A/N: Thank you very much to the reviewers! I hope you are enjoying reading the story as much as I am enjoying writing it! So, please, tell me how much you are! It would be greatly appreciated… but now, onto the next chapter!
Disclaimer: Don't own HP or RHPS
Chapter Five: Tralalala It Ain't Not Crime
"So this is what you and Harry get up to when I am not around?" I asked sceptically.
"I thought you were over that?"
"I was, but I don't think I'm ever going to get over this"
"C'mon Herms, it will be fun…and I will do something for you in return" He said, winking.
"Ron, no"
"Oh please, please, please!"
"Ron, not only do you look like a very gender confused female right now, you sound like one too. Now, get off your knee and get changed. Be a man for Merlin's sake!"
"Herms, this isn't some sort of crime!"
"Oh, yes it is! What are you, male or female, gay or straight?"
"I'm trisexual!"
"What does that supposed to mean?"
"I'm a shemale!"
"I think I worked that out for myself Ron"
"Look, Hermione, I really like you, and I would really appreciate it if you helped me out with this. You will like it!"
He then gestured towards the bed, and on there I saw another outfit just like his.
"Did Harry wear that?"
"Excuse me?"
"Did Harry wear that before me? Did Pansy, Lavender and Parvati wear that too?"
"I don't understand?"
"How many people have worn that outfit Ronald?"
"I would prefer to be called Frank N Furter"
"Whatever. How many, how many Ro – "
"Frank N Furter"
"I don't care!"
I started screaming. What else was I supposed to do? Go along with his little plan. Africa does not do transvestites. This is socially unacceptable! Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against totally kinky fetishes, or transvestites for that matter, although, I will not, NOT play out some strange, twisted and downright weird fantasy thought up by my highly disturbed best friend/boyfriend/lover/friend whom I occasionally kiss/transvestite/boyfriend who has serious issues/etcetera etcetera.
"Look, Ron, don't get me wrong, I like you. But this is wrong. So, so totally wrong"
"Hermie…why don't you love me?" He said in the most annoying and degrading way possible, trying to entwine me in his little web of kinkiness.
I walked over to his bed and picked up the heel that was probably from the seventies and then I did something that I never expected I would do. Me usually be the calm and rational one, would have calmly told him to get undressed and do it the normal, no strange outfits way. But this new me…she was pretty fucking pissed off!
"Ronald, or should I say Frank N Furter, you and your multiple lovers can go and stick this…this heel up your bisexual ass! Merlin knows how many times you've had things up there before!" And with that, I threw the heel at his head and walked out the room with all the grace I could possibly have handled at the time.
I walked back to the heads dorms with my head held high. Not letting my emotions get to me. There were 1000 thoughts running through my head at once. So, I made a list!
Fuck, holy mother fucker fuck! My 'boyfriend' is a transvestite
My transvestite 'boyfriend' wanted me to wear a kinky fetish corset and weird garter thingys
Harry, Lavender, Parvati and Pansy had all worn the freaky outfit and done it with him
O dear Merlin! Ron isn't a virgin! And neither is Harry! (I'm not even going to bother to go into Parvati, Lavender and Pansy, because, even the portraits know of their late-night-rendezvous)
Therefore, I am the 'child' of the Golden Trio. But let's face it; they have the mental stabilities of children, so I was still on top.
I wonder how many 'positions' they have been in?
RON AND HARRY HAVE HAD SEX
This isn't good…what is Malfoy doing in the hallway?
What is Malfoy doing with Ginny attached to his mouth?
OK, enough with my list, since it was so rudely disrupted by Ginny's mouth attached to Malfoy's and his hand was attached to her left breast! Lord, am I the only virgin left (grrr…ill just wallow in my sorrows later)
"Chem, chem" I said once. Hopefully that would get their attention.
"CHEM, CHEM" I tried again. Dammit, they were stubborn!
"CHEM, CHEM" I tried finally.
"Cant you see I'm busy, Mudblood?"
"Cant you see I don't care, Ferret?"
"Then why do you insist on interrupting us?"
"Why do you insist on continuing?"
"Would you like to continue with us?" Draco asked me. O god no. What is with this school and fetishes!
"You wish Malfoy. I am here to collect my friend. Ginny, move it out!" Ginny pulled one of those sulky faces at me. Usually, I would have just walked away and given her one hell of a lecture in the morning, but tonight, tonight I was in an especially bad mood.
"MOVE!" I screeched. Ginny mouthed 'sorry' to Malfoy and began running down the hallway.
"Ok Granger, what the fuck?"
"What? It's against school rules!"
"You're just jealous because your 'boyfriend' can't comply with your needs"
Then, he started edging towards me, really dangerously.
"Malfoy…what are you doing…"
"Hush Mudblood, I'll show you what a real man is"
Yeah, that's something that Ron definitely isn't…I wasn't even sure anymore if Ron even was a man.
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no!" I started saying "NO!" I finally roared.
"Woah, Granger, what got your knickers in a twist?"
"Just, please, no" I said in basically a whisper, the embarrassment plastered all over my face.
"Fine, whatever" he said and started walking away. Smug bastard.
As soon as Malfoy was out of earshot, and eyeshot I fell down the wall and started to cry. O god, I was crying. I haven't cried since…I don't know when. This was just all getting too much for me. So I made a new list:
Why What Ron Did Was Definitely a Crime
He is my 'boyfriend'…I think
This is just against nature!
He has lovely legs…ok, that is totally against the point!
I do not look good in corsets!
I do not what a girl for a boyfriend
It wasn't really a crime was it? Just some sort of…unusual fetish.
My better judgement is telling me not to judge him
He and Harry are fudge packers! (Not that I have anything wrong with Gay men. Just not Ron. Ew!)
This is useless, isn't it?
When I got back to my dorm I was thankful to find Malfoy was in his room. And then it hit me. The awful truth of tonight hit me. GINNY AND MALFOY WERE MAKING OUT! Ok, this night has disturbed me in more ways then I can ever describe.
Ron and Harry are gay.
Ron and Harry have weird arse fetishes.
Malfoy is hot (what?).
Ginny and Malfoy were making out.
I am the only virgin in our little group.
O Merlin, I am a virgin. No men want me. None. Who wants a giraffe/lion/hippo for a girlfriend? WHO? Ron does a little voice piped up in my head. Shut up before I punch the living day lights out of you! I thought. Hmph.
I can't be that ugly can I?
So I got up, and looked at myself in the mirror. There were blotches all over my face from my tears. I couldn't make a decision on whether or not I was ugly.
So, I did something incredibly stupid.
"Malfoy"
I whispered after walking into his room, finding him in his boxer shorts lying on his bed reading a book.
"What is it that you could possibly want Granger?"
"Am I ugly?"
He then did something so incredibly cruel, he snorted. He snorted!
"Just forget I asked" I said before walking out the room. Suddenly, I felt a grip on my wrist.
"Wait"
I turned around to see Malfoy face to face with me.
"You're not ugly at all. You're very pretty. Maybe even hot if you didn't have your clothes on" (way to go to ruin the moment Malfoy) "The point is, you deserve much better then Weasel face"
I don't know what possessed me. Whether it the amount of hormones in my body, or the fact that I was so angry at Ron that I wanted to get back at him or maybe it was because I had nothing better to do with my time. Or, maybe, just maybe, it was because Malfoy had just said the most romantic thing anybody ever said to me. And it wasn't even that romantic…and that's saying something!
So, my mouth lunged at his.
Enough said.
Dammit, he is a good kisser!
A/N: Ok, are you hanging by a thread? Do you want to know what happens next…if so, please press that review button! Eager to know what you think…xoxo!