The Art of Getting Even

By Dinuriel

Disclaimer: Nope, still haven't saved enough money to buy Lost. Oh, and just from a few chapters back, I don't own KFC (forgot to put that). I also don't own American Idol, the song 'I'm Too Sexy', or an mp3 player that holds more than thirty songs (sad, I know). But I DO own Ferdinand the albino lobster.

Summary: Post-island. So maybe no normal person would ever buy an old acquaintance out of jail just to get revenge on some conman… but since when has Sawyer been a normal person?

A/N: Wow, I am getting tons of reviews here! Right now, the review per chapter average is higher than five, which is what I usually aim for (and miss by a lot). Thank you to all of you:

Jen: I'm glad you like it so much so far- you keep leaving such nice reviews:) Here's some more for you.

lina: Wow, really? I'm flattered that you think so highly of my writing style. I hope the story keeps holding your interest.

CowboyswithDimples: I can't tell you how thankful I am for all your reviews. Yes, he's pretty sexy, hey? I'll try to get as much posted as my busy schedule permits.

Emilia: Best fic you've ever read? Wow! Thanks! Glad you like it so far!

GirlofthePirates:Happy to hear you liked it. Yep, I read the fic- very nice. Anyone else have any fics they want me to read?

Stardust4981: Yep, Sawyer's wealth was inevitable from a few episodes into the series. He's just too hot to be poor forever. Boone too, but he's dead now :'(. Glad you like the characters so far.

domaholic17: Here's the update. This one's not as cute, sorry.

skater23: Yeah, sorry. I've been on vacation, so I haven't had much of a chance to get this done, sorry. Hopefully this one's up to your standards though.

And as a thank you to you all, here is chapter five! Sorry it wasn't up sooner, I was in the Dominican Republic for two weeks (I said it on my profile, but no one looks at that, so you can be mad at me if you want). If it's any consolation, I got really burnt and not tanned at all. Bad karma. Anyway, just as a warning, this chapter isn't really too important to the plot, just introducing a sort of subplot that I need my reader's advice on… and of course, the albino lobster.

Chapter Five: More Family

She read it again. And again. And again. Her book lay untouched beside her- all she could look at was the letter.

The last line, she read over even more carefully.

Hell, Freckles- I love you.

She thought back to their game of "I Never".

I never been in love.

You've never been in love?

I ain't drinking, am I?

"Sawyer…" she sighed.

"Right beside ya, Freckles."

She turned to see him in the seat next to her where Sun had been just moments before.

"What are you doing here?" she asked in awe.

He smiled. "Told ya we had a connection."

She laughed as he drew closer… closer… closer…

"Kate?"

She woke up to see Sun sitting next to her, talking on her cell phone.

"Yes, dear, tell little Kyung-Soon I love her and that Mommy will be back shortly," she told the person on the other end- Jin, obviously, "I love you too, Jin."

"Is Sawyer there?" yawned Kate.

Sun shrugged. "Oh, wait. Is Sawyer with you?" she asked her husband, "Yes, Kate wants to talk to him. Oh, good! Love you, bye!"

"Here," she offered, handing the phone to Kate.

Smiling, she took it. "Sawyer?"

"Hey, Freckles. How's the flight so far?"

"I think I've been sleeping through most of it," she admitted, "Where are you?"

"On my private jet, heading out to the beach resort that me and Hurley made."

"WHAT!"

She could just see him smiling right now, dimples and all. "Yep, he bought half the island as soon as we got off, and after I got my money back, we pooled it and made a resort. It's the greatest little place, you gotta come sometime."

"So you're sending me to Australia to pretend to be your wife and get your money back from some old guy, while you're sipping on a strawberry daiquiri by the pool?"

"You know me, Freckles- it'd just be a plain, run-of-the-mill beer."

Kate frowned. "Who's with you?"

"Oh, a whole crowd," answered Sawyer, "Sayid, Jin, Hurley, Michael, and then Walt and little Kyung-Soon, but the kids are asleep right now. But don't you worry, Sassafras- we got you covered. We're only going to the resort because the computer lab there is one of the best on the planet… well, and the kids'll be preoccupied by all the pools and oceans and stuff. Charlie, Claire, and their two, Aaron and Amy, are meetin' us there, same with Libby."

"You'll find some way to get everyone involved, won't you?" she asked, rolling her eyes.

"Well, Freckles- there's a lot of people who owe me favors."

She grinned. "Of course."

"I gotta go, baby- call me when you get to the hotel, okay?"

"I will," promised Kate.

"The information on this guy is in your backpack. He should introduce himself as Anthony Sawyer."

"Anthony Sawyer," she repeated, "Got it."

"Bye Freckles."

"Bye Sawyer."

"No, wait a sec, sweetheart, don't hang up on-"

-

"-me," finished Sawyer to himself after Kate hung up, "Son of a-"

"Not in front of the kids, man," sighed Hurley, gesturing to the sleeping youngsters, Walt Lloyd and Kyung-Soon Kwong.

"It's not like they're awake!" Sawyer insisted.

Walt's father, Michael Dawson, stood up. "I'm bored. Is there an in-flight movie starting any time soon?"

Sawyer scowled. "I could've let you swim, you know."

"Yeah- just like you can pick the lock on a Halliburton."

"Shut up."

Jin then pointed to a machine in the corner of the cabin. "Karaoke!" he exclaimed happily.

"Oh, no," muttered Sawyer, "No, Jin- no."

"Why won't you just let him do the karaoke?" asked Sayid, looking up from his laptop.

"Don't you remember Sun's birthday party?"

Sayid fell silent. "Oh."

Michael raised an eyebrow. "I wasn't there. What happened?"

"Well, let's just say Jin won't get too far on American Idol with his version of 'I'm Too Sexy'," answered Sawyer, shaking his head at the thought of the frightening memory.

The other man blinked several times. "Jin? Singing?"

Jin frowned. "Hey, me good singer!"

Yawning, three-year-old Kyung-Soon sat up. "Daddy… no sing. No sing!"

Sawyer shook his head as Jin picked up his daughter and attempted to rock her back to sleep, but then noticed-

"Hurley, what the hell are you doing!"

Hurley was at the stove, standing in front of a large pot of boiling water, and over it he was dangling…

"Ferdinand!"

Instinctively, Sawyer rushed at the larger man, tackling him to the ground (with some difficulty), therefore rescuing the rare, expensive, and very confused albino lobster.

"Why can't I get it clear to you?" he yelled, "Stop trying to eat my pet!"

"But he looks so delicious!" moaned Hurley.

"He's family!" insisted Sawyer, "Even ask Sayid."

"Heh, what?" asked Sayid, "Oh, Ferdinand? He almost took my finger off. Several times, actually. But always the same finger. It's as if he has a mission."

Sawyer turned back to Hurley. "See? Family!"

Hurley shrugged. "Whatever dude. Can I eat him when your plan to get more family succeeds?"

"No!"

"Wait, hold on a second!" exclaimed Michael, "You're planning on getting a family?"

Sawyer glanced down at the ground. "Well, uh… maybe?"

Michael nodded. "If you want, man, you can adopt Walt."

"I don't think adoption is what Sawyer has in mind," corrected Sayid, a smile growing on his face.

"What are you talking about?" demanded Sawyer, "Of course I'm talkin' about adoption!"

Michael made eye contact with Sayid. "What's he really planning?"

"Dude," muttered Hurley, "He's gonna propose to Kate."

A/N: Nope, this proposal is not going to happen immediately, not until near the end, actually. But I introduced it now because I can't think of a good way for him to propose and want to see what you think. Again, I'm sorry this chapter took so long to get up. But like I said, I'm a slow writer. Thanks for bearing with me. Keep the reviews coming.