Yes, look it's chapter 2 :P and I was being doubted on finishing this story, shame on you all hehe. Enjoy
Dismal
Chapter 2
She stopped at the park. If I remember correctly, it's our groups' picnic day. Makoto always did all the cooking, she said she didn't mind. I hated it though. Not her cooking, hell no, that was incredible, but I feel like I'm using her. Not only me, but we all are. She brings all the food, even the drinks. I've offered to help, but for some reason she refuses.
Perhaps it's not just Mako that has my mind working, she's a sweet girl, she really is. They're all sweet, Michiru, Ami, Makoto, and Rei. I'm the oldest, and part of my hates that. Hell, I'm already 18, Michi is still 17. Makoto, Ami and Rei are all still 15. They're still just babies. They don't know anything about life and how cruel it truly is.
"Looks like we're the first ones here. Do you want to talk about anything?" Michiru sat at the picnic table and looked at me. My eyes were blank as I looked back at her. I didn't feel as though I had to tell her anything. I let out a soft sigh and just looked away, my eyes finding a young child to watch.
He looked to be about five, maybe six, not much older then that. He was so care free and happy. Something that I was never allowed to be at his age. That's when his dad came running up behind him. He looked as though he would hurt the child, my eyes were seeing what my mind was remembering. I reached my hand toward him, my mouth letting out a faint 'no.' Michiru was watching me. I knew she was. Yet, I didn't care.
But my eyes were wrong, he appeared to be a caring, playful father. He only picked the boy up in his arms and tickled him. I could now hear the child's laughter and screams for freedom. I was never that lucky...
I was running around my backyard, playing with the puppy we had at the time. I never noticed my father standing at the door. Rex, our puppy, jumped up on me. His large frame knocked me to the hard ground. I remember the tears that came to my eyes. My elbow was throbbing, it had been cut open. I could feel the warm, red liquid running down my arm.
My dad came out of the house, but not to make sure that I was alright. No, that would have never happened. "How many times have you been told not to chase him around! Now you've gone and gotten yourself hurt. How dumb are you anyway?" I just bit my lip, his words were nothing new to me. I knew if I cried, he would only yell more and tell me crying would get me nowhere.
He was right, what's the point of crying. Tears are a sign of weakness. I'm not weak. I never have been. And never will be. I turned back to look at Michiru, she had been watching me, just as I thought she would. "I'm fine." I spoke before she could ask me first.
I sat down, across from her and rested my hands on the table between us. My eyes met hers, but only briefly before I looked away. I had to force myself to look away. She was so beautiful. No... I can't think that way. Yet I am. My mind, even though I'm not looking at her, has a perfect image of her still in front of me. Her wavy hair, the way it frames her face. Her bright blue eyes, god, I could stare at those eyes for hours. Her lips had a delicate, yet soothing smile, one I'd always been able to trust. The shape of her body was absolutely marvelous. Her shirt fit her in all the right places, hugging just enough to define her curves. Her skirt matched her blouse, as it always did. It wasn't too long, yet definitely wasn't too short. She would never wear anything too short, that just wasn't her.
I shook my head, trying to shake the image of her. It only scrambled for a moment, then returned, even more clearly then before. God help me. I can't fall in love with my best friend.
"Lost in thoughts again Ruka? That pretty little head of yours must hold so many secrets. You do realize that you can't hide everything forever. Eventually you'll just fall apart at the seams." Michiru's voice was soft and soothing, it was one she'd always used when she knew I was in one of my moods.
There was some logic to what she said. Yet I didn't want to read that far into it. Yes, what she said was true, that I would fall apart at the seams. Only she doesn't know, I already have been falling apart. I have been for years. This is just something I think I need help with. No, no I don't need help. I haven't in the past, why would things change now.
"Ruka! You're bleeding!" I jumped up. My eyes going right to my, now bloody, sleeve. 'Shit." I cursed myself as I tried to hide it. I didn't even know who said it. I did notice my other friends near the picnic table, maybe it was one of them that spotted it. I don't know, but what I do know is that I messed up big time now. I should have put a bandage on my wound. It must have busted open when I reached for the kid.
My heart started racing. The pounding echoed in my ears as I looked around at their worried faces. They were all speaking to me, I could see their lips moving, but my ears were numb to their voices. All I could hear was the pounding of my heart.
I quickly excused myself and ran up to the bathroom by the lake. I had to hide. But Michiru followed me, and I couldn't stop her from it.
I ran into a stall and slammed the door shut. I hear the door open only a minute later, it was her. I just know it was her. "Michi, leave me alone. I don't want you around. I don't need help!"
The other person didn't respond. Perhaps it wasn't Michiru who had come in. I sighed softly and unrolled some toilet paper and pressed it to my wound. 'They know now, you dumb ass, How could you let them find out? Why didn't you just wrap it up? No! You had to assume things would be fine. Dammit Haruka!'
Finally, after it stopped, I opened up the stall door and moved toward the sink. I ignored the mirror, I couldn't look at my face right now. I didn't notice someone in the stall next to mine. The door was open, she'd been watching me the whole time. I'd just wanted to be alone, but nobody else seemed to respect that.
I needed to wash my arm. I rolled up my sleeve, I couldn't even look at the wounds on my arm, I already knew which one had been bleeding and where it was. My other hand reached up to the silver hand to turn on the cold water. I wasn't much of a warm water person, never have been. That's when I heard a soft gasp. Then, barely a moment later, I felt a pair of arms snake around my waist, tightly, as if they never wanted to let go. "Michi… please stop."
"No. I'm tired of stopping and pretending every thing's alright. Especially when there's a lot wrong." She let go of my waist and stepped up next to me. Her fingers grazed over my wounds, but she never looked at them, she already knew they were there, she didn't need a reinforcement. Her eyes looked right into mine, I found I couldn't look away this time. I couldn't hide my pain from her, because she knew it was there. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm tired of avoiding it Ruka. I just want you to talk to me. I told the others you were fine. They don't need to know until you're ready to tell them. I just want you to tell me Ruka." she leaned up and kissed my cheek. My god, she kissed me. It probably doesn't mean anything, but she stilled kissed me. And it felt great.