The Art of Getting Even

By Dinuriel

Disclaimer: Nothing's changed since last time, I don't own Lost.

Summary: Post-island. So maybe no normal person would ever buy an old acquaintance out of jail just to get revenge on some conman… but since when has Sawyer been a normal person?

A/N: Oh my God, I'm sorry this took soooooooooooo long to update! Anyway, I'd like to thank all of you for continuing to review-

CowboyswithDimples: I'm sorry this took so insanely long. Forgive me, I beg of you (that goes for everyone else too)! But I'm glad you liked chapter 5.

GirlofthePirates: Yep, I just had to fit in an albino lobster. I figured Sawyer had the funny pet owner personality.

Iselin: Thanks for the review and e-mail. Yes, skate is so much better than jate, hey? I mean, no offense to all you jate fans, but Jack and Kate just have zero chemistry…

domaholic17: That's encouraging that I'm not the only one with an updating problem. Thanks for your understanding.

Jen:Glad you liked that part. I liked that part too and I don't usually like my own writing. I'm really worried about the proposal, but I'll think of something.

skater23: Don't worry, I was way harsher on me than you were. I'm not sure when he'll propose, but it'll probably be in a few chapters (my fanfics are usually short).

bloody rock god: Hahaha, no, you don't sound crazy. Glad you like the story so much, and thanks for all the PM's.

nikodem: Yeah, we all need more than just serious stuff. Sorry, the lobster isn't really in this chapter, but he will be making more appearances.

Charley: Here's the update- sorry it took so long. He doesn't propose right away, but it's coming.

And a special thanks to bloody rock god and Iselin for the added inspiration.

Once again, sorry this wasn't up sooner. Aside from this damn writer's block, I've been really stressed lately, if it's possible to be OD'd on school and crap. My prof gave me a god-awful mark on my composition final because "I didn't stay on the given topic", and one of my friends got a perfect score with about a billion spelling and grammatical errors, which she said would count for a lot! I think she hates me just because I'm not some bookish, sanctimonious student council type who always has their shirt tucked in. How much can you write about why it is important to understand other people without making it a boring essay? If you ask me, stories should never have underlying meanings. But noooo, whoever did more post-secondary gets the final word. Grrrrr… Well, sorry for the rant, and here you go! Oh, and this story is now an AU, since Libby and possibly Ana-Lucia will be making appearances.

Chapter Six: Generally Pathetic and Unlucky in Love

"Dude, this resort rules," Hurley told the others as soon as they arrived at the resort, "Even after all that time on the island, this beats every place me and Sawyer ever built- except maybe that chain of strip bars along the Pacific Coast."

Sawyer nodded in agreement. "Gotta love them bars. Most fun you can have in public, I gotta say."

Jin gestured to Walt and Kyung-Soon. "No in front children!"

"Hey, I'm fourteen!" Walt exclaimed angrily.

"Yeah, yeah," muttered Sawyer, rolling his eyes.

"Hurley! Everyone! Over here!"

Seated at a nearby patio table were Charlie, Claire, and their two little ones, four-year-old Aaron and two-year-old Amy. There was a noticeable bulge under Claire's tank top.

Sawyer smirked. "Looks like someone forgot the pill."

"Oh, knock it off, Sawyer!" laughed Claire, "Charlie and I want a big family, and we're not even halfway there yet!"

Charlie nodded in agreement. "We need a guitarist, a bassist, a drummer, a keyboard player, a lead singer, and two or three backup singers! That's, uh…"

Math had never been Charlie's strong point.

"Seven or eight kids?" Sayid finished for him.

"Exactly."

Claire smiled as Charlie gently brushed his lips against her cheek. "Libby's booting up the computers for you," she told the newcomers after she playfully brushed off her husband, "Sawyer, Sayid, she said she'd meet you in the storage room when she's done."

Sayid raised an eyebrow. "The storage room?"

"Well, she is a shrink," mused Sawyer, "Most of 'em are a few cents short of a dollar themselves. 'Sides, I need your help with something anyway."

The two of them made their way into the storage room, Sawyer closing the door behind him.

"Sayid, you're generally pathetic and unlucky in love, right?" he inquired.

"If that's the way you want to put it," snarled the Iraqi in reply, a scowl forming on his face.

"But you proposed to a lotta women?"

He knew for a fact that Sayid had. Sayid's first date success rate was about fifty percent, so he considered every second date a sign and proposed right then and there. He never got third dates.

"Yes," replied Sayid, "but none of them ever said yes, except for…"

"That stalker chick?"

"…Yeah…"

Sawyer shrugged. "Anyway, you gotta help me."

"So you don't look like a complete fool when you propose to Kate?"

"Exactly."

He pulled the ring from his pocket and handed it to Sayid, who examined it carefully. "It's much better than the ones I buy."

Sawyer grinned. "Well, that's the difference between you and me, Chico- I got money."

Sayid frowned. "I'm flattered. Now, pretend I'm Kate. Propose to me."

Feeling somewhat self-conscious, Sawyer got down on one knee. "Freckles, we been through a lot together. We been stranded on an island, captured by weirdoes, and now we're in the revenge business together. I love your beautiful, thick curls, your beautiful smile, and hell, your breasts are so-"

"Stop!" exclaimed Sayid, "Never mention a woman's breasts while proposing."

"You done that?" asked Sawyer.

Sayid sighed. "Twice. Anyway, continue."

"-and hell, your personality is so spectacular. A moment with you is a million times better than a thousand years with anyone else. Freckles, will ya marry me?"

Shaking his head, Sayid exhaled deeply. "No."

"Good, I wasn't asking you."

"No!" Sayid repeated, "You idiot! You have to use her name, if not 'my darling'."

"What's wrong with Freckles?"

"Everything. And you may want to make your speech more poetic. And watch your grammar."

"Okay."

Sawyer took a deep breath as he kneeled once more. "My darling, we have been through the sun and the rain together. We have been stranded on an island of enigmas, captured by servants of the shadow, and now we are embarking on an epic avengement. You are my world. Your thick, beautiful curls are my ocean, your eyes are my sun. When you smile, I smile, and as your heart beats, so does mine. A moment with you is an eternity with any other. My angel, you are my world; will you let me be yours? Will you marry me?"

With a tough and manly gesture, Sayid brushed away what appeared to be a drop of sweat from his eye. "Yes."

Meanwhile, Libby was standing in the storage room doorway, her mouth wide open, quite astounded by what she had just witnessed.

-

"Come on, Sawyer, pick up," Kate muttered into the cell phone. She was at the bar alone- Sun didn't drink.

"Ford-Reyes of the Pacific, how may I help you?"

It wasn't Sawyer, but Kate did know that voice.

"Libby?"

"Kate!" exclaimed Libby on the other end, "It's so great to hear from you! How's Australia?"

Kate smiled. "Not too exciting yet- haven't looked over Anthony Sawyer's info yet. How've you been?"

"Great. I'm rekindling my relationship with Hurley."

"Oh, that's wonderful! Listen, Libby, do you think I could talk to Sawyer?"

Libby paused. "Do you and him have something going on?"

Rolling her eyes, Kate laughed. "I don't know- maybe."

"Well, in that case, I hate to be the one who breaks it to you."

"Hmm?"

Kate frowned. This didn't sound good.

"Well, I was going to meet Sawyer and Sayid in the storage room, right?"

"Why the storage room?"

"Why not?" asked Libby, "Anyway, I came in, and I heard them talking-"

"Talking about what?" Kate demanded, "What's going on?"

"Well, Sawyer and Sayid-"

"Yes-?"

"Kate, they're gay."

A/N: Sorry if this chapter was a little short- still in recovery. Anyway, continue to leave reviews, and I'll try to get the next one up, but keep in mind that I won't be able to update during the first few weeks of summer, I'll be busy. Thanks for bearing with me!

P.S. YAY, CAROLINA WON THE STANLEY CUP! …Sorry, I'm a Flames fan, so it's practically against my religion to cheer for Edmonton. Plus, my whole family is comprised of Oilers fans, and I really didn't want to go through Thanksgiving after an Edmonton victory, so I'm more relieved than happy.