A/N: Sorry about the last chapter, I was in a philosophical mood! Hope you liked the last chapter anyway! Ok, here is a more frivolous and totally hilarious chapter, involving a love…pentagon?
Ps. THANK YOU SO MUCH TO ALL MY REVIEWERS…I LOVE YOU GUYS!

Disclaimer: I wish I owned HP and RHPS

Chapter Eight: The Sourness of Being a Transvestite

So, where was I? O yes, snogging Harry and who should appear on the staircase, none other then the sweet transvestite himself – Ronald Weasley.

"What the fuck? Harry, get off my girlfriend!" Ron stormed down the stairs and proceeded to push Harry off me.

"And you, I thought you cared about me!"

"Ron, I do!"

"Then why are you pashing Harry? We are still going out! Aren't you supposed to be the smart one?"

Low blow Ron, low blow.

"Ron! It was an accident, I swear! Please, let me make it up to you!"

Good one Hermione, real smooth. Going right back to the monster's lair.

"My dormitory ten o'clock. If you don't come, it's over"

Ron then stomped back up the stairs, grumbling with every step.

"You are aware that he will probably have some sort of 'special' surprise waiting for you when you get there tonight?"

"Trust me Harry, I know"

"You don't have to do anything that you don't want to you know?"

"With who… him or you?" I said, noticing I was inching myself closer to him. What was I doing? This isn't right. "Harry, wait, I can't. Not while Ron and I are still together" I said smiling weakly. Then, he ruffled me hair.

"Yeah, I know, he is the possessive type"

And with that, Harry got up and walked up to the boys' dormitories. Then I realised, there was still the question of Draco.

OoOoOoOoOoOo

After classes, I was completely buggered to say the least. I was in absolutely no mood to go back to my sanctuary and have it disturbed by Draco Malfoy, or Ron either.

I got back to Draco and I's common room only to find him ensconced on the couch…jerking off.

"Malfoy! You have a bedroom! Go, out, now!"

Then, he smirked at me. He Goddamb smirked at me! After I found him masturbating, he smirked! Shouldn't he be ashamed?

He stood up (naked) walked over to me.

"Uh…Malfoy, what are you doing?"

"Making it better for me"

"I have a boyfriend Malfoy" I said, him inching ever so close to me.

"I know"

"Malfoy" I whispered "what happened to never expecting anything ever again?"

"I changed my mind. And you just look so damn sexy when you're frustrated"

I then noticed he was less then 10 centimetres away from me. I swear, if I weren't going out with Ron, I would have lunged at him, pinned him down and fucked him till Christmas time. Although, the situation being as it is, I could not (like usual) do what I want.

He was getting closer to me and I found myself suddenly pinned us against the wall. As much as I was enjoying it, I knew it was wrong…although, who would he tell…wait, this is Draco I'm going to tell the world I took Granger's virginity Malfoy. Shit.

"Malfoy, no"

"C'mon Granger…we both want it so bad"

"I am saving myself Malfoy"

"Well, I'm sure you're not spent yet…"

And with that our tongues were lashing against each other, the same tongues that threatened to kill each other at least seven times a day. It didn't make any sense at all. Soon, his kisses were trailing down my neck, collar bone and down my chest.

"Oh, oh, no, no, stop – I mean help!" I said weakly. Ok, I had to stop this.

"Malfoy, no!" I said sternly.

He then looked at me with such passion and anger I thought he was going to hit me.

"Fine. Whatever Granger. Tell me when you're not a wimp anymore. Bitch"

His words stung me. I had a boyfriend!

"Malfoy, wait – "

"Granger, you've ruined the mood"

"Look, I'm sorry, I'm still dating Ron"

"Yeah, and he's dating Crabbe"

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah, you heard me. He's dating, or should I say, doing Crabbe"

"I…no…how…why" I sputtered.

"Get out of my face Granger" he finally said and walked off.

Ok, now this was getting needlessly cruel. The sword has finally dropped and once again, Murphy's Law has been proven correct. Yes, everybody out there, when something can possibly go wrong, it will. But this, this isn't just wrong; this is unfair and needlessly cruel – and disgusting.

I have to say, I am very confused…I am dating Ron, but he is dating Crabbe and I am fucking around with both Harry and Draco…so much for love triangles, try a pentagon!

Needless to say, I was mighty pissed off! Ron was cheating on me. Wait – I'm just as bad as him. Oh dear Merlin, how did I get myself into this situation.

I myself pitied Malfoy. I had lured him on twice and then dropped him like a new-born giraffe. And now I am randomly pashing Harry, which isn't good for our friendship. And Ron just had to drag Crabbe into this. What could he possibly see in Crabbe in the first place? I am so much better looking then Crabbe…wait. O lord, here comes the self confidence train…Well, lets think about it in Ron's point of view. What would he prefer, a country or a crab?

I sulked up to my room and lay down on my bed, setting my alarm for 9:30. Joy is the world.

OoOoOoOoOo

"Ron?" I asked opening the door to his dormitory. I found it completely and utterly empty.

"Ron, this isn't funny. Where are you?"

I closed the door and walked further into the room.

"Ron…"

And then, I heard something that stinged my senses.

"I'm just a sweet transvestite, from Transsexual, Transylvania"

I knew that song…o god, Ron has gotten his hand onto some Muggle Movies.

"Don't get strung out by the way that I look,
don't judge a book by its cover
I'm not much of a man by the light of day,
But by night I'm one hell of a lover"

I then turned around to see Ron, again, in his little ensemble, edging towards me with two martinis in his hand.

"What in fuck's name do you think you are doing Ronald Weasley?"

"Just a sweet transvestite…" He began singing again. I thought I was going to be sick.

"Ron, Ron, what are you doing? Ron!"

He then looked into my eyes and smirked. Ok, now it was getting creepy.

"Malfoy told me about you and Crabbe" I said, and he stopped dead in his tracks. "Great to know how much you value this relationship Ron"

"Well I could say the same about you seeing you and Harry going at it this morning!"

He retorted, suddenly looking very angry.

"Why Ronald, why?" I asked.

"Because Crabbe is good, I mean, despite the whole goon thing he has going on – "

"No Ron" I interjected "Why are you a transvestite?"

"Oh, that. Well, I can get best of both worlds. Men and women. If I could choose which to be, I would most definitely be straight. Although, there is just something so alluring about going to something that is forbidden, taboo" He said.

I had to admit, snogging Malfoy is just so much more hotter because nobody would approve.

"Look, Ron. I cant do this, I'm sorry. Its just. No, I don't even need to give a reason"

"You have a lot of prejudice you know Herms?"

"Yes, I do"

"C'mon what's the worst thing that could happen? You could even like it…"

"As if Ron!"

"Why do you always have to be so pessimistic?"

"I'm not a pessimist, I'm a realist. Goodnight Ron!"

And with that, I walked out the room, passing Neville.

"Are you alright Herms, you look like you just saw a monster"

"You have no idea Neville, none at all"

A few moments later, I heard a scream coming from Ron's dormitory. I was guessing that now Neville did have some sort of idea of what kind of monster Ron had become.

A/N: Hey guys! I hope you liked that!

Xoxo
P1