Title: Ignore
Disclaimer: Not mine.
A/N: This is set pre-series. It's vague on purpose. It doesn't matter why he's been punched you know, it's what it makes him think about. Also, no beta so please point out any mistakes you see. I won't be able to change them here but I can over at livejournal. I can be reached at 913. if you feel the need.
Summary: The only thing he says because he doesn't have time for anything else. Just a quick word and then he's on the ground tasting copper red.
Word count on livejournal: 547
Ignore
The first thing he says is 'what'. Which, actually, is the only thing he says because he doesn't have time for anything else. Just a quick word and then he's on the ground tasting copper red pain that rolls over his tongue and spills out of his mouth. Luckily the only constant in his life is the knowledge of how to roll with a punch, how to swallow pain, how to grin and bear it.
So yeah. The first thing that happens is he gets punched in the face an it's hard enough to knock on his ass. First blood goes to the baby of the family but he will win this war. He's determination made flesh, more stubborn than his father and brother combined when need be and right now he needs to be and he will so he does.
He can remember when the other was a small wiggly thing that he stood over while their dad read and trained and told stories that were actually cleverly hidden how-to-kill-this-thing lessons. He can even remember when their mother would hold him high in the air and he would feel so tall and how she promised him he'd grow up taller, and so strong and so beautiful and that she'd always be there. That she'd never leave him. Not for anything. Three out of four isn't bad. Right?
He can remember sanity and glory and family and stories that weren't lessons for his future. Blonde hair and bright smiles. He can remember warmth and the way she smelled. He can remember everything because their dad won't let him forget and Sammy has no memories of her at all.
The reason why he's so good at this is because he has to be. Sammy won't. He refuses. He screams and yells and kicks and fights until in the end Sam gets his way and Dean is left in the kitchen picking up pieces he tried to keep from breaking. Sammy is a selfish bastard sometimes. Just like thier father.
He thinks of mothers as something beyond special. Any woman he meets that has a child is off limits. He flirts, he leers, he grins, he talks, he does all that jazz but that's it. There is no woman in the world that has children that he doesn't see his own mother in. That he doesn't put up high in the sky on a pedastol of memory and want.
Sammy leaves and stays gone with no words or calls or letters. Dean sits on a bed just like all the beds he's ever slept on except for one from 20 odd years ago holding his thumb over the three button. He's trying to decide if he should press down the button that he programmed Sammy into. Should he call? Is it worth it? In the end he decides no. He never was much of a phone person anyway.
The blood in his mouth is from his tongue. He had caught the tip between his teeth when he went down. It's not the pain of that missing tip that hurts the most; it's that Sam is doing what he's so very good at. Sammy is the only thing, person, that can make Dean hurt in a way he can't ignore.
(end)