, I went to Los Angeles to find my lost love, Nadia- and to discover that she was already married with three children. However, after what happened with Shannon, I was happy for her."
"Yeah, real happy," Sawyer muttered, "So happy you threw a rock through her kitchen window. Tell me, Mohammed; do they do that in Iraq?"
Kate shook her head. "Sawyer, shut up."
"Thank you," acknowledged Sayid, "Having nothing else to do, I went to Tennessee with Sawyer, who needed someone to help him track down the Ford family fortune."
"Family fortune?" she repeated.
"All the money that the bastard took," Sawyer explained, "Me and Sayid, we tracked down every cent he spent through all those years, and, by some means, we got it all back- at least, all of it that wasn't still in his possession. Too bad the man's a saver."
Kate raised an eyebrow. "So this isn't all the money?"
Sawyer shook his head. "Hell, no. Freckles, my old man was one of the wealthiest oil dukes in the States before Sawyer came along. Add the inflation, and I'm a rich man, baby! Unfortunately, the thief's blown barely a quarter of the money."
"So this is only a fourth of what you're supposed to have?" Kate demanded in disbelief.
"A bit more, seein' as old Hurley got me into the stock market," admitted Sawyer, "but I still don't have my rightful inheritance, so you're gonna help me get it, okay?"
"What!"
"Mr. Ford?"
A well-dressed, balding, uppity-looking butler had entered the room.
"Your dinner has arrived. I took the liberty of ordering your preferred meal, sir."
Sawyer nodded. "Thank you, Timmons. Send 'em in."
Timmons bowed dutifully, then left in a stiff fashion.
Kate wondered what to expect. Roast beef? Duck? Goose? Maybe even pheasant? Of course, it would be wheeled in on carts by chefs in spotless white coats, and probably hidden under those fancy dome-shaped silver lids (A/N: Hey, my genius brother with the PhD doesn't know what those are called. If anyone here knows, please tell me!).
The butler then returned, escorting a guy in a red button-up shirt who was carrying a large bucket bearing the face of a certain Colonel Sanders.
"Kentucky Fried Chicken!" she hissed.
"What, it's 'finger-lickin' good'!" insisted Sawyer.
"Uh, actually, they changed it," interrupted the delivery guy, "We're now 'Chicken Capital USA'."
Sawyer raised an eyebrow. "Really? Now that's just lame! Tell you what, son- take this hundred dollar tip and tell your boss to mention to the franchise owners that James Ford will pay 'em five million to change it back, okay?"
The young man smiled. "Hear you loud and clear, Mr. Ford!"
He then gave Sawyer the bucket of chicken in exchange for the twenty and the hundred.
"Keep the change."
"Thank you, sir."
Kate smiled and shook her head as the delivery boy left, a hundred dollars richer. "It must be nice to have so much money you can just throw it away like that and not even care."
"Yeah, it's pretty wonderful," agreed Sawyer, "but I still want the rest of my money."
She sighed. "What's your plan, Sawyer?"
Sayid handed her a plane ticket and a renewed passport. "We went through the trouble of getting this for you."
Nodding, Kate looked at the ID and frowned. "Why does it say Katherine Ford?"
"We'll correct it after we get the money back," Sawyer assured her, "You see, here's the plan. Sayid tracked down the guy usin' the computer, and found out he'd settled down in his mansion in Sydney, but he'll still go after a pretty rich lady if she got enough money. So you'll go down their, and casually run into him at the local bar- he'll be there, he's a regular fixture."
"I can do that," she agreed reluctantly, "but the name-?"
Sawyer removed from his pocket two rings, one a solid gold band and one set with a large, flawless diamond. "You'll be posing as my wife."
"No!" she exclaimed.
He smiled. "Freckles, I bought you outta jail."
"You're never going to let me forget it, are you?" she hissed.
"Not a chance, Honeycake."
Reluctantly, she slid both rings onto her finger. She had to admit, the diamond ring was the most beautiful engagement ring she'd ever seen.
"I don't have to actually…" she began apprehensively.
Sawyer was one step ahead of her. "That's disgusting, no way. While you're in my care, the only man I'll let you do that with is me, okay? You just flirt with him, tease him, play hard-to-get, and lead him back here to me. Don't you worry about a thing, Chiquita- he's not your man, I am."
"I don't know whether to thank you or hit you."
"Why don't you hit on me?"
She rolled her eyes. "Thank you."
"You're welcome."
"I don't mean to interrupt," interjected Sayid, "but I think this chicken is getting cold."
"Oh. Right."
And so it was that three reunited survivors of the wreck of the Oceanic flight 815 were sitting in the dining room of the mansion of a Mr. James Ford, finishing off a twelve-piece bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken.
-
"So, the guest suite is right down the hallway, last room on your left," Sawyer informed Kate as they arrived on the second floor landing, "Sayid's next door, and I'm right above you, so if you need anything, pound on either the wall or the ceiling- but preferably the wall, unless you want-"
"Don't finish that sentence!" she interrupted.
Sawyer sighed. Kate was mean right out of jail.
"Why can't I just stay at a hotel?" his guest continued.
"Think about it, Freckles," he answered, "How many hotels would let a lady fresh outta the slammer spend a night or two?"
"Well, if I stay in your guest suite, I'll feel like your guest," explained Kate, "Anywhere else I can sleep?"
Wanting to annoy her, Sawyer smiled. "My room."
She then stormed right down the hallway and into the last room on her left.
A/N: Yep, Sawyer's a perv… but that's why we all love him (well, that and his sexy hair and accent). Hopefully the KFC thing wasn't too much for you… but I just hate that new slogan. Anyway, please continue to review, and I hope you stick with this story.