Becca lay on the bed and wept silently, her body shook with the effort of holding back her sobs, this couldn't have happened, it was going so well. Jake tapped on the door, unusually tactful after her outburst, and popped his head through. "Sorry Becca, I didn't mean to upset you, can I get you anything?" He couldn't get her the one thing she wanted above all else, the one thing she needed... She held back the urge to scream at him and shook her head. He retreated and closed the bedroom door. She heard the flat door slam and gave in to the misery that closed in around her, she cried as if her heart would break...
"All rise!" The court official boomed out, everyone stood up whilst the judge took his seat. In the scuffling that followed whilst everyone retook their seats, she glanced at him with an encouraging smile, he acknowledged her with a nod, but didn't return the smile. This was the serious bit, in the next few minutes his whole future would be decided by those twelve people. He glanced over at them but their faces were a blur and there was no hint of what they had decided. He watched while the pantomime with the foreman was played out and finally there were words he'd rehearsed over and over in his head all morning "How do you find the defendant, Justin Andrew Burton, guilty or not guilty?" He held his breath, hands fixed in front of his face, "Guilty" He'd misheard hadn't he, the guy must have said 'not' before Guilty? He looked across at his mother, sisters, Becca, the shock on his own face mirrored on theirs. He heard his mother scream "No!" There was uproar for a minute until the judge restored order banging the gavel and shouting. There was pressure on his arm from the guard, he was to stay standing there, there would be no family reunion. He felt shaky as if his knees would give way any minute, he felt a buzzing in his ears and suddenly everything was much louder, Christ he was going to faint! He couldn't do that here, the final humiliation. He looked back at his family, he wondered if he would see them before he left. Where would they take him, back to that hell hole? He felt his knees wobble again. He used every ounce of willpower to hold himself together. He couldn't bring himself to look at her, what must she think, spending all this time and effort with him and now he'd let her down so badly. The judge was droning on about custody and reports but he couldn't take it in. Then it was over, they were pulling him back down the stairs and Mum was shouting something but he couldn't hear. He was finished.
Becca sat up and went out to the bathroom. She ran some water in the sink and rinsed her face. Her eyes were red and swollen, her face blotchy from weeping. What would he think if he saw her? She realised he wouldn't be seeing her again ever and the tears began to fall again. She gave herself a mental shake, Jake would never believe she'd cried like this over the words they'd had earlier about the drawers, he'd be even more suspicious than he already was. She looked at herself in the mirror, he's just a pupil, that's what she'd have to keep telling herself, he's just a... She knew now he was far more than that, she'd spent the last few weeks thinking about how she would help him when he came out to catch up, so much potential to fulfil. Who was she kidding; it was the thought of them being in close proximity that had spurred her on to draw up a timetable of extra help. It had been a nice dream but now it was over. She dried her face and went back into the living room. She started to clear the mess.
He sat on the lower bunk, legs crossed almost foetal position, chewing on the pen and looking at the blank pad. What the hell could he put? He began again "Dear Becca,", and then paused, now what? 'Hi I'm writing to you from my prison cell, that no hope loser you took pity on', he shook his head and ripped the paper from the pad, screwing it up and throwing at the bin where it landed next to several other efforts that had only got as far as "Dear Becca". "Having trouble writing to Miss?" sneered a voice from the door. Without looking up he replied "Leave me alone" He could feel Dean's smirk from where he was sitting. God really didn't like him to have put him back here with his arch tormentor; he made Macki look like a pussycat. For once, Dean took him at his word and left but Justin knew he'd be back; he'd a score to settle for being made to look a fool in court. He sighed and looked back at the blank page, how could he tell her about it, she'd be back home with Jake getting on with her life, she didn't need to be bothered with his problems. He threw the pen and pad down on the bed, leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. He dreamt they were sat together again in the interview room except this time there was no barrier between them, no loitering officer listening to every word. He held up his hand to her and she touched his fingertips, it felt electric. He told her how much he loved her but this time she didn't try to stop him, she took his hand and kissed it to let him know she felt the same. His reverie was interrupted by sounds of a scuffle from outside, raised voices and a table overturned, officers shouting and then hush as the offenders were presumably carted off. Where, he had no idea he couldn't imagine there was a place they could take them to that was worse than this. He closed his eyes again but the dream had escaped and no amount of willing would bring Becca back to him again.
Becca closed the flat door behind her and threw her bag down on the sofa. She shed her coat and dumped it on top. "Jake!" No answer, good! The last few weeks had been difficult enough without him hearing what she was about to do. She took her phone from her coat pocket and dialled Mel; Thank god she'd kept the number since the whole escape debacle. Mel answered and after some hesitation agreed to her request. Next was the hard part, she redialled and spoke to school, some farrago about a family crisis and she would be absent for a day. Now it was organised she relaxed for a moment but the sound of a key in the door put her once again on guard. "Hi!" she called brightly as Jake appeared in the doorway carrying flowers and carrier bags. She went over and kissed him on the cheek taking the flowers "Oooh! Are these for me?" she asked, "Yeah" he smiled "a sort of peace offering. I want things here to get back to normal now all that court stuff's over" Only Jake she thought could dismiss a miscarriage of justice, a young man wrongly imprisoned as that court stuff. She swallowed the urge to retort and continued "Thanks, they're lovely. I'll put them in some water shall I?" While she was filling the vase she broached the subject of her absence, she was going to have to be careful that her excuse didn't arouse his suspicions. "Oh did I tell you I'm out of school tomorrow?" "Why?" he didn't sound pleased, she realised she was going to have to make this sound convincing. "Oh the Head's asked me to attend some course, the head of department was supposed to be going but she's had to drop out at the last minute and as they'd already paid for it he was keen for one of the Department to go" "And they chose you?" he asked. She could see that suspicion was making him wary so she went on the offensive "Well it could just be a ruse to go visit Justin Burton but I guess you'll have to come with me to check that out!" "No, no, no," he stuttered backtracking wildly, "I just thought..." "You have to trust me Jake or this isn't going to work" She felt bad lying to him like this but her need to see Justin was overpowering. Some days it was all she could do to get out of bed and face another day at school knowing he wouldn't be there. God knows what was happening to him in that place. Jake took the vase from her hands and placed it on the table, grinning at her "Course I trust you, shall I cook or do you want to?" he said.
Becca got out of the car clutching the visiting paper in her hand, Mel had handed it over with a whole set of worried instructions as to what she should say and what she should do if the ruse was discovered. Mel had loaned her enough photo free documents to convince them she was his sister, this way no-one would know she'd been here, not Jake, not school or hopefully the prison. She made her way with the other visitors to the office where with a cursory glance at the paper she was waved through. After checking her bag and a brief body search she followed the rest of the women into the visiting hall. She looked at them, mostly mums she guessed, few wives and girlfriends. What category did she fall into? She took a seat and waited, wondering what his reaction would be and hoped he wouldn't give the game away. Finally the doors opened and the noise in the hall increased, she sat and waited hoping he would spot her and that she wouldn't have to stand up and draw attention to herself. He was the last one through lagging behind the rest, his arm bandaged. He looked thinner she thought, finally he spotted her and did a double take; he walked over quickly and sat down. "Becca!" he breathed, his face breaking into the smile she loved. "Sshh!" she cautioned "today I'm Mel! He looked at her quizzically, then glanced around but no-one was taking particular notice of them. "How did you manage to get in?" "Your sister gave me her visiting pass; I've got some of her stuff in my bag in case I got challenged". He was impressed with the efforts she'd made to visit. He almost hadn't come, the last two times Mum had alternately wailed about how he looked or carried on about the appeal. "How'd that happen?" she indicated his arm, his smile faded and his face took on that look she knew, closed and wary. "It's nothing, should've checked the temperature before leaping in the shower" She shuddered and imagined how much the scald must hurt; she looked at his face and understood what he was telling her. "Tell them about it Justin!" she said urgently, she instinctively put out her hand to him only for the officer to boom at her from across the hall "No contact!" She blushed and withdrew it. "Tell them!" she said firmly. Looking at his face she changed the subject, "What's happening about the appeal?" "Mum's organising it but it will take months before it's heard" His tone was depressed and she couldn't think of anything else to say to lift it, He asked her suddenly "Why did you come Becca? I was just about managing..." His eyes filled with tears "I'm sorry, I just needed to see you were ok" she whispered. "Now you can go back to your happy life with Jake and forget about me" Before she could think of a diplomatic reply the words were out of her mouth "I'll never forget about you" "Becca, don't do this, don't come here again, I can't do this ..." He stood up suddenly toppling the chair over and attracting attention from the officers. He turned swiftly and walked out of the hall, not looking back. She sat there watching his disappearing back, the tears too rolling down her cheeks.
He lay on his bunk, but sleep wouldn't come, his cellmate's snores adding to his sleeplessness. He replayed every moment of the afternoon from his initial surprise and delight she was there to the realisation she was as far from him as she ever was. He felt a sudden urge to write, he scrabbled about under his pillow, pulling out the pen and paper he'd hidden there earlier, he felt the words flow...
Becca lay in bed savouring the peace; Jake had left early for work, some extra hours on offer over the weekend. She lay there wondering what he was doing now, whether he was thinking about her. Jake had been curious about the 'course' but she'd started discussing it with him and he'd soon lost interest, it had been surprisingly easy. She got up and went to the kitchen, putting the kettle on, and dropping bread into the toaster. She set a plate on the table and noticed the pile of post Jake had left there unsorted. She sifted through it idly, a couple of bills, some flyers and there at the bottom a handwriting she recognised. She picked up the letter, breakfast forgotten, and went back to bed to read it...
Fieldworth YOI
12th December '05
Dear Becca
I'm so sorry for leaving you like I did today. I hope you'll forgive me. I just wasn't ready to see you again after the last time we were together, before the trial. I hadn't expected you today and it kind of threw me. Don't think I don't appreciate what you did, had to do to visit me. Does Jake know? Please don't get into any more trouble on my account. I would like to say thanks for all the times you've helped me but now I think you should stay away. I don't hold out much hope for the appeal, but it keeps Mum from going under. I truly believe I'll be in here for the next ten years Becca and I can't ask anybody to put their life on hold. Please know you'll always be in my heart and that I hope you'll be happy wherever you are.
Yours always
Justin xx
She read it over again, feeling the pain and despair between the lines. She rummaged in the bedside drawers looking for paper and pen. She had to make him feel better; she had to give him hope. In her efforts to keep pace with her thoughts her writing became a scrawl...
Dear Justin
I was so glad to get your letter today; I've been so worried about you after you left so quickly, I didn't mean to upset you. Don't worry about being upset I was there on Wednesday, it must have been a shock for you when you were expecting Mel! I won't visit again if you don't want me to, though I can always get away if you need me. If you like I can carry on writing to you while the appeal is under way? Don't give up hope! I believe you will be freed on appeal and I hope you'll think about coming back to school and carrying on with your education. Please let me know if there's anything you need, books, notes, paper? I can arrange for it to be sent in. Please let me know if anything is bothering you, you know I'll do my best to help.
Yours,
Becca x
He carried the letter around for days swinging between alt that she'd written to him and utter despair at being separated from her. He'd kept his distance from Dean since the 'accident' with the hot water, but somehow he'd found out about Blondie's visit and he was desperate to avoid the taunts he knew would be coming his way. He didn't want his memory of the visit sullied by Dean's crude comments designed to provoke. He was sat in the Rec area toying with a pack of cards, when a familiar voice whispered in his ear "Mind if I join you?" Without waiting for an answer Dean sat opposite him, a grin forming across his face, mischief in mind. Keeping a wary eye on the patrolling officer, Dean kicked him under the table, "Did you hear me Burton?" The kicking continued for some minutes as Justin desperately tried to ignore him. One kick caught him on the shin and pain ricocheted around his head. He bit his lip; he wasn't going to give Dean the satisfaction of provoking him. He stood up and threw the cards down and walked away, Dean's derisive laughter following him all the way. He sat on his bed and closed his eyes, sleep was his only escape from the nightmare but sleep wouldn't come. He took Becca's letter from his pocket and read it for the hundredth time. He could tell her about the bullying but what could she do except worry? He thought of how many times he'd come close to begging her to visit again only to tear the letter to shreds. No, better to carry on the pretence that all was well, that the appeal was progressing, that he'd be out after Christmas. He pulled out the pad and scrabbled for a pen, he sat for a few moments to make sure Dean hadn't decided to follow up and taunt him from the doorway then he began to write...
Fieldworth YOI
22nd December '05
Dear Becca,
Thanks for your letter; I'm glad you understand about visiting. It's too much to cope with after everything that's happened. I think about the last day you visited me before the trial and all the things I told you, it's those thoughts that help keep me sane in this place. I'd be lying if I told you that you weren't constantly in my thoughts and dreams but the reality is that you're with Jake and I'm in here and that's what I have to think about. Life here is the usual round of parties and high jinks, you know how it is, my best friend Dean is the life and soul and has singled me out as his particular friend and you know how happy that makes me. Mum tells me you've been in touch about helping with the appeal, please don't get into any bother on my account, I'm sure Jake had plenty to say after all that came out at the trial. The lawyer came yesterday but all he could tell me was that it's progressing well and we should hear something by February! Ah the dinner bell is ringing, I wonder what delights are in store tonight? I'll finish now so this will catch the post,
Take care Becca
Love always
Justin xxx
Becca sat gazing at the pile of letters by Jake's plate; he was shovelling down toast with tea, in a rush to get out the door and away to work. She could see at the bottom of the pile a familiar blue envelope and she was on tenterhooks that he would notice it sticking out from the more usual mixture of brown ones and flyers. In a bid to divert his attention from them she stood and moved round to his side of the table dropping her phone on the top of the pile and asking "So, what time will you be back tonight, shall I cook yeah?" She picked the phone back up while he looked up at her and at the same time knocked the pile to the floor "Ooops!" She scrabbled on the floor and managed to leave the blue envelope half hidden under the table and placed the remainder in front of him. She needn't have worried, he took a cursory glance at them and muttered "Just bills," He grabbed his jacket from the back of the chair and gave her a quick peck on the cheek "Not sure babe, I'll give you a ring later ok?" and he was away out of the door. She waited a moment to be sure he was gone, then retrieved the envelope from the floor and settled down on the sofa to read...
Justin sat on his bunk with his back to the wall; he'd learned not to give Dean any kind of advantage including sneaking up on him. Over the last four weeks he'd escalated his attentions to the point where the only safe place was here in his cell. He'd contemplated getting into some kind of scuffle if only to be segregated for a while and have some respite from it but it wouldn't look good with the appeal imminent. Becca cautioned him in her letters to keep his temper and keep looking forward to getting out but it was getting harder each day to maintain any optimism when faced with the constant hostility from Dean. Her letters had been his lifeline and he'd soon given up any idea of discouraging them, in his mind she was here with him, talking through the pages, keeping him sane. He picked up the pad from in front of him and began to write. Over the weeks they'd become much freer and he didn't know at what point they had crossed from friends to lovers. The boundaries had blurred when they could each reveal their thoughts and feelings on paper.
Fieldworth YOI
31st Jan '06
Becca,
Thanks for your last letter, you don't know what it means to me that I can talk to you like this and know that you feel the same. I've wanted to hear you say those things so many times and when I read it, it feels like you're here beside me and we are far away from this place. I'm counting the days till you visit, are you sure that it's ok? I don't like the idea of you having to lie but I need to see you and it's killing me. It's dark here and if I close my eyes I can see you, imagine that I'm touching your face and you're smiling at me. It's quiet here at night and I can think about you, about us and what we do next. When I get out of here I've got so many plans, school, college, job and I can't imagine any of that without you, knowing you feel the same makes me feel free even though I'm in here. Loving you has given me a reason to get through this and when I'm out of here, I can show you how much. If I were to lose you now, I don't know what I would do Becca, your last letter gave me so much to hope for. Please don't worry about Dean I can deal with him but I need you to be sure and if you were having second thoughts about us, please tell me now. I can be strong when I know you're with me but I feel like I could crumble if you changed your mind. I know you love me, your letters tell me so and I know how hard it will be for us to tell everyone else, especially Jake. We can be together if you just have faith in us, in me, I'm getting out of here I can feel it then nothing can come between us.
Till Wednesday, I can't wait
Love always
Justin xxx
Becca sat in the outer office shuffling on the uncomfortable chair, she glanced across at Liz equally uncomfortable. She felt bad about lying to Jake about her destination but when Liz asked her to come with her for moral support she didn't think she could refuse. The secretary raised her head and smiled, "He won't be long now ladies." Becca grimaced she didn't have long, she'd managed to get out of school early for the appointment and she'd told Jake she would be late because of a PTA meeting but time was marching on and she couldn't wait much longer. The letter was burning a hole in her pocket, she'd read through so many times, she knew it by heart but still she needed the feel of it, touching something he'd touched. She smiled at Liz and picked up the magazine from the table looking at the page and reading nothing. She worried about the allusions in his letters to Dean and the bullying but he gave little away. It was more what he didn't say, what she could imagine that terrified her. A door opened and a head poked round it "Do come in Mrs Burton and ahhh..." "Mrs Dean" Liz finished for him "Justin's teacher?" she added by way of explanation. Becca smiled at him and followed Liz into the office. "She knows all about Jay, she was a character witness at the original trial and she's here today to support us as a family" Liz gripped her hand at this, and Becca blushed more from what she was keeping from her than any effusive compliments. They both took their seats and listened while he recapped on what they already knew, grounds for appeal would be that new evidence had come to light and so far nothing new had surfaced, they were still trying to track down any potential new witnesses but so far with out success. Becca let her thoughts wander as Liz quizzed him about what avenues they could pursue, It was risky the visit on Wednesday, Justin had sent a visiting order for her, no more subterfuge with Mel, if it came out she'd visited him again the repercussions with Jake were unthinkable. She felt a shiver of anticipation shoot through her, they hadn't spoken since that first disastrous meeting in December but in writing to him she'd found a way in which she could release her feelings, kept pent up since the summer, barely acknowledged. Liz was standing up and shaking the guy's hand so she followed suit, thanking him too though no idea why. Outside his office Liz was full of praise for how hard he was working on Justin's behalf. They parted outside the building Becca still not too sure what her role had been but glad to keep Liz onside in view of what might happen when he got out. Only two days away she thought, only two days and she would see him again. She couldn't wait.
Justin woke suddenly to the clatter of keys outside the door, he lay there for a moment as it swung open and the morning routine began. He felt his face relax as he realised it was Wednesday and she would be here. Although there would be no privacy, he had so many things to tell her and so much he knew she wanted to tell him, this felt like a new beginning. Soon they would be together outside of this place and he felt optimism sneak in, he'd held all that in check till now too fearful of it all being a dream, her, the appeal. He drifted through the day, too wrapped up to hear Dean's constant snide remarks. He kept checking the clock constantly as it crawled towards two o' clock. He sat at the table, shuffling the deck constantly, unable to sit still. A familiar voice interrupted and Dean sat down opposite him, his grinning face blocking his view of the clock. He'd managed to avoid a face to face confrontation all day but it was as if Dean sensed today was different, today was important. "Visit from Blondie today eh? I remember her, legs up to here" laughing he made a gesture which made the description sound obscene. How the hell did he know? He'd told no-one, he kept himself aloof from the rest. He became aware of a couple of the others moving in behind him and cursed, he'd been ambushed. "Look guys, I don't have a problem with you, right..." he began and started edging his chair away from the table preparing for flight rather than fight. Dean had anticipated this and nodded to the two behind him who moved in closer. He felt the fear rise in him, not now, not today, any altercation would mean his privileges cancelled at the very least, including today's visit. Dean's grin had disappeared to be replaced by a look of hatred. "Burton, no-one makes me look like a fool" he snarled. The words were out of his mouth before he'd thought about the implication "It wasn't difficult, what with the material" Dean pushed the table to one side and closed in on him, the others moving up behind intending to hold him while Dean punched, quick and out before the screws came. He realised the danger too late as the three of them moved in and he caught the glint of silver in Dean's hand and a sharp pain in his side. The three of them melted away and he sank to his knees, his breathing felt strange and the pain in his side shooting up, then everything black...
Becca sat in the car checking her watch, it had been easy today, Jake happy with her explanation of a meeting to follow up the course she'd been on, school accepting her excuse of illness. She was early; anticipation was making her stomach dance, butterflies she thought ruefully. Finally at five to two she could wait no longer and joined the queue of women waiting to get in. She followed them into the same dingy anteroom and hoped they didn't remember her as Mel Burton. The officer looked at her order and waved her to one side, damn they must have realised the earlier subterfuge. She waited whilst all the other women were waved through and wondered nervously what the punishment was for impersonating a visitor. Finally the officer showed her into what looked like a waiting room and took her visiting pass away with him. Ten minutes passed and she wondered if they were sending for a police car. When she looked back on that wait, all she could remember was looking at the wall and reading the posters over and over warnings about contraband and helplines for drugs and alcohol. Finally the officer came back with another man in a suit; here we go she thought this is where I get an official caution, oh God will I have to declare it to school, and Justin he'll be sat there waiting not knowing what's going on thinking I've changed my mind, that distressed her. The man had been saying her name a number of times she realised; she shook herself and paid attention. "Mrs Dean, Mrs Dean! I'm so sorry to keep you waiting; we just needed to check his next of kin had been informed. I'm sorry to have to tell you Justin Burton died this morning"
She wandered around in a daze outside. After she'd made him repeat the phrase and had listened to the brief explanation of what happened she knew she had to get out of there. She barely made it to gate before she threw up. A straggler heading inside for visiting gave her a curious look and hurried on. Finally she found the car and sat in it, shock making her shake. She tried starting it but couldn't get the key in. Damn it! damn him for doing this to her, he couldn't be bloody well dead, not now, not now... She beat the steering wheel in frustration, tears streaming down her face, she never got to tell him all those things she'd kept out of the letters, how much she loved his smile, the sound of his voice, the silly things that rushed at her now, memories of sitting in his kitchen watching him work, that dreadful night that Ali died, God she wished some official would come out now and tell her it was a mix-up and he was fine. She'd walk back in there and he'd be sat waiting, anxious that she'd changed her mind and on seeing her, the slow smile would start. She buried her head in her hands and wept.
Jake walked into the flat and slammed the door in his rush to get to the phone. "Hi" he answered "No, sorry she's not here right now, can I take a message?" He scrabbled for the answer pad and hunted round for a pen. Nothing in view he went into the bedroom and tried Becca's bedside drawer. As he rummaged he noticed a blue envelope pushed to the back. He found one and went back out to write on the pad. "Ok, John at Fillingham's, ring back urgently, she's got the number, right got that, 'Bye" Puzzled by the message and the letter, he went back into the bedroom sat on the bed and took it out from the open drawer. It had a recent local postmark but the handwriting was unfamiliar. It jogged his memory about Becca's recent willingness to go downstairs and collect the post. He deliberated about reading it then put it back and shut the drawer firmly. He had to trust her, he thought. He got up from the bed and got halfway across the floor before he took two strides back, pulled it open again and retrieved the letter from inside. He pulled the sheets out and glanced at the bottom of the page, "Love always Justin xxx" he read. He sank on the bed, shocked at the betrayal. He read the letter; it was the latest from what he could see and there must more of them but where? He turned out the drawer, nothing. He turned his attention to the wardrobe and drew a blank. In his frustration he kicked out at the bed and a glimpse of pink caught his eye. Dropping to the floor, he discovered it was a box underneath the bed. He pulled it out and opened it, it contained half a dozen blue envelopes all addressed in the same hand, from the postmarks, one a week. He pulled them out and read them, tears rolling down his cheeks. They spoke of love and loss and were clearly in response to similar ones from Becca. Reading them through again he realised she had sneaked away to visit him since the trial. The letters lay scattered around him as he thought what to do next. How could he look at her again knowing she'd written to the murdering lout, he'd felt all along there was more to their relationship than just the friendship Becca protested. He heard her key in the lock and jumped up, guilty at being caught reading her mail. Anger took over and he marched through into kitchen where she stood at the sink, her back to him. "I found them Becca! How long were you going to hide it from me!" he yelled. She turned around and he was caught by surprise at her face. It was ravaged from weeping though she was calm considering how loudly he'd yelled. "What's the matter, what's happened?" he asked in a softer tone, "I take it you mean the letters?" she asked. "It doesn't matter now, he's dead" she said matter of factly. "At eleven fifteen precisely; he bled to death." Her words echoed round the flat and she looked at his stunned face, for once speechless. "How? Why? Who told you?" She leaned back against the sink reciting it as if by rote "I was at the prison today, I went to see him. I thought they'd realised I'd gone before as Mel and I was in trouble. But while I sat in that waiting room, waiting to be arrested, he was lying on a table in the morgue. Some incident earlier today they said." The words finally registered and her knees gave way and she slumped to the floor with her head in her hands. He was shocked, unsure what to do next, how could he confront her now when the boy was dead? He had to get out and think, he grabbed his jacket from the chair and left.
After a while she got up, took off her coat and did the mundane things, filled the kettle, got out a cup. She noticed the pile of post on the table, she'd missed it this morning, and it looked as if Jake had been in a hurry, it lay there unsorted. She pushed it idly around on the table and her heart missed a beat when the corner of a blue envelope poked out of the pile. She pulled it out and looked at the familiar handwriting; she could feel tears welling up again. She walked over to the sofa and sat clutching a cushion and gazing at the envelope, afraid to disturb it. She must have sat for half an hour turning it over in her hand and in her mind, unable to decide. Finally she took a deep breath and ripped the envelope open.
Fieldworth YOI
3rd Feb '06
Becca!
I know I will be seeing you tomorrow but I just needed to say some things before then. I realise how difficult things are going to be after tomorrow, that you are taking a huge step what with Jake and your family and your job. But I know you are making the right decision. I know we are gambling on the appeal being successful but I can't bear to think about the alternative. If I thought we'd never be together I don't think I could carry on in here, just knowing that you'll be there waiting for me tomorrow makes me hope! It's never private in this place except here in our letters, so if I don't say it tomorrow I'll say it now, here. I love you! Knowing that you love me too, I could die happy! Don't worry I have no intention of letting anything come between us now! I'm just so happy about you and our future. I can't wait for it to start!
Love you always
Jay xxx
THE END!
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