Chapter 5: "The First Step is Always the Hardest"

Rory sat there looking at Logan looking at her, fingers laced with a smile on his face and confusion on hers. She didn't know what she was supposed to say to that. Sometimes the snow does come down in June. What was that supposed to mean? What was he saying? And why was he still staring at her. She couldn't make sense of it. Deep down she knew what he wanted, but she couldn't give it to him. Not now. Not yet. She just got out of a relationship, a relationship that hurt her deeply. It threatened her pride and dignity, and that is not easy to overcome. But there was Logan, staring at her, desperate to save her from her own misery. Maybe she should just let him. Maybe she would give him a chance. . .

"No it doesn't Logan. That's only in fairy tales, and Antarctica maybe, but not in real life. It doesn't snow in the summer. You know that. It just doesn't happen. It can't happen. It just can't. . ."

"It can happen."

"No Logan. It can't happen. Not to me."

Rory took her hand away from Logan's. She couldn't think straight with her hand in his. She needed to think straight. She needed to think rationally, with logic, a lot of logic.

"It can Rory. I know it can. I believe it can. I have to believe it can, because if it couldn't, life wouldn't be worth living. My life wouldn't be worth living without the possibility of seeing something new, something different, something that through all possible logic and through all rational thinking wasn't supposed to happen."

"What are you talking about Logan?"

She knew what he was talking about. He was talking about her. She knew it. The same way she knew that she was secretly hoping for the same thing with him, but not now. She couldn't, now. . .

"What do you mean what am I talking about? We're talking about—"

"Snow."

"Exactly."

"But that's just it Logan. You may think snow is some mystical thing. Some magic possibility, but it doesn't last. It never lasts. And I wouldn't want to loose it as soon as I got it again, so maybe snow isn't worth having."

"It is worth having. You can't avoid living just because you know you're going to die. You do what you can with it while you've got the chance to. You make the most of it."

"But I can't! I can't get past thinking about the pain that I know will come. It always comes. It snows, and then what's so beautiful and uplifting becomes ugly and cold and then it melts. It goes away. The beauty doesn't last, so I just choose not to have it. And even if it were to come in June like you say, that just means that it'll go away that much earlier, because it wasn't the right time. It was too early for snow. Maybe in November. December of course. But June is too early."

"So you choose to ignore it because it comes too early? Maybe that's a good thing! Maybe it's a good thing you only have to wait six months instead of a year to see the beauty again!"

"No, it's a curse. I have to feel the pain six months earlier than I would have. I have to loose the snow again. I've lost the snow too many times. I give my heart to the snow, and I lose every time. I'm tired of having my heart broken. I'm tired of breaking. I'm tired of it. I can't do it again. I just can't. Maybe in December, but not in June. It can't happen in June. It's not real. It's not worth it."

She had been hurt. Possibly even before Derek, he knew that, but he had no idea how deep that pain ran for her. He saw a single tear run down her cheek, even though she attempted to ignore it. She didn't want to talk about it. She was frustrated. What was he supposed to do?

"Rory—"

"Don't."

"But—"

"Just leave it Logan. Please."

"Okay."

"Aren't we supposed to be going to a party? We shouldn't be in here all solemn and such. We should go in."

"Are you sure you want to? We can just sit here until you feel better."

"I'm not going to feel better. Not right now. I'm sure. Let's just go."

Logan felt bad about what he did. He shouldn't have pressed the matter. The old him wouldn't have done that. The old him probably wouldn't have even cared that she was hurting, but this was different. She was different. He had to make her happy. He had to spend time with her so she wouldn't be lonely. He had to make her feel like she was worth something. He had to make her feel like she was wanted. He couldn't take it if he didn't. He couldn't take looking at her if he didn't. Her pain seeped into him. He had to get rid of her pain, for himself, and for her. He didn't know how to explain it, not even to himself, but he had too.

"Okay, let's go."

……………………………………………………………………………………………...

When Logan opened Rory's door and offered his hand to her he wasn't sure if she was going to take it. To his relief, she did. He knew that his hand was sweaty. He was nervous, he couldn't help it. He was just shocked to realize that her hand was sweaty also. Apparently he wasn't the only one. He squeezed her hand as she stood next to him avoiding looking into his eyes. Her left hand was busy playing with the silky belt of her dress. She was shocked to feel that he was squeezing her hand, but she chose to ignore it. She spared a glance at him, and knew that he was disappointed, but she couldn't worry about that now. She was tired of regretting her feelings. She wanted to be in a state of indifference, but she knew that that wasn't going to happen any time soon. Logan closed the car door after realizing that it served no purpose for staying open seeing as to Rory was already standing next to him. He took a deep breath and led Rory towards the house that the party was being held at. He wasn't sure of what to expect, which made him even more nervous. He looked back at Rory as he felt her struggle behind him. She had dropped her purse. He picked it up for her. He attempted to look into her eyes as he began to hand it back to her. She continued to avoid his glance. He then decided to keep his grip on the purse until she was forced to look at him. Rory knew what he was doing, but that doesn't mean that she was going to accept it.

"Logan, let go. I can hold it by myself."

All the while her eyes were fixated on her purse as if she were attempting to count every thread that it was made out of.

"Rory, you can't avoid looking at me for the entire night you know. Usually I make it about half way through the night before a girl chooses to ignore me for something I did. We haven't even made it through the door yet."

Rory knew that he was right. After all, he hadn't really done anything to her. He was just concerned. What was wrong with being concerned? Rory made sure to look dead into his eyes before speaking again.

"I won't ignore you Logan, I promise. Just let go."

Logan didn't know whether she was serious, or she just wanted to avoid another confrontation. He didn't care really, he was just glad that she looked at him again. He let go of her purse, and continued to walk towards the house. Once they made it to the door Logan paused again.

"Are you ready for this?"

"As ready as I'll ever be."

With that Logan pushed to doorbell and waited for the door to be answered. While waiting, Logan was shocked to feel Rory drop his hand, but regained composure when he understood that she just wanted to fix his tie.

"Sorry, it was crooked."

"You wouldn't happen to suffer from OCD do you?"

"No, I just have advanced observational skills."

"Yeah, that's what they all say."

The door opened and both Rory and Logan turned to see who it was that opened it. Logan's friend was staring back at them.

"Well, if it isn't Mr. Huntzberger."

"You know I hate it when people call me that Colin."

"Yeah, I know, that's why I do it. And who is this lovely lady standing next to you. Obviously she doesn't have good taste in company, but other than that I know nothing about her."

Rory smiled at this. She began to think that she might actually have a good time at this party, in spite of the fact that she didn't think that she was going to know anyone their, other than Logan.
"Colin, this is Rory Gilmore. Rory, this is my good friend Colin."

Rory shook Colin's hand as he offered it to her.

"It's nice to meet you Ms. Gilmore."

"It's nice to meet you too Colin. Are you the best man?"

"Yes I am. This is my brother's engagement party. His name is Hays, and his fiancé's name is Leslie."

"Hays and Leslie, that sounds pretty. Like a brand name or something."

"It does doesn't it. I never thought of that before."

Logan rolled his eyes at this.

"Colin here can fill a full volume of books with things that he's never thought of before. For instance, he probably didn't think about inviting us into the house, seeing as to we're still on the porch."

Rory laughed. She was wondering whether or not Colin was planning on keeping them out there, but decided not to say anything. Colin, however, frowned.

"See Logan, I, being a good friend unlike some people I know, chose not to let you in yet. You see, you're late. Finn has already had enough alcohol to cause him to start parading around and kissing every girl he comes in contact with. He's even kissed my mother, twice. I was just thinking that you might want to sneak around back so that he doesn't notice Rory when she comes in."

"Sorry to interrupt guys, but who exactly is Finn?"

"Logan, I think you better answer that one."

Colin had a look of confusion on his face as if he had no idea how to answer that question.

"Well, Finn is our friend. He's just a bit eccentric. Especially when he consumes alcohol, which he drinks like it's water or something. Over all, he's a cool guy. You'd like him."

"Sure I'd like him, just as long as he's not kissing me in a drunken state, sure I'd like him."

"Yeah Colin, you're right. You probably should take us around back. Damn. Too late."

"Wait, why are we too late?"

"Look behind Colin. See that guy coming up? That's Finn."

Before Colin could turn around Finn was standing behind him with his head draped across Colin's shoulder.

"Colin, why are you keeping Logan and this very pretty girl I haven't kissed yet outside when all the alcohol's inside?"

"Logan, you didn't tell me he was Australian!"

Finn looked directly at Rory with a distracted smile on his face.

"Do you like the accent love? If you do, I won't mind speaking to you all night if you want."

Rory was shocked by this.

"Finn, you're talking to my date! I'm standing right here!"

"It's not my fault she likes me better than you Logan. You should just accept it really. I'm sure there's another girl around here who wouldn't mind being with you."

"Sorry Finn, but Logan here asked me first, and I wouldn't be much of a lady if I left him for one of his best friends. And Logan, for these guys to be your friends, they really don't seem to like you very much."

"They like me, they're just jealous because I'm the only one that has a date to this thing."

"It's true love. Logan here is the only one that has a date, but that's just because the maid of honor turned Colin down, and every girl that I ran into suddenly had to wash her hair tonight."

"Erica didn't turn me down Finn, she just happens to be married, and the only reason she said no is because her husband wouldn't like it if she went out with me."

"In other words Colin, you got rejected. I've gotten plenty of married women to go out with me before, but that's just because I'm not as uptight as you, and their husbands, are."

"I'm not uptight! And if you're such a ladies man, how come you don't have a date?"

"I told you! They had to wash their hair!"

"Don't be a prick Finn! You don't really think all those girls had to wash their hair do you? You aren't that much of an idiot, even if you are drunk right now!"

Finn looked at Colin with a sense of anger that he was attempting to hold back. Logan decided to intervene before they got out of hand.

"Alright fellows, don't ruin the happy mood okay. We all need some happy right now. Finn, who'd you ask out anyway?"

"Mary, Laura, Jessica, Ashley—"

"Mary, Laura. . .those names sound familiar."

"Or course they do mate. You went out with them last week."

"No wonder they didn't want to go out with you Finn! They wanted to go out with me instead!"

"I know, but it's not fair Logan. You always get the girls."

"Well, that's only because I'm not as obnoxious as you two."

"Sure you are, you just hide it better. Are we going in? I like to sub-party with the best of 'um, but there's no alcohol out here, and I'm feeling quite thirsty again."

With that, Colin, Finn, Logan, and Rory decided to head into the party. After all, what's the point in going to a party just to hang out on the porch?

……………………………………………………………………………………………...

When Rory stepped foot into Colin's house, all she could think was what one family would need with all of this space. The foyer itself was bigger than her entire house in Stars Hollow. She wasn't entirely shocked though. After all, her Grandparents' house wasn't necessarily a shack in the woods. The house was full of people in ball gowns and tuxedos, a champagne glass in everyone's hand. This wasn't a party, at least not the ones that her mom threw for her. This was intended to be a formal event. However, the formal quickly descended once the college students, alcohol, and Finn all made contact with each other. Music was blasting and people were dancing. Everyone seemed to be having a good time. Finally, she would have a chance to relax. She was surprised, however, that Logan was steering her to a back room on the opposite end of the house from where the actual party was being held.

"Where are we going Logan?"

"You'll see."

Once inside the room Rory understood. This was what Finn meant by a sub-party. All of who Rory assumed to be Colin's most intimate friends were inside that room with a considerable amount of alcohol. The room was large enough to hold the fifty people that were there with enough room for no one to feel as if they were confined. The room was also decorated, to an extent. There weren't grand chandeliers and fresh cut flowers like the main part of the house, but the room still had a party atmosphere. Rory, however, was more curious about Logan's friends. Rory didn't know what to think. She had to admit, she was beginning to grow fond of Colin and Finn. They were nice guys, in spite of their being a little obnoxious as Logan had put it. She began to lighten up once she understood that no one here was going to judge her. She knew that many of Logan's friends were gradually peaking over at her, but she dismissed it as curiosity more than judgment. Logan was highly attentive to her every need, which didn't surprise her. This did, however, surprise Colin and Finn.

"Usually he just brings them, dances with them occasionally, disappears for a make out session, comes back, and he spends all of his time with us while the girls stand in the corner waiting for his attention. That's why he has so many of them. He gets bored with them very quickly."

"Finn, you're making the girls I see sound like puppies."

"They might as well be with the way they follow you around. I swear, they look like lost puppies following a bone that Logan has in his back pocket. No pun intended by the way."

"Finn's right Logan. They do sort of act like lost puppies."

Rory began to notice how much she didn't know about Logan. She considered him to be somewhat of a friend, but all she knew was that he was a nice guy who had an eye for dresses. He came from one of the wealthiest families in the nation, but that was about it. He kept looking at her like he was trying to figure out whether what Colin and Finn were saying was affecting her any.

"Well, mate, I'm not trying to rag on you or anything, I'm just saying that you just seem to care about this girl is all. I mean, you are actually sitting next to her, for more than ten minutes. You haven't danced with her though. Maybe you should, before I do."

"Maybe she wants to dance with you Finn. Do you want to dance with Finn Rory, I know he does. It's hard for him to hold back when he's around a pretty girl."

"Actually, I'd rather dance with you. No offense Finn, maybe the next song."

"I'll hold you up to that offer love."

Logan guided Rory over to the dance floor of the room, offering a hand to her as he placed the other around her waist. The song that was playing was considerably slow, and they both were somewhat nervous about the close physical contact that the song would require. Rory looked up at Logan, staring into his eyes hoping that they would give her the courage necessary to move forward with what she knew she initiated when she asked him to dance. What she got was a smile.

"It's okay Rory. The first step is always the hardest."

With that Rory placed her hand in Logan's while silently placing the other on his shoulder.