The Art of Getting Even
By Dinuriel
Disclaimer: If I owned it, you wouldn't be reading this fic today. Also, I do not own the song "Baby Got Back", that is owned by Sir Mix-A-Lot.
Summary: Post-island. So maybe no normal person would ever buy an old acquaintance out of jail just to get revenge on some conman… but since when has Sawyer been a normal person?
A/N: Wow, I love this website! Everyone here is so nice and actually reads and reviews my stuff :) ! I love you people!
Cait: I'm glad you like it so much. Don't worry, Sawyer will definitely hit on Kate a lot more in later chapters… and she will actually start to respond in a positive way. You also read my mind for the general idea beginning of this chapter.
Dee Lee: Yeah, I've always had a thing for randomness. I know for sure that Sun and Jack will make appearances, and most likely Hurley, Jin, Charlie, and Claire. I'll definitely try to get everyone else in somehow, but I can't promise anything.
KateLilly: Hey, that's two reviews from you! Thanks for staying with me through both chapters. Yeah, I knew I had to get Sayid in somehow- apart from Sawyer and Kate, he's probably my favorite character.
sillyya: Another with two reviews! Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked the chicken thing. I always figured Sawyer was one of those people who ate a ton of junk and never gained any weight, I don't know why. Yeah, those lid things… I'm not sure if they even have a name, nobody knows.
nefftys: Thanks for reading and reviewing. And yes, the fic will go on.
Jen: Yeah, as a guy who likes pop-culture reference, I think he'd be fairly sensitive about companies changing their slogans. I'm having fun with him having so much money, the possibilities are endless.
Japanimeniac: Yeah, he's not quite as bad as you- you are still the ultimate perv, and I know you're very proud of that. And you're right, it does all even out. And don't worry, a lot of people hate me personally. But thank you for not hating the fic.
Sorry if this fic doesn't get updated as frequently from this point forward- I'm usually not this quick of a writer. Also, weekends are my busiest times, so, surprisingly, expect more from me on weekdays. Anyway, here's the third chapter- unfortunately, not much to do with the plot, but some fluff for all of you. Enjoy!
Chapter Three: Never Been In Love
"Morning."
Sawyer pushed his new, symmetrical reading glasses onto his forehead and looked up to see Kate standing in front of him, wearing a pair of flannel pajamas.
"Damn, you found the PJ's," he sighed.
Kate smiled playfully. "You really think I would've worn the lingerie you left me?"
"I was hopin' so."
She laughed, then sat down across from him.
"I'm sorry if I was kind of rude yesterday," she apologized, "I am thankful, really. I was just…"
"It's okay," he insisted.
The two of them sat in silence for a moment, occasionally one of them sending a glance the other's way.
Finally, Kate spoke. "Those glasses look good on you."
Sawyer laughed quickly and quietly. "Yeah. A lot better than the ones old Jacko prescribed, huh?"
"They didn't look too bad," she assured him.
"Let's face it," he concluded, rolling his eyes and smiling, "they did."
"Can you see Jack in them?" asked Kate suddenly.
The two of them then burst out laughing.
"You see, this is fun," she ventured after a while, "Remember back on the island, when we'd go off on our own and make fun of Jack?"
Grinning, Sawyer shook his head. "And if I remember correctly, you and Jack would sometimes go off on your own and make fun of me."
Kate glanced down at the table. "Well, you're easy to make fun of."
"How so?" he inquired.
"Well, for starters, you speak with an accent," she explained, "not to mention, you've been carrying that letter around for so long-"
"Wait a minute!" exclaimed Sawyer, "You told the Doc about the letter!"
"…and boars are aggravated by your cologne," Kate finished quickly.
Sawyer opened his mouth to tell her that he didn't wear cologne, but was interrupted by the soft sound of approaching footsteps.
"Dear Mr. Sawyer," came Sayid's voice, "You don't know who I am, but I know who you are, and I know what you done. You had-"
"WHERE THE HELL DID YOU FIND THAT!"
Sayid, who had just entered, frowned. "It was on your dresser. I was curious as to what it was."
"Why were you in my bedroom?" demanded Sawyer.
"I have a date tonight," Sayid explained, "I wanted to borrow some of you cologne."
Sawyer scowled. "I don't wear cologne!"
"Yes you do," argued Kate and Sayid in unison.
"Yeah, well… whatever. Let's hear about this girl- she cute?"
"That's what I am hoping," replied Sayid, "You see, Charlie set me up- a girl Claire used to work with. She recently moved to America, so naturally, Charlie gave me her number."
Kate frowned. "So you're still in touch with all the others?"
Sawyer nodded. "Most of 'em. Hurley's around, moved out here after a whole neighborhood in Los Angeles blew up- thought he was the cause of it. Jin and Sun stayed in the States, sometimes seems like they live over here, they visit so much. Charlie and Claire are in Sydney- the two of them got another one cookin', if I heard right."
"Michael and Walt are in New York," added Sayid, "I think Libby moved there too. Of course, Locke and Eko stayed on the island, as you recall. We've lost track of Jack and Ana Lucia."
"Probably living together," snarled Kate in a tone Sawyer could only describe as bitter.
"Hey, lighten up, Sweetcheeks," he chided, "Whatcha gettin' all worked up over? So your old boyfriend's got a new girlfriend, big deal."
She shrugged.
He smiled. "I'll tell you what, Freckles- for what it's worth, you're a lot hotter than her…"
"Thanks," she replied, now smiling slightly.
"…and I'm a lot hotter than him."
Kate opened her mouth to reply, but was interrupted by the telephone, ringtonemimicking thetune of "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-A-Lot.
Sighing, Sayid picked up the phone. "Ford residence. Yes… yes… okay, good, thank you. I'll tell him. Goodbye."
"Who was it?" asked Sawyer, folding up the paper and setting it near the center of the table for either of the other two to grab.
"Your travel agent," answered the Iraqi, "She called to inform you that despite your deportation from Australia, the airline accepted your credit card for Kate and Sun's tickets."
Kate looked up. "Sun's coming with me?"
"Yeah, I figured you'd want some company, and you two are friends, right?"
"Yeah," she replied, "Thanks."
"Not a problem, Sassafras."
Sayid yawned. "What I'd really like to know is why you couldn't have just had Sun pretend to be your wife and go to Australia, flirt with this guy and bring him back here."
"She's married, you idiot," Sawyer informed him, putting his hand to his face in exasperation, "Do you honestly think Jin would let her do that? 'Sides, gave us an excuse to get Freckles outta the pen."
Shrugging, Sayid got up. "Well, I have to go buy a suit for my date- we are meeting at an upscale place, and unfortunately, I can't steal one of yours because you are at least three inches taller than me, and I am not entirely sure as to whether or not you wear underwear."
Sawyer stood. "Excuse me, Allah," he began, quite offended, "I'm four inches taller than you."
"If you say so."
As soon as Sayid had left, Kate shook her head. "You do wear underwear, don't you?"
"Yeah," he assured her, "Most of the time."
"Oh."
This was followed by an awkward silence, until she ventured, "Just for my own peace of mind, you're wearing some now, right?"
Here came another period of awkward silence.
"I'll be right back," promised Sawyer, quickly rushing out of the kitchen.
-
Later that afternoon, Kate found herself lounging by the pool in Sawyer's backyard wearing the only women's swimsuit she could find- a skimpy black bikini. However, it fit just fine, and hadn't been used much- plus, it didn't cover a lot. After spending a few years in prison, some people find it necessary to do a bit of tanning, and as it turns out, Kate Austen was one of them.
"Well, well, well," came Sawyer's voice from the door, "Lookin' good, Freckles."
She slowly pulled a towel over herself. "Sawyer."
He pulled off his shirt and made himself comfortable on the chaise lounge beside her. "Need some company?"
"Clearly your generosity knows no bounds," she chided, "Where were you?"
"Travel agency with Jin," he answered, "Finalizing your travel plans."
Kate nodded. "So what's happening with those?"
Sawyer casually rolled onto his side to face her. "Well, you and Sun are goin' to Sydney for two weeks- I figure that should be plenty of time to get that old son of a bitch to mark 'ya. Then you'll come back here for a few days, I'll get my money, and we head down to California, right?"
"California?" she repeated, frowning.
He shrugged. "You said you never been to Disneyland- so I'm takin' 'ya."
Smiling, Kate found herself looking back on that night, that night during which she had agreed to play a campfire game of 'I Never' with Sawyer in exchange for some alcohol. Surprisingly, she could remember a lot of the personal information they'd exchanged.
For starters, they'd both killed a man.
Neither had ever voted Democrat- in fact, Kate had never voted.
Kate had never worn pink. Sawyer had. Sawyer had never been married. Kate had. Kate had never had a one-night stand. Sawyer had- plenty of them.
Kate had never been to Disneyland.
Sawyer had never been in love.
"Hey, Sawyer," she began, "If we played that game all over again… would any of your answers be any different?"
Biting his lip, he glanced down at the ground briefly, then back at her. "I… don't know."
She nodded, getting up and accidentally brushing her hand against his.
He looked up at her. "Maybe."
A/N: So that was the fluffy chapter (but still no hints of lemony freshness, sorry). Next chapter, Kate and Sun go down under, Sawyer can't stop calling, and we find out how Sayid's date went :P . Anyway, keep leaving the nice reviews! Hope to have the next chapter posted soon!